Person with Alzheimers accepting help

Upthewalls1

My mother has Alzheimers. She lives alone currently but will be moving in with me soon. She has no understanding, awareness or concept of her illness at all. I do so much for her, she couldn't cope if I didn't but she thinks shes coping fine and doesn't need any outside help. Its me that needs the help. I'm exhausted trying to work, run my own home, deal with bits of problems and illnesses and appointments etc that come up in my own life and the life of my kids as well as all the time I'm spending with Mam. I don't begrudge doing it but I've no siblings, she has no siblings so that means no extended family help at all its just me. Shes young, only 72 and as physically fit as a fiddle and thats why I think she thinks she coping fine. She doesn't need help washing but wouldn't wash unless I suggested it and supervised it, same with eating, changing clothes etc. I deal with all the bill paying, getting rid of bins, shopping, organising for oil to be delivered, the grass to be cut. She cant drive now so bring her to activities 3 evenings a week (bingo x 2 & mass) as well as being there every day for some portion of the day. She wont accept a carer but I need her to have one. I'm just getting to the stage in my life where my hubbie and I can go on hols when we feel like it, go off for a night, out for a night etc and to be 100% honest I'm not prepared to give up my life. As I said shes moving in with me soon, I'm building on to my house and will look after her to the best of my ability but I need help. How do I introduce someone if shes opposed to it? Please help, I'm getting so down over this.

Dunph

You're in a very difficult position and nobody would be finding this easy. You're doing a great job. Much depends on the extent of your mother's illness. If her cognitive ability has declined to the point that she cannot make decisions for herself, then you can make applications on her behalf, for example for things like carers or respite care. These services are limited and variable depending on where you are, your GP, public health nurse and local HSE office should be able to give you information. You can also contact the Alzheimer's Society for advice and help. Ask for help from any and every health professional you are in contact with.

Strumms

she and you need a carer and allocated hours of care for her…. Get talking to the local public health nurse and her GP asap. She doesn’t want it ? Say you need the help and that’s all there is to it, tough love. 3 hours a day to begin with for washing dressing, meds prompts

There is however a chronic shortage of carers… back in November it was reported over 6000 people who have had care plans approved by the HSE… are still waiting for carers. 😒

It is possible that due to the nature of the condition and the degree of symptoms it might be that you’d with her receiving an updated medical assessment , get advanced up the que.

unfortunately you need to get actioning this asap.

Pistachios & cream

Hi there,

I'd also get in touch with the Alzheimers association. They are different to the HSE/Public health nurse and offer a different type of support. They can do homecare where they will come into your house and give you a break to head off for a few hours or your mum an go for day care. They will do their own assessment. I cannot emphasise how important it is to get in touch with them as soon as possible. Your mothers disease is degenerative and the more support you have around the both of you the better her long term care will be. Its unfortunate how uncoordinated many of these supports are as its very difficult for people to access all the services they need then.

My dad has dementia and my mum looks after him but we were too late in calling in extra supports, because they thought they could cope and they didnt like the idea of carers in the house/ day centres etc. in hindsight it was a massive mistake. We were trying to go from 0 - 90 support in a short space of time and with the current resources in the HSE and home carers etc. If we had more in place for longer it would have been easier to plug the gaps and build up to the support we needed.

Oscar_Madison

Yes I echo other comments- well done so far but definitely get going with the occupational assessment for your home- EVERYTHING takes time- in addition have public health nurse on speed dial- some are great, some are terrible and some are just swamped with work - but you need to be on their ear to get things moving.

You’re going to have to get tough with mammy also- this is what we’re doing mam- this is why we’re doing it- don’t be afraid to explain but don’t take her responses too literally- she’s communicating with you as best she can right now so try not to get upset if she says things like “nothing wrong with me or I don’t need/want a carer helper”- it’s very natural and it’s very common- just try and be as patient as you can- unfortunately you’re the “mammy” now - try and organise as much as you’re entitled to as you can- from appropriate bed/mattress to handrails etc- it all takes time-

My best advice is- don’t wait until you need something- it’s too late then- it becomes a crisis point- anticipate anticipate anticipate as best you can.