Estate Agent language.

This is not a negative thread. I've come around to the idea that estate agents just want to sell lots of houses as quickly as possible, and don't really have skin-in-the-game if it goes for 600k or 620k; 450 or 455; 120 or 40.

The thread is more about an appreciation of the wonderful language used by them. An Ode to the intermediaries between the buyer and the seller. Long may we have them tbh.

I'll start:


Sun drenched: North or East Facing


Lovingly maintained: Granny got a downstairs toilet on a grant before she eventually died.

endacl

‘Artisan dwelling’. Small and overpriced, but it’s within your budget if you’re happy to live in baked beans for five years.

Peregrinus

Lifestyle: A house or flat.

Rubberchikken

Bijou.

So tiny a mouse would reject it.

Circus_O

Detached House.

It's a site. There are sheep in the pictures.

Treppen

Delighted to bring it to the market = It's just another f***ing house

Atlantic Dawn

Blank canvas - Ideally should be demolished and started from scratch.

Fixer upper --a house that burned down to the ground on a site for which there is no planning permission to build another gaff.

Circus_O

Colourful area

There have three murders in the front garden this week.

shoxter

Having worked as an estate agent I can tell you most nonsense descriptions are at the request of the vendor as are a lot of the photographs. Despite the fact you are a professional and they are paying for your advice and services most vendors choose to totally ignore any advice you give them. Same re pricing, Mary's house sold for 300k 5 years ago so ours is definitely worth 350k even if ours is inferior and in depressed market.

enrique66_35

In need of modernisation = needs to be gutted/hasn't been touched since the seventies. Sacred heart(s) pictures/previous owner died there guaranteed.

Generous proportions = slightly bigger than a shoebox

Well maintained garden = they cut the grass before the photos were taken & threw in a couple of plants with the garden centre tag still on.

Old world charm = house is around since the dinosaurs and will need a second mortgage to heat.

Kewreeuss

Yeah right!
I can understand people having unreasonable expectations regarding the value of the house, but those dreadful photos and twee captions are the auctioneers!!

C14N

A part of the book Freakonomics included a study of popular words in real-estate ads and whether or not they actually had positive or negative connotations. It found in general that any words that were kind of vague ('spacious', 'charming', 'fantastic'), as well as exclamation marks, were generally bad signs. The reason being that these are largely subjective, so you can use words that are just generally positive on pretty much any ad.

Words that had specific descriptions, such as describing the actual materials of the fittings and finishes ('granite', 'quartz', 'oak', etc.) or the brands of things like kitchen appliances, were far more likely to have positive connotations. These indicate there are actual things about the house that are worth describing.

"A paradise for nature lovers" = place is riddled with rats

snow_bunny

"Modern living"

Front door opens out onto a main road.

People in cars can make out what you're eating for dinner as you gaze in open-mouthed horror from the living/dining/kitchen/bedroom. The sitting room Murphy bed is a wonderful vantage point from which to marvel at all the sensible ones driviving by, starting their two hour commute back home to Leitrim.

Browney7

"Ideal for an investor" - you wouldn't put your worst enemy in here to live permanently and there's probably dodgy planning and title once you do a little digging

2Mad2BeMad

Ample street parking - goodluck getting a parking spot near your house after 4pm

Knex*

"Within a stones throw" = a 10 minute walk.

There's olympic shot putters that wouldn't clear a tenth of the distance you're calling a 'stones throw'.

C14N

Knex* wrote: »

"Within a stones throw" = a 10 minute walk.

There's olympic shot putters that wouldn't clear a tenth of the distance you're calling a 'stones throw'.

I have definitely seen a lot of them really stretch the idea of "walking distance" too. I mean technically most people can probably walk 20km, but anything more than a 10m or maybe 15m walk is really not that close.

JustAThought

‘low/no maintenance back garden’

grim damp dark cement cracked yard a human rights inspector would’t allow a baby killer be left in.

Samuel T. Cogley

My favourite was the line "served by the legendary 42A".

Peregrinus

Samuel T. Cogley wrote: »

My favourite was the line "served by the legendary 42A".

Now I want to know what the legend of the 42A is. Maybe it's a ghost bus that only appears once a year on the anniversary of the death of William Martin Murphy?

Hibernicis

"Some TLC required to restore this home to its former glory" or " This is a perfect restoration project for those looking for a country retreat in Irelands Hidden Heartlands"

Roofless, doorless, windowless and cows living in it.

Also, the use of the word "home" when they mean "house". Americanisation of everything.....

Mav11

Has to be the winner! post #7321

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057862889&page=489

spaceHopper

Put your own stamp on = sink an 100 grand into just to make it habitable

New to the market = the owner's funeral was yesterday is today and the family want the cash.