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Pregnancy in your 30s

  • #1
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭✭✭ Moonteach8

    I am 32 and single. About 18 months ago I felt this huge pull towards buying my own home and having children after having lived my 20s carefree. So, I bought my own place and downloaded the apps...then along came covid.

    It is not an exaggeration to say every single one of my friends is pregnant or just had a baby. One of them is having their second baby having given birth last May. I am happy for them all but also jealous. I would love to have children. I've achieved success in my career, travelled the world and now I would just love to be in a great relationship and start my own family. I am trying not to panic about my age.

    What age were you when you had your baby/babies?


  • I was 27 having my first but that was 1989. Had another two by the time I was 31! And my 4th at 41. Probably the best time physically to have babies but my career (such as it was) stalled completely and we didn’t get to travel as much as I would have liked.
    Made up for it the past couple of years though!
    Ps. The only thing I’d change would be to join a workplace that facilitated career breaks etc.

  • I’d my first at 34 and I’m due my second in a few months at 39. Had some miscarriages last year so ideally wouldn’t have had such a gap in between them. I was the same in that I’ve travelled a lot and went back to college late twenties to study what I really wanted to do. I’d met my husband at 17 so we didn’t rush into kids

  • Met himself at 33, first at 36 second at 39.

    Conceived both on the first "attempt" .

    I made a flippant remark to the midwife about my age on the second baby, her reply was very much ,don't be worrying we see much older than take from that what you want :)

    Rhetoric qs: have you looked into getting a fertility I'm not sure how much is available in Ireland as not something I looked into, but it maybe an avenue worth exploring.

    Just be careful to not let your desire for children overlook any red flags a potential partner may have.

  • I had my first at 34 and my second at 36. Myself and my husband were together over a decade when my first arrived so it helped that we had a firm foundation before the madness arrived! You definitely don't need to be worrying about your age just yet, but as another poster said, don't fall into any relationship just to have a baby. There are lots of women doing it alone too, so you don't necessarily need a partner if the years go by and you are no closer to starting a relationship.

  • Moonteach8 you are still so young to have a baby, don't be stressing :)

    I wish I was in your situ. My ex-husband of 14 years suddenly left me when I was 38.
    We never had kids because he said he didn't want them - ever. I wasn't overly pushed as I was sort of in same frame of mind..
    He's remarried now with a baby and a toddler. All within 3 years of meeting his new wife.

    I'm in my mid 40's now and obvs option to have a baby is not even one for me now and my attitude changed to having my own kids a few years ago but I was single/not in right relationships. it sucks a bit.

    I bet you'll be out dating again in a few months and you'll meet someone great in the next 2-3 years if not sooner.
    You still have plenty of time to meet the right guy and have a baby with him.

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  • Had some irregularity around 35. Got it checked out and was well into perimenopause. No eggs left. Had a procedure to prepare for ivf and got pregnant naturally with twins shortly afterwards (reckon hormones were overcompensating for failing ovaries). Didn’t try for another after that for various reasons. Sometimes it’s fine to have them later and sometimes it doesn’t work out. But definitely keep a close eye on the cycles.

  • Lesalare, you sound like a lovely person and I hope you have a wonderful future ahead.

    Thank you for the replies all. I think this lockdown has left me overthinking a lot. But it has really made me realise that while I loved the career opportunities, the travel and the carefree living at the time, I would love to have a partner and a little family. I adore my nieces and nephews. I would love some little ones of my own, but only with the right partner of course.

    Hopefully in the near future my prince charming (or even just a kind, decent and caring guy!!) will cross my path and change my fate!

  • I was 38 having my first last year. We'd like to have another but haven't started trying yet. I had no issues becoming pregnant and had no complications due to my geriatric state :D

  • I was 34 I think when we started trying, 36 giving birth and continued to keep trying until I was about 42. Even then the nurses in the clinic were unconcerned about me being in my early forties.

    It's less about your own age, but more to do with the age and quantity of your eggs. You can get an AMH test in any fertility clinic (just a blood test) and the reading gives you an indication of what egg reserves you have. The test can't tell you though what quality the eggs are - that can only be determined through egg retrieval and upon fertilisation. But unless you were 40+ or you had other health issues that could affect fertility then it sounds like you've plenty of time on your side for now before you need to seriously worry.

  • I think fertility is a feast or a famine really. We couldn't pass on the stairs without me getting pregnant, and I had unbelievably easy pregnancies and births. My sister had terrible trouble. IVF, miscarriages etc etc. I felt so bad for her. It was a terrible time. Very happily she has one little one now, born when my sister was 42. My friend used to say it was a pity you couldn't turn your fertility off and on at will.

    Best of luck to anyone who is trying for a baby. I hope it all works out!

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  • Had my first at 19, then 25, then 28 and my last at 35.
    You still have loads of time OP, best of luck

  • 31 and 33 having my two. Seemed like a good time in life to have them - I'm 36 now and they are 5 and 3.

  • Started trying at 28, had a few issues, and eventually had two at age 32 and 35 for me. Those births were fine, but had some losses along the way. I wouldn't panic at age 32 at all.

    Unfortunately friends around my age did experience some age-related birth defects from about age 36 on though, so that's a risk I would bear in mind as well as the reduction in fertility. Cleft palate, heart defects etc become more common. Those are not untreatable, but of course if these can be minimised it's more ideal. Nobody wants to put their baby through multiple surgeries if it can be avoided.

    I'm in my early 40's, wouldn't attempt a pregnancy now personally. Not for my own sake per se, but the potential health of the child.

  • I've not had kids yet, but I did find myself in a similar situation to you OP a few years ago. I'd gone through a big breakup and really panicked about what kind of life I'd be able to have and how much time I had left to have kids.

    Last year I booked in for a Fertility MOT, and it was a huge reassurance to learn that I have pretty good ovarian reserve and good egg reserve and all is in working order. I've also met someone since and am currently going through some big life changes, and it's an assurance to me that once things have settled, I'll be with the right partner and in good health when we decide to start trying. It did also give me a conscientiousness about my health that I didn't always have - and led to dietary and lifestyle changes (including leaving a very stressful job).

    A friend of mine is about your age, single, and has decided she'll go the sperm donor route in a year or two if she hasn't met anyone by then. She's already researching it and has set her own timeline.

    My message here is 1. you have time and life happens unexpectedly to all of us, I've certainly found being in my 30s that relationships do tend to move quite quickly too and 2. you can take control of some of this and make your own plans if you don't meet someone.

  • I had my first at 30 (pregnant at 29). I'm 32 now and will start trying for another next year more than likely. We had been together 6 years when I was pregnant. Decided to have a baby at that age as we've seen lots of friends/colleagues taking a long time to conceive. Plus we just felt like it was the right time. Most people I know seem to have kids a lot older these days, mid-late 30's is definitely not unusual.

  • 30, 31 and 36.
    I knew when I came home after my first date with my now husband we'd most likely get married. I held off, but in hindsight we could have gotten married sooner and had our kids a year earlier.
    I found things moved fast, and weren't scary fast, when I met the right person.

  • Please be aware that while age is not a huge concern, medically anything over 35 is a geriatric pregnancy. There are extra risks, extra problems and less tolerance to extreme fatigue, gestational diabetes etc. I've seen the effects that stillbirths and miscarriages have first hand. If you have a stressful job... ditch it. If you have a stressful relationship... ditch it. If you want kids don't wait for perfection (mortgage, job etc). Most important things are a great relationship and desire to do your very best for your kids.

    One last thing: Kids will NOT improve a rocky relationship.

  • Moonteach, your only 32 that's still really young so I wouldn't panic yet.

    In my friends group we all had our babies from 31- right up to 41. I didn't have my 1st child until 35.

    Only 1 of us needed IVF so it's not all as doom + gloom as media makes out.

    My mother is in her 70s and had her 1st child in her early 30s, I suppose it would be like someone today being in 40s having 1st child.

    She was classed as a geratic mother.

    She said what was the rush and she was right, she thought her friends were mad getting married at 19 & 20.

    The most important thing is that you meet the right person. I meet my husband in my twenties & we were married a good few years before kids, but a difference I did note from friends who meet partners in 30s was that things seem to move quicker + some married or had kids within 2 years.

  • Had my babies at 28, 30 and 33. Met husband at 21. I have had unprotected sex three times in my life!

    32 is still plenty of time IMO. As others said, you could get a few checks done to be sure, maybe consider egg freezing or having a baby with a donor in another few years if things don't work out with finding the right guy.