Life advice

LegacyUser

Hello

Basically, I'm mid thirties single and still living at home, i took a low paying job as my previous role even though the money was good was horrible working environment, constantly belittled and bullied.

My paycut was a considerable amount but I really enjoy where I work now and the stress has evaporated from my life

Any advice to someone in this situation? Part of me feels its pathetic that im at this age and earning poor wages, while living with the parents and no romantic partner in sight or even the potential of one, I've never been lucky in that regards lol

I'm quite confident and self assured but doubt has been popping up lately

Thanks in advance

Neyite

As I've gotten older I've become even more certain that no job is worth your mental and physical health. That the big pay check isn't all it's cracked up to be either. You can be on a low wage and manage really well on it and if it covers your needs, there's no issue.


A friend of mine did something similar. Jacked in a very stressful job with a decent salary in an office for a factory job and she's actually never been happier. It's enabled her to focus on her health - she had a few issues that her stressful role only made way worse. She's reduced or eliminated long term medication for stress, & depression her anxiety levels have gone way down and the weight she's always struggled with is no longer an issue for her. Her salary can pay her bills and she's happy. Because she's happier, she's had a few dates and while nothing has came of them, she's having fun.



If you are happy, and your income is sufficient, your parents are happy to have you live with them, then take the time out to enjoy a stress-free job, and see where it leads you.

lazygal

Look at how great your life is. You have the self knowledge and awareness to know what the better employment options will make you feel more healthy. You have a secure accommodation setup. You're able to recognise that not everything in your life is as good as it might be, so you're willing to ask others for help.
You only need to be in the right place at the right time to meet a romantic partner. I wasn't in any serious relationships right through my 20s and happened to meet my now husband at a party. I could be doing a lot better career wise, but I prefer the lifestyle and job security the role I'm in affords me.

YellowLead

The most important thing OP is how you feel about yourself. You said you are quite confident and self assured so that’s a great way to be.

Don’t worry about societal expectations etc. You did something brave to be fair - left a stressful job and you can always build up to other opportunities in future if your goal is to move out and earn more.

Don’t feel like everybody should be partnered up, it sounds like you think you should be because of your age rather than it’s something you really want.

All in good time.

stuboy01

Just want to support everything others have said here.
I think you're in a really good spot. Money is only relevant if you cannot meet your living needs. Living at your parents should mean that's not a problem. you're only mid 30's and there is no rush to move out surely? especially in the current climate.

You are in a job you enjoy = Win
You are no longer stressed = Win
You are no longer bullied = Win

You now find you have some areas of your life you can focus on = that's also a win TBH.

No amount of money is worth working in a toxic environment, get good at what you're enjoying doing. Can you advance in it over the years? if so great. If not, is there another area that you would like to explore in your spare time? if so take that up, it may turn into a job in the future.

Here's one for you. A relation of mine was a taxi driver after losing his job. didn't really like it but needed the dosh. trained as a physio in spare time and over the years has managed to make it his main job. not great money but he loves, and i mean loves, his job.

There is a lot to be said for enjoying what you do. money is not the be all and end all.

Tork

It's good that you're in a good place mentally but maybe you might have a think about where you'd like to be in 10 years time. The one thing that concerns me a bit is your living conditions. I'm assuming that by living at home on a low paid job, you're not planning on buying a place of your own? I hope neither of your parents will ever need nursing home care but if that's the case, the family home might have to be sold to cover the costs under the Fair Deal scheme. I'm no expert on that so somebody else might come in and contradict me.

LegacyUser

stuboy01 wrote: »

Just want to support everything others have said here.
I think you're in a really good spot. Money is only relevant if you cannot meet your living needs. Living at your parents should mean that's not a problem. you're only mid 30's and there is no rush to move out surely? especially in the current climate.

You are in a job you enjoy = Win
You are no longer stressed = Win
You are no longer bullied = Win

You now find you have some areas of your life you can focus on = that's also a win TBH.

No amount of money is worth working in a toxic environment, get good at what you're enjoying doing. Can you advance in it over the years? if so great. If not, is there another area that you would like to explore in your spare time? if so take that up, it may turn into a job in the future.

Here's one for you. A relation of mine was a taxi driver after losing his job. didn't really like it but needed the dosh. trained as a physio in spare time and over the years has managed to make it his main job. not great money but he loves, and i mean loves, his job.

There is a lot to be said for enjoying what you do. money is not the be all and end all.

Thank you and you're 100% right, I've trained and unskilled in the last year that could potentially be a good move and I can move forward.

I think I just had a moment of panic. I need to start taking care of myself n push past comfortability.

Your advice has given really given me food for thought, same with neyite, lazy gal, yellow lead and stubby. Your words have really helped me feel good about my decision. I really appreciate your words and have taken them all on board.

LegacyUser

Tork wrote: »

It's good that you're in a good place mentally but maybe you might have a think about where you'd like to be in 10 years time. The one thing that concerns me a bit is your living conditions. I'm assuming that by living at home on a low paid job, you're not planning on buying a place of your own? I hope neither of your parents will ever need nursing home care but if that's the case, the family home might have to be sold to cover the costs under the Fair Deal scheme. I'm no expert on that so somebody else might come in and contradict me.

Hi

I never said I planned on staying at home for ever I was talking about how I feel in the moment.

I already have the money for a deposit and would've bought only for house prices are crazy and I can't get a mortgage on my own.

I found your post quite judgemental and you made assumptions when you know very little about circumstances.

I never thought 10yrs ago this would be the situation I'd be in as I was always one to plan now I prefer to be practical about the future but be more in the moment.

mohawk

My partner took a big pay cut when he changed to his current job. Sometimes he has doubts whether he did the right thing or not so I remind him of how unhappy he was in the last place. The stress was getting so much that my usual laid back easy going partner was changing before my eyes. I respect him for making the change. So many others stay in jobs they hate that are draining them of life, destroying their mental and physical health.

The decision you made is not pathetic. If your worried about your future you can start thinking about what you want next in life. Once you know what you want you can plan for it.

Tork

Lifeadvice wrote: »

Hi

I never said I planned on staying at home for ever I was talking about how I feel in the moment.

I already have the money for a deposit and would've bought only for house prices are crazy and I can't get a mortgage on my own.

I found your post quite judgemental and you made assumptions when you know very little about circumstances.

I never thought 10yrs ago this would be the situation I'd be in as I was always one to plan now I prefer to be practical about the future but be more in the moment.

You didn't tell us any of the above in your original post so don't you come back at me, accusing me of all sorts. I've struck a nerve, haven't I? I wasn't being judgemental at all - my post was coming from a place of concern. This rant says far more about you and your insecurities than it does about me.

Redjacketboy

Tork wrote: »

You didn't tell us any of the above in your original post so don't you come back at me, accusing me of all sorts. I've struck a nerve, haven't I? I wasn't being judgemental at all - my post was coming from a place of concern. This rant says far more about you and your insecurities than it does about me.

In fairness you did touch a nerve, it was what the OP came to look for help on originally. It is the basis of there problem.

OP you'll figure it out at some point in the meantime you are living with your parents, big deal. I'm married and have a friend who lives with her parents. Sometimes I look at her and think wouldn't that be nice. Society tells us we shouldn't live at home with out parents, but if it works for you ignore that.

Wanderer78

Tis becoming common, and I certainly wouldn't be self blaming either, we have failed at creating a better world for ourselves, particularly younger generations, anger, frustration and tensions are growing because of this. You were right to leave your job, lifes too short, try expand and grow personally through all of this, you will eventually get to where you want to be. Best of luck

L'prof

Tork wrote: »

It's good that you're in a good place mentally but maybe you might have a think about where you'd like to be in 10 years time. The one thing that concerns me a bit is your living conditions. I'm assuming that by living at home on a low paid job, you're not planning on buying a place of your own? I hope neither of your parents will ever need nursing home care but if that's the case, the family home might have to be sold to cover the costs under the Fair Deal scheme. I'm no expert on that so somebody else might come in and contradict me

Certainly seems to be the case. As someone with a parent currently availing of the fair deal scheme I know a little bit more about it, not all the ins and outs mind. Before entering the scheme all the parents assets and incomes are assessed and then a payment plan is agreed upon. This will be a certain amount weekly and a percentage of the house value when entering the deal payable when both parents have passed. It’s not an insignificant sum but if the house was worth keeping then the op could be saving towards that amount from when a parent entered the scheme

This is all based on the assumption that a parent might need to use this scheme but there’s every likelihood that they will not

Lu Tze

I did the exact same this year, changed jobs with a 50% cut in gross salary. Much happier now, stress levels are much lower, can enjoy my weekends again. Don't regret it at all.

Bit of a lifestyle adjustment for the paycut, but softened as the reduction was all at the marginal rate so only about 25% cut in net pay.

Airyfairy12

Tork wrote: »

It's good that you're in a good place mentally but maybe you might have a think about where you'd like to be in 10 years time. The one thing that concerns me a bit is your living conditions. I'm assuming that by living at home on a low paid job, you're not planning on buying a place of your own? I hope neither of your parents will ever need nursing home care but if that's the case, the family home might have to be sold to cover the costs under the Fair Deal scheme. I'm no expert on that so somebody else might come in and contradict me.

This is so random and oddly specific, youve thought something total random and applied it to the OP's situation like its a fact. You can plan all you want for the next 10 years but things dont always go to plan, thats life. Im sure the op didnt decide 10 years ago they wanted to be single and living with their parents in their 30's but hey ho, thats the way it goes.

OP. I had to move back in with my parents and will likely be here for the foreseeable unfortunately, its not ideal but whats the alternative? I could live in a shoe box with a group of messy, annoying strangers paying out my nose for someone elses mortgage or I could live at home with my family who I love, pay my way, save what I can and have a better quality of life.

Dont worry what others think of your living situation, youre the one that has to live your life, if you live the way other people expect you to, you'll be miserable.

Keep doing what youre doing, put yourself out there and make an effort with people you like, the rest will fall into place.

rolling boh

You made the correct decision at this time for your general wellbeing and that is the important thing I feel . You will however have to have a financial plan for the future I know you are still young enough but if you stay in a low enough paid job it will come back to bite you .Retirement is a long way off and nobody knows what will happen but having enough to keep things going when you are not working has to be considered. Best of luck and hope things go well for you .