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Stay with my wife or divorce her and run

  • 03-02-2022 8:49pm
    Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    I have been married for 17 years and in a relationship for 26. Me and my wife have seven kids all grown up and have children of their own. I'm slightly overweight and wouldn't be the most attractive but my wife has let her self go a bit too since we first got together. However I have no problem with this, it's my wife who says I don't do it for her anymore and I am not the man she onces loved. I haved worked for 32 years and never went a week without handing over most of my wages and doing things I didn't want to and spending it on renovations and furniture we didn't need. She has never seemed happy but still, I never complained. She recently told me she has found a new lover but she still wants to stay married. I was heartbroken but I went along with it. Now this week she tells me that he has become homeless and she now wants to move him into my home and for me to sleep in our children's old room. She doesn't want me to move out as she can't afford the house on her own and thinks I should be grown up enough to do it for the children however she is making me not tell the children because she doesn't want me to upset them or end our marriage. If you where in this situation what would you do? Should I leave the house to stop the trouble or what should I do. My children will be devastated and I don't want to do that to them? I would genuinely love some advice because I haven't a clue what to do.

    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on



  • Registered Users Posts: 34,623 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde

    Is it that easy to hand someone divorce papers,? Must take time and money Shirley ?

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    I haven't a clue about that man only that he's even 30 yet I'm not aware of an exact age, I don't know if he has other lovers only that 30 odd euros comes from my account for his God damn x box live whatever that is. We haven't been intimate I'm 3 years and now she has partner I think it's more than a phase. So you honestly think I should stay here and demand she move out and that wouldn't be a scumbag thing to do? I loved this women with every part of my heart iv never even kissed another woman's neck never mind anything else. The thought of her not being in my life when I wake up is stomach turning and if I kicked her out I will never have that feeling of happiness again.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    I'm affraid to even look into it. I have contracts running untill 2026 so I can't even just get up and go.

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    A part of me would love that but I have business contracts that won't be fulfilled for another 4 years and being away from the grandchildren that long wouldn't be something I could not do. I live for those kids. And I don't really want them thinking Ill of there grandmother if it comes out either. But I think divorce seems like the only option. I was genuinely thinking about letting this man live under my **** roof because I didn't want to hurt anybody.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 38 VelaSupernova

    If you don't leave her, she is going to leave you. It's cooked man, sorry for your troubles but you have the rest of your life to lead and do on from now on your own terms.

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    I get charges from Microsoft all the time but I thought this was because of the work accounts. But this makes sense because the work accounts are separate to my own personal cards so if he buys something is that what my charges are? I have never clicked because it's small amounts like 15 euro and 25 or 10 a couple of times a month the last four years.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,533 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    Did you try pepper yet?

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    Look I don't even know how I let myself get to the point in life where I allowed my wife to have sex with another man and still give her money every week . I would of have slagged someone in the boat as myself 20 years ago. I asked her why I was getting x box charges I assumed it was it was the grandchildren and she told me not to ask her about that part of her life as it's private. I have gotten to the point in life where I just felt I deserved all this because I want enough of a man for her. Its been drilled into my head day in day out.

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    Is this a joke or are you being serious. If it's a joke please don't. I can't listen to people making a punchline out if my life

  • Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭opendoors

    I suppose having someone who smiles when I walk in the door wouldn't be a bad thing to see everyday. Maybe I have just been holding onto what we had instead of what we have. It's a horrible position to be out in I never in my wildest dreams imagine this would happen to me

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,533 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    Sorry, I had posted on the wrong thread. I think.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,983 ✭✭✭JoChervil

    So you honestly think I should stay here and demand she move out and that wouldn't be a scumbag thing to do?

    She is a scumbag doing it to you. You did nothing wrong. I would make a family meeting and discuss it all with your kids. You seem to be a very soft person, so you need a support in it. You still will have your family.

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,687 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes

    A good counselling session on your own to iron out your thoughts and feelings might be very good for you. An appointment with GP might not go amiss as you are possibly feeling anxiety and depression also. GP can recommend a counsellor.

    Do you love your wife AND her lover? I doubt it, sounds like you are under a lot of stress because of work, and guilt feelings if you move on. Your children and grandchildren will still adore you as long as you love them back and are there for them as always, and I am sure you will be.

    It takes a while to unravel a lifetime of partnership, however this one has run its course and you appear to be used and manipulated big time.

    Time to put the big boy jocks on and get some professional advice from counselling and a solicitor and try to move on and reclaim control of your life. Not easy, but the future looks bleak if you allow her to arrange your life according to her needs. The absolute cheek of her, I am speechless.

    Wishing you all the best.

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,882 ✭✭✭Caranica

    You need to be living separately for two years to apply for a divorce. That can be under the same roof. It's not something you can just decide to do and serve papers.

  • Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭Green Finers

    She is a whore and slut.

    Old Magdalene laundrie bring it back.


    Warning given for breach of forum charter

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,842 ✭✭✭SouthWesterly

    Someone I know let his wife bring her boyfriend Into the house with him and his young kids.

    It broke him. He's got a new home and the other fella is still with the ex in the home he paid for.

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,605 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith

    Posters are reminded that this is Relationship Issues - if you cannot give advice without name calling or meet the standard of posting expected here, please do not post

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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,434 ✭✭✭FGR

    Best of luck OP - I think you're doing the right thing telling the children. She's trying to shift the blame onto you and hold your conscience hostage for hurting them. In reality she's the one causing all of the hurt and the kids will understand that when you tell them. It may even take showing them the proof as it sounds so unbelievable.

This discussion has been closed.