Relocating to the U.S with kids after Divorce

User_145

Hi Everyone,

I am thinking 💭 of relocating to the U.S  🇺🇸 .I have nursed the idea for few years now but just not sure how to go about it as I recently got divorced and I have kids...

Story  in a nutshell… I have 2 kids . One is in his teens and the other is just 3years old .. I recently got legally Divorce from my little one’s father . Visitation and maintenance have been agreed upon by the court. Myself and my ex spouse are not in the best talking terms . We only try our best to tolerate each other as we need to co -parent. 

My reason for wanting to relocate is that I have reached that point in my life that I feel like I would do better Emotionally , Physically, Mentally and Psychologically in another environment. A would like to start a new life somewhere else and the state’s  is the only place in mind so far. 

My worries and query now are as follows:

1. How do I go about getting permission to relocate with  my little one ? I know it’s not something I can discuss with the ex .
2. Anyone have any ideal about the green card/Visa process and the most suitable visa I would need please ? 
3. I hold a BSc in pharmaceuticals and I currently work in the Pharma industry.I also have relatives in the states incase any of this will help me in getting the visa . With regards to age I am under 35 .
4. From a parental point of view. I would like to know suitable places to move to in the state  in order to give the kids the best opportunities and decent life as much as possible. My intention is to visit the states with the kids once or twice before the big move just to see what they think especially for my teenager.
5. What time frame should I be looking at with planning and all that needs to be done? 
6. And from a financial point . How much saving would I need to have? 

Thanks everyone . I look forward to all the suggestions.

cnocbui

I was in a similar situation and contemplated relocating to another country with my kids following a separation, but the advice at the time was that I couldn't due to that depriving my spouse of the opportunity for on-going visitation with my two children and that I would have to either get written permission from my ex or a have a court decide the issue, with it being likely they would decide in favour of the children maintaining their contact and relationship with the ex.

I would suggest asking your solicitor what the situation would be, as they would be in a better position to know what is possible.

This would be better asked in the Separation and Divorce Forum.

You will either need the full consent of your childrens' other guardian(s) to relocate the children to another country (including the teen if under 18) or go to court and apply for a waiver of their consent.

To do this you will need to show the court a detailed plan on how you intend to facilitate and maintain the ongoing relationship between the children and their father(s). The court will consider your application with the child's right to maintain a relationship with their other parent first and foremost.

bucketybuck

Its interesting that your "worries and queries" don't seem to include the effects of denying your children access to their father.

iwillhtfu

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723402#Comment_117723402

Similar thoughts but more you'll be denying your child access to their father. As for the states, have you ever been? You realise the costs over there particularly with kids (health insurance etc) is a hell of a lot more than here. Pre covid they were going through a bit of a housing boom also so property prices went nuts.

Donald Trump

Ignoring your complications due to family factors, and basing the answer on what you posted otherwise, below might be four reasonable routes for someone to get to the US.

1) L visa where you work for a US company somewhere else for at least a year and then get transferred internally to the US (and presumably you'd hope to be subsequently sponsored for GC)

2) H1B where an employer over there sponsors you. I'd imagine that they are not capped/subject to lottery for pharma which would increase your chances.

3) Green card lottery. About a 1.5-3% chance of winning any year. Takes a while after winning to go through the process before you actually get over there if you get through that process. The lottery is only a ticket to get into that process.

4) Marry a yank.

I say "reasonable" because I'm assuming other options such as "extraordinary ability" visas are not realistic. Similar for diplomatic and semi-diplomatic visas. There are also investor related green cards but I think you need to have $1m to sink into a business there that will employ x people, or half a million in a designated (which will be a deprived) area. Given that you are asking about what savings you would need to have, I'll assume you don't have $1m cash sitting there ready to set up a business.

So you have to figure out how feasible it would be if you were free and single first. If that is not even likely, then no point even wondering about throwing in your other complications.

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723303#Comment_117723303

Thanks for your comment. I believe it’s understandable considering that it will deprive the ex spouse visitation of the children.

In my case getting my ex to agree is something I am 99% sure will go south.

Thanks for your suggestion I will look into it for sure.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723402#Comment_117723402

The Court hearing the application also has to consider the father's right to exercise his guardianship rights, which include an equal say in all important decisions regarding their child, including religion, education, medical treatment and where they live.

If the OP and her ex are not on the best of speaking terms now, then co-parenting from thousands of miles away would be impossible. Without the consent of the father, the likelihood of being granted a waiver of guardianship consent is very small.

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723402#Comment_117723402

Thanks for your reply .

I understand that me not considering the effect of denying the children access to their father seem like I might be selfish or just not thinking of what’s best for the kids.

In this case my first child is not for my ex spouse and prior to separation, They did not have the best of relationship/bond and with regards to my little one . He was absent all along so their is really no bond apart from once in a forthright visit for the last year ..

I weighed my thought carefully before deciding and the kids are my number 1 priority but sometime difficult decisions have to be made.

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723460#Comment_117723460

Thanks for your reply,

I understand your thought on me denying my little one access to the father but I have carefully thought about it and based on the relationship between my little one and the father, I think it’s ok to make plans that will help me and the kids in the long run .

With regards to been to the state . No I haven’t I was planning on visiting at least twice before to know if it’s really where I want to move to .

I don’t know much with the cost of living there that’s while I am gathering all info as much as possible.

Thanks for enlightening me on the cost of living and healthcare need .

The ideal is to get as much info as possible before deciding anything .

Dial Hard

This is pie in the sky stuff, sorry OP. Even taking the "How do I legally remove my children from the jurisdiction without their fathers' consent" issue out of it (spoiler alert: you can't), your chances of getting a visa to work in the US are essentially nil.

I suggest you treat this as what it is - a daydream - and start figuring out how to have some kind of civil relationship with your ex.

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723505#Comment_117723505

Thanks for your comment .

Thanks for your detailed explanation on the various routes of getting to the US.

it’s look like I am in the no chance zone .

I am just nursing the idea for now and if after gathering all info I see that there is no hope then I just have to figure things out another way .

Thanks 😊

BorneTobyWilde

Irish people

''I'm going to immigrate

Only countries on the planet are USA CANADA AND AUSTRALIA''

XsApollo

I think maybe that’s because they speak the same language?.

NSAman

Costs here are crazy. USA is a great country to make money in, but it’s DAMNED hard to get a foothold in.

the costs alone of the visa (which is not happening at the moment due to presidential decree) not to mention the cost of living here right now, mean that you have to have a job to come to and also an employer willing to sponsor.

kids are going to cost you a fortune here. Health care, feeding clothing telephone tv are ALL much more expensive than in Ireland.then there is the rent issue, which currently is going through the roof.

imho, now is not a good time for the states, despite jobs being offered in Every single location. Thousands of them locally where I am and no takers.

cnocbui

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723584#Comment_117723584

I gave up on the idea and things continued as they were. The kids are both now adults and I am in the process of selling up and hopefully moving to New Zealand when they open up again. I can understand you wanting a change and the frustration you probably will feel at being tied down by the custody rights thing, as I know I was. My plans and desires had to be shelved, but I am now able to dust them off and put them into action, so better late than never, as they say.

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723758#Comment_117723758

Waiting is another good option although that will delay for a while but like you said better late than never👍🏾😊. Thanks

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723683#Comment_117723683

There are other hypotheticals and there might be some I'm not thinking of right now so don't decide to give up based on me not remembering them here.

For example, for a general person, J1 is/was a possibility but that means you'd need to go back and complete some other education here.

Another general hypothetical is to study over there on an F visa and then start working on you OPT there and hope the employer would sponsor you for somethign more. Once you are over there it is easier to stay than to get over there from here

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723742#Comment_117723742

Thanks for your comment.

Thanks for been honest in your comment .

It seem like I might not be able to afford the cost of living over there for me nor the kids.

With all the expenses you have just mention it’s probably wise for me to wait until things settle’s down before continuing in this line of thought .

Thanks 😊

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723691#Comment_117723691

Haha 😂 😂. Actually you are right every time I hear Immigrate/relocate it’s only the countries you listed are on the top of the list .

Maybe I should consider looking into other Countries lol

Thanks

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723735#Comment_117723735

Haha 😂

User_145

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723654#Comment_117723654

Thanks for your comment . I will decide on what to do when I have enough info.

Thanks😊

FishOnABike

How much have you thought this through? You have two children so they (and their relationship with your ex) should be your first priority.

As others have pointed out costs there can be significant compared to here. Whatever about someone with no responsibilities to anyone but themselves relocating because they want to start a new life somewhere else and it's the only place in mind so far, you have responsibilities and you need to put your children first. That can mean making sacrifices.

Because it's the only place in mind so far doesn't come across as being particularly well thought through.

Housing can be expensive in areas where job opportunities are good, local taxes can be very high in comparison, can you afford a house in the right school district, get both children into good schools, also possibly costing more than here, childcare, school costs, healthcare costs, etc.

What is a simple trip to A+E here could easily cost you a five figure sum in the US. Even with work connected medical insurance the deductable or copay can be higher than treatment would cost here.

How close to third level age is your eldest. Cost in the US can be astronomical compared to here, even more so if he might be considered a foreign student.

Have you considered security of employment? There are far fewer employee protections in most US states, some have 'at will' employment. Would you be leaving a secure job here for a probationary position there in an 'at will employment' state?

You are asking for suggestions of where, visas, timeframe and how much savings you would need to relocate to the US. This suggests you have a vague notion, not a plan. Even with a well thought out and well prepared plan courts would be reluctant to interfere with the ongoing relationship between the children and their father(s).

'Feels' is not a good reason to disrupt your children's lives. You have responsibilities. They should come first.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117723808#Comment_117723808

Looking at other countries won't change the fact that you still cannot relocate your children to another country without consent from any other guardians they may have (and this includes teens up to 18) or the Court.

MissShihTzu

OP - As others have pointed out. You can't move the children (especially your youngest) without the permission of the other parent and/or a court order. So you will HAVE to talk to your ex at some stage. Whatever your feelings, it's his child too and he should have input.

If that goes OK and you're allowed to move? Why not relocate to the UK? Plenty of pharma opportunities, no visa issues and no issues with regard to healthcare as you'll have access to the NHS, being (presumably) an Irish citizen. The court might look a little more favourably on a move to the UK, rather than the US/Canada.

Dtp1979

What an awful and selfish thing to even suggest. Jesus, women in this country have it good regarding family law to the point it’s sickening. Judges should be ashamed of this. I’m delighted to hear that the child’s father has a few rights in this case.

cnocbui

I'm a man, and I can tell you it works both ways and is just as much a pain when you are the one wanting to relocate with the kids.