Girlfriend got me no Xmas or valentines card or gift

mcriot29

Hey dating a woman she’s 34 I’m with her since dec 6th for Xmas she stayed at mine for Christmas ,I got her lots of gifts and a card but she never even got me a card.

i was not expecting any gift but a card maybe also on to Valentine’s Day, again not even a card she has never paid for anything or bought me anything .She said oh I have a card I never brought it over which I feel is lie how can she come over to stay over valentines and not rem the card .

My question is do I ask her next time she’s over did she bring the card .

i feel used and kind of angry don’t get me wrong I don’t care about gifts etc ,but it’s like how can she care about me if she does not even get me a card .when I pay for her taxis etc she does not even say thanks

it’s my birthday in a few weeks I bet she does the same thing hers is a week later .A while age she said what are you getting me for my birthday ,I said what are you getting me it’s a week before yours she just looked in shock at me .

theteal

Personally I'd probably love the no gifts or card thing as it'd get me completely off the hook. . .but I'd assume I'm the exception there.

How long are ye together OP?

I'd be more concerned about the "she has never paid for anything" bit. I'd keep an eye on that. I'd be nipping that in the bud early. . .that's usually a first date kinda test, if she doesn't at least get a drink or two for example, see ya.

mcriot29

Only since start of December but she asks me personal stuff about what money I have etc .

she would not give me a can of coke never mind a pint. I don’t care about the gifts etc but I think it shows no effort on her part at all

mcriot29

On our 1st date she never even said thanks when I was paying for the meal

Dslatt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120247533#Comment_120247533

Run a mile. I spent two years with a leech like that. Run.

Markcheese

Yup , it's not a hard rule , some women just expect you to pay , but if you're noticing it this early ,RUN

mcriot29

I have never had a woman like that before it makes me feel like right idiot being honest

Eircom_Sucks

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058284505/girlfriend-got-me-no-xmas-or-valentines-card-or-gift

i'd be walking away quick smart , sounds like she's using you as an ATM

beertons

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120247522#Comment_120247522

Have a think about it. If you had no money, would she be around?

You could pretend to misplace your card when out, see if she comes to the rescue. If she doesn't, settle the bill and say goodbye.

mcriot29

She has even asked me a few times about what money have I got in savings etc what’s my net worth but tells me nothing if I ask her back crazy or what .

mcriot29

Quick note also she’s Nigerian I’m irish I was thinking maybe that’s how it is in her culture she tells me the men there pay for all etc .

mailforkev

Don’t feel like an idiot, these things happen.

You’ve identified the situation quite quickly, now you have a chance to rectify it. My solution would be to walk away quite rapidly.

TheBigEvil

The fact she's asking you what your "Net Worth" is tells you all you need to know. And you know she is not going to have anything for you for your Birthday. It's not about the gifts, you are absolutely right, but its a gesture, to show she has thought about you. Only interested in herself, tell her to hit the bricks, your ATM is closed!

Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger...........

mcriot29

I do like her as a person but my mind can’t handle the fact I feel very used

whomitconcerns

Let me guess, you meet her on the street and you pretended to be poor, she had no interest, told you she had a boyfriend, etc. Then you went to get in your Lamborghini and suddenly she was interested?

Dslatt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120247616#Comment_120247616

Please I know plenty of Nigerian lads, if a woman told them to pay for absolutely everything they'd tell them where to go fairly sharpish

mcriot29

No on dating app

HildaOgdenx

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HildaOgdenx

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Hilda

HildaOgdenx

OP, stinginess is not something I can personally abide in anyone, whether in a relationship, friendship or a relative.

You are not together for very long and to me, it sounds like she is far too interested in your finances.

Reread your own opening post, you said that you feel 'used and kind of angry'. That's not great at such an early stage of a relationship.

As pp said, walk away.

Dial Hard

You're not her boyfriend, you're her sponsor. Walk away now and find yourself someone who actually lives in the real world.

YellowLead

This seems like a fairly straightforward case. She doesn’t want to pay for anything, she expects you to pay for everything and give her presents. Are you okay with this? It seems like you are not. There is no point in trying to catch her out - just bring it up with her, the bigger picture. It’s likely she will be upset and break it off, but that’s the only alternative to staying with her and paying for everything. But at least you can have an honest discussion so if she is willing to make an effort it could work. Now, if she was completely broke and made up for it on other ways by making an effort with a card, or small acts of kindness that require her to go out of her way, and was really thankful and appreciative when you spend money then maybe I can see why that might not be a deal breaker. But it sounds like she just expects you to pay for everything and buy her stuff which is not a relationship based on love, it’s a transactional one.

yourdeadwright

Personally i think Valentines day is for the ladies to be treated ,

My wife has never got me a card but always gets our son one, I get herself & the daughters a card & small gift ,

Its just a hallmark day that means nothing ,

Just move on. If she started with Gifts and Cards tomorrow is because she feels she has to. Not that she wanted to.

Dont force it. Your expectations will not be met.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120248814#Comment_120248814

I'm completely broke, I've been out of work since October, and I still could never let my boyfriend pay for everything. I'd be morto.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120248818#Comment_120248818

Personally I think Valentines is a crock of shít that should be ignored by both genders. But the OP's issue is far bigger than just Valentines Day. His girlfriend is a complete and utter gold digger.

Seriously, OP, just walk away now. It's only been 3 months, take it as an expensive lesson learned .

Me and the OH go out for dinner the weekend before or after Valentines.

Doesnt matter who pays as we have a Joint account 😁

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120248838#Comment_120248838

Me too!!! I’m not saying it’s a good way to be, I’m just trying to understand OPs behaviour in putting up with this for over 2 months, I think some men accept this if they are getting looked after in other ways.

But I’m with you, it’s not a good personality trait.

TheadoreT

What is it with recent threads and OP's getting upset over treatment of dates who aren't up to scratch.

You can you know, move on and find someone better. She's showing you who she is and you don't like it. Nobody is tying you down here.

As an aside getting someone "lots of gifts" for xmas less than 20 days after you met them is super intense. And you're asking to be walked all over there.

brokenbad

She will be looking for your bank details next and wanting to set up a "joint account".......walk away now before she fleeces you.

thegame983

You played yourself when you got her a Christmas present after 3 weeks.

She's going to ween from your teet until you push her away.

Sephiroth_dude

Run for the hills and don't look back.

Paul_Hacket

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120247616#Comment_120247616

>>Mod snip<<

Paul_Hackett was warned for this post. Please see PI charter and Mod posts on previous page.

chrisd2019

Hi,

I think if you read your original post and consider what brought you here to discuss the topic and you will find the answer.

Personally I have more knowledge than most regarding ladies from the African continent.

What she said about men & finance was partly true, however she has left out the other side of the arrangement. In that in exchange for financial provision the gentleman would have high expectations regarding loyalty, homemaking and personal attention.

This lady seems too much interested in your finances, you need to thread carefully, you do not mention her residence statues or if any children are under her guardianship you need to educate yourself further about her if you are considering a more long-term relationship with her.

messrs

OP - as previous posters I think you need to walk away. Unfortunately it does sound like she is using you as an atm. 3 months together and she hasnt paid for anything at all - doesnt sound good. Walk away while its still early on and before you loose too much money

Airyfairy12

Theres so many red flags here, she doesnt pay for anything, she lied about having a card for you, didnt think to even get you a card, she sounds like shes self absorbed and unkind. Would you like a thoughtful, kind partner or someone who takes you for granted and expects you to pay for everything?

As others mentioned, buying her lots of gifts so early on is very intense, for a genuine person that behaviour would likely push them away from you because it comes across like youre trying to buy them, the relationship becomes transactional and from what you said, it sounds like youre hurt you went to so much effort and didnt recieve the same in return but you chose to go to that much effort, if you do something kind for somebody else, you do it for the sake of kindness, not to be rewarded or praised but that doesnt mean you allow yourself to be walked on either, you clearly have a lack of boundaries.

When you behave this way early on in a relationship, as in showering your partner with gifts and being intense, it gives off the wrong impression, not only is it inappropriate because its clearly not reciprocated but the wrong person will use this as an oppertunity to take advantage & manipulate you, the 'right' person will see it for what it is and run for the hills!

So the solution here falls with you and changing your own behaviour. Maybe gaining some self awareness around why you behave how you do and making changes to ensure youre not crossing boundaries with other people or trying to manipulate people into liking you through love bombing.

You are both the problem here but you cant change other people. Id suggest you break up with her and go to therapy.

lillycakes2

I dont think she is a very nice person if she gave you no card/ present for valentines or xmas. Its actually verging on rude. I dont mean to be harsh, but a bit red flag ish,

Bricriu

For a start, sit down and have a good think; the answer is already in your head and heart.

Then join the local harriers club, and learn to run.

Start running, and don't stop until you are far away from this disastrous woman!