Struggling with a difficult co-worker

TheGlossy

The issue has been discussed to a great extent. Thanks for your inputs.

bucketybuck

Whats to navigate, just don't assign yourself anything on his little spreadsheet.

Has anybody actually spoken to you or instructed you to cover for him?

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750524#Comment_118750524

No, no one. The manager didn't approach me either which is why I think he shouldn't have this sense of entitlement that everyone will automatically cover for him. Normally managers do tend to approach you for coverage.

He just keeps pestering, that's the issue and knowing him, he won't let it go I'm pretty sure. Of course, I'm not going to fill in the spreadsheet, but as I said, he will keep harassing because he won't take no for an answer (he did the same to someone else last year and kept pestering them every single day for 2 weeks).

Jequ0n

I can’t see anything wrong with your colleague’s behaviour and would probably be doing the same thing.

Sounds like there is a greater issue with ineffective management in your workplace.

Hi Dave, can you leave me off these mails please? I've already explained that I won't be able to provide cover.

Regards,

TheGlossy

After that, just ignore them if he keeps sending.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750603#Comment_118750603

I do understand he needs coverage for his tasks, no issues with that. However my two main issues:

• He already has 4 people who agreed to cover for him. Isn't this enough for 3 days?
• Why is he chasing me if I already told him I don't have capacity? It's simply not appropriate to send me such email upon my return after 3 weeks of leave knowing his leave was two weeks away. Empathy in the workplace goes a long way. I'd understand if no one had volunteered to help him, but considering he already has 4 other people who agreed, it's got more than plenty given the workload listed on his spreadsheet. I

bucketybuck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750536#Comment_118750536

If by pestering you mean the passive aggressive emails where he doesn't actually ask you directly, then I personally wouldn't care a toss about them. I prefer not to encourage such behaviours and will happily ignore such things.

Confrontation is an option of course, reply telling him to stop spamming you, if you are comfortable standing your ground then do that. Remember though to not play his game, if he is trying to imply something then you just be very direct.

It does sound as if the manager is the problem here though, why are they sitting silent about this.

patnor1011

I am sorry but somehow I sense some of that entitlement you are talking about is rather coming from your side.

Perhaps he is just busy and do not have time to think about your personal problems or feelings and since mass email is mass email you will be getting them every time he sends one out.

I think you are simply overthinking it. Stop "expecting" things if they irritate you and focus on something else.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750728#Comment_118750728

Apologies, but where did I say I wanted to discuss my problems? I don't think that's what I meant at all. I don't want to discuss my problems with him or anyone for that matter.

I've dealt with many former colleagues who came back from compassionate leave and trust me, there was no way we would have behaved like this with them. There is a management issue, that's for definite, but that is a whole different discussion.

As I specified, 4 people have already volunteered to help him out which is more than enough for 3 days. I checked the spreadsheet and he's definitely got a lot less work than the rest of us.

Zeek12

Ignore the repeated emails. It sounds like you already gave valid reasons on a previous mail why you don't have availability to cover him this time. I doubt anyone needs four people or more to cover for just three days off, I frequently cover for colleagues on my own for a full week or more. I'm sure many folks do the same.

If he persists with this, forward to your manager with an explanation and let him/her deal with it.

Sorry for your loss OP. Mind yourself.

xzanti

Sorry for your loss firstly.

Is it possible that this person may have picked up some of your tasks while you were away and is hinting that he wants you to return the favour?

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750785#Comment_118750785

Thank you.

No, or otherwise I would have returned the favour in a heartbeat. We've been working together for two years and this person has never covered for me once, yet I've covered for them repeatedly (and willingly). When I was away for three weeks, a former colleague covered the entirety of my workload for me.

This particular guy asking for coverage me volunteered worked on a project of mine last year, messed up entirely and when was asked to rectify, he dropped me 24h before the deadline saying: "I don't have time for this, I'm too busy, sorry", leaving me high and dry.

So yeah, that's where I get the sense of entitlement from.

BnB

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750620#Comment_118750620

Absolutely - End of story.

Mrs OBumble

Why would he be fully aware of your situation? GDPR means that unless he's your manager, all he is entitled to know is that you were out until X-date.

If he approaches you, just tell him to speak to your manager.

xzanti

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750807#Comment_118750807

Yeah, that sounds tricky. Could you speak to HR perhaps?

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750814#Comment_118750814

My manager told the team which is OK I don't care.

Diceicle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750620#Comment_118750620

This is the solution.

Your manager is there to step in if they want you to cover something specific from the list.

Though this sounds like its more about lack of empathy than workloads.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750831#Comment_118750831

I got back and was placed on a high priority project on my own right away on top of the projects that are still ongoing and some of my former manager's work. He, on the other hand, has just to regular day to day from what I've seen on his list. For me, the workload I have is just a lot at the moment and I'm battling with my concentration to get all this work done properly. I can't take on anything else, it would do them a disservice too. It's about both really.

I doubt he needs 4 people to cover for him. Generally, one person is sufficient. He simply doesn't know how to manage the coverage he's getting. He's assigning one person per task instead of having one person cover the entire workload or half.

kippy

Sounds like a very bad place to work being honest - just on the way the organisation has dealt with your bereavement.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750866#Comment_118750866

Yep. That's another story altogether, but I wholeheartedly agree.

I used to be the first person to offer help whenever someone requested assistance. It's been evidence in my performance review where it was pointed out by several stakeholders and managers. I would always be ready to absorb other people's work even if it meant doing a lot of overtime. It's the first time ever I'm doing some push back. I don't feel good about it, but I have to.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750785#Comment_118750785

It is work. Hardly a favour.

Jequ0n

No disrespect OP, but are you sure you should be back in work? If you are struggling with your workload and concentration then I doubt your colleague is the biggest problem here.

You can’t expect people to be empathetic btw.

thefallingman

Hi Op, very sorry for your loss firstly it's not an experience i am looking forward too,

you were away for three weeks so perhaps this chap has been up to his eyes himself, is he your manager ? has he been directed to do this by a manager ? Basically i think you need to put down your workload on paper, and speak to your line manager and explain you can't get blood from a stone with proof of your current duties.

I would be careful how you word it though, as your initial posts do whiff a bit of entitlement so don't say it's because of him ect just say your workload is at full capacity, if that doesn't work perhaps you need to find a more suitable position that you can manage. Good luck

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751041#Comment_118751041

Thank you.

No, he has not. I have a schedule of all the projects across the year for our team. It was mostly me and someone else who got the big chunk. The managers are aware of my current workload since they're the ones assigning projects and know full-well which projects we're working on. I don't think it's a case where they don't know.

I sent the email yesterday and simply said I unfortunately do not have capacity to provide coverage at this time and offered to discuss with the manager if need be. It was met with silence. Of course, I wasn't going to express myself the way I did in this thread. I'm just writing my thoughts on here.

TheGlossy

I don't think I should change jobs just because I've hit a wall this time due to a personal trauma. I've never had an issue with working 12 hours a day and always managed to absorb workload. I don't think me temporarily struggling mentally due to a death is cause for a job change because I "can't cope". Anyone who has ever experienced an immediate death knows it's a long process.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118750866#Comment_118750866

Three weeks bereavement leave, you'd be hard pressed to find many places that would give that. Outside issues are not the employers problem.

thefallingman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751144#Comment_118751144

For what it's worth i think you've done the right thing, my managers lean on the ones that do all the work aswell(back handed compliment from them), and let the wfhomers do f all it is very annoying for me anyway, and the thing is they dont care what's going on in your life, the older i get i realize noone does. Best of luck anyway i hope it gets easier for you over time

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751539#Comment_118751539

I went on sick leave. It wasn't three weeks of bereavement leave. I only got three days of actual bereavement leave.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751620#Comment_118751620

Paid sick leave or at your own expense?

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751578#Comment_118751578

That's it. I was told the management relied a lot of me because I "deliver above expectations and have a strong knowledge of processes". While it is very flattering, it is unfair because the workload is not adequately distributed at all. I end up writing off about 40% of my salary with all the unpaid overtime I do. That's a different matter altogether, but there is a strong and very evident imbalance. There are people in my team who take 1h break in the morning and 1h in the afternoon (not including lunch) when I work overtime. It says it all.

kippy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751539#Comment_118751539

It's not really about the leave. The OP's organisation actively added to their workload while they were away and doesn't seem to have provided any/much support on their return. Maybe I am being harsh but on the facts presented as they are, I wouldn't be too eager to hang around and/or go over and above to help the employer as an employee.

Outside issues not being the employers problem might be true in the black and white world of textbooks but these outside issues can effect the employee and good employers have ways of dealing with this or helping their employees through difficult times. Preloading them up with work while they are away (particularily on a close bereavement) isn't a good look.

Jequ0n

So your issue is with management and the lack of resource planning such as backups.

Your main issue with your colleague seems to be that he didn’t offer you his condolences, which is just bizarre. Other than that he sounds like he is trying to manage the poorly managed backup process while he will be on leave.

You should really discuss these issues with your manager so this can be changed going forward.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751722#Comment_118751722

Thank you!

This is what I was trying to express the whole time. You perfectly expressing what has been going through my mind since I returned.

This is why I don't agree with the posts calling me "entitled" when it really isn't the case. It's not about co-workers sending me their condolences or acting as my therapists.

TheGlossy

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TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751733#Comment_118751733

Where the heck did I say my issue is that he didn't provide me with condolences? You're severely extrapolating here. Nothing to do with condolences. What a ridiculous assumption.

Do you think I have time to worry about random people giving me their condolences? I'm not sure if you've ever experienced a death in your life, but if you have, you should know this type of stuff is at the bottom of a grieving person's list of priorities. I've better things to worry about at this moment than to count how many condolences I got. I'm trying to keep my head above water here.

Zeek12

I would say the colleague is being unreasonable, first off.

Who needs FIVE people to cover their space - for just three days off? Sounds fairly unrealistic. And the OP already made it clear they were unavailable for backup anyway because of other workload commitments.

But OP, there are clearly issues here with managing the workload assignments. And out of office cover too. From a team manager standpoint that has to be managed and addressed or you'll forever be stuck in a loop with this type of thing, irrespective of the bereavement situation.

If you genuinely feel this is not something you can take further with management, for your own sake you may need to consider moving elsewhere. Jobs market is quite healthy right now in many sectors.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Liberty_Bear

When I have my staff who come to me and say they are swamped I sit down and go "what have you got on hand and what can we do". I did a time in motion study so know roughly how long each task approx takes and I will give them cover or re assign where needed. Can you take stock of the tasks you have, do a rough calculation of why everything will take you as long as it does and just say that you cannot but in the future that if work allows you will dig out where needed. This gives you both a way to save face (by giving what tasks you have and why you dont have time) but also the reconciliatory nature of helping in future shows you have a degree of flexibility. You suffered a bereavement (sorry to hear about that), maybe there might be some grief just adding to the mix. Just take care of yourself and hope you get back on your feet soon x

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751855#Comment_118751855

You have mentioned his lack of empathy, and how inappropriate it is to load work on a grieving employee etc etc. Cant remember the actual phrasing in op before the edit. You are back in work, and it is not your colleagues job to manage your situation.

Your issue is with management and not with this colleague, so stop wasting your energy on him…

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751919#Comment_118751919

As I said, I'm not asking for him to manage my situation. This is not it at all. You missed the point.

Pistachio19

Sorry for your loss. It's bad enough going back to work after a bereavement without having to deal with this. I'd just ignore his emails. You've already told him you cant cover any of his workload so there's no need to repeat yourself. Take it that he just hasn't bothered to remove you from the mailing list of people he's asking to cover for him.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751871#Comment_118751871

That's a good idea, but trust me, they will never do this. I addressed the workload situation during my performance review last year. Their response was: "We acknowledge that but you're very familiar with the processes and deliver adequately so we rely on you a lot at the moment" then proceeded to add more work on me. This type of conversation only works when your management is receptive.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751949#Comment_118751949

Thats a tough situation to be in. I asked them when they did it before what they wanted me to slow down on

pjdarcy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751949#Comment_118751949

"We acknowledge that...you deliver adequately..." Ouch. I'd be looking for a new role after a review like that tbh.

P.S. sorry for your loss OP

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118752003#Comment_118752003

He didn't use the word "adequately". I changed the word purposefully because I don't want to seem like I'm "bragging". I just used a more "neutral" term for the purpose of the discussion on the forum. He used a far more positive word during the actual review.

Besides, if he had actually used the term "adequately" yet said they heavily rely on me because of this, then I wouldn't dare to image the level of delivery provided by the other employees who are not trusted with this amount of work.

28064212

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118751651#Comment_118751651

40% unpaid overtime? It certainly does say it all. It says that you're a chump who can be relied on to cover other people's failings and say nothing. That any time management need to patch a resource hole, they'll just get you to take on more work. That they don't actually have to do any management of problem employees.

It does say it all, you're just not listening to what is being said.

bucketybuck

If you are the best performer, they rely heavily on you and dump all the work on you, then are you demanding recompense for that? Are you prepared to move on elsewhere if they don't reward you for this?

The whole bereavement and co-worker thing appears to be a red herring in all of this, it probably doesn't help you to have them be part of the discussion.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118756215#Comment_118756215

Yeah, I agree. I only gathered that in the last few weeks. I didn't realize it at first, but last year was absolutely horrendous. I couldn't even take any annual leave because they kept piling work on me and I had a different deadline to meet every week. I remember asking for one day to have a long-weekend last year, I was told "no" when the rest of the team all took off that the same time that same week. Last year, I only took 15 days annual leave. It's insanity, especially if you're working 12 hours day + weekends. They're trying to do more with less.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118756231#Comment_118756231

I was told I would get promoted this year, except the managers who wanted to put my promotion forward have now left the company. I can't even trust the promotion promise, because it could be a carrot dangled over my head to get me to absorb some more work. This therefore brings me back to square one because any new manager would not have any visibility over my previous work and commitment.

I have started looking for a new job, but I got rejected everywhere. I'm probably getting one rejection per day at the moment. I even applied for an internal role and got rejected within 3 days with a generic email (even though I had the required background). So right now, it is very much status quo.

The bereavement "thing" is very much an important component. They never should have piled work on me behind my back during my sick leave without discussing with me first. What are the other people doing? It's not appropriate when it was crystal clear why I went on sick leave. I'm not trying to use bereavement as an excuse to do less work, not at all, but the truth is a grieving employee is a lot less efficient. Additionally, they knew full well I was working 12 hours day before my bereavement, so any additional workload would just lead to more unpaid overtime. Do you really think a grieving employee wants to work overtime? I have external responsibilities resulting from this death (not their business, sure), but they can't expect me to work unpaid overtime at this time.

Unfortunately, all the ad-hoc projects cannot be completed during business hours as I'm already swamped, so they need to be done during overtime. If you can't fit all your workload into your business hours then there's a problem, no employee should be assigned projects that they can only work on during overtime.

Flinty997

What they are doing is paying you less per hour the more work you do.

You need to think about that.

TheGlossy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118760790#Comment_118760790

Oh trust me, I think about that every day when I'm writing off paid hours with unpaid hours.

Just yesterday, I started at 9am and finished at 8pm.

Flinty997

That's company culture. Only one way to change that. Change job.