Upset Child

nikim

Hi, I have a 5 year old daughter who since lockdown started has lost her playschool and childminder. She has now started Junior Infants and a new child minder but this is not going well. She is only with the child minder one or two days a week. She cries every time she has to go to her child minder and now this morning she cried going into school knowing she had to go to the child minders today. The school had to call me once before because she was upset in school having to go to the child minder that day.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated as I have tried everything I can think of. I have talked to my daughter to see if anything has happened in the minders, did anyone say anything to her, hurt her etc. She says no she just doesn't like going there. She loved her previous child minder. She can be quite shy around new people and if there are a lot of people around.

Many thanks.

bee06

I don’t have any suggestions but am going through something similar with my three year old.

He went back to preschool two weeks ago, I went back to work the same week and he started with a childminder too. He was sick last week so was off pre school and has been really upset going to the childminder and preschool. Refusing to get dressed and saying he doesn’t want to go. I’m putting it down to the big changes and hope he adjusts soon but Easter holidays next week won’t help.

shesty

The kids are all over the place at the moment. I was only saying it elsewhere, they are not settling back well, certainly not as easily as the last time this happened. We have a 6 and 4 year old - everyday they tell us they don't want to go to the minder (Never an issue before).4 year old, I have had 2 weeks of not wanting to go into the preschool in the mornings, and again, this was never an issue. Dreading the 2 weeks holiday to be honest, because the battle will start all over again then. I can see other kids in our preschool are the same, lots of tears in the mornings from kids who would never have batted an eyelid normally.St Patrick's day off last week did not help things one bit. My 6 year old has told me several times she got sad because she missed me during the day, and I know this is happening across the JI and SI classes in her school. Noticing a lot of long goodbyes going on at the school gate with the older year classes now too, only back since last week. It really brings home how much damage this lockdown idea does to them.


Did you ask the minder is she ok when she was there, or is anything going on? There has been an awful lot of upheaval for them. I would hope that once Easter gets over with and a routine is settled again it might improve. Also I find 1 or 2 days a week can actually be difficult because it throws them out of their "normal" so it could be that too, especially if she is only back at the minder after all that time off the last few months. But I suppose all you can do is satisfy yourself that nothing is going on at the minders at least and see how it goes.

I've 4 kids from ages 2 to 17.
Ive had my fear experience with childminders, creches, and school tears.
My opinion would be especially with a 5 year old who can communicate quite well is that there is the possibility something just isn't right with the new childminder. This is your child's way of telling you something just feels off and they don't feel secure going there.
If it were me I would trust and listen to my child's crys for attention and change childminders for sure.
Do u know the childminder personally? Do they come with good references? Is there other children in their care? Could it be another child not making yours comfortable?

nikim

We have decided to change the childminder so for now we will keep her at home after school with us. We will have to get another minder though! She did the same this morning at the school gate with my husband just saying she would miss us too much. I think maybe its a separation anxiety issue. The Easter holiday break will not help but what can we do.

When we got the childminder she was very involved and seemed to like her and her 4 year old daughter so we had no issues but yesterday we found out she told her friend in school that the minders was horrible! So that made up our minds that we would not use her anymore.

I don't want to fall into the trap though of doing everything my daughters wants though. I know she has to learn that we have to go to work and she will have to go to a minder but its so hard when the big tears come!!

I was thinking of maybe ringing the district nurse to get some advice but I don't want to give my daughter any more reason to act up. That sounds bad but you know the way children can wrap you around their little fingers, if she thinks all she has to do is cry and she gets her way. I have had two parents say to me don't give in to her that she will try it on all the time.

shesty

Yeah I'll be honest it is a very tricky line to walk.They are all missing mammy and daddy at the moment, but when it comes to school and that being said it is more straightforward, they just have to go to school. It is very difficult with a minder though.

I have to ask, when you say there is another 4 year old there, does your child have siblings firstly??and is the 4 year old the minder's child or another child?You are right, she could keep at this no matter where you send her, and then you do have to trust your judgement at a certain point and put the foot down.Hopefully you find a minder soon that works out better for you.