Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Liberty_Bear

Happened to read Mens Aid today as I was looking for info on something for a friend. The website carried a statistic that alarmed me

1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence

1 in 6 men will suffer 'severe domestic violence'

The number of calls they recieved during the pandemic is staggering - an increase of 5,000 in 2020 to 8,000 in 2021.

https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-40776516.html

"The support service for male victims of domestic violence has recorded a 60% increase in calls in the past year.

Men’s Aid revealed that approximately 8,000 contacts to the service were received since January 1, 2021 — up from just over 5,000 in 2020.

Chief executive of Men’s Aid, Kathrina Bentley, said the majority of abusers in the 8,000 cases were women — accounting for 94%."

Then today I read about the opening of new refuge service around the country for victims. The language used was quite interesting - it was going to be for families and statistically while women are mentioned, I couldnt help thinking men seem to be forgotten about in this melee. With no real male refuge open (Mens Aid website reports) you would hope that this would be a game changer and that things would improve.

Are things changing?

BaywatchHQ

This sort of thing will only increase with all the extreme feminists about. They would get off on abusing men. There are some up sides to being a bachelor.

Cookie_Monster

I'm confused. only 14% of men will experience DV but 16% will experience severe DV

how can the second be higher than the first?

Quality

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118644615#Comment_118644615

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118644539#Comment_118644539

you Deserve a clatter with that stupid comment

freshpopcorn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118644589#Comment_118644589

I'd guess 1 in 7 men will experience it and of them a 1/6 will experience severe domestic violence.

thefallingman

it's the mental abuse with women more than violence in my opinion, most men i know are afraid of their life to even have an opinion around their other half, i mean ask yourself in all the couples you know, who is the boss ? It's hardly ever the man, like Baywatch above, There are some up sides to being a bachelor.

zv2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645209#Comment_118645209

Dispelling Myth of Male Dominated Abuse Against Women - YouTube

Liberty_Bear

Mate that link is pure thrash

Statistics show its mainly women affected.

Ray Palmer

Women are much more likely to use coercive control in a relationship which is often ignored as domestic abuse. How many men are told they aren't allowed do something or break friendships due to their female partner. It is played for laughs quite often.

I know 2 men who had partners intentionally get pregnant against the will of the men. You can joke about they were not forced to have sex but they were told and believed the women were taking contraception and they were in relationships. One didn't want any children ever and the other didn't really either but said maybe in the future. Men have been charged with rape for interfering with contraception.

So it worked out in one relationship as he got used to the idea and accepted it what she did and forgave her

The other is a disaster, they hate each other and she uses the child as bargaining chip often not letting him see the child. He is very honest that he never wanted children but this is his child and he wants to be in her life.

That is bad enough but what I found worse was when talking to my mother she saw no issue with it and so did some of my female friends. Their view was women have limited time and if the guy doesn't want children that doesn't really matter due to the ticking time bomb.

Gant21

Are all these men or women who identify as men just to clarify.

BrianD3

Society/the herd/women do not and never will care about domestic abuse of men. Society abhors "weak" men, it's similar with mental health and no amount of Darkness Into Light or advising men to open up about their issues changes those primal instincts.

If criticism and verbal humiliation are included in the definition of abuse, a large percentage of men in relationships experience it.

The problem is that women want badasses who tick all the boxes. Most men are far from being badass but women's eggs aren't going to fertilise themselves - so they "settle" and then resent their partner, niggling at him for not being good enough.

How many TV ads make a joke put of "useless" men, dopey dads etc. Abuse of men is endemic in society. Men are also routinely mocked for things they have zero control over such as height.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118644539#Comment_118644539

Second post and straight in with this.

I spent some time looking into the Men's Rights thing and it's nothing more than a group of angry men who hate feminists. You'll never see these people lobby for better access to therapy for depression, volunteer to help men with issues or anything like that. It's solely about hating feminists (and sometimes women in general as well).

My Damascene moment came when I was following a men's rights group on Facebook based here in the UK. A woman was trying to set up a Men's Shed. Every so often, she'd post about assembling things, dealing with the council, getting premises and the like. Not one of the angry little men moaning about nonsense bothered to help her in any way. Not one.

EmmetSpiceland

Strong bang of “Current Affairs” off this one.

Same crowd who bleat on about the over representation of people of colour on tv ads are now trying to make out that men are the “real victims”, once again.

Greater policing of, and stronger sentences for, perpetrators of domestic abuse, both male and female, would be great but, let’s face it, the women’s prisons won’t be the ones filling up fast.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645209#Comment_118645209

I'm very lucky in that my other half hasn't a cruel nasty bone in her body but there are a minority of women who would strip paint with their acid tongue

Sonics2k

A new record for boards.ie, it took two posts to blame Feminists for men suffering from domestic violence.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645619#Comment_118645619

It's about the narrative and public perception that has been created by feminist ideologues, that men are always the abusers, this leaves men who suffer abuse marginalised socially and reluctant to reach out ,add to that the man's spouse can claim it was he who was committing the abuse and the instinct of authorities will be to believe her ,police are influenced by this feminist created narrative too . Every police force is rife with political influences

zv2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645437#Comment_118645437

Yes, people talk all the time about how men should 'be vulnerable' and all that namby pamby stuff. Women like strong men. So do men. And men like to be strong. I don't see anything wrong with that. And because men are strong or supposed to be they are not likely to report domestic violence to other men. He'd feel like a pushover. Domestic violence against men is not as visible because it is not usually physical, it is psychic/psychological/emotional so you can't photograph it and go to the police with physical evidence. Men attack the body, women attack the mind and soul. Men need to be able to identify violence because a lot of them don't realize what is happening. He says 'she's a psycho'. She's not a psycho, she knows exactly what she is doing.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645544#Comment_118645544

Women's "prison" hahaha.

Dochas Centre

Prisoners are accommodated in seven separate houses with each house accommodating ten to twelve people except for one called Cedar which can accommodate eighteen women. The pre-release centre called Phoenix accommodates women in private rooms or in self-contained studio apartments. Inmates live in en-suite rooms with keys to their rooms meaning they can move about relatively freely. Houses are locked at 7.30pm with all the women in the prison being locked into their rooms at that time except for women in Cedar and Phoenix Houses. Houses and rooms are unlocked at 7.30am. Prisoners organise their own breakfasts in the kitchens of the houses and eat lunch with prison staff in the dining room with an evening meal being served in the dining room at 5pm. Each house has a kitchen/dining room with sitting room facility which contains a television and reading material.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645517#Comment_118645517

Dismissing men's groups just as feminist groups were dismissed in the past as just angry.

There are certainly legitimate concerns for equal rights for men and the narrative in media. Look at the Johnny Depp situation and the absolute mess made. We have an abusive person using the narrative against men to abuse some more.

If people don't see an issue with the education system where male students grades are constantly going down and less and less men are becoming teachers, we have a problem. It would not be tolerated if it was the other way around but it is passed off as female students are more mature and study better. It is amazing that it is ignored

zv2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645331#Comment_118645331

Different studies show different results. But how do you measure violence? How do you measure psychological abuse? How do you prove years of carefully calculated malice? When coercive control is included the numbers for men jump dramatically Domestic Violence Against Men · NCDV

Most of the domestic violence I am aware of is against men. But I can't show you photographs of it because it doesn't register on film.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645722#Comment_118645722

What are you doing about it?

AyeGer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645209#Comment_118645209

That has occurred to me recently enough too, I was thinking of a number of couples I know and it’s the men who need to ask permission to do something or go on a night out or a day away, it’s the men afraid to buy something for themselves without running it past the wife. I see these men getting a dressing down from the wife in front of others in public. I see wives who are clearly the boss more often than vice versa. Plenty of equal partnerships and the odd one where the man wears the trousers. But it is an eye opener all the same.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645765#Comment_118645765

What do you care you just dismiss it? Do I only have the option to ignore them or join them?

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645864#Comment_118645864

I'll take that as a "nothing".

zv2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645771#Comment_118645771

That happens because men often don't understand how control and manipulation and semantics work.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645910#Comment_118645910

Yeah you dismiss because you can't engage. No different from the women who fought against women's rights. Lack of solidarity with men is part of the problem and that would be you in this case

zedhead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645771#Comment_118645771

I also think of how many men expect this sort of behaviour and think its the norm. I have had colleagues who were shocked that I "let" my partner do certain things - like plan a night out last minute and leave me home alone. Or letting him have female friends. Not checking his phone. I was so surprised by how many of the men thought all of that behaviour was part and parcel of being in a relationship. Its definitely dangerous but it all of these stereotypes that are considered to be the norm foster a society where abuse goes unnoticed/ignored. I would be mortified if my husband felt like he needed to ask my permission to do something.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646076#Comment_118646076

To clarify, I dismissed the angry men on the internet, not men's issues. Nice bit of gaslighting there.

Anyway, since you've no interest in anything beyond outrage, I'll leave it there.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646115#Comment_118646115

I didn't gaslight but there you show toxic masculinity in that you have to put down others to feel your point is valid. Where you actually made up a narrative about me unlike me pointing out what you said. I am not outraged just think it is sad how men can't show solidarity which you illustrated perfectly.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646139#Comment_118646139

Men aren't a hive mind. I'm allowed my own opinion last time I checked. Solidarity is much more than meaningless likes and thumbs up on the internet. It's real work which angry men on the internet have zero interest in.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646150#Comment_118646150

Yet when you said you will leave it there you couldn't. Have your own opinions all you like without putting others down. This shows you are the angry man. You probably don't understand this given what you have said. I will leave it there

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646173#Comment_118646173

He’s not the one coming across as angry, at all, pal.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646115#Comment_118646115

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646115#Comment_118646115

youre the one " gas lighting "

dismissing those who raise issues as mere " angry men "

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646512#Comment_118646512

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118644539#Comment_118644539

that is what was dismissed and rightly so. a post you thanked not unsurprisingly.

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646512#Comment_118646512

Not just angry men, angry LITTLE men.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646536#Comment_118646536

the current narrative in terms of how the male - female dynamic functions within the context of spousal abuse whereby its assumed that abuse is always committed by the male is one which was created by feminist ideologues , Im not angry about anything , im marrying a very kind hearted and gentle woman

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646865#Comment_118646865

the post was complete bollox. that it was the first response makes it even more so.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646865#Comment_118646865

It's perfectly reasonable to be angry about male issues, Male domestic abuse is a serious and underappreciated thing.

It's not in anyway productive to be angry that "extreme feminists" don't recognise this, or are putting out a different "narrative".

People who conflate these two positions (like the second poster here) are not being good advocates for male issues, they are leading to counter-productive balkanisation within interested parties.

It's perfectly possible to criticise holders of the latter position while supporting the former, which is what posters in this thread seem to be trying to do by attacking the second post.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646957#Comment_118646957

if you wont accept that a dominant narrative exists surrounding this area , we can only hope youre mind opens a little , calling other views " bollox" seems to be the height if youre understanding

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647127#Comment_118647127

Extreme femists...who get off on abusing men

yeah, total bollox.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646536#Comment_118646536

Find it very telling that “certain” posters aren’t trotting out the ‘any of the male victims of domestic abuse I know just want to get on with their lives and ignore all the nonsense’ line.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647155#Comment_118647155

not the point that was made but seeing as you enjoy building strawmen , knock yourself out

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647160#Comment_118647160

yeah. Woman gets raped on a night out: her own fault

men on the receiving end of domestic abuse : is the extreme feminists fault.

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647170#Comment_118647170

that is what the post says. I used the same words. that was exactly the point made.

The J Stands for Jay

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646150#Comment_118646150

You'd want to be pretty brave to do anything overtly in that space

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647180#Comment_118647180

Actually go back and read what was posted and you will see it was me he was dismissing and gaslighted not the post you think. You made a mistake.

ohnonotgmail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647587#Comment_118647587

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645517#Comment_118645517

note the mention of "second post"

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118647652#Comment_118647652

So? The response you are reply to was to my post not the second post. Go look. He accused me of gaslighting when it was him. You weren't/aren't responding to the "second post" or a comment on it

anewme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118645605#Comment_118645605

What's your point here?

There are a minority of men who do likewise.

Maybe you might think they are being cutting, but maybe they cant stand people going on about WOKE all the time. That would fry your last nerve, man or woman.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118648248#Comment_118648248

Pretty sure the point is that no matter what you're annoyed by, the answer is not emotional abuse. Considering this thread is specifically about domestic abuse of males being under recognised as an issue you saying "men do it too" is less than helpful.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118648248#Comment_118648248

anyone with an ounce of sense knows full well that both men and women can be extremely verbally abusive but throwing the obvious fact in during a discussion about male victims of domestic violence is designed purely to muddy the waters