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How to get my money back from a (wealthy) friend.

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Comments

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 7,274 Mod ✭✭✭✭Raichu


    That's very little contact. Personally, I'd never pick up the phone in the middle of dinner. I figure if it's important, they'll call me back

    ah come off it. He knew exactly why the OP was ringing and that’s why he ignored him.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,873 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    I'd agree the OP should make much more contact with the guy to make sure they know they aren't going away.

    Going to the work seems a bit pointless. But going to the parents might get you your money back. It depends on what the goal is. If the goal is to teach the guy a lesson then going to his work might be a good idea. But if you just want the money back and the guy out of your life, then going to the parents and asking them to speak with him is more likely to result in the money being returned. They don't want their son getting a reputation as some kind of thief or untrustworthy character and he won't want his parent thinking of him like that so he might pay up - might not of course.

    But definitely start by contacting the guy and making sure he knows you're not going to forget about it.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Not my point at all. I'm just saying that the OP hasn't yet made sufficient effort to warrant escalating it into a legal situation. One ignored call is a very minor event and I don't think the OP has been clear enough that this is serious.



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,022 ✭✭✭blackbox


    I'll add that I bet this guy also owes money to loads of other people.

    It won't matter to him which is the oldest debt. He will only pay the ones that make his life harder than not paying them.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Jasus what a cock and bull story with the atm card- would have been just as easy for him to do that himself (like any normal wound have done). As for ordering the lamps for him? Wtf. Go set up your own account and get your own bloody lamps. Crazy



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  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    I can see this guy will move to blocking your number next op. Hasn’t the first notion of paying you back, never had. May have to get dirty here like goods in lieu of the value of your “loans”.

    For now I’d keep on the soft pressure with the slight chance he may relent and pay you back. See what happens after that



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    As for “all three of the were looking at me”? Again wtf. You don’t even know these people and they were working for your “friend”, not you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,920 ✭✭✭3DataModem


    OP, just to let you know how these people operate (subconsciously).

    He will ignore and ignore as much as possible, then push you to the point of doing something rash (going to place of work, contacting his family, showing up at night) and then use that as an excuse never to pay you. He will never, ever, give it a moments thought.



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie


    Next thing is to send a text:

    "Hey Bob, I need that €500 back by tomorrow (€100 for the lamps and the €400 I gave your builders in cash on date x). Will I call over after work or do you want to drop it to me here?"

    At least that way there is a record of how much, and what for, and it sets the expectation of when you want it. Do not start spinning any lines such as "I need it for blah blah". Just leave it at "I need it tomorrow", no explanations, and don't get drawn into explaining yourself. If he doesn't respond, just turn up at his house and knock on the door. If he starts saying he'll have it next week or some other time, point out that it's been a month, you need it now, and suggest he call his parents and ask them to tide him over if it's "only" going to be a few days. Stand there while he phones them, and offer to go over to them yourself.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I imagine the OP is now looking back over his "friendship" realising there was something always a little off about his "friend". You don't suddenly ghost a friend after riding him for €500 without other signs down through the years.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    He was quick enough to send the “friend” off to the atm to pay for his builders. So I See no reason why the same arrangement can’t be replicated now. Unless of course he’ll pretend “he hasn’t got the money, broken atm card, will get it tomorrow, gets paid next week” or any dozen or so excuses you care to think of



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    I think the “friend” saw him coming a mile off. “never a lender or a borrower be”….



  • Registered Users Posts: 23,198 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    If be sending heavies around and If they needed the full amount for their services, it wouldn't bother me.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    I’d defo consider it too if and when the softly soft approach fails. “Goods in lieu of loan”



  • Registered Users Posts: 983 ✭✭✭Pinoy adventure


    Get his parents too pay it.

    if that doesn’t work arrive at his work place and demand payment.kick up a fuss.

    the guy is a tosser not your friend



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high




  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    I think the time for texting is long passed. This is an in person matter



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,703 ✭✭✭abff


    Good luck getting the money back. I’d say your chances are pretty slim, but keep trying.

    Many, many years ago, I was friendly with a guy I worked with (we had been in school together) and I found out he had been borrowing money from all and sundry. I was sitting in the front room of my parents’ house when I saw him coming down the street. He called in and asked me had I any cash on me. I told him no and then he asked had I got my cheque book handy. I told him that I had, but that there would be no use writing a cheque for him as I had no money in my account. He went away empty handed. He subsequently did a runner owning money to loads of people.

    Your ‘friend’ sounds like he’s cut from the same cloth. Do you have any large, menacing looking friends you could bring with you to pay him a visit? I think that’s probably your best chance of extracting something from him, but he may not be in a position to pay you back in which case you may just have to write it off to experience.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,873 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Ah, this is Walter Mitty stuff.

    Does anyone know what's a reasonable amount of contact the op could make without risking the friend turning it around to look like harassment? Would 3 texts and one in person call to the house each week be too much, for example?



  • Registered Users Posts: 23,198 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    You.may say that but hard line is only thing these cowards know.

    The op isn't comfortable confronting him it seems so texts just won't get anywhere.

    Get a few unknown friends to call round or get a debt recovery company.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 23,198 ✭✭✭✭mickdw




  • Registered Users Posts: 3,287 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    Any updates from the OP on this?

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,339 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Borrow something without asking, what are friends for



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,232 ✭✭✭TooTired123


    You’re never getting that money back. Sorry, you’ll just have to write it off. But that shouldn’t stop you from blackening his name and absolutely stalking him all over his SM and any other communication device day and night until you get bored. Tell absolutely everyone you meet about this.

    I knew a woman, separated mother of 3, who owed €1000s in stolen and borrowed money as well as property damage. She absolutely refused to even attempt to pay anyone back. She decided to just brazen it out. She lost all her friends eventually and ended up almost isolated from the rest of society. She’s now semi estranged from her now grown kids and her widowed father. Madness.



  • Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Ferm001


    Go to his door when you know he’s in and demand money for next day.

    when he doesn’t give it, call with his parents about your concern for their poor son, and that you think he maybe in financial trouble with some unsavoury characters, and that you loaned him money to help him out. Say he seem unable to pay it and your worried about him.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,873 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    If the OP is going to speak to the parents then that's a very good angle to take. Great chance of getting their money back through the parents at least. Well, the not a great chance of getting the money back at all - very low chance through the friend but surely higher through the parents.

    At this stage, I'd only be concerned about getting my money back. Friendship is over. Might as well get their money back if at all possible.



  • Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Curious1002


    I got so many superb ideas here. You are the voice of reason and you explored all possibilities and avenues that this case could go to. Thanks for that.

    So I texted him on Monday lunch time this:

    "Hi Jamie, hope you are ok, although long time no see or hear. It's been a longer while now, over 2 months, since I brought you the lamps for €100 and lent you the €400 for the roofers so can you please arrange the return of my €500 by the end of this week? I can come over to you tomorrow evening, if it's easier, or if you prefer, you can make a bank transfer. Here are my details: XXXXXX

    I would really appreciate if there were no further delays. Thanks mate."

    Result as of Wednesday night: silence. I keep checking my bank account daily, just in case.


    In terms of the big-strong looking friends, well, I went through my contact list and apart from my heavy boned boss everyone else looks like they skip a few meals a week or they are females.

    I just saw an add on Daft with his house share advert - he is looking for a tenant to his own house (the lamps present themselves great). Maybe indeed he is in financial trouble, but at least a text back to me would put me at ease. It does feel like he is waiting for me to do something a bit stronger or more radical so he has an excuse to block me or call the Guards on me for harassment.



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,287 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher



  • Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Curious1002


    Friendship is over 100%. Clearly there was no friendship in first place, dont know what I was thinking.

    You have to have a very special personality/character to borrow money, then ignore the lender shortly after and treat him like a total enemy and dirt. I dont think I ever borrowed money from anyone. I just cant do it, I wouldnt know how to even ask for it.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 23,198 ✭✭✭✭mickdw


    He is laughing his hole off at you. Your text reads as though you are afraid of him and almost as if you were asking him for a loan.

    You won't get your money back the way you are going.

    Walk away and call it a bad debt or do something about it. A text like that won't ever get your money back.



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