Mens groups for friendship and socialising?

Danye

Hi lads,

Has anyone ever joined a “Mens Group” or “Mens Shed” or something similar?

What were your experiences of such groups?

Skippyme

That's not exactly inspiring is it ... not one reply.

It shows the state of the male psyche generally & the lack of value placed on genuine peer support i.e. friendship.

To answer your question, men can engage somewhat in these groups but tend to either be superficial, competitive, peacocking or fleeting.

Nowadays, men often lack decency, reliability or responsibility towards others / promises or relationships.

They think if they take care of themselves they are being responsible, however, they lack emotional intelligence & accountability.

They lean towards & onto TM, narcissism, distancing, ghosting & self absorption while trying to fake to make in other areas, until they build a structure & reputation concealing the truth. Image is king among men.

Furze99

Bit of a vacuous reply. Yes some men get involved in mens sheds etc for the social outlet. Others just engage with friends, neighbours, relatives etc.

Most are not interested in boasting or obsessing about it on social media though. That's the difference.

Skippyme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157399#Comment_119157399

I didn't say they all boast on social media - but they like to beat their chests or their own drum within their circle or new acquaintances.

This ego showcasing continues as the socialising does. Support is thin on the ground, & competition is thinly veiled.

Men also don't encourage guys that don't fit into the dynamic as much as women would to be an equal part of the group.

kerryjack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157336#Comment_119157336

Very true, I look back at my father's time on a small farm in South Kerry and the friends and neighbours he had and the hours they used to spend talking hanging off an old gate and they all had very little back than, everything was borrowed or made, now if you want something you buy it. It's sad really that we have become so well off that we don't need anyone anymore. If we need something done we pay someone to do it.

dontmindme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157336#Comment_119157336

Are you a man?

Skippyme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157595#Comment_119157595

Yes, indeed I am, but in case you are about to comment if I am too harsh on my own gender or exude negative vibes making it harder to relax into male cliques ... this man's ongoing experience & observation of " Mankind " has paid continuous witness.

Men usually want to assert & insert themselves into the highest position they are comfortable managing to maintain or scale up, so support is leveraged based on how it will benefit or reflect their ideas of furthering status or image.

Men let down our gender. Before you quote heroes that need to assert themselves in order to protect, defend & provide etc. ... isn't it usually men that cause wars, some male Leader decides to send in the troops to begin a war. Men conscript other men to do so.

This theme has continued in one form or another to the present day, men being afraid of getting shoved down, pushed out or put down over their manliness.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119158837#Comment_119158837

I find your attitude to be as toxic as the one you describe. You're lumping all men into one horrible cliché bucket and then dismissing them. Do you think that's helpful to the OP?

You sound like you're describing teenagers, most adult men grow out of the dick-measuring stage once they start to engage with society in their early twenties.

Certainly there are men who are egotistical, competitive and selfish like you describe. They're called assholes, and are not the sum total of the masculine population. This arrested development shouldn't be treated as the norm.

Yes some people don't understand friendship, don't want it and can't provide it, but there are plenty of others who are just normal grown men who will treat you as you treat them. They can become friends, they can become support, if you're willing to meet them halfway.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119158837#Comment_119158837

I've little idea what you're on about. You say 'Men let down our gender'??? What? I don't know any man that lets down their gender anymore than women that let down theirs. So called toxic masculinity is an label thrown about very loosely and simply doesn't apply to the vast majority of fellas just trying to get by in life and do what they can. As for wars, the women can be the greatest cheerleaders in getting their sons to sign up and off to the front.

Mens Sheds and the like are useful social outlets, so is helping the neighbour or family or friend.

paddylonglegs

I’m not sure if this still runs, but this looks like a great initiative to harvest good relationships within a male group. It seems like a younger mens shed.

https://www.thedublinboysclub.com/events

greenspurs

a man, that hates men ..... 🤔

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119158837#Comment_119158837

I can see why your experiences with men would be less than welcoming and negative.

It's not a reflection of men in general, it's a reflection of your attitude towards men.

I wouldn't react positively to an attitude like yours.

I certainly wouldn't want to socialise with someone who had such a negative and generalised view about any group based on their sex.

Do you do the same type of stereotyping when it comes to race? If not, why not?

iptba

‘I worry about what might happen if it ends’ – Men’s Shed forced to move

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/i-worry-about-what-might-happen-if-it-ends-mens-shed-forced-to-move-42304929.html

The group is part of a global movement that allows men to socialise and take part in a range of activities, including woodwork and crafts.

“These men come to the shed and they communicate with other shedders.

They play pool or cards, read the paper or have a coffee. There is a fabulous workshop and we are also able to keep fit,” Mr Conachy said.

The members can buy dinner too and enjoy meals of bacon, cabbage and potatoes and apple tart and custard for €3.

Maz2016

are men’s sheds generally aimed at those who have reached retirement age and upwards ? Or can men in 30’s/40’s etc join? Always been curious

Interesting101

I think once you are over 18 you can actually join but they tend to be more focused on older ages .

30/40s still tend to be more of Gym / GAA going folks

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228511/mens-groups-for-friendship-and-socialising

yup, proud member of a local mens shed, havent called into them in months though, just really busy, really recommend it, each shed has its own approach to what it is, ours is more a work shop than anything else, some are more socially orientated, some seriously talented lads involved, check out your local...

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120286446#Comment_120286446

...generally open to men of all ages, ours probably ranges from 20's all the way up, but the average age is probably 60's/70's....

Sheep Shagger

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119159633#Comment_119159633

Yup is still going, has done a few joint things with a new mens swim group called 'Blue Balls Ireland' which was created after the very successful Blue Balls Edinburgh group.

Both are on Instagram...they post meetup details there and there's a Whatsapp group. Whilst it started as a swim group you don't actually have to swim (they normally go to the 40ft), all are welcome.

iptba

The new boys’ clubs: ‘This isn’t a place for banter. Having fun is absolutely fine, but very often men deflect away from their feelings by making jokes’

From ice baths to mountain hikes, groups of men are coming together to shun toxic masculinity, banter and booze in favour of opening up about their mental health. We find out how they are using the therapeutic power of the great outdoors to create a safe space to share

https://www.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/mental-health/the-new-boys-clubs-this-isnt-a-place-for-banter-having-fun-is-absolutely-fine-but-very-often-men-deflect-away-from-their-feelings-by-making-jokes/a925890882.html

Discusses three groups.

It ends:

For more information, check https://www.thedublinboysclub.com/ , and @cruman.ie and @blueballsireland on Instagram

From section on Crúman:

“Male-to-male relationships are very important, but they are often forgotten about. How we relate to our fathers, brothers and friends is crucial to our wellbeing. But in Ireland, in particular, these have often been tied up in either drinking culture or sports culture, something to do with the GAA or rugby,” he says. “Some people aren’t interested in that, or don’t want to build their life around the pub and drinking, and I wanted to give them an outlet. Sometimes we grow in different directions from our friend groups and it can be very helpful to have an environment to get out and meet new people.”

Danye

Cheers for that. Unfortunately the article is behind a pay wall and the links aren’t working unfortunately.

gameoverdude

Never heard about it before. Just asked my wife and she did. She was hugely positive about it. I'm sold.

iptba

I had just copied article but I see there was an error so I’ve now fixed the first link. The other two are Instagram pages and presumably needed to be typed when in the Instagram app.

Sheep Shagger

The Blue Balls are sound lads, been to a few meet ups and would highly recommend.

Don't be shy....swimming/dipping isn't compulsory so don't let that put you off.