Daughter is insecure about her skin colour

LegacyUser

Could someone offer some advice please? I have a 17yr old stepdaughter who is not originally from Ireland.

We've got on fine and there've been no problems in our relationship. She has struggled a lot to make friends ever since she entered secondary school. We thought it might be just a change in family dynamics along with becoming a teenager.

She got a part time job last year before the pandemic and saved up some money. She also got a debit card linked to my account. I told her that she could order whatever beauty products online she wanted as she'd always had an interest.

Two weeks ago, I saw a purchase for a skin lightener (hydroquinone) on her online bank account. I asked her about this and she said that a biracial friend of hers gave her the idea as she said that she lightened her skin and other Irish girls wanted to hang out with her more and complimented her.

I have to say that I feel torn about this. I've asked her father as I would have thought that he would know more about this but he had nothing much to say. I feel terrible that she feels the need to have her skin lightened to get accepted. I searched up on others forums and some people are saying that I shouldn't allow her to buy these products while others say that if it makes her be happy/accepted, then I should just let her.

What do you think?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thread moved to Parenting which is probably the best place for your thread OP.

Thanks

HS

TP_CM

The obvious argument would ask for the difference between this and fake tan?

In my opinion, this looks to be a chemical treatment as opposed to a stain on top. So I'd draw the line before that personally.

The big lesson to teach them is that no matter what they look like, dark skinned, light skinned, tall, short, makeup, no makeup, long hair or short hair, when they walk into any room there will be people who find them attractive and people who simply don't. She might bleach her skin and instantly repel people who don't like that or prefer darker skin. There is no one look which attracts a whole room. The trick is more to find the group in the room who like you for what you are and stick with them.

Many teenagers are under the impression that if they just look like this, or if they can just tweak that, more people would like them. But that's not how the real world works. It's a bit like that online but 99.9% of people in the real world look nothing like people online. There are groups and each group likes different things.

hello2020

Isn't this a common teen problem that they want to look like others ?
fair skinned teens want to tan and dark skinned wants to make it lighter !

zanador

In many places we are all trying to be a different colour through skin bleaching or fake tan.

Would some makeup tutorials help maybe? Teach her how to change herself through fun not insecurity? And now I'm posting I've forgotten how old she is but as soon as she hits college/work age then things may start to change?