Concerned about boyfriend

aisling0800

I've been dating a guy in his early 20s or about two years now. Everything has been going fine. He told me though a few months into our relationship that he had some mental issues which he gets regularly treated for. He says that he also self medicates by usin some illicit drugs like cannabis, coke (only once according to him). The latter concerned me a bit as I wouldn't use drugs myself and don't want the trouble that comes with it.

During the pandemic, he still stayed went to work while I worked at home. About two months ago, two Gardai knocked on the door and asked me if he lived there. I answered yes and they said that I tell him to call them. When he came home, I asked him what that was about and he didn't know. After chatting to them, he said that they just wanted his phone number and to know how many people live in the house.

He says he has no clue and assured me that he isn't involved in drug dealing. Even months after, it's got me on the edge. I don't know whether to trust my boyfriend or not.

Jequ0n

I don’t know why you’d immediately jump to the conclusion that your boyfriend is involved in drug dealing, just because he uses sometimes. You said this was months ago and since there has been no follow up from police conversation the matter might be settled. It’s really between your partner and you to discuss what happened as nobody else can give you answers.

And for the record: I believe 99.9% of all people claiming to use drugs for therapeutic or self help reasons are just using it as an excuse. I have no issues with drugs but find this popular claim tiresome.

You have reason to have some concern. If he is actually addicted to a drug/ drugs he won’t admit it to you, of course. A friend of mine, married to guy with a highly responsible job, was totally shocked to have guards call to the door. Before that “associates” of her husband would call to the house, and she wasn’t quite certain who they were but had believed or been led to believe they were associated with a golf club or hobby (can’t recall). Long story short, turned out he had large stashed of cocaine in his house and was totally addicted. She had noticed he was a little more tense in recent years. He had been carrying out a very delicate job, where people’s lives were at stake, under the influence of coke. For her safety and sake of children, she had to leave him. Your boyfriend might not be in this category, but my friend is a highly trained person in the world of science and said she felt she should have copped on but was totally taken by surprise by turn of events.

skallywag

I do not see any signs of drug dealing in what you describe, but he is certainly not telling you the truth about the Garda visit. That would concern me.

aisling0800

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118493223#Comment_118493223

Why do you say he's not telling the truth about the Garda visit?

HalfAndHalf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118494261#Comment_118494261

Why would the Guards want his phone number? Or how many people live in the house? These aren’t things the guards need to know. Unless there’s something amiss going on.

cj maxx

And for the record: I believe 99.9% of all people claiming to use drugs for therapeutic or self help reasons are just using it as an excuse. I have no issues with drugs but find this popular claim tiresome.

Personally I found weed beneficial for me. It helped greatly, including helping sleep and with appetite. Coke not a at all. The Gardí may only have been checking him out as he's a known drug user.

aisling0800

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118494283#Comment_118494283

A friend of mine said it might be have been scammers trying to find out when we weren't hope to rob the place. The thing was, they were non-uniformed Gardai and drove a black car.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118494358#Comment_118494358

Did they not show you ID?

micah537

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118494358#Comment_118494358

Did they show ID?

Hannibal_Smith

If the Gardai suspect there's drug dealing going on from your home, they don't knock on your door and give you a heads up - no matter how innocent you are!

Equally if they were scammers, they're not going to leave contact details for your boyfriend to call them. How could he have called them back?

You need to have another conversation with your boyfriend.

jiltloop

One thing that strikers as sounding like BS is that he "self medicates" and then mentions doing coke just the once. People with any issues would not self medicate cocaine, weed yeah maybe but not cocaine. Also if he had only done it once then why even mention it? For me these are big alarm bells and if you are not hopelessly in love with him I would recommend getting out of the relationship cleanly while you can.

Liberty_Bear

If the issue is mental health and he is using cannabis for that, it might exasperate the situation. But again its a conversation to have with him

GiftofGab

Possibly bought drugs off dark web and attempted to get it delivered to house. Garrda checked his phone use and wanted to know if there was any anybody else in the house that could of ordered it.

I find it hard to believe that they were looking for his phone number..there are many other ways of getting his phone number without him knowing it.

Car99

Did they say what station to call? Very odd the Gardai would ask a person unknown to then to tell a guy to call them to find out his phone number and how many ppl live in the house. It sounds like it's your home why didn't they ask you? If they were guards he came to their attention for some reason.

aisling0800

The Gardai that visited were plain clothed officers. At first I thought they were selling something as they'd been a few other guys coming round advertising their business.

They showed the badge and said they were detectives and asked if my boyfriend lived there.

Did u get the reg of the car ?? Was it a Dublin reg ?

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118494349#Comment_118494349

Gardai don’t check on known drug users

Ash.J.Williams

As an expert I can say if you’re not on the drug scene and he is that results in a double life for him , he’s have to lie a little

Hannibal_Smith

OP, no one here can tell you who was at your door. The only people who can tell you that, are the people who knocked and your boyfriend.

At the end of the day he told you months in to the relationship about doing coke once. You've stayed together 2 years. But it's done nothing but fester with you. Has he continued taking drugs?

You don't trust him, why only you can explain and only the two of you can work out.