Would a girl who's playing games or just want sex say something like this?

Ojwasguilty

She told me one night after sex that she’s “scared of me because she likes me so much”.

I really like her, but she has two behavious: she’s really affectionate when we’re alone, but she doesn’t pay the same attention in group settings. She’ll talk with other people more than me and often pay more attention to them.

She has told me she’s anxious, thinks too much and doesn’t like PDA.

I really don’t know what to think or what I’m doing wrong.

I think she's prett shy too...

Yurt2

Problems coming your way. Pull the ejector cord.

TheadoreT

I mean it sounds hot and cold at best.

I wouldn't buy the line she gave you to be honest. When we're genuinely into someone we don't act like she's acting. And talking to all those other people doesn't sound like a trait of an overly shy person either.

I think you're stretching for reasons to believe she's into you when everything points to the fact she's not all that bothered. On to the next buddy.

Ojwasguilty

TheadoreT wrote: »

I mean it sounds hot and cold at best.

I wouldn't buy the line she gave you to be honest. When we're genuinely into someone we don't act like she's acting. And talking to all those other people doesn't sound like a trait of an overly shy person either.

I think you're stretching for reasons to believe she's into you when everything points to the fact she's not all that bothered. On to the next buddy.

We've had sex multiple times and gone on dates "buddy"

Ojwasguilty

Yurt! wrote: »

Problems coming your way. Pull the ejector cord.

What kind of problems are they, may I ask?

She's not playing games. She has emotional/attachment issues. And you can't fix them.

Ojwasguilty

Deleted User wrote: »

She's not playing games. She has emotional/attachment issues. And you can't fix them.

So is she worried I'll ditch her or is it something else entirely

LegacyUser

If you want something more, sit down and discuss it clearly with her, 'hey, I like you, I'd like to see where this goes and be in an exclusive relationship, what do you think'....if it's the right person, they won't run a mile, and it'll save a lot of heartache/reading into things etc....

Trust me, Ive recently started being very upfront with guys I've dated and it's resulted in me meeting my current and wonderful partner. No guessing, no drama, he was very happy and gave a resounding yes ..and anything less than that, in my experience, is a no...so see how she reacts and do yourself a massive favour and cut it short if she's not 100% on board.

I've done all the other situations- guys not ready as they're not long out of relationships, guys with genuinely a lot on their plate in life, guys not sure what they want, guys who liked me a lot but shyed away from commitment etc etc...they all ended up going nowhere

Ojwasguilty

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

So is she worried I'll ditch her or is it something else entirely

Yeah, something like abandonment issues.

ZX7R

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

We've had sex multiple times and gone on dates "buddy"

Were you friends before you started sexual relations.
Sounds like your her fcuk buddy, she is showing very little attention to you in public .

Has she had other relationships where she showed more attention to them than you.

Yurt2

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

What kind of problems are they, may I ask?

Scenario 1: Car keyed and bunny in a pot type scenarios if she senses you're pulling away.

Scenario 2: Colin the coach from Crossfit class magically appears on the scene WhatsApping her at 2am.

Flip a coin, choose what flavour of disaster you want.

Ojwasguilty

ZX7R wrote: »

Were you friends before you started sexual relations.
Sounds like your her fcuk buddy, she is showing very little attention to you in public .

Has she had other relationships where she showed more attention to them than you.

Not that I know of. I'm not too fussed if we're just **** buddies... I just didn't think **** buddies went on dates?

ZX7R

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

Not that I know of. I'm not too fussed if we're just **** buddies... I just didn't think **** buddies went on dates?

Depends if it's a date just the two of you, or is it a group of friends going out and you partner up with each other.

Ojwasguilty

ZX7R wrote: »

Depends if it's a date just the two of you, or is it a group of friends going out and you partner up with each other.

We’ve had 2 dates so far and the third is planned for Saturday - always just the two of us.

And we weren’t friends before

Jequ0n

Don’t ever trust post sex talk
Sounds like fwb but that she could get annoying

ZX7R

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

We’ve had 2 dates so far and the third is planned for Saturday - always just the two of us.

And we weren’t friends before

So you only had 2 dates
If she is meeting up with for sex more often than dates,
Well your her f buddy
Enjoy it while it lasts or until you tell her you love her or something along those lines, she will run a mile.

leggo

She’s avoidant, run. Or end up heartbroken later wishing you did.

ILoveYourVibes

Maybe its just ...like something people say..

Like i mean actions speak louder than words.

You have only had TWO dates so far ..so ..relax and don't over think.

I don't know if she is playing games or what. If she is damaged ..well i mean aren't a lot of people.

Either you feel comfortable with her or not.

For me ....no ..i think firstly its such a cliched thing to say...its kind of cringey...so there is that. Also like why would she say that she liked me so much after two dates....like how do you know? And erm ...its a bit soon.

It would just make me feel uncomfortable. But that is me.

You seem to like her. If you feel comfortable with her etc ...give it a go etc. You seem to really like her.

You have to take risks.

In reality ..what do you lose? Not much ...i mean you shouldn't be too emotionally invested at this stage ..no one is talking about moving in!

If it doesn't work out ...nothing ventured.

Im not saying if you were to be hurt that would be ok ..but be honest ...like is dating a few months going to leave you like heartbroken?

I would say op you are more emotionally resilient than that

But its up to you.

bitofabind

She'll continue to make random "I might love you" comments/gestures with absolutely no action to back it up and you'll continue to have sex with her and convince yourself you're grand with the f buddies situation and don't actually want more.

She's on the head-wreck because she's got emotional issues and isn't in any way mature. You're riding on the adrenaline of "is she isn't she". It won't end well for you, but enjoy it while it lasts.

YellowLead

I’m confused as to the scenario here. How does she pay more attention to others in group settings? That made me think you were part of a friend group or something but you said not the case - like how are you hanging out in group scenarios - did you both sign up to a class or something or do you hang around outdoors looking for strangers to chat to?

Also not sure as to the time line here - like you said you have only been on two dates. But how often have you been meeting for sex outside of that? Or have you only met twice including the sex?

Regardless of any of that she sounds like a lot of work. It’s supposed to be easy and fun. If somebody leaves you confused you know they are not that into you. Saying she likes you so much she is scared very early on is very childish and does not sound like something an emotionally mature person would say. If you want to date somebody who acts like a teenager then off you go!

spaceHopper

Ojwasguilty wrote: »

We’ve had 2 dates so far and the third is planned for Saturday - always just the two of us.

And we weren’t friends before

It's early days I think you need to chill. Or tell her you don't want play all coy and that you really like her can we make this official. Be direct about what you want, it won't change how she feels but at least you will know and if it's good news then great if it's not then at least you know

StringerBell

Sounds like a wind up tbf

ILoveYourVibes

bitofabind wrote: »

She'll continue to make random "I might love you" comments/gestures with absolutely no action to back it up and you'll continue to have sex with her and convince yourself you're grand with the f buddies situation and don't actually want more.

She's on the head-wreck because she's got emotional issues and isn't in any way mature. You're riding on the adrenaline of "is she isn't she". It won't end well for you, but enjoy it while it lasts.

OP is she is saying I might LOVE you etc after just a few dates. RUN.

Because even if she doesn't know its a lie ...its a lie. You can't really know how you feel ....even if you were friends before ...you have to be in a relationship for a few months at least.

I am not saying you should be dating others etc. But like you have to take time to get to know each other in this new way.

Obviously if you have had two dates ...and she has said i might love you ...that is insane and obviously not true.

It also most of all ...shows low emotional intelligence.

Which is the type of person you should never date.

BuCkoTroN

Sounds like very odd behaviour there, very weird since it so early.

I would be careful not to get invested for too long, she may change her mind very quickly and move on.

Plus you are already sleeping together very early by the sounds of it.

Is alcohol heavily involved in your interactions with her?