Ashling Murphy RIP - a discussion *please read the OP before posting*

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481327#Comment_118481327

Yes. Common sense really.

_gir

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481434#Comment_118481434

Never said it lessens it, said men make up the vast majority of assaulters. Is it because of biological factors as you say above? Nobody can answer that, it’s impossible. What can be answered, is that men are more likely to be assaulters than women and that needs to change, whether by your own suggestions or others. If not, then we’re just accepting that men always will be more likely to be assaulters and if that’s what you want to do and just accept murders like this as a result then fine

_gir

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481503#Comment_118481503

So this is a tragedy but c’est la vie because of evolution and just accept it. That’s pretty **** weak sauce and cowardly

Barrita

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481469#Comment_118481469

Thats not a very nice thing to say is it. Very judgmental.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481469#Comment_118481469

This is a ridiculous generalisation…

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481469#Comment_118481469

I'm not sure about this. I'm torn. I think low self worth can be a reason but I think a woman can have healthy self esteem and still be flattered.

I would be more amused than anything.

martingriff

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481508#Comment_118481508

Also as you say some well but not all so maybe leave your banter for you friends who do. There must be a better way to flirt and talk with someone you like

So you saying girls not some girls may have been seeing as generalising. Maybe when some here say men they may not be generalising and they only mean some. Common sense

Spanish Eyes

I reckon most hetero men would never cat call or wolf whistle a man. Women though, ah sher what the heck, they will love it and be flattered by all the attention. Nope, as another poster said it becomes boring and is so childish. Easy to cat call from a moving car, a building site, etc. than say something nice to the woman's face. Cowards from afar with what they think is irresistable charm.

I have noticed also that men can make comments to a woman that they would never make to a man. For example, "ah come on love, give us a smile, it might never happen". A bloke would deck you, but women are expected to smile and be nice for men, it is their right to have eye candy on hand, not someone who has had a hard day, lost someone to Covid, lost their job, ah no, just smile for me, I deserve it.

So you see much as I agree that most men are not murderers, many unconsciously assert their superiority over women in more subtle ways than a dig in the mush or physical violence.

As someone said on LBC radio at the time of the Sarah Everard murder (London, by a cop) whose male colleagues did not report his dubious sexual activities beforehand, "Not all men are monsters, but all monsters are men" Because they can, are stronger bigger and would knock most women over with a feather. Just saying.

Respect for boundaries is long overdue, it is no one's right to intimidate women, and those who dismiss it as banter and harmless haven't got a clue what it's like to walk in a woman's shoes nowadays, and probably forever.

walshb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481570#Comment_118481570

I have said several times that I am aware that some females will take offence at being wolf whistled at.

Northernlily

This horrific murder has shown up twitter for what it is, a stomach churning cesspit that needs to be regulated to the brink of extinction. Some of the commentators there should really be ashamed of themselves.

The racism and generalizing of men is completely unwarranted. I even read comments suggesting to tag all men.

I, as are many other men are good husband's, father's, sons, brothers who do right and are utterly devastated by this senseless act and what the family are going through. I was travelling North today in the car with my missus and she was reading articles online and honestly I had to stop the conversation as I was fit to cry. It is just so horrible.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481575#Comment_118481575

All monsters are not men. Myra Hindley, Aileen Wournos, Rosemary West, etc and the countless women who allow and participate in the abuse of their children.

titan18

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481510#Comment_118481510

We're not a hivemind though. Its not like we get an alert saying a man is going to murder someone and we can stop him remotely.

You need better policing, better sentencing, better mental health services, better education services etc to help protect and serve everyone regardless of gender.

All the stuff now just serves to divide people because for a lot of us it's not us catcalling or whistling or assaulting and killing people but we're being tarred with that brush just cos of our gender.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481552#Comment_118481552

Low self esteem or part of the generation who have to advertise their lives online for likes/thanks.

doesn't bother me in the slightest, but flattered? Nah.

listermint

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481575#Comment_118481575

I genuinely have never seen a cat call in real life ever. And I've been around alot. It's something I've only ever saw in 80s American movies.

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481469#Comment_118481469

I would have thought the exact opposite

_gir

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481540#Comment_118481540

where did o say all men? I’m only posting because I didn’t like the direction this thread was going. People complaining about how all men are being generalised as assaulters as if that’s the worst outcome of a young woman’s murder and not seeing the grief and anger being felt by a society. If people think that’s being antagonistic then fine I’ll stop posting

The entire country is numb with shock.

Galwayguy35

RIP Ashling.

Have to say I also thought some people were using Ashlings death to push their agenda, yes I know Twitter is a cesspit but it was bad form that a few hours after her death half the population of Ieland were being demonized for the actions of one horrible man.

I don't agree with lads making comments to women passing them on the street and in my group of friends growing up nobody did it.

Somebody was on Matt Coopers show yesterday saying if a man heard other lads making comments they should confront them, now thats easy to say sitting that in a studio but one man going up to a group of young men could end up getting his teeth knocked out or worse and its not as if people like that would suddenly have an epiphany and see the error of their ways.

99.9% of men are decent human beings and some of the carry on over the last few days portraying us all as would be predators with no respect of women is not the way to go about trying to find a solution to issues they want to highlight.

Car99

Terrible tragedy the murder of Aishling Murphy . RiP. Why wasn't there a similar outpouring of grief and anger when mother of two Urantsetseg Tserendorj was fatally stabbed in the back on her walk home from work in Dublin last January ? Unfortunately this murder is being hijacked by certain groups to push their agenda.

martingriff

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481588#Comment_118481588

You also said you be chuffed and they should not take it as a big deal. Now I edited a bit in relation to that message. I will add it here.

Also as you say some well but not all so maybe leave your banter for you friends who do. There must be a better way to flirt and talk with a woman

Annasopra

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481165#Comment_118481165

I dont know any women whod be flattered by a wolfwhistle.

Be right back

May Ashling rest in peace. Terrible story. Greatly moved by all the vigils around country and further afield.

Barrita

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481603#Comment_118481603

I mean the Ghislaine Maxwell case was only concluded a week or so ago.....They seem to have already forgotten.

The most prolific murderer on these shores in the last 5 years was a woman killing her 3 children.

Rootsblower

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481507#Comment_118481507

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481420#Comment_118481420

The most violent in society are generally male because since humans first stood upright and walked men have fought all wars and been the hunter of prey and women have been fine with that because they didn’t have to go off and die on some godforsaken beach at 18 years of age.

billyhead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481082#Comment_118481082

And who's to know the culprit wasn't a woman. The mountain bike was a woman's bike although I have seen men riding women's bikes.

John Doe1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481606#Comment_118481606

100 % agree, there is not some secret male society where we all decide to intimidate women, there is actually quite a bit of variation in temperament and attitudes between males. Most are law-abiding decent men and there is a very very small minority who involve themselves in violence (who often have a mental illness).

In my fairly normal group of friends, we might banter about women in private but if any of my friends actually sexually assaulted or physically assaulted a women, we would completely shun him. I would say this is like 99.9% of Irish males.

This is a complete tragedy but people need to stop the sexism against males, it does not help Ashling's family and friends.

Barrita

Making lads stop whistling at women out of the window of the Honda Civic is not going to make them materially any safer.

Tougher policing and sentencing will. But that takes more shoe leather than a hashtag.

martingriff

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481633#Comment_118481633

At the time there certainly was a lot about how unsafe Dublin was getting but unfortunately like this in a few weeks it will have faded and something else will take its place until the trial is on

HalfAndHalf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481619#Comment_118481619

1. That wasn’t how you were posting, I’ve re-read all you posts. You’ve said things such as, but the vast majority of assaulters are men etc. that’s why all men must do better
2. The point myself and others have made us that turning this into a social media and political demonisation of all men, just as yourself, the Late Late last night, social media and even the Taoiseach have done, does nothing but create a divide, takes away from the facts and detracts from the actual cause and issues that need to be resolved.

If you think your posts haven’t pointed the finger at men and you haven’t typed the words ‘that’s why all men should do better’ then I don’t know what to say!

iamwhoiam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481633#Comment_118481633

For me and maybe for others it was the straw that broke the camels back . I was shocked and saddened by the awful death of Urantsetseg and others . All murders are equally sad and equally horrific . Aishlings death was just that one that hit a raw nerve and people stepped forward to say “ enough is enough “

It doesn’t lessen any other sad death but each death adds up to the dam bursting with grief .

I think many who came out to grieve came to grieve for all those innocent people murdered by others .