To Golf is to Suffer

Spencer Winterbotham

I'm at my wits ends....

I came to golf later in life than most at 37 years old in 2018.. so a relative newbie. I played probably one game every 5 years prior to that and a bit of pitch and putt when I was a kid so there was some familiarity with the the golf swing. I became completely addicted very early on and have been utterly committed to golf since I started in earnest in 2019 playing every chance I got..

I was pretty brutal when I started with a 28 handicap but I quickly got that down to low 20s in a year, breaking 100 for the first time in about 9 months.. progress was relatively fast but with lots of frustration along the way.. I got lessons from Pros & upgraded to a great set of clubs.. I had good fundamentals and my PGA pro said he could easily see me in single figures within 3-5 years.. I don't know how because I'm not that fit or particularly strong but I can absolutely stripe the driver.. average driver club head speed is 105mph and I can hit 110mph if I really go at it.. my iron play was just ok and my putting was getting better.. I felt I really had potential. I'm not really interested in winning comps or even beating the guys I'm playing with.. I'm playing against myself, always trying to better my score and lower my handicap.

The Pandemic slowed my progress but once we could start playing again I came out of the gate strong, getting down to a 14 handicap last summer and regularly shooting mid 80s. I was delighted.. I have a very unusual job, similar to working on an oil rig. 3 months on 3 months off. .. I am single with no kids and when I am home my time is my own. I could play everyday if I chose and I often do! I probably play 3 - 4 times a week and if I'm not playing I'll nip to the driving range.. so I basically have a club in my hand every day.. I am lucky I know as most golfers my age are lucky to manage one game a week with jobs/kids etc..

I was very excited to be home this time round as it was summer and I planned to focus on my short game around the greens during practice and hoped to get my handicap down to 12.

But...It's been so so bad... I feel like i'm back to where I was when I first started.. I have played non stop for the last 2.5 months and my handicap has gone back up to 19.. Over this time I have probably logged 40 games and my best score was 89 I think.. I shot mid 80s last time home about every 5th game... This time home, in 40 games I broke 90 once.

It's **** killing me.

I'm a much better golfer than I was, I'm hitting much better shots, my strategy has matured but I just can't get through 18 holes without major blows up and scratches every couples of holes.. the longer this plateau of hell has continued the worse things have gotten.

I'm mortified to say this but I actually drove home today from golf shaking and nearly in tears with another 109 score.. I can't get over it for the rest of day and will just sit on the couch in a fowl fowl fowl mood for the rest of the evening. My score range between a good day and bad day for me at the moment is about 20 shots.. Today for example I rocked up to the course with optimism but on the first I hole snap hooked my first drive OB left and my next (3rd shot) sliced it OB right... Scratch... I walked to the next hole with my head gone for the rest of the day. I know I can easily recover from a scratch on the score card, especially with my handicap but I just completely loose all hope so quickly. It's mortifying and humiliating.. the guys I play with are starting to avoid me now as I am no fun to play with.

Golf is supposed to be fun but it is making me miserable. I've stopped ranting and raving when things go wrong because I know how annoying that is for the people I'm playing with.. now I just go completely silent and my face gushes blood red with fury as I mope around the rest of the course..

I know its all in my head..

I always hit one or two great shots or make a long putt every time I play and that keeps me coming back but I really don't know if I can handle the extreme mental downward spiral I suffer when I play lately..

I fell out with the PGA pro I went to and he doesn't want to see my again.. he said I have reached the point now where I am un teachable.

In life, it's fair to say I generally don't have a good temperament and would be described by some as a disagreeable fellow.. not a total arsehole but just not very chill.

Indeed you might say.. "dude there is more to life than golf.. lighten up, find a girl, start a family.. child bro".. and all that would be true but... I do **** LOVE golf. That deeeep feeling of satisfaction when I stripe a drive 280yrd or chip in from off the green... there is no better feeling. I used to take a lot of drugs in my 20s but nothing feels as good as hitting a sweet golf shot.. It's like my new drug and I feel like I am chasing a high I will never feel again at the moment.

This has been a terrible rant I know.. but I do have a question..

Can any of you relate to above? Did you get over it? Should I just quit?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Ivefoundgod

Golf is an unbelievably frustrating game for even the best of players and it sounds like you may need to adjust your temperament if you're ever to enjoy it. Without knowing anything else about you it does sound to me like your mentality may be the biggest issue, head down after a mistake etc. I'd be concerned about your pros comment and playing partners avoiding you. Thats not good for anybody including yourself. Would you consider taking a year off or 6 months even and seeing how that goes? I know lots of people just hit a wall with the game and take some time off. Maybe a reset might help.

If not I'd recommend looking into the likes of lou stagner and similar around managing your expectations, it seems like maybe you expect too much from yourself and then get frustrated if you don't execute.

Very hard to know from a distance but I wish you all the best either way.

Spencer Winterbotham

Thanks for your comment... you're absolutely right in that it is a temperament issue.

I really love golf but I'm just not sure if I'm cut out for it..

You're right about taking a break. Im away next week for 3 months where there will be no golf at all. Perhaps just what I need.

dan_ep82

Stop carrying a scorecard for a while.

Or play some open team comps where your personal score isn’t the focus.

Recognise your good enough to blow up a hole and still put in a good score. This was a big one for me , and had me turn in some decent scores on crap golf

Understand that you can have a run of bad rounds and try to take the enjoyment of it that you can however you can. Take the opportunity to hit shots you wouldn’t normally take on. Hit stingers off the tee, flight your wedges, hit 3/4 punch shots. Make it fun with the understanding that you won’t pull off most of them but give it a go anyway

Its too easy to put pressure on ourselves to shoot what score we perceive as acceptable, when we started we would be happy to make contact twice in a row

If playing partners and your PGA pro are avoiding you there’s something that probably needs to be looked at off the course that’s obviously spilling over onto the course. Hope it works out and you get back on form

Ivefoundgod

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120789617#Comment_120789617

The 3 months might be ideal so. Just reading your post theres probably a few things going on, unrealistic expectations, mindset etc. One thing that jumped out is the pro saying you could be off single digits. Nearly everyone who has ever played golf could be off single digits if they put the work in, that kind of comment isn't helpful from your pro i don't think as it might have resulted in you expecting more than your current ability is capable of. Its easy say it but when you get back I think if you just show up and expect nothing from the round it should ease some of that pressure we all put on ourselves. Anytime I've wanted to play well, say at a big comp or a nice course I never have. When I say to myself that i'm just gong to enjoy the day thats when I play my best golf. Easier said than done of course.

Rikand

Don't quit.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform. You need to forget about your handicap, forget about shooting 109 again and just go out and play golf.

One shot at a time. Stand up on the first tee and just think.... Somewhere in play.

Second shot, somewhere around the green. Just simplify everything.

You obviously have the game as you got down to a low double digit handicap but you have been stewing on that oil rig for the last 3 months itching to play again and get to single figures and that's a lot of anxiety and pressure built up in the mind... which sadly transitions into your body as well.

Just take it easy. You're not playing for your livelihood. You clearly love the game so just go back out there and LOVE the game again.

Your handicap will come down again. Naturally. Just play freely and forget about trying to hit single digits for this summer. One shot at a time and your handicap will take care of itself.

Remember where you are. You're on a beautiful big green piece of land, with trees and water and all other sorts of natural nature around you. Take it all in with a smile on your face and everything else will take care of itself. One shot at a time.

callaway92

How the Jaysis did you fall out with the pro???

Spencer Winterbotham

This is a great advice and I do appreciate it.. level headed chaps! I need to take leaf out of your books..

A comment suggested there might be something going on off the course.. there is truth in that.

Ok ok.. about the Pro.. he is a good guy. It wasn't a bust up.. We both just got a little bit frustrated and he said I need focus on the basics and come back in 6 months.. I was trying to do too much too soon. He was right..

My playing partners I've know since I was a child.. one being my brother! Its more like.. "Don't start this crap again or play on your now" When you know people for 40 years they tend to speak more freely! If I play with randomers i'm very well behaved regardless of how I'm playing.

Look lads you're all right.. I just need to chill and stop focusing so much on my score.

I do love golf.. I mean I really love it.. Just had a brutal day today and needed to rant.

Gonna take three months off now and come back, hopefully with more realistic expectations.

dan_ep82

Ha, I had a melt down the other day, closest I've come to breaking a club. Same being I was playing with the brother, we just take the piss out of each other if we start to crack up. We're all level headed until we aren't.

Russman

Op, it can be as frustrating as hell, there's no doubt.

Don't quit, don't give up. Honestly, get a copy of Bob Rotella's "Golf is not a game of perfect" and read it during your 3 months off. Its an easy read and you'll find yourself coming back and opening it up at random chapters and having a read. His other early one "Golf is a game of confidence" is also worth a read if you can pick up both, but the first one is IMHO by far the best. Amazon is likely your best bet, haven't seen them in a shop in a good while. I'm reasonably sure they're both available in audio format too if books aren't your thing, but they're genuinely very easy reads, and you'll find yourself almost nodding and saying "jaysus, yeah" to yourself when reading.

slave1

No matter how bad I play, a bad days golf is better than a good day stuck in work. We are very fortunate with a pretty high standard of courses in this country and a very good Summer so far, there's literally nowhere else I'd rather be.

I've played some pretty sh1te golf mostly this year, knocked soooo many shots down and this is incredibly frustrating.

I'd say you will be shortly wishing you were golfing in sunshine rather than working, you'll come back hungry but pensive. I'm no coach but sounds like you could try relaxing your grip as possibly bringing tension into your swing which is a disaster. Don't hit driver, don't go for GIR, keep the ball in play and rebuild your confidence with smooth iron play by hitting one shot at a time. Ignore your handicap and lay up.

Don't give up, things will get better, something will come to you when you're on the course and you'll play well, inevitably you will play poor again but that's the role of us mid handicappers, we can do it but inconsistency rules us.

daithi7

I'd echo alot of the other advice here already. The advice about playing 4 ball or team golf instead of singles golf is very good imho. It's so much more fun and less pressure to play golf like that.

Also, do express yourself when you play a bad (or a good) shot. That's a healthy thing to do. Don't bottle or internalise your anger after a bad shot as you'll just self implode. Much better to get it out of your system & get on with it.

Finally, Bob Rottella's books are a great tip, they're a great read for any golfer.

Lastly, one reason you may be playing worse is loss of fitness or condition. It might serve you better to golf a little less and work out or do pilates on your off days. This is highly likely to improve your fitness, outlook, golf and general well being. All good things!!!

RoadRunner

Manage your expectations. If playing badly and a good score is out of the equation, reduce your goals. Aim for a good back nine. If the back nine goes poorly, aim for a good back 6, or even back 3. Keep going. If your on the 18th tee box and you scuff your drive. Aim for a good recovery shot. If you've have the worst round ever and you've a 2.5 footer left for for triple bogey and a 109.. aim to make that bloody putt. Hit it dead centre of the hole.

Use every bit of knowledge that you've gained during that round to bring more experience to the next round.

In my opinion you learn a lot more from a bad shot than from a good shot. Every single bad shot you hit, you have an opportunity to expand your internal database. What does a bad shot feel like? Why was the shot bad? For example, was it a bad swing, bad temperament, poor club choice, lack of knowledge of the course, were you in between clubs and indecisive, did a bug land on the ball and you swung at it anyway, were your hands sweaty/cold/wet, you needed to pee, you were hungry, tired, low energy, didn't allow for the wind, didn't understand that the rough would turn the club around in your hand? Were you prepared? Hungover 😌 Did your equipment fail you. Was the weather terrible? If so did your gear hold out? How did the wet grass affect your shots? If you're having a terrible day with the driver, you know you need to work on that, BUT also use this as an opportunity to hone your rescue skills. This knowledge and skill set could be the most important think you'll bank in that round!

Midway through a bad round can also be a great way to experiment. Maybe try that flop shot that you'd be too scared to hit normally. If it didn't work out, then that's new knowledge you've banked.

Every shot you hit, good or bad, don't turn away. Watch how it flies and is affected by the wind and spin. The gradient when it lands. If you catch a pitching wedge too heavy out of rough on the last hole during a miserable round and you are disgusted.. still watch. See how the ball reacts. It's lower spin, it will likely fly differently, pitch well short but roll out more then you are normally used to. Pay attention to that stuff. How was the ball sitting? And what made you catch it heavy? Would you approach the shot differently next time? Maybe you just got unlucky with hanging downhill lies on the day.. go home and later youtube ways to hit that type of shot off different gradients. Duffed and bladed your chips all day? Analyse the lie your ball had.. was the ground soft, was the grass lying towards you, away from you, vertical, north of the ball, south of it - each situation requires different attention and poses it's own challenge <- This in particular is an area that an athletic background does very little to help with. To get good at these, you simply have to understand what to do and what not to do. You learn this by doing the wrong thing many times and understanding how that feels and overcoming that the next time.

Look, if it was easy for everyone all the time then no one would play such a boring game. You're going to learn way more from a bad round then you are from a good round. Lastly, for many people, the experience of bad rounds are a part of what make the good rounds so good 👍️

zocklie

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120798366#Comment_120798366

Something you mentioned there, If im in the middle of a bad round that I know wont be going anywhere, I just turn it into a practice round mentally. Try shape shots off the tee , maybe going for the braver shots on par 5s etc. I find I get a lot more benefit out of it and find mentally it doesn't feel as bad once I've finished. I also make an effort to seem like I'm having fun playing this way so as to not drag my partners down, as that's one of the worst things in golf when someones mentally gone.

Hijpo

https://twitter.com/practicalgolf/status/1675845763199533056?t=zXsMRWAquQqQsXzOQ76w3Q&s=19

It's all very mental. You can birdie the first 5 holes then stick a drive into the trees on the sixth, scratch it, lose the rag and scratch every remaining hole because your raging and not concentrating. You have to be able to maintain concentration.

I try and replay my swing in my mind over and over, then I'm concentrating on my swing instead of the poor result.

tayto lover

I think its all about focus and getting into the zone early. That's what I seem to do anytime I have a good round. I think about every shot before I play it and decide where I want to put the ball. When i play badly i don't do enough of that.

Relax brah

OP I can relate, I’m 2 years into it and my handicap is only done to 22 (probably play twice a week) and that’s just summer/autumn. I don’t enjoy it enough to play during winter

It’s the only sport I can think of that gets more difficult the better you get. Last week I walked off after 3 holes

valoren

I’ve been there myself. Playing P&P growing up. Starting in ’95 and expecting perfection. Hitting the ball well? Euphoria. Not so well? Despondent. Those emotions would carry through into normal life resulting in me being a general bollox to be around because I’m not playing well. It is childish in hindsight. I’ve done lessons but got worse, flirted with quitting but made a decision to dig it out of the digital dirt i.e. scouring youtube for those “aha” moments and then experimenting/validating at the range/course. I think a big factor for me was leaving the ego at the door. I don’t have the range of motion or flexibility of a pro. I can’t hit the “perfect” positions. A great analogy is that if a bus pulled away from a stop then Usain Bolt would catch it because he is Usain Bolt. I could study Usain Bolts technique and implement it but that doesn’t mean I will catch that same bus and I’d be an idiot to expect any different or be frustrated by it. A tip which changed things years ago was a Monte Scheinblum video called Plane and Release by Feel. The insight gleaned from that was that I was, in trying to achieve a picture perfect backswing, over rotating which lead to early extension, off plane, flipping and a two way miss which was depressing. The leaving the ego at the door aspect was that my backswing effectively needed to stop much sooner to stay on plane. Think Rahm/Finau short back swing. I don’t have their speed/talent but making a change didn’t lead to a debilitating loss of distance since I was more efficient and hitting the sweet spot more consistently. It is now a drill I do every day and provides checkpoints to maintain consistency. Another benefit was I practically eliminated a two way miss and went back to my natural shot shape of a fade. Knowing confidently which way the ball tends to curve was a game changer in terms of course management. The ball rarely goes left now. And if it does? Even the best players in the world hit shockers. It happens less often for them but it happens. I am not one of the best players in the world and when they happen then so what. I don’t play as regularly as you these days but with range time, a putting matt, a back yard for pitching and the odd round I am in a good place with my golf.

Another more personal change was a friend of mine who I used to play pitch and putt with intermittently but who was a close friend. He died suddenly a few years ago. He was 42. Anytime I practice and play he is on my mind. It is a reminder to not take it so seriously and be thankful I am able to get out and be able to play the game I love. I would just suggest that the game itself is about boring consistency. Think Bernhard Langer as a model. Doing the same things over and over for decades with predictable expectations. Good golf as such is boring. I’d also suggest breaking rounds down into 3 hole stretches. You get 6 rounds as such and the chance to mentally start another “round” six times in a given 18 hole round. Another recommendation would be that since you have time would be to keep track of your stats. Don’t be obsessed with scores. The stats would be basic ones like fairways hit, greens in regulation, number of putts. Keeping track of what is improving or getting worse. You glean from that what you need to focus on in practice and consequently you’re scores will drop as you’re focusing on what needs fixing. Always remember that Golf is hard but being semi-competent at something so hard is gratifying in itself.

FixdePitchmark

@valoren -- great post.

FixdePitchmark

Some great posts here. If you love golf as much as we do on the forum here. We all hit very low points. I've gone a periods of years not playing good golf. But in that time , you still have a day something incredible can happen. An eagle , a hole in 1, a holed fairway shot - a mad drive , a ball you might punch under a tree, a draw to a right pin. It might be a great putt or amazing up and down. A faded drive.

You have days you beat your mates - win a 5er - win a matchplay - do well in a scramble - or just get a sea or sun view that does something deep inside.

We all have the ability , be it even 1 in 200 shots, to do something amazing - and they are not always flukes.

Your work is unusual - and I'd suggest try shake up who you are playing golf with - join a society - look at other events. You are possibly in deep habits from your work schedule that you need to break a bit.

You definitely sound like you are playing way too much. A break from golf is very important (for some) , something I have began to appreciate more over the last 2 or 3 years.

To offer some suggestions (some you may have done) (some laugh at)

1) Take a full month away - no even golf club , nothing

2) Join a gym - or take up swimming or cycling - yoga

3) Try a few odd things like , play guitar , go to a museum, a GAA game, a Rugby game , read a few books - something totally different to your routine - things that golf made you not do, whilst golf is a gift , too much takes away from other aspects of life.

4) And not to get too Dr Phil - try work out the source of why you think you are difficult or not chill - if you dive deep into this , you might be amazed the impact it has on your golf - you have one life, and many think your golf is a reflection of how your life is.

On golf front

1) Join up on a GI short game / coaching group session - try meet other people at this

2) Consider a society , to totally shake you up and your routine

3) Change your range - and every aspect of your practice

4) Get a new pro - there are lots out there that suit different personalities. (maybe consider point 4 above first (LOL) )

5) Go to a pro or top amateur event

6) Try a new golf podcast - a mad one like Breaking Par - it gives you perspective on how hard things are.

7) Have some new goals - easy ones - realistic ones.

8) Buy something new - golf related

9) Go to a resort - go to Spain - go to Donegal - something mad.

Anyway - have to go - but the answer is yes - we all hit that wall.

But we always get past it - and why we are here.

swededmonkey

I completely feel your pain going through something similar myself. Off the back of a solid 2022 when my game was in tatters in 2021, i've been plagued with a recurring back injury, golf just hasn't got going for me this year. As soon as I'm back playing and poorly at that, I'm shortly back on the physio table and spending evenings on end on the living room doing stretches and mobility. To the point that I've contemplated leaving the game altogether.

For a while, the fun factor was gone as was the desire to get out playing at the risk of ambitions being soon dashed. But I had a chat with the mrs who talked me round. This isn't permanent, it won't last and there is much more to gain than putting a ball in a hole. It's social and one of the main reasons I get to link up with mates, have a laugh (generally at how brutal we are!) and have a few pints after.

Stick with it, a lot of good advice has been said already and some that I'll be taking on board

El festino

Interesting thread - it is a tough game mentally and I definitely need to have a look at my mental game.

I played my first team event with my club last week, foresomes. It was away at a course I only played once two weeks earlier which I guess didn't help but we played 6 practice holes beforehand and I was hitting it well. For the start of the match, I just got so nervous. I tightened up and just couldn't get any rhythm or hit it cleanly. I felt so bad for my playing partner as kept putting him in trouble. The harder I tried, the worst it got. Drive OOB, duffed wedges..

I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Such a dent in confidence and a feeling of embarrassment. I wanted to cry in car on way home (for a bloody game!!) but I was just tormented.

We were well beaten in our match but at least club got through overall. I won't get picked again this year but hopefully I can learn something from it. I usually hit it a net every day at a minimum but just had a few days break and going to go back out this evening.

That feeling of hopelessness I had standing over the ball was just horrid :-(

Jimmy Bottlehead

As a new golfer, I haven't anything to add to the excellent golfing advice above. But what I can add is, you sound like you need more variety in life, and also how to manage your own emotions and expectations. Considering the relationships that have suffered (your pro, your playing partners), I'd recommend seeing a therapist to figure out a few things and realign what's important in life. If all you have in life is work and golf, and you (currently feel like you) suck at golf, then your life is going to seem crap, you'll beat yourself yourself internally about it, that'll add to the pressure, the pressure will lead to continued bad golf, and the cycle will continue.