Sex dry spell

Duck duck Graham

Hi I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend 6 years
Both in our early 30s and going through a dry spell, we haven't had sex in 6 months and I'm usually the one who initiates sex but once she gets into it it's great. 
The sex isnt Vanilla as I prefer it rough but never force her I know she likes me to take charge,  I do try ask her what does she want .
She is insecure about her body but I love it and always say that when ever she says anything negative about her body . We hold hands and are  playful with each but dont makeout unless we are having sex .I know she still loves me and I her. It does annoy me somethings that I'm always making the first move.

We normally go breaks away as I think it's a good thing to get away . but obviously at the moment we cant so we have got in a bit of a routine of watching tv in bed then she falls
Asleep while watching it so dont get a chance to make a move  we both prefer to have sex at night unless we are away on hoildays . Just wondering how we get out of this dry patch my first thought is to book a break away .

YellowLead

Is this the first blip in the 6 years? If so things might get back on track.
Though the not kissing unless during sex is a tad worrying that physical attraction could be an issue.

She could be a bit depressed or stressed from covid and when people are depressed it can effect sex drive.

Have you asked her about it and what was her answer? After 6 years you should be able to communicate about stuff like this.

Duck duck Graham

YellowLead wrote: »

Is this the first blip in the 6 years? If so things might get back on track.
Though the not kissing unless during sex is a tad worrying that physical attraction could be an issue.

She could be a bit depressed or stressed from covid and when people are depressed it can effect sex drive.

Have you asked her about it and what was her answer? After 6 years you should be able to communicate about stuff like this.

This long yes before was probably 2 or 3 months but after a break away it was back to normal. I would say she is more stressed with work tierd mostly which is why she falls asleep easily while on my chest .

I haven't no we never really had to talk about it, like we wouldn't plan on having sex on a certain day or anything I find that a bit wierd it just normally happens. More me who initiates it but she gives hints .

she is not very open about sex only when I ask what she wants and says it then.

YellowLead

Hmmmm if you don’t want to ask her about it and a break away has worked before then I guess it could be dry spell time until June...

Is everything else perfectly okay? You see yourself building a future with your partner and love her in general?

Make sure your own needs don’t get lost in the relationship. ‘She’s not very open about sex’ - well what if you want to talk about it ????

GingerLily

You don't like vanilla sex, only kiss when you have sex and only have rough sex?

I think it's worth trying to be a little more intimate with your girlfriend outside of sex.

Does your girlfriend want to have exclusively rough sex? She might want a bit of a mix?

Duck duck Graham

YellowLead wrote: »

Hmmmm if you don’t want to ask her about it and a break away has worked before then I guess it could be dry spell time until June...

Is everything else perfectly okay? You see yourself building a future with your partner and love her in general?

Make sure your own needs don’t get lost in the relationship. ‘She’s not very open about sex’ - well what if you want to talk about it ????

I think cutting down on watching tv in bed will be good
Everything else is perfect yes definitely we have talked about kids moving abroad or getting a mortgage we are on the same page she has been there through my worse times and i have been there for her .
just the sex has gone quite.


My own needs are met she is more of a giver but yeah 50/50 most of time .

Duck duck Graham

Duck duck Graham wrote: »

I think cutting down on watching tv in bed will be good
Everything else is perfect yes definitely we have talked about kids moving abroad or getting a mortgage we are on the same page she has been there through my worse times and i have been there for her .
just the sex has gone quite.


My own needs are met she is more of a giver but yeah 50/50 most of time .

If I was to bring it up it would be about her not making a move first as it mostly me maybe she is to concerned about her body.

YellowLead

It does seem like you both need to have an adult conversation.

Not being able to have sex because of watching tv and falling asleep. I mean it is possible to have sex in the morning? Or evening before it gets late? Odd that you feel like it has to be a specific time before you can ‘make a move’ as opposed to whenever.

I think you need to talk about it, unless you are happy enough with how things are for now? It sounds like you still want to be with her and everything, and sex isn’t such a big deal for you so I guess just be patient so you can get back to your trip away re-kindling routine that you guys follow.

Duck duck Graham

GingerLily wrote: »

Does your girlfriend want to have exclusively rough sex? She might want a bit of a mix?

Didnt say I dont like it and it's not only rough we would have vanilla sex just not all the time as that would be just boring, we do mix it up depending on mood , she is actually the one who tells me to be more rough when I ask her what she wants

Duck duck Graham

YellowLead wrote: »

It does seem like you both need to have an adult conversation.

Not being able to have sex because of watching tv and falling asleep. I mean it is possible to have sex in the morning? Or evening before it gets late? Odd that you feel like it has to be a specific time before you can ‘make a move’ as opposed to whenever.

I think you need to talk about it, unless you are happy enough with how things are for now? It sounds like you still want to be with her and everything, and sex isn’t such a big deal for you so I guess just be patient so you can get back to your trip away re-kindling routine that you guys follow.

I think your right about the adult conversation just not sure how to bring it up if haven't before ?

Morning sex is possible but not on weekdays we are both not morning people especially before work haha.

Sex isnt a big deal at the moment unless it carries on to long or she stops being herself or cold around me.

Mr Sugar

If you think she's a little concerned about her body, maybe kick off a new regime yourself and coax her along...couple of easy jogs a week to get it going! Joint shower after....bobs your uncle.. fanny's your aunt

YellowLead

I suppose if you are happy enough just wait it out so!
Not being able to talk about sex or bring something up when you haven’t before sounds a bit like walking on eggshells. Or more of a sibling type relationship than lovers - but each to their own, it’s clearly not important in the grand scheme of your relationship for you.

Redjacketboy

Mr Sugar wrote: »

If you think she's a little concerned about her body, maybe kick off a new regime yourself and coax her along...couple of easy jogs a week to get it going! Joint shower after....bobs your uncle.. fanny's your aunt

Do not take that advice. She will know what you're doing and be more insecure and hurt. Also you love her body.

A big grown up chat is what needed. Would you put on a program with sex in it some evening, might get her in the mood.

TheadoreT

Have you told her you prefer to have sex at night? What's that all about? If she's insecure as you say that probably translates in her mind as you don't like seeing her in daylight. I know you reassure her that you're into her but with certain women you could give them 100 compliments and they'd cling onto 1 negative thing they perceived you said.

Morning/day sex is the best imo, whats not to like?

YellowLead

OP did say they BOTH prefer night time sex. For whatever reason...

TheBoyConor

Sounds like the spark might be gone gone. Or would the be a chance she might be resentful of you? Do you pull your weight around the home enough? If you were to do more chores like cook and wash up and so on it might ease things up a little bit if you are having a tendency to leave all that to her. On the other hand, if the spark is gone, it's gone. Rarely does that resolve long term.

ElizaBennett

Start with some practical things that should be easy to change without a fuss. Tell her you'd like to try a No TV or Phones policy in the bedroom. myself and my partner have a few fun rules for the bedroom that keep the spark going. No reading in bed as it's so unromantic, no TV or being on your phone. We also make sure to go to bed at the same time always AND no PJs:) The last one in particular is an excellent tip that he provided at the start of our relationship. I was married before and would often have dry spells and long periods of feeling no connection or romance. when you're experiencing that lovely skin-on-skin feeling every night then you can't help but get in mood. We also both do our best to stay in shape. Have we put on a few pounds over the last year, yes? Not a problem, but in general we exercise and eat pretty well and try to stay on top of the grooming etc. All of this shows effort. Not a big deal but enough to show a commitment to this side of the relationship.
So you could try these ideas with no pressure, plus increase the cuddles and kisses during day to sow the seed in her mind for bed time.
It's a shame she's insecure about her body and that's a whole other area. While i disagree with hinting about exercise for the purpose of weight loss, it is true that a brisk walk or hike etc can improve the mood and general feeling of well-being which might help with her outlook in general.

We've been together 7 years and I was daydreaming about him all morning as the sex was so good last night. I've learned it doesn't happen on its own and you have to decide you're going to make a success of it - but it won't be difficult at all if you both love each other, which you do. Best of luck

Duck duck Graham

It was nothing to do with her body as she knows I love it. She isnt even on the heavy side I think alot of woman have that problem and I would say myself aswell but I do workout and eat as healthy as I can .

just thought I would give an update we had a talk and got everything out. Took the tv out of room stopped eating late at night we have got back into it, we have had sex three times in the past two days and this morning which was a nice surprise.

ElizaBennett

Go you, Duck duck Graham, that's a result! Bet you'll both be feeling happier in general now - mainly as the communication has improved so much - but also that lovely Oxytocin and Dopamine! Will bring you closer in every way. You just needed a bit of a plan.