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How should married couples conduct their financial affairs?



  • Registered Users Posts: 362 ✭✭ SwimClub

    It sounds like if he coughed up his 50% of all of the family costs the issue would be resolved.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8 Weesie

    All I want is to be a team. I don't care about who earns less or more, if I earned more, I would still think a joint pool is what's fair. In regards to which works more or harder. We both work very hard. In terms of qualifications, I have a higher level of education & supported him when he was climbing the career ladder. I am a public servant, so my circumstances are different. I'll never earn as much as somebody in the corporate world, but I am on a professional incremental salary scale. So I don't get why he doesn't see the potential in me or deems me as a separate entity.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,608 ✭✭✭ gameoverdude

    What is the point in this? Seriously?

    Make it believable? Disgusting.

    Op, the person who earns more in a relationship should pay more (taking into consideration after tax earnings).

    Seperate accounts for fun money.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,088 ✭✭✭ Deeec

    Whats your solution when he couldn't be arsed doing the cleaning.

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,560 ✭✭✭✭ Donald Trump

    Let the place go to sh1te. Why would she keep enabling him if he isn't going to contribute. She can clean it up later after she gets rid of him and keeps the house.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166 ✭✭ LaLa2004

    Hi Weesie. Sorry to hear you are living this miserable life. Do you think he will change? Please get some help for yourself, maybe some counseling. This is a form of abuse as you are an unpaid servant in your house. Consider contacting Women's Aid. Don't waste any more years of your life on him. Speaking from experience....

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,584 ✭✭✭ growleaves

  • Registered Users Posts: 222 ✭✭ One_More_Mile

    He is making sure he has enough to start again if the marriage breaks down. And is right If ye split up he will be sleeping in tent.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,742 ✭✭✭ 893bet

    Lots of strange logic in this thread.

    I pay 90 percent of the expenses in our house. Lucky enough to be able to afford to do maybe my perspective would be different if I couldn’t afford to pay the way. I work damn **** hard though which my wife facilitates (but sometimes does realise or appreciate that fact). Sure, I could work less and spend a little more time at home. But also when a child decides the want to do a masters that cost 50k or to buy a house and needs a leg up. I will be there. I also remember 10 years ago when my wife carried more of the can as I couldn’t afford it.

    To the OP…..from your perspective does he “waste” excessive amount of money on what you consider frivolous activities? Or if needed that a child needed surgery in the US on Tuesday that he would be able to shell out for it?

    Its an interesting thread. How measured marriages are for a lot of people.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,378 ✭✭✭ YellowLead

    OP I think you are far more concerned about the state of the marriage in general than who pays for what. You’re not happy in the marriage in general.

    For what’s it’s worth it seems a little odd you are struggling despite your husbands salary including the fact you also earn too - expensive tastes on yours, his or both sides?

    Your statement that you thought he would change when you got married is really telling - you knew that kind of person he was before you got married yet you pressed on regardless. Why???

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,960 ✭✭✭✭ Dav010

    Op, my sister’s husband is exactly as you describe. It is extremely frustrating for her, their money is managed like an emotionless business where every item expense must be shared. I notice it when we go out for dinner, he will order for her and I can hear him telling her what their portion of the meal comes to, so they can split it later.

    Initially I worried for her, but he is a genuinely really nice guy, treats her well, is a great father, it’s just that he is rigid about money. She told me it had to do with his upbringing, they had nothing, money was always in short supply and he is afraid that one day they would be the same.

  • Registered Users Posts: 43 Drog79

    Another here where everything gained is pooled, and everything to pay comes from the pool. For large things, we ok it with the other person in case they disagree. And for longer term, we sit down and agree priorities which gives us a guide for where the big money is going, savings or debt.

    Like someone else mentioned we've both had periods of unemployment where the other carried the can entirely, and of course maternity, another reduced income time. If we had nothing tomorrow we would likely discuss it the same as when we have plenty. I think the counselling sounds like a great starting point.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,428 ✭✭✭ Wheety

    I'm the one who mentioned an allowance. Whatever you call it, we each receive a payment from the joint account. My wife gets a bigger payment than me in proportion to what we earn.

    We never argue about money and have never missed a direct debit. If we're out separately for drinks or buying something for ourselves we use our own N26 accounts. But everything family related is on the joint credit card and this is cleared every month.

    Don't know why people have secrets in a marriage.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,063 ✭✭✭ ...Ghost...

    Yes, the high earner should pay more (just like they do in tax), but that shouldn't be expected to be the normal. In the OPs case, they both have high salaries and servicing a mortgage and other essential items should be easily covered with each partner having a considerable amount left over. My concern on the financial side of things is that the OP is flittering money away and justifying the spend because its on the house or the kids. She buys her clothes in pennies. OK....but that doesn't mean she's not spending a lot in pennies.

    My OH and I don't have a rigid 50/50 model, but it probably works out about half. She earns more as a civil servant. She has my tax credits which made sense when I was a mature student after a career change. She covers mortgage, most of the groceries and the childcare is covered by children's allowance thanks to family setup. She tends to buy most of the kids cloth too, but only because she is the one to go shopping for clothes. We have more kids than OP does.

    I pay for everything else. Bins, Gas, Electric, phones, broadband, cars and anything done to the house, such as decoration or big ticket items like the extension we got done. I end up covering stuff she covers when she overspend on the kids by sending them to very expensive extracurricular activities which I often communicate disagreement over. Its marriage. Give and take and compromise and have eachothers backs even when the other messes up.

    The OP needs to make tough decisions about her marriage, but she first needs to be honest about herself.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,476 ✭✭✭ Wildly Boaring

    We're very similar here.

    And I would echo the sentiment. Not sure I could have married without that kind of trust