Marraige & kids and a mortgage..

WhiteWalls

The thoughts of all of this does nothing for me.. It's a lot of pressure for couples nowadays, it can be a real struggle balancing everything..

What about the single life with your own place and whatever visitors you want?! There's far less worries.

Seems far more exciting but I'm only 31.. I really think a lot of men just go along with things and have all of these decisions made for them..

Dante

As someone the same age as you and just out of a painful breakup with my long-term partner, I fully agree :D

spaceHopper

I've twins and bills but I've great fun with them

SuperBowserWorld

Tread very carefully before you leap.

The country needs more bodies to keep the great pyramid scheme going. So, well pay a few quid towards that, but after that you are on your own sunshine.

Better hope it's a loving marriage and you don't have any medical or finance issues in the family.

If you like buying stuff then it's perfect.

Get a dog or baby sit some relatives for a few months with someone you love first. And offer to pay their food, clothes, accommodation, health, education bills.

😁

yourdeadwright

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255196/marraige-kids-and-a-mortgage

If i was you and back in that position in my early 30s the one thing id do is travel more , go live somewhere else and enjoy the freedoms of life,,

Marriage & kids are great but there are some things you just can't do due to commitments (unless your loaded) , So make sure you get your fill off " freedom " before you settle down,

Don't get me wrong when you do settle there are other benefits that are amazing to ,

As with most choices in life there are up sides and down sides. It is often hard to see the upsides of a situation that is the polar opposite of your current one too. For example - having been in my current relationship for about 16 years now I struggle to see the upsides I am missing out on being single. Just as I am sure people who are long term single might struggle to think of the upsides of getting into a relationship and kids and so forth.

I am not sure that there are "far less worries" either. Rather I think the worries are just different. I am in a rather unusual relationship and people often assume our pressures and worries are more or less than theirs. I do not think they are. They are just different. Some things are much easier - other things much harder. But I think it balances out.

But I think the OP is right in that a lot of people just go along with it. I know I did myself when I was a lot younger. It felt like finding a partner and getting a home was the thing you had to do. And you were somehow lesser or not a real "man" if you failed to do this stuff. And I wonder how many people just end up in a relationship they are not even all that happy in - just because they were on some level desperate to find a relationship.

Comically enough then it was after I entirely gave up on relationships and that path in life - and decided to be one of those "MGTOW" types before I had ever heard of the "MGTOW" phrase - that I found myself and then just fell into a relationship and have been in it ever since. It was only when I stopped trying and looking for it that I found it. I was focused entirely on myself and self improvement and self discovery when I suddenly realized I knew who I wanted to share my life path with and them with me.

So really it should not be about deciding you should be single or deciding you simply need a relationship - or what anyone else is doing or what society wants you to do. It should just be about finding what you want and pursuing that. And if that's a life of being eternally single then that's great - go for it!

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255196/marraige-kids-and-a-mortgage

You only get one shot at life mate, so if you're going to do it, best get stuck in soon. Takes 20+ years to raise a child nowadays.

Know a chap who didn't and now getting on, has a small number of friends but otherwise on his own in an apartment and not many years to the bus pass.

iptba

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119362604#Comment_119362604

People often say have kids younger and get it over with. But quite often it doesn’t work like that, with the other half wanting more. This means if you start early you can end up with a bigger family than if you started later.

Had the first of our kids when I was around 32. I am 43 now and it was not long ago we had our fourth kid. So really how late in life you do it is personal and contextual.

Mongfinder General

Don’t sign a contract where it benefits the other party by breaking it.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255196/marraige-kids-and-a-mortgage

You don't have to do "all of this", though. Or any of it, obvs, but they're not all automatically part of a package. You can get married but not have kids. You can have a mortgage but never get married. You can have kids and do neither of the other two. It's all down to what you actually want to do, not what you think you *should* do.

I've already been married, I don't want children and I can't see myself ever being in a position to buy a house again. Doesn't mean I'm not open to a long-term, committed relationship if the right person came along. A doesn't automatically mean B plus C.