Do people ever get back together after something like this?

TracyFlick

My boyfriend (39) broke up with me (35, female), about 2 months ago, after dating for about 8 months. We were friends for about 6 months before that. I had sensed something was off for about 3 weeks before the breakup, and sure enough, he said he is struggling with his mental health and needs to be alone to deal with it. I hadn't realised how low he was feeling because he didn't talk about it- maybe he thought it was too early in the relationship, maybe that's just his way.

I went into some kind of denial for about a month after the breakup, busied myself lots, threw myself into "I'm in a good phase of my life and will keep on moving forward!" mode, then about a month ago I just started feeling really sad, and haven't really stopped since. Life is never straightforward, is it! You're rarely completely happy or completely miserable. There's always curveballs. Anyway, I think I'm accepting how much I loved him, and it's painful processing that it's now over. I hadn't felt this way about anyone in a long, long time, hadn't been in a relationship for years.

We have had contact once since, where it was just painful and he re-iterated that he hasn't changed his mind. I don't text him or anything like that. He is such a good person- kind, smart, empathetic, funny as hell- we loved hanging out together and there was genuine love and respect there.

Maybe the name of my thread is naive. I'm trying not to think about us getting back together but it's hard when you just want the person to believe all of the good things about themselves that you do, but no matter what you do, you can't make them. And from my reading, I know the thing they don't want to say is that you're seen as an added stressor at this point in their lives, that they just see you as someone who needs something from them when they're at a very low ebb. And of course, I do have needs.

Basically, breakups suck. The most bittersweet thing ever is being in love with someone and then it going away. Any advice welcome. It's helpful just to get thoughts down sometimes. The eternal question- how do you get over someone? Has anyone invented some kind of fast-forward mechanism since I was last going through one of these things?? :(

spaceHopper

Maybe tell them how you feel and then make a decision if it is fair on you to remain in contact or should you both move on.

89897

Time and distractions. Keep your head too busy to have these thoughts.

8 months isnt a very long time relatively but it certainly is enough time to develop deep feelings however if he has really wanted this as something long term he wouldnt have pushed you away. I understand hes having a hard time and did what he needed to do and unfortunately it didnt include you.

Get back out there and meet people and have some dates, have fun. It'll blow over in time. Forget about getting back together hes not contacting you, move on and keep an open mind about meeting people.

...Ghost...

Some people get over people by getting back out there and dating. If he thinks you're waiting around, he can take all the time he wants to work on his "mental health". In the mean time, you might find someone who can manage life without having to put his partner on ice.

YellowLead

There’s no magic formula to get over someone unfortunately OP. He has ended things, and re-affirmed this so you have to accept it’s over.

I would recommended going no contact for the foreseeable - it really is the only way because otherwise your always waiting for him to text or tempted to reach out to him. These feelings will fade with time, as long as you accept it’s over. If you don’t accept that, you’ll be stuck in a loop.

TheadoreT

I think he may have played the "it's not you it's me" card to make you feel a bit better about the breakup. But instead of seeing it for what it was (a kind way of saying it's you) you're clinging onto the hope that he doesn't see himself as worthy.

I'm not doubting he does have his mental health issues but people generally don't dump and remain steadfast in that decision if they really love someone. His actions would point to low interest.

I'm not saying this to be mean but you could waste a lot of time stuck in that thought pattern instead of just accepting the more likely reality and healing from there. Take care

standardg60

Jeez OP you're doing far better than i usually do, could be months in denial before i get to the depression stage!

Hate the 'it's not you it's me' excuse too, as it usually leaves the other party in limbo grasping at false positives. Good for you already accepting that it's over, and you come across as being completely normal and rational with your thoughts, no doubt you'll be attractive to plenty.

Sucks now but you're already half way there, keep away from any contact.