No friends

Pauliedragon

I was a bit like u OP. I lived abroad pretty much straight from school and came back in my late 30's and was quite lonely. I then met the most wonderful person nearly 2 years ago and we are the the best of friends today. It was pure coincidence we met just bumped into each other by the local bus stop and got chatting. These things can happen. There's people out there for u to meet.

YellowLead

You’re not alone OP! I feel like I’m in the same boat - last 2 years have made it hard to meet people. I’ve made guy friends from dating apps but what I need is more female friends. The ones I have are married or in relationships so meeting up isn’t a frequent thing and deffo not spontaneous - kinda have to schedule weeks in advance.

im going to try go to a meet up.com event next weekend if I find one! I’ve been trying to join a tennis club but they all want you to be proposed and seconded by current members.

It can be easy to feel like you’re the only one but I bet there are loads on people in their mid to late 30s and over who who lack close friendships.

laoisgem

Would it be a good thing to have a forum or a thread where people could connect (not sure if there already is), and people consent to PM etc. Maybe even if somebody likes your post you know they're interested in getting to know you more?

notAMember

Join clubs or societies. Or gave some babies. :D

honestly I had a few weird experiences at in my 30’s in a new city where I would go along to birthday drinks, and made some friends through a few routes, night classes etc. But at least twice I heard comments like “I already have friends, don’t need any more” from people that age when groups were arranging get togethers. They were friends with people they met in school and the door was closed in their heads to add any more.

Some people close up that way. But, plenty of others are open to it and I’ve made friends as I live in other cities through casual night classes, book clubs, wine clubs, gardening clubs, sports clubs.

and when/ if babies appear, the parents of your child’s friends can become friends too.

unhappycamper30

But i dont live in Dublin city so meet ups can be tricky to get to

Tork

If your attitude is as negative as it appears to be, then no, you won't be making any friends. You're just coming up with excuses now. Nobody is saying that it's going to be easy but it is doable if you make the effort. It might mean having to travel a bit if you're out in the countryside but that's par for the course for everybody in a similar boat. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing within reasonable distance of your home that isn't worth a try.

hopgirl

I am in the same boat. I have two close friends, one which I would go out with for birthdays or celebrations and other I would call for visit rather than go out. As she doesn't go out. Both are married with children while I am a single mum to one child. I feel I lost myself the last few years. I have joined mmeetup.combut the closest meet ups are over hour drive each way. That doesn't help for nights out as its too far away.

Deregos.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118562889#Comment_118562889

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118550791#Comment_118550791

Ah Baywatch, I'm sending you a huge, big virtual hug.

OP, a lot of us appear to be in the same boat as you regarding our lack of friends, infact, this conversation actually gives me some small solace that maybe I'm not the complete, socially anxious oddball I'm always berating myself for being.

Good friends are hard found & hard kept.

unhappycamper30

Yes i taught i was the only one in this situation, shocked to see so many people are in the same boat, dont feel as bad now, and moving foward i will take all the advice on board, looking at joining an excercise class in my area, so thanks a million everybody this has being a great help.

unhappycamper30

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118550854#Comment_118550854

That totally put a smile on my face :)

Liberty_Bear

Bumble has an option to look for friends, worth a go

gary550

Meh, sort of in the same boat myself.

I've 1 good friend, lots of "friends" who I interact with occasionally (mostly at their convenience when I'm needed) and some acquaintances. I've some friends through business than I know will help at the drop of a hat for business but it most certainly doesn't go beyond that.

I'm probably blessed with the fact I've a good relationship with immediate family, if not for them I'd imagine I could feel quite isolated at times.

I think people like me (and many others in this thread) are their own worst enemy in the fact there there is no proactivity in looking, I've never ever been proactive in looking for friends anyway. I felt very alone in my late teens/twenty's but it's all but worn off, I am kept busy with business, life, hobbies etc so don't really feel it now other than maybe the odd Saturday night/weekend when you've nobody.

I'm single too which I'd imagine being in a relationship might relieve the occasional bout of loneliness but in my opinion being in a relationship just to stave off loneliness is an awful decision and will probably introduce more problems than anything. I'd also link the the lack of relationship and my lack of good friends - I.E I'm not very proactive in looking!!

There is some good idea's on here though on where to start!

YellowLead

Thanks I didn’t know this - have you used it? It feels weird swiping for friends on a dating app as that’s what my pro like is set up for, but I’ll give it a try :)

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118550791#Comment_118550791

If you never feel a part of the world, then carve your own niche buddy. Wishing I could give you a massive hug and get you out for a coffee.

Incels have a different view of soceity than a lot of people, just be careful you dont fall into thinking that the world is against you, you sound like you have a lot to offer the world . You are being open here, honest and extremely articulate...great qualities to have

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118550761#Comment_118550761

I know you might live in the country but you might need to change your motivational reasons and really give it a go. What are your interests?