Friend's wedding

mumof2_cd

Deleted

Juran

Stick a few quid in a card, send it to her and tell her you both are unable to attend, and wish her a lovely day. No reasons or excuses needed.

And don't feel.a bit bad about not going.

Throw the invitation into the fire or recycling bin and carry on with your life.

Jequ0n

I don’t see why you are conflicted here. You aren’t obliged to go, you aren’t even close to the one who is getting married. Just decline and be done with it.

jellybear

Personally, I'd decline. If you're really not comfortable going and you wouldn't enjoy the day, it's pointless going. It's an invitation, not a summons. Decline and send your best wishes to the couple. No need to go into detail on why you aren't going or anything. She probably has an inkling you wouldn't be comfortable going anyway. Try not to over think it and just go with your gut 🙂

Deeec

Decline the invite - she's not worth it. She is no longer a friend.

Jim_Hodge

I can't see what your problem is. You don't want to go, so don't go. A polite note to say you unfortunately can't attend but wish her every happiness. Lots of people don't take up wedding invitations.

bucketybuck

Sounds like she knows full well why you would decline the invitation, but made sure to invite you anyway because she knows what happened previously and didn't want to you to feel left out again.

You aren't that close, you don't want to go, just decline gracefully and move on.

is_that_so

RSVP is not just for Yes, just say No to it and move on. Make excuses if you need to. As others have suggested it's always assumed there will be some people who will not make it.

Pauliedragon

OP an invite by definition is asking you to a wedding not ordering you to attend. Half the people at weddings these days don't want to be there IMO. My train of thought has always been if I'm invited and I wouldn't feel comfortable I would politely decline. If the bride/groom got offended by that they aren't real friends anyway. Weddings are way overthought these days anyway.

KaneToad

I wouldn't be putting any money anywhere!

A polite decline and wish them well. Move on.

HBC08

You and everybody else it seems will be happier if you don't go,I don't mean that in a snarky way.Sometimes that's just how the situation develops,friends and friends groups drift apart and sometimes fall out,new groups form,that's just life.

Dont put yourself out and be uncomfortable and pay hundreds and inconvenience your husband (trust me,he doesn't want to go)

Your only real delimma here is whether to put money in the card or not.

NIMAN

If you need an OUT, just say you have caught covid a few days before it.

I’d say she’ll be surprised if you actually accepted the invitation by the sounds of it. Going to a wedding you’re not that interested in is one thing but having to spend the day avoiding a whole lot of bitchy people? Not worth it.

Saying all of that, if you ultimately feel going is the best thing to do-see if there’s been any change in maturity of the group - probably unlikely but you never know.

Why do you think you weren’t invited to the other wedding? Were you all tight friends at some stage and then drifted or were you more on the outskirts of the “friends” group?

Girls especially often meet up in big groups, especially in their 20s before they get married. As time goes on they make less time for the wider group and more time for just a select few.

say you have girls A-G

There will always be a girl, let’s say girl A, that will be invited to all weddings - she’s popular, can relate to everyone etc etc

Girls b,c and d will absolutely invite each other to their weddings- but girl B will only invite girls A and G in addition, whilst girl D will invite A, E and F but not G

If you were all tight school friends it’s unusual that you all wouldn’t go to each other’s wedding but if you’ve come together as a group from different backgrounds like work school college , friends of friends etc and made friends that way, it’s not as tight a group so I wouldn’t expect invites to all weddings

salmocab

I’ve turned down invites to friends weddings that didn’t suit never mind ones I wasn’t keen on, just RSVP no maybe a note in the back saying sorry I can’t make it, enjoy the day.

a few people couldn’t make my wedding and I didn’t care and certainly wasn’t insulted. No need to over think it.

Ouch Chinese Byrne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119379389#Comment_119379389

Why send money?

OP. Just tell them you can’t make it and to enjoy the day.

make sure you notify them asap so the can work on the headcount for the wedding.

No need to explain yourself.

Count Dracula

Don't bother going if it doesn't suit you.

It sounds like you have a lingering issue with that group of hyena's that left you out of a previous wedding? Why did they do that, do you know the reason? Just also, some of your thoughts on comments made on the gender of your baby, are you not reading into that a bit much? It was a casual remark about a preference for having a family of girls as opposed to a boy. A bit of a fairy thing to say, but hardly worth holding a grudge over?

Women in groups can be stifling, they always manage to get catty with some poor unfortunate. If you never got on with that clique I wouldn't bother trying now. It would be an incredibly uncomfortable day out all said, avoiding eye contact and wrenched smiles.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119379618#Comment_119379618

Or just behave like an adult and politely decline the invitation rather than literally acting like a child pulling a sickie at a stage by which the couple will have already paid for everyone ostensibly attending.

mumof2_cd

Thanks for all the replies! Yes, I know this isn't a problem as one poster said, I was just looking for advice as I haven't had a situation like this before!

I think I wasn't invited to the other girl's wedding as I wasn't as close to her as the others. It was fair enough not to invite me. I thought the way the girl and group handled it at the time was bad form. That's why I backed off from the group. We all worked together and met each other at the same time. It wasn't that I went to events with them because I knew one or two in the group or anything like that.

I definitely don't plan to accept and then pretend to have Covid and decline the day before. That would be completely unfair on the couple!

The RSVP date isn't until mid-September (wedding is in November). I met up with the bride to be a couple of months ago and she told me the wedding date and that I was invited. I said I had to I check schedules etc. So I'll politely decline before the RSVP date and just give a childcare/work related reason. Thanks again!

sporina

politely decline - if you feel you need a reason.. make up something.. an Aunt's Birthday... what ever.. anything.. she probably knows you don't wanna go anyway..

wish her well.. i wouldn't send money.. maybe a card and a wee pressie or something.. photo frame..

OP think you need to be more assertive in your life.. don't waste time on people who drag you down.. focus on the positives.. life's too short.. mind yourself

salmocab

I don’t think you need to give an excuse, just put a note on the rsvp saying sorry I can’t make it, enjoy the day. You don’t need to start making up excuses, in fact that’s just making things more difficult when you bump into her in a year and she mentions it and you can’t remember what it was.

The longer you leave the decline the harder it will be to “find” an excuse -I’d either accept or decline now. I’d be more concerned going to the hen as opposed to going to the wedding if all those idiots were there.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119383376#Comment_119383376

Nobody needs to 'find' an excuse. You just decline the wedding invitation or the hen party. It's not rocket science.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119383438#Comment_119383438

It is if you are allegedly a “friend” - can you imagine saying to a friend I’m not going and not give a reason why? You won’t be friends much longer

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119383664#Comment_119383664

Friend was very loose in the now deleted OP. It seemed more an acquaintance and by no means a close friend.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119383942#Comment_119383942

I get that but still I think she’ll need an “excuse” if she bumps into her again - you can decline in writing without producing an excuse but you’ll be tongue tied if you meet her in person without stating the reason why.

It should be obvious to her “friend” the reason why but still -

HBC08

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119384271#Comment_119384271

People get themselves so tied up in knots about stuff like this.

Decline the invitation, wish them well (perhaps send a card with cash) Don't start off a Web if lies and nonsense.