If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello All, This is just a friendly reminder to read the Forum Charter where you wish to post before posting in it. :)

40 years on. Nightmares about Bullying.

  • 06-09-2021 7:49am
    Registered Users Posts: 1,463 ✭✭✭ greenpilot


    I was bullied all through primary and secondary school until 5th year, when I was eventually forced to stay back a year in order to let a large cohort of bullies go on ahead of me.

    I still think about what was done to me and the people involved. Its come to the point where I need to address the matter but I'm not sure how.

    The bullying began at age 8 on a basketball court in the school when one boy, now a very successful, high profile individual, slammed the side of my head against the upright of the hoop for no reason other than the fact that I wore glasses.

    This individual was one of a group of about 30 who, over the next 11 years, pushed, shoved, weggied ( pulling your underpants upwards outside your trousers), beat up, belittled, ostracized from team sports, threatened, pulled knives on me, followed me home from school, destroyed my property etc.

    The school eventually, at year 5, held a disciplinary meeting and, I think, suspended some and told me to stay back a year. You see, the problem I have, is that I can't remember very much of what happened to me over those years. My Dad brushes it under the carpet as he does not like upsetting the apple cart and my Mum is dead. The one or two people that I befriended from that year wont engage with me about it.

    I'd dearly love to approach these individuals to explain to them how, after so many years, it still effects me to this day. I tried killing myself twice shortly after leaving school, but eventually became a successful musician, author, leading figure in my field of work, film maker and features writer. However, I'm still haunted to this day.

    Once, recently, when I was at the home town visiting Dad I saw one of the guys walking towards me and I turned white with fear and had to cross the road. He didn't recognise me as I look a lot younger for my age and look very different now.

    I was thinking of doing the following:

    1. Contact the school and ask them to release any references or notes pertaining to my bullying through the years.

    2. Contacting each of those involved, by email backed up by the evidence supplied by the school, to ask them why and to explain that their actions back then have had a profound effect on me all through my life. I will be 50 in April.

    What would your advice be? Thank you in advance.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,975 Mod ✭✭✭✭ HildaOgdenx

    OP, I echo what Xterminator said.

    I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you, and that it was not dealt with properly by the school.

    What's important now is you, as should have been the case back then. Please do talk to a counsellor or therapist. It sounds like you have done very well in life. Going back to these horrible events, and trying to get those people to face up to what they caused, would almost inevitably hurt you more than them, in my opinion. I am not sure if the school would even have records all these years later.

    Have a look at the attached link, it might help in finding an appropriate professional to discuss this with. Mind yourself.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,008 ✭✭✭ Sunny Disposition

    Bullying is everywhere unfortunately, and in certain cases it can leave really long lasting impacts.

    Unfortunately you won't get revenge on the bullies, your best option is to work on yourself and try to come to terms with the past, difficult as that may be.

    I really would recommend getting some counselling. Many years of bullying clearly took a major toll.

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭ Alfred123

    Revenge is mine, said the Lord

    An eye for an eye

    He who plans on revenge shd dig 2 graves.

    A lot of conflicting advice out there.

    An older sib and his retarded son physically assaulted me. They are trying to steal land that rightfully belongs to me.

    In my case, Justice, the Law, is about as vague as finding a good therapist.

    I can see a place for revenge / self defence after the fact. I recognize their ignorance but it does not assauge my rage

    In the Op case above, I cannot see much point in confronting the bullies from yonkers back. It means they are still controlling you. They may well have changed / gotten better / worse. If you did get an apology (most likely - would it be sincere / would you feel any better ?)

    In some situations, sadly, digging 2 graves may be the only way forward