How to cope with coming home to rural Ireland for Christmas?

Lurth

First of all this is not a knock on rural Ireland. It's great that many of you live there and enjoy it. Nor is it a knock on my family's company. It's about dealing with an isolated location.

Basically I headed abroad to college and now live in a large city. Have my own friends and life there. My parents live back in Ireland, in a house in the middle of nowhere in the mid-west, where you have to drive everywhere.

It's great to see family but being back at Christmas is seriously depressing after a couple of days. It's so isolated and I know nobody back here now.

Maybe my fault for not keeping in touch, but that's the way it went when you lived long distances away from people. The rural location was part of my decision to move abroad in the first place.

Does anyone else feel the same way, or have any ideas about how to make coming back more fun?

bad2thebone

I loved the city life up until my late 20s, then I got tired of the urban sprawl. People started to get married, attached little by little I was on my own. I had friends but they drifted. Been to all their weddings etc

I was never one for settling down, a lone wolf who liked meeting people on my own volition. Liked going to places that were classy, nice ambiance etc expensive threads, vip lounge's etc Friends in high places and all that jazz. But while they settled down I carried on regardless until I realized where am I going. Ended up on my own. Decided to slink into a rural location and give up the party high life and settled for a house in the country. Moved to the Burren in Clare myself. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to be in the wilds in boots, warm garments and dog's. Love chopping wood and stacking it. Growing vegetables, fishing and surfing and hiking. Walking dog's and bushcraft. Building a fort at the moment in a valley. All I have is a looppers and silky saw and a small shovel. It's enjoyable.

When I go to Galway Dublin Cork or Limerick I always get that euphoric recall. Next thing I'm in Brown Thomas buying aftershave, shade's and rummaging through the stock of Belstaff trailmaster and Barbour jacket s. Next thing I'm driving home a few hours later with the back seat loaded up. I also end up buying fishing gear and maybe some surf gear like booties or swimsocks, a few buff hat's from the outdoors store and a Stanley flask or a headlamp or something.

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Although I like my clothes.

Embrace your soundings, catch up with old friends.

Tonight should be good in rural pub's if the Wren boys and girls are about.

If you're near Lahinch it should be hopping this evening and Egan's in Liscannor.

freshpopcorn

What age are you?

Lurth

I'm 31.

I bet it would be nice living in a rural area near the coast where you could go surfing and hike up a mountain. Sadly, my parents live inland, many miles away from the sea or mountains.

It's actually not the easiest to walk places as there are no trails - just private fields and roads with no footpaths. The only thing I can think of is renting a car and driving around to scenic spots, which is a bit of a pain to do.

spakman

Ah grow up ffs. Can you not manage to spend a few days at Christmas with your parents without whinging about how bored you are.

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035686#Comment_120035686

Not about parents. It's about the location

Calahonda52

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035686#Comment_120035686

As above:

Re this

Sadly, my parents live inland, many miles away from the sea or mountains.

Sadly....FFS get a grip and acknowledge your parents for who they are and the contribution they have been to you thus far.

breezy1985

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035711#Comment_120035711

Inland could be Tipperary though. Can't blame a lad for being depressed about that 🤣.

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035711#Comment_120035711

Thanks for white knighting for my parents.

It's not about parents or family, it's about hearing about how other people deal with returning to an extremely isolated location

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035686#Comment_120035686

Exactly!!

OP just enjoy the few days you have with your parents. You won't always have them to visit you know and then you will regret the time you didn't spend with them.

Do your parents not have a car you could use.

You'll be back to city life soon enough - relax and enjoy the peacefulness of the countryside.

PowerToWait

Some bang of smug returned emigrant. Probably insufferable non stop chat about how fantastic life is where he lives.

Still stihl waters 3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035686#Comment_120035686

Spot on, can't settle for a few days with the family without longing for the comforts of overcrowded public transport and their shìtty box apartments whinging because they have to drive 15 minutes to go shopping while all the while enlightening anyone that'll listen about how great Sydney/London/Ontario is. Every clown that ever went away comes back with the same old spiel every year

Larbre34

Each to their own, but as an urban dweller, I enjoy rural Christmases.

Fresh air and open spaces to go walking, big turf fires, a certain latitude for a bit of late night drink-driving to the nearest lock in

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035822#Comment_120035822

"enlightening anyone that'll listen about how great Sydney/London/Ontario is. Every clown that ever went away comes back with the same old spiel every year"

Yeah there's a reason for that. It's because Ireland has this mad trend stretching back decades for having a sh1t ton of houses dotted randomly around the countryside.

Partly the reason why loads of small local towns and villages are dead/dying. Transport is brutal as well.

pgj2015

Why didnt you stay in contact with your old friends? not cool enough for you?

ax530

With weather hard to do much walking ect.

Next year stay few days less and get lots books for presents.

The days you at 'home' read eat & rest ready to go back city life again.

Anyone you know who could come and visit ?

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035904#Comment_120035904

😂 fecker

Closest I lived to a school friend was 8 miles, as my school was ages away. It was tough to meet up during summer months when school was done, and when I'd come home

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035925#Comment_120035925

😂

would ye not have had a local town ye all went drinking in?

I would just have the attitude of it is what it is when you are back home for a few days. it cant be that bad, A Ukrainian refugee I know, her husband who had a corporate job in Ukraine, is a soldier since February, not what he really wants to be doing but he is sucking it up, sometime you just have to get on with things.

SmallTeapot

..

Still stihl waters 3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035871#Comment_120035871

They're dying with 70 years since people like yourself first started getting the boat to England, the reality is a lot of towns are thriving but that wouldn't suit the narrative put forward by the likes of yourself in bondi when telling everyone that'll listen what a dump Ireland is and how you can't get a bus from outside your mammys door to the local spar

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035949#Comment_120035949

Yeah, used to meet up and do this back a few years before Covid tbf, but a lot of people moved away or had families. I know a couple of lads who never come home anymore. Same goes for cousins. I'd feel bad if I did that.

Loads of people here will be "oh suck it up you tosser" but it sucks. Loads of pubs we used to go to have shut as well.

Wossack

Buy a Nintendo switch

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035993#Comment_120035993

Its funny the way you say some people had families, like they died 😂 which in some cases they probably may as well have as they become so dry they cant even met an old friend for a pint. would you not just chill with the family, play board games, listen to music, watch films, have a few drinks etc?

KaneToad

Sounds like someone who can't be with themselves and needs constant distraction.

Ten of Swords

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035686#Comment_120035686

Needlessly aggressive, don't be that guy 🙄

bucketybuck

How useless must you be if help is needed to "cope" with a few days in isolation?

Depressed after a couple of days? God help you if something ever happened that really required mental fortitude.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035668#Comment_120035668

Sadly, my parents live inland, many miles away from the sea or mountains.

How many times during the last 7 days before you went home did you go swimming in the sea or hiking up the mountains in your "big city"?

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036084#Comment_120036084

Sounds like that to me as well some people just can’t sit still in their own company. And get edgy.

The complete opposite to fella like Tommy Tiernan. That fella would only be too delighted to stand in a field stare at the stars, and howl at the moon.

The OP just needs to learn relax switch off and appreciate the quieter/mundane things in life.

Even the OP watching his parents interact with each other. The nods from the auld lad if he wants a mug of tae etc. Or the phrases his mother uses. Or them chatting about the old days or himself/herself down the road.

They won’t be around forever just take it all in. Because it is the simple mundane things that make a family.

Just observe the surroundings a bit more. And you might get a new appreciation of it. It is not as if the OP is ‘trapped’ and forced to stay in ‘isolation’. Embrace the temporary change and don’t fear it.

I understand the frustration OP.

It's hard to maintain friendships remotely. It sounds like you've been gone since you turned 18.

The friends that might still be around have their own groups or families.

I was away for a while, when I came back I lasted about two weeks at home with my parents in the country before i went looking for somewhere to live in town.

I've moved out again as my priorities changed. I wasn't able to meet a friend that is back recently because, unkind as it sounds, I have other priorities, family mainly, and don't have the same time to go into town socialising.

Practically, what did you do to pass time when you were living there? Do that again.

BaywatchHQ

When I lived in a city I was isolated anyway due to being autist incel loner so i was used to it when I moved back. If anything it was less isolating as my family were here whereas in the city I was isolated for weeks on end.

NSAman

Sheez. Christmas is about family. I miss my dad, I am soo happy my mother is still here. I love having my siblings with me. Coming home is one of the highlights of the year for myself and herself.

The fact I can switch off from a crazy life. The fact I get to walk safely, be in an isolated place without freezing my ass off.

you came home for what reason? Remember your parents only get a few chances to be with you before they aren’t there. Savour that!

mykrodot

when I read the post I thought OP was about 19 or 20, but 31?

My daughter is 31 and lived in Dubai and London. She returned to Ireland during Covid and is now living in South Kerry in a pretty small town. Its bustling in Summer but quiet in Winter, however she has made the best friends and has the best craic , far better than she had in London. She swims, hikes, pier jumps, surfs and that's in Winter. If she gets tired of the weather she goes to the sun and works remotely from there for a few weeks. She loves the quality of life here in Ireland after being so long abroad.

My other daughter lives in West Limerick after 6 years in Vancouver, married here with kids, loves it here too, loves rearing her little ones close to family and in the peace of the countryside. The grass ain't always greener. By your thirties most people can see both sides, they've got over the buzz of city life and want a better connection with nature.... and with family. Life is what you make it. Towns all over Ireland are growing, migration is seeing to that, there is more diversity, more people of all nationalities, everywhere . In the next 10 years more and more people will seek out a life in Ireland due to our temperate climate (no forest fires, no months of searing heat thanks to the Gulf Stream) it will become a sought after location and houses will be snapped up ( they are already).

Foreign cities are exciting and lovely, but most people outgrow them and only see the beauty and benefits in returning home. Its not forever, its for a few days, enjoy it, enjoy your family, life could be a lot tougher for you in the future and you will look back and wonder why you were complaining.

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036540#Comment_120036540

"My daughter is 31 and lived in Dubai and London. She returned to Ireland during Covid and is now living in South Kerry in a pretty small town. Its bustling in Summer but quiet in Winter, however she has made the best friends and has the best craic , far better than she had in London. She swims, hikes, pier jumps, surfs and that's in Winter. "

Sounds great tbh. Now imagine living 8 miles from a town, 4 from a village. It's pitch black outside, and it's been raining for the past five days. No place to walk in the winter after 4pm.

The fact is that isolation in rural Ireland is a real issue.

Source: https://www.agriland.ie/farming-news/rural-loneliness-has-reached-a-concerning-level-sugden/

Source: https://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/18056/

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036873#Comment_120036873

A come on now - 8 miles from a town and 4 miles from a village isn't that isolated. Do your parents not have a car? Is there no taxis?

What's the name of your nearest town?

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036883#Comment_120036883

I dunno but 4 miles to the nearest village seems like a long way. Don't want to dox myself but it's a village in Roscommon.

After reading a few threads on Reddit, I thought there would be a few people that would relate to this but it seems like there's not many that do on boards

People seem to think I'm insulting their town, but I'm not at all

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036890#Comment_120036890

I would consider 4 miles a short distance. Do your parents not have a car?

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036883#Comment_120036883

What would you class as isolated in Ireland anyway? Just interested to know

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036901#Comment_120036901

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036901#Comment_120036901

They do, you definably need a car.

Sounds like you're pretty rural. What do you do for fun? Depends where you live, but just looking for ideas

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036902#Comment_120036902

Somewhere can be isolated due to terrain, road networks, lack of neighbours etc . I would consider anywhere more than a 20 minute drive to a urban area isolated. 4 miles or 8 miles distance is nothing.

Why can't you answer whether your family has a car? Please name the town and perhaps someone living in Roscommon can give you ideas what to do.

StevenToast

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035731#Comment_120035731

"Extremely isolated location"....Its Ireland.....not outback australia.....

Or Tom crean on georgia island.....

You're not far from anywhere...

Dohnjoe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058277044/how-to-cope-with-coming-home-to-rural-ireland-for-christmas

As someone who has lived for (very) long periods abroad, I can relate. It's of course vital to see your parents, especially as they age, it can be increasingly difficult and lonely for them (parents, as we know, are excellent at hiding this fact)

If you are in continental Europe, drive and catch a ferry over, so you have your car. Or rent one if you are flying over. Having a car in rural Ireland is magic, go explore, go visit your old haunts, go sea swimming, do things. Tons of stuff to do (I used to have an anti-Ireland mentality but one day that randomly disappeared and I suddenly started opening my eyes to how fantastic this country is). Car = freedom wherever you are.

Take up the internet more over here, it'll get you through the bleary RTE evenings like lightning. Anything and everything. Build an exhaustive Youtube subscription list, get your foreign friends to hook up for an online poker or board game evening, take an online course in something you've always fancied, learn a language online, whatever.

Meet up with childhood friends or college friends or old acquaintances over here. Can't stress how important this is. Sadly some of this stuff only becomes evident when people are older when it can be too late.

Remote work for a week or two (if possible with you). The first or two over here is the most difficult, but can start to settle after that. Working actually breaks up the day really nicely, and your parents will love having you there while you work.

Sorry I know some of this stuff sounds cheesy or obvious, but time does fly, every second with your parents is gold, even the bickering.

gormdubhgorm

I think the OP’s issue can be summed up by a band from the West of Ireland - The Saw Doctors

They wrote ‘Same Oul Town’ about a fella who stayed too long in the same small town.

https://youtu.be/gzRVt0t15S8

I think psychologically the OP feels like they will be ‘trapped’ again.

But the OP’s mindset should be more like ‘Coming Home This Christmas’ - the ex Pat delighted to come home etc

https://youtu.be/4Ydr7C_TM_k

-

I remember the first time I wandered around part of London my brother moved to. I was nodding to strangers as usual - no reaction - some even walked faster. I didn’t know what the craic was.

My brother laughed at me when I told him. ‘This is London’ said he - ‘they probably thought you were a weirdo.‘

Back in Dublin my ‘nodding powers’ seemed to return as if by magic! So it shouldn’t be too hard to start up a conversation in the country!

And as for the country pub - sure even if you didn’t know anyone, fairly quick someone would be throwing questions at ya. Who are you? .Etc.

The way the OP is talking you would swear it is 1000’s of miles from anywhere they are. But that is just the OP’s mindset.

lucalux

I understand you.

I live in the same county. Without access to a car, there's no rambling around in the wilderness because, even though it is rural, the roads are lethal to walk on. Farmland is private, I wouldn't assume to think I could go wandering through neighbouring fields.

Taxis are non existent if you want to go out for a few, as I am about 35 minutes drive from the nearest town. No sense to the taxi driver to do long fares, when they could do 10 short ones in the same time.

Parents are barely speaking, home is tense as fcuk. Horrifically so.

Friends have all emigrated, but never lived local to begin with. I didn't go to school locally, I went to another parish for school, so never got to know the people living nearby, not that any of them were the same age group as me. All my friends were in the nearest town.

It can be bleak OP. But take as much comfort as you can in good food, good TV, chatting to friends who are available through social media/internet. Even swapping memes or articles as a means to stay in touch, as everyone can be busy this week.

4 miles without a car is a fair distance in fairness, if you have to walk, you're taking your life in your hands on most rural roads, especially if you're not used to them ( I am and I wouldn't walk home after 2 pints)

My local village has 1 pub, and I'd be subject to a full Spanish Inquisition if I went in there for a quiet pint. People who are the definition of 'don't get out much' populate that pub, they are unkind and offended if anyone is different, I'd drink in a ditch before going for a pint in there. I'm not judgemental, I'm stating facts, it's the kind of place that falls silent when a stranger walks in the door, and for most, since I've left years ago, I'm as good as a stranger.

I am sorry for all those who have lost loved ones and parents, and are missing them, I truly do, but it doesn't mean a person can immediately summon up a benevolence and adoration which is not already there. I love my parents, and I find them incredibly difficult to be around, they say the same about me, and we are honest about it.

We don't spend christmas together anymore. Everyone is much the better for it.

I don't envy you OP, but honestly, some people on this thread are being fairly harsh with no reason.

Lurth

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036931#Comment_120036931

Thanks, good post. I was honestly just looking for ideas like this from people in a similar situation.

A car is essential in these parts. My family obviously have a car but I can't exactly take it and f*ck off for a few days on my own. Would have to be a rental.

tupenny

Aongus? Will guide you

Fr Tod Umptious

I'm with you OP

Back when I was late 20s in the early 2000s I was home from America for Christmas.

My parents house is 5 miles from a big county town, but not near any shops, pubs, anything.

It snowed St Stephen's night and the roads became impassible.

I was stuck at home for about 3 days.

I was going mad with nothing to do.

Eventually decided to go to town and stay with my cousin who lived in the town until the thaw came.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036873#Comment_120036873

I'm exactly that to my local village and town. I moved from Dublin at 50 to kerry. I've a life I never dreamed of. I'm happier, my family is happier.

Life in Dublin was home to work to home to bed to work etc.

We are more outdoors than indoors even if it's raining. Was in the garden for a while today planning tomorrows work.

I'm 8 minutes to work by car. Kids are 13km to school. They still meet up with pals outside.

Wouldn't swap it for the big city

Dohnjoe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036948#Comment_120036948

Cheers. Worth it for a rental I'd say. I often just take day trips, sometimes take the folks/family with me, they love it. It's absolutely priceless. Plus it beats sitting at home feeling sorry for myself ;) If you're feeling miserable, they'll notice it and feel even worse about themselves. There, guilt trip over!

lucalux

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036956#Comment_120036956

I just want to point something out here, if you'll allow..

I love the countryside, more than I could ever love the urban lifestyle. I'm absolutely huge on the benefits of living a slower lifestyle than the town/city affords. I'm a real country girl at heart. Hated it as a teenager, got to appreciate it as I got older.

But, when you're in someone else's home (i.e. your parent's) and you're not king/queen of your own castle, the countryside can be terribly stifling, in my experience.

OP says they can't easily borrow a car. If you had no car and you had to bike it or walk it, 8 minutes in a car can translate (depending on fitness levels) to 2 hours walking afaics

Your choices are one thing, OP's choices are another. They are spending time in rural Ireland against their own instincts, not because it's what they chose for their life. There is so little culture and arts in rural Ireland, it is stifling in that regard alone. They are struggling with the lack of anything exciting going on as a young person, and that is understandable imho.

Watching Mrs Browns Boys and eating Roses won't make anyone satisfied once they see how there can be a multitude of avenues of entertainment outside one's door in cities. It's not classist or snobbish to say you'd prefer one over the other.

When you can't even explore your own local area with a car, you feel like you may as well be in the city. You're as hemmed in as may be. Shanks mare won't cut it these days. Look at the amount of pedestrian deaths on rural roads as an example. As a young person I'd ramble the roads year round, I'm genuinely afraid to these days, and I avoid it as much as I can.

Purple Mountain

Stephen's Day has passed already so realistically how many more days are you home for?

It's not like it's a Covid isolation return home where you are months away from your usual life.

The only reason you came home was because your family are there. So that's exactly what you could be spending your time on.

Tell your parents if they will drive, you'll take them out for meal tomorrow. Offer to go with them to visit some relatives they might like to see.

At home, can you get a game of cards going with them? Ask a few aunts, uncles, cousins etc to call round for a visit and a few drinks and finger food?

It's only when you lose a parent or aunt/uncle you realise that you don't have the choice to do these things anymore.

lucalux

...