Work joke gone on too far

Akrasia

This is 100% sexual harassment and is completely unacceptable in the workplace

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120347446#Comment_120347446

Nothing like a gang of women to tear one woman to shreds at work. Funny how I assumed from the start of the thread that is was female colleagues. Any sane man in employment in 2023 knows you can’t do this. But the women…

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120348342#Comment_120348342

Doesn't happen often, but I somewhat agree with your post.

Stand up for yourself, tell them to stfu and distance yourself op.

The new person joining the team carrying on like that is more likely the others getting their claws in. Easier to pick on one person than going against the rest. Sounds like secondary school peer pressure.

Your line manager should put the foot down, I know the rumours, but clear the air with them. I'd also mention why did they go to senior management.

Straight out bullying.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120348784#Comment_120348784

Trust me, men can 100% be nasty, cliquey and as gossipy as any group of women. A lot of men just dont believe this and roll out the tired "women are bitchier than men" cliche but its simply not true. I have worked with men, many in their 40s and 50s, who would make Joan Collins shiver in horror with some of the accusations, gossip and mass spreading of lies i have seen men perpetrate on their colleagues.

But because men dont have the name for being gossips, they get away with it scot free.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350328#Comment_120350328

Okay. I really haven't seen that.

Yours kindly,

A mid 40's bloke.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350386#Comment_120350386

Fair enough, but its very prevalent in workplaces. Obviously not all men and women are gossipy but ive worked for 25+ years across a range of jobs with all manner of people and men can absolutely be as nasty and divisive as anyone else in a workplace. I have even seen men in jobs for 20years take a dislike to a new lad and effectively bully him out by exclusion and rumour spreading.

You may not have seen it yourself but that doesnt mean its not happening.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350412#Comment_120350412

Have you done anything about it?

This is the issue. If you haven't.

I wouldn't stand for it regardless of seniority. I have principles

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350461#Comment_120350461

Survival of the fittest. If you expose an entrenched group of people intent on pushing someone out of a job are you seriously saying you would put your neck on the line and try and stop it? For a complete stranger? These kinds of toxic workplaces are everywhere with management too weak or indifferent to tackle it.

What the OP is experiencing isnt right but its a reality of many workplaces today. If she cant get any joy from HR her best bet is to move on to hopefully a less toxic place.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350328#Comment_120350328

I’m 30 years in the workplace, mostly mixed men and women, both hospitality and office, and my experience is that narcissism is more prevalent in men, in particular targeting women, but I’d really rather deal with that then the bitchieness of the females to one another. I have seen the animosity reach murderous levels.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350494#Comment_120350494

I was trying to think of word for that...only word I can come up with is cowardice.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350555#Comment_120350555

You may say that but in the real world of work when you are dependent on your employer who puts a few grand in your bank account each month, very very few people actually rock the boat. All most people want is to go in, get their job done and get out to live their lives. If you are saying you would jump in and stop a group of 40 and 50 something men from excluding and gossiping about a new guy then fair play to you but there are consequences for everything and at the end of the day principals get you nowhere in a toxic work environment.

It sounds like you reject the concept of men being gossipy bullies but they absolutely exist. Your job may be a sheltered one where everyone gets on but thats the minority. In the case of the OP her only help is hoping management are worth their salt. Outside of that whats the alternative?

Strumms

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350555#Comment_120350555

Far from cowardice.

maybe you go into a job to survive, most go in trying to do a good day’s work, be professional, courteous and respectful of everyone regardless of whether you like them or enjoy their company… not believing in your superior enough to tackle a situation that unveils itself which is in their remit of their responsibility pay grade and position shows a management failure not an employee one..

I’ve experienced legitimate problems in workplaces that managers didn’t want to have to deal with. OP situation sounds similar.

kaymin

Just tell them the joke is done to death and they need to move on. When they look at you then, say that you are very serious. If it comes up again tell them you have asked them to stop nicely and there will be consequences if the persist.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350592#Comment_120350592

Maybe I'm the exception? Done me no harm.

Actually I found it envelopes trust.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350608#Comment_120350608

I agree with a lot of what you said there.

Although if your line manager doesn't have the spine to chat to you and first port of a call is senior manager, cowardice. Shouldn't be in the job.

Liamario

This is definitely harassment. You haven't helped matters by initially engaging in it, but this does not justify it continuing when you've made it clear that it is unwanted. Talk to your supervisor's manager and explain the situation.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120350758#Comment_120350758

That's the problem: the OP hasn't made it clear, yet.

Sounds like many of you work with kids. Behave like a professional adult from day in a job and you avoid a lot of this shyte.

polysteamtoken

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120348267#Comment_120348267

Then stop complaining. Noone has time for people who cannot assert themselves.

questioner22

OP, the mistake you made was joining with the banter or laughing it off at first.

Generally speaking, those who use 'banter' are toxic and should be avoided/ignored - remember this for your next job.

It sounds like this has gone too far now to come back from. Whether you make a complaint or not, be looking for another job.

Baasterd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058287802/work-joke-gone-on-too-far

Record it... does not have to be video, you can record sound with phone easily....

Or

You could be trolling, describing your colleagues as thinking your getting your "hole" doesn't seem like the way a woman would describe the situation.

run_Forrest_run

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120348784#Comment_120348784

100%, I was amazed how quickly people jumped to blaming men without knowing the details, unbelievable (not all men are toxic ba**ards).

bluepeter

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120493354#Comment_120493354

I am only seeing this now. I asked them to stop but this banter continues.

You were right, it went on too far. My problem was that I didn't put a stop to it earlier.

I was considering going out on sick leave because of all this. But I have a new job offer and I don't know what to do with it as I am currently permanent and the new position is contract. I am thinking that it would be better than what i am dealing with at the moment, better than having to go out on sick leave and I can always continue looking for work while on contract.

bluepeter

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120493499#Comment_120493499

This was definitely not a troll post.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120646369#Comment_120646369

If the contract is for 3 months or more -Take It and get out ASAP.

bluepeter

The joke went too far to come back from. It killed me handing in my notice but it was probably the right thing to do. I didn't make a complaint because how do I go about making a complaint when I was able to take part in the banter myself.