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Article: "Having a kid is probably my biggest life regret: ‘Wife concurs’"

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Comments

  • #2


    fits wrote: »

    Thats not disagreeing with me. I said some.


  • #2


    amacca wrote: »
    I don't know a he'll of a lot about child rearing but I do know about marathons. If you're struggling during the first 5k it's unlikely to get better in the remaining 37 in my experience.

    But I imagine marathons aren't the best analogy.

    When you learned to drive did it get harder the more experience you had.
    Did something get harder the fitter you got?

    You can't pick two different things and compare them as if they are the same.


  • #2


    And does coming in insisting that the posters are wrong, that they’re too immature and self-obsessed to have children, not able for the self-sacrifice (they perceive) necessary, that they’re going to regret not having children, that having kids will lead to a better life, count as respecting the spirit of the group, or is it more trampling all over it?

    That's for a mod to decide and there a report function for that.

    The cycling mod shuts down any anti cycling ranting. That's how it works. If you dislike a posters comments, you can ignore them. The ignore function works really well, if someone is triggering you. It cleans up threads wonderfully. Then you can focus on discussing stuff with the people you want to engage with.


  • #2


    I get the impression rightly or wrongly, that many parents envy the freedom and financial choices the "childfree by choice" cohort have. Therefore there is often an emotional backlash from (often) harrassed, financially and time strapped parents trying to justify THEIR choice to have kids.


  • #2


    I get the impression rightly or wrongly, that many parents envy the freedom and financial choices the "childfree by choice" cohort have. Therefore there is often an emotional backlash from (often) harrassed, financially and time strapped parents trying to justify THEIR choice to have kids.

    Possibly or maybe we just have opinion on parents having regrets about having kids. There is this wonderful fact that life doesn't stay the same and personally I think it is more important with how you deal with the situation than what the situation is (not counting really traumatic events) I do think complaining that society or partner made me do it is not fair and weak. And it's especially not fair on the kids who had no say in being born and some weakling blames them for not having the childfree lifestyle.


  • #2


    I get the impression rightly or wrongly, that many parents envy the freedom and financial choices the "childfree by choice" cohort have. Therefore there is often an emotional backlash from (often) harrassed, financially and time strapped parents trying to justify THEIR choice to have kids.

    I think that's just another easy dig to make at parents tbh. It must be jealousy :rolleyes:


  • #2


    The people I know who are not active in their children's lives or have lost children are not the same as those who have never had children. That is not what I meant.

    I would also argue that my friends who had kids in their mid to late 30s were preparing for that for a number of years, they were buying houses and getting ready to ensure their jobs were at a stage that they could comfortably have children. Knowing you will never have kids (in our case certainly) allows us to take career risks, spend money on 'frivolous things' etc. Sure, maybe an oops baby but honestly, I haven't come across anyone who had an oops baby for the first time at this age.

    You may not. But the point remains, there's a wide range of experience in life, and most people don't fit into the stereotypes that we all fall into assuming.

    There some very obvious stereotypes being thrown around on both sides of the discussion on this thread, that have very little basis in reality.

    For example you could be child free but poor. you could have 10 kids and extremely wealthy. You might have one child but very little experience of parenting. you might have no kids, but looked after 5 siblings and have vast parenting experience. You have a child that was dependent on their parent into middle age. you could have a child that left home as soon as they could was fiercely independent. You have found parenting easy, you might have found it impossible. You might have planned it, you might not.


  • #2


    I get the impression rightly or wrongly, that many parents envy the freedom and financial choices the "childfree by choice" cohort have. Therefore there is often an emotional backlash from (often) harrassed, financially and time strapped parents trying to justify THEIR choice to have kids.

    Remove children from the equation.

    Do people in relationships, envy single people, their freedom and financial choices. And vice a versa.

    Same thing.


  • #2


    I think everyone should be able to be childfree or, um, ?fruitful by choice.

    I reckon in times gone by having kids would have been easier - extended family sharing the load, safer communities and a prevailing attitude of 'go out to play and don't let me see you till dinnertime' took a lot of pressure off parents.

    These days, new parents are under the gun from the very start - childcare, babysitters, choosing all the kit and caboodle that goes with a baby, feeding choices and being castigated for whichever choices you make, financial burdens, isolation, substandard soundproofing in apartments and houses, trouble with neighbours over noise etc. - so even if they really believed having kids would be lovely, the lonliness and pressure that some parents will feel is not something they could ever predict going into the process. It's no wonder some feel regret - probably more accurate to say most feel some regret at least sometimes.

    But that has nothing to do with vindicating a decision to be childfree by choice. Horses for courses, we all choose to do things differently. Just because I do things one way doesn't mean it's right or wrong, it's just going to be right or wrong for me. You can choose to do what's right (or wrong) for you. It's not one or the other, it's just different. There is risk attached to any major life change and becoming a parent is a big one. There is no guarantee it will suit everyone, a bigger question is how to protect those with no voice that are thrown into the mix.

    FWIW I think some people don't realise just how much unsolicited advice is handed down to everyone. There are people who feel completely entitled to tell other people how to live their lives or what decisions they should be making and are not slow to share their opinions loudly and repeatedly. But sure you know what they say about opinions...


  • #2


    I don't think there are very many parents that 'regret' having their children, because the sheer love they feel for them would be stronger then any other emotion.
    But depending on the child and the situation, I'm sure most parents would at some stage, think what life would be like without them.
    I have seen parents and families torn apart by the actions or behaviour of their child. I'm sure there are regrets then, hidden away somewhere.
    They still love them, but they may not like them very much.

    It's interesting to read a parent who regrets having children, when the child is still young. It's unusual.

    I don't mind parents posting, but if the post is going to be the typical patronising type of opinion where childfree adults have no idea how fantastic life is with kids, or how their life is finally worth living etc etc etc #rolleyes# then they are gonna get some stick for it.
    So yeah, post away, so long as you're happy taking a bit of stick :)


  • #2


    eviltwin wrote: »
    An if this was a page for people who are unsure about whether to have kids I'd agree with you but its not. Its preaching to the converted.

    The forum sets its stall out quite clearly as childfree by choice, not childfree because of circumstances or childfree because I haven't made up my mind yet.

    It was a point I raised at the initial request stage that lots of people would have an interest in this forum for various reasons and this article would have slotted in well there but that's not the route the powers that be took. How and ever that's neither here nor there.

    I actually didn't realise this forum was so exclusive. I only stunbled upon it after a long hiatus from Boards. It's actually a bit sad that this forum wishes to exclude those who haven't made their mind up or even offer support to those in the early stages of their decsion but the attitude on here makes more sense so thanks for the background.


  • #2


    I actually didn't realise this forum was so exclusive. I only stunbled upon it after a long hiatus from Boards. It's actually a bit sad that this forum wishes to exclude those who haven't made their mind up or even offer support to those in the early stages of their decsion but the attitude on here makes more sense so thanks for the background.

    Well I don't know if that is the intention but the name makes it look that way.

    I did think I would find this place useful as a parent of older, grown up kids - we are always looking to find child free spots to go - but by the looks of it being a parent I'm not welcome here.


  • #2


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I did think I would find this place useful as a parent of older, grown up kids - we are always looking to find child free spots to go - but by the looks of it being a parent I'm not welcome here.

    I wouldn't think that at all!
    I imagine there could be some good resources for people like yourself, child free holidays and the like.
    It may be the case that some patronising posts would not be welcome, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to keep parents out.


  • #2


    bubblypop wrote: »
    I don't mind parents posting, but if the post is going to be the typical patronising type of opinion where childfree adults have no idea how fantastic life is with kids, or how their life is finally worth living etc etc etc #rolleyes# then they are gonna get some stick for it.
    So yeah, post away, so long as you're happy taking a bit of stick :)

    Those type of posts grate me and I have kids.


  • #2


    bubblypop wrote: »
    I wouldn't think that at all!
    I imagine there could be some good resources for people like yourself, child free holidays and the like.
    It may be the case that some patronising posts would not be welcome, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to keep parents out.

    Respectfully disagree. One forum for the childfree that parents aren't allowed to post in, doesn't sound excessive. Especially if they behave badly. It's the mod's call, though I'd support a blanket ban on parent's posting here.

    And, on a tangential subject, how interesting to me that a parent posts mentioning looking for childfree experiences now that the children have gone and moved out. Guess that being around kids isn't all great fun after all. Why would that be?


  • #2


    This thread, and the forum, are not the exclusive domain of childless adults, however, if/when you post here, you must be cognisant of the ethos of the forum and not deliberately go out of your way to try and antagonise those who are not in the position as you may be in.

    Several posters have skated on exceptionally thin ice in this thread- and this is a one time only warning, the name of the forum- and the ethos of the forum, is to be safe place for those who are childfree or those who might wish to discuss topics pertinent to those who are childfree.

    You're not going to get any further warnings- either keep with the ethos of the forum if you intend posting here, or suffer the consequences.


  • #2


    Igotadose wrote: »
    Respectfully disagree. One forum for the childfree that parents aren't allowed to post in, doesn't sound excessive. Especially if they behave badly. It's the mod's call, though I'd support a blanket ban on parent's posting here.

    And, on a tangential subject, how interesting to me that a parent posts mentioning looking for childfree experiences now that the children have gone and moved out. Guess that being around kids isn't all great fun after all. Why would that be?

    That's a bit of a stretch to be fair. :D You've got a real bee in your bonnet about this, I wonder how you are in real life with people who have kids and kids themselves. You must be great fun at family events.


  • #2


    Igotadose wrote: »
    Respectfully disagree. One forum for the childfree that parents aren't allowed to post in, doesn't sound excessive. Especially if they behave badly. It's the mod's call, though I'd support a blanket ban on parent's posting here.

    You could ban any mention of parents and parenting. And mention of children except the the absence of them. As its irrelevant to this forum. But then this thread wouldn't exist.
    Igotadose wrote: »
    And, on a tangential subject, how interesting to me that a parent posts mentioning looking for childfree experiences now that the children have gone and moved out. Guess that being around kids isn't all great fun after all. Why would that be?

    I don't do all the things I did in my youth now. Does that mean none of it was ever fun.


  • #2
    This thread is now the most posted on in the forum.


  • #2


    Igotadose wrote: »
    And, on a tangential subject, how interesting to me that a parent posts mentioning looking for childfree experiences now that the children have gone and moved out. Guess that being around kids isn't all great fun after all. Why would that be?

    I used to read the Newborn and Toddler forum when my kids were younger but now they are older I no longer do, it doesn't mean I disliked them as toddlers it just means my life and interests have moved on and I've less in common with those with younger children.
    If a poster no longer has dependent children they would most like have alot of interests in common with a child free person.


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