Forgotten birthday

LegacyUser

It was my husbands birthday 3 weeks ago and I made a point to buy him a card and bake him a cake. I was laid off work last year and I've struggled since to secure a job. I've had interviews with no success and this bringing me to the fact that I don't have a decent income anymore. My husband never lost his job and thankfully we've be able to survive from his income. This brings me to letting you know that I was able to buy him something small and make him his favourite cake.

My birthday was today and I received nothing. We are together 8 years with two children and he didn't even buy me a card for the children to give to me. He hasn't even awknowledge the day. I will admit we've over the years told each other not to buy each other anything and usually we end up giving each other a card and a gift card for a store of our choice. It's a small joke between us of who can take the comment seriously. This year though not only did he take the comment seriously, it seems like he's forgotten the day completely. I've spent all day cleaning and cooking for everyone and just mainly having a normal day. My husband came home from work, kicked his shoes off and said he would kill for a take away even though I handed him his dinner. I was thinking oh this might be his way of saying happy birthday. Nothing. My two boys are in their rooms playing games, my husband is in the kitchen watching TV and I'm in the sitting room writing this out. My friends have texted me and my family have texted me but my husband has completely forgotten. I want to say he forgot or he has just ignored the day altogether.

It's now 7pm and usually around this time me and my husband would put on a movie or a TV series and completely relax for the evening but tonight and the last couple of nights it's like he doesn't want to be in the same house as me nevermind the same room.

Happy Birthday Eh

Hannibal_Smith

Aww Happy Birthday OP.

Go say it to your husband - like not in an argumentative way. Maybe he just forgot? Don't sit by yourself.

Dial Hard

I forget birthdays (including my own) aaaallllll the time. I get that you're upset but sitting in the other room stewing about it isn't going to achieve anything - go and talk to him. He'll likely be morto.

YellowLead

I would echo Hannibal and DH here - just say it to him and he will probably be mortified and apologetic.

Has it not come up in conversation at all? Like you didn’t say anything like ‘now don’t make a fuss on Tuesday for my birthday’ or hey I’m sure the boys have lovely cards hands made for me, in a jokey way even, or ‘not sure how I feel about turning X.’

People forget birthdays all the time, it doesn’t mean anything.
If the two of you don’t talk much anymore, well there are bigger fishes to fry.

Happy birthday OP, I’m glad you’ve had texts from family and friends at least.

osarusan

Go and tell him, but in a calm way, or even jokey way.

His reaction will tell you everything.

Do it while there is still time for him to head to the shop for a cake or something, and while the kids are awake too.

Tig98

Better off saying it out right. He will know that you remembered your own birthday and likely other people did too, so it looks almost like you're setting a trap by intentionally omitting it.

Approach it gently, ask if he's been stressed or whatever, and say that you feel a bit hurt that between himself and the kids it wasn't even mentioned

mojesius

Happy Birthday!

Not trying to make excuses for him but I find that the days all blend into one with these bloody lockdowns. I've no idea half the time what day or date it is.

Definitely say it to him, don't stay there upset!

Also, my sister did a great thing for us all to remember bdays/occasions etc. She got a photo calendar made with special dates called out. Definitely helps with pre-planning these things.

Hope you are okay and enjoy your birthday x

pale rider

My wife loves birthdays, maybe ten years back I was working until the wee hours and forgot her birthday, I had to be reminded late morning, I was ‘punished ‘ for forgetting, no excuses possible, I was morto..

10 months pass by and my birthday rolls up, it was brilliant....she forgot !...and I got to hint at her until the penny dropped, then came the tears as she was annoyed with herself..

Get yourself in there and tell him you are putting on the kettle for a birthday cuppa for yourself and would he like one..

TheadoreT

If you two have a running joke where you both always ignore the "don't buy anything for each others birthday" maybe he's leaving you sweat today for a bit as an extended period.

I've got faith in him haha.

Happy birthday in any case!

beauf

Maybe be honest with yourself and him and admit you like a tiny bit of fuss on a birthday.

I'm terrible with dates. I would hope my partner knows me well enough to remind me. Repeatedly.

Juicyfruit

Have your really just spent the whole day eating yourself up and being annoyed because he forgot? Why not just say it to him? Why hasn't the fact that your birthday was Coming up been mentioned before today?
Does nobody communicate anymore?
I'm not being bad OP but you would have made the day less horrible for yourself if you had have just addressed the issue this morning.
Yes it's ****ty that he forgot and I hope he's mortified and makes up for it but at the same time, I feel like everyone is a bit all over the place at the minute so maybe he doesn't even realise what date it is.

LegacyUser

Sorry for the later reply to all who has responded. The lack of communication is down to my husband walking into the house from work, his dinner made for him and he goes into the kitchen to watch TV and sits in there until bedtime. This has been going on the last couple of nights. The most he has said to me was he asked which son has the GP appointment and that was that. I have my own car so I am able to bring him. This was on Saturday evening and since then barely a hello.

I'm a 36 year old woman and honestly I don't have the patience for cat and mouse games and he knows this. Usually I would be the one to step up and say what I feel but yesterday truly left me upset. Nevermind my two boys not knowing as they are kids themselves but my husband not even showing a hint of knowing. Birthdays aren't are huge deal after you reach the big numbers and I get that but being off work, trying my hardest to find work I would of thinked that he would have one day to allow me to enjoy and not run around after everyone

I went into him after I read the replies thinking he will be moto and I was met with a we'll did you want anything for your birthday and that it was a bit late in the evening to be telling him what I wanted. All I said was a cup of tea and an awknowledgment that was it. He said that he was busy in work and after work to be running around buying things. Like I said, he comes home from work, kicks his shoes off and watches TV so I can vouch that he actually doesn't do anything after work. He works in construction in a suppliers shop and often starts at 7am and can return home 6pm, 6.30pm the latest. He doesn't work Sundays and usually that day is him catching up with the kids and running about with them.

I didn't argue with him or get upset towards him. I just made myself a cup of tea, I showered and put on a film myself with some sweets I bought. Called the boys down and one of them shot down the stairs to watch a film with me. I told him it was my birthday and that it was a pleasure to spend the evening with him with a film and he hugged me and said happy birthday momma. That cheered me up nicely. My husband stayed in the kitchen.

He has a half day today and the boys will be in school when he comes home so my plan is to doll myself up (as much as you can on a lockdown) and make my favourite meal and tell him it's a birthday meal to myself and if I get no responce then I know that there's something going on he's not talking about. It could be work related for all I know but this lack of awknowledgment has thrown me in the loop a little bit.

Lockdown has well and truly gotten into the heart of people and what probably would not have upset me previously, has upset me and I plan on letting him know. Usually communication is great and I firmly think me being out of work is testing us a little bit. Obviously it wasn't an option and in trying to get back out there but communication side of things the last couple of days have slipped

heretothere

I was going to say he probably just forgot until I read your response.

It does sound like he forgot, but he should have at least apologised and said he would make up for it over the next week or so with a take away and a movie or something like that. I know everything is a bit up in the air this year so I can understand him forgetting but his reaction when you told him wasn't very nice at all. I do like a little bit of fuss on my birthday and my husband knows that, I'm not talking fireworks and a stupidly expensive gift. Just a happy birthday, a card and maybe some chocolate.

YellowLead

Hi OP, this latest update changes the nature of advice you are seeking. There is a lot more at play than a forgotten birthday.

It sounds like there is little communication and a cooling off between yourself and your husband. If all is okay in a relationship then a forgotten birthday means nada.

As you said, this lockdown is really tough on everybody and has so many relationships at breaking point.

If I were you I would cook a special meal and tell your husband you would like to share dinner and a chat with him, I wouldn’t keep bringing it back to the birthday. Getting him to open up may be tough if he isn’t much of a talker normally but you could start by talking about the kids and asking him how work is going and then sharing that you are feeling lonely and while you respect he needs his alone time after a hard days work, you would like to share in some of that time too and do more together.

Good luck! It’s not easy.

LegacyUser

YellowLead wrote: »

Hi OP, this latest update changes the nature of advice you are seeking. There is a lot more at play than a forgotten birthday.

It sounds like there is little communication and a cooling off between yourself and your husband. If all is okay in a relationship then a forgotten birthday means nada.

As you said, this lockdown is really tough on everybody and has so many relationships at breaking point.

If I were you I would cook a special meal and tell your husband you would like to share dinner and a chat with him, I wouldn’t keep bringing it back to the birthday. Getting him to open up may be tough if he isn’t much of a talker normally but you could start by talking about the kids and asking him how work is going and then sharing that you are feeling lonely and while you respect he needs his alone time after a hard days work, you would like to share in some of that time too and do more together.

Good luck! It’s not easy.

Husband came home early due to booking a half day. He seemed in a better mood when he walked in and apologised for forgetting and that he thought it was today that's why he booked an early day. He said his heart sank when he overheard my youngest saying happy birthday as he genuinely thought it was today. I didn't give him the silent treatment or made him feel any worst. We had a small fry up and the boys will be home later and we'll have a take away. Husband gave me a card with an apology written inside and that I can pick a day of my choice and he has to do the cooking and cleaning etc. Don't mind if I bloody do! It's the simple things that I appreciate. My little upset moment yesterday was due to me putting 2 and 2 together making 5. He explained that his answer last night was his defence for forgetting and he felt so bad that he couldn't think of a valid reason and knew that forgetting was worst. I don't hold it against him and as someone who says how I feel and faily communicative, I was even shocked myself yesterday that I resorted to not speaking to him properly.

Who said marriage was easy??

Coopaloop

Forgotten birthday wrote: »

Husband came home early due to booking a half day. He seemed in a better mood when he walked in and apologised for forgetting and that he thought it was today that's why he booked an early day. He said his heart sank when he overheard my youngest saying happy birthday as he genuinely thought it was today. I didn't give him the silent treatment or made him feel any worst. We had a small fry up and the boys will be home later and we'll have a take away. Husband gave me a card with an apology written inside and that I can pick a day of my choice and he has to do the cooking and cleaning etc. Don't mind if I bloody do! It's the simple things that I appreciate. My little upset moment yesterday was due to me putting 2 and 2 together making 5. He explained that his answer last night was his defence for forgetting and he felt so bad that he couldn't think of a valid reason and knew that forgetting was worst. I don't hold it against him and as someone who says how I feel and faily communicative, I was even shocked myself yesterday that I resorted to not speaking to him properly.

Who said marriage was easy??

Really pleased to hear this!

Enjoy your evening

heretothere

That's great. Ah we all do it! I usually do over the silliest of things that usually wouldn't upset me in the slightest, thankfully not very often.
Pick Christmas day for the cooking and cleaning :-D

AmberAmber

This is just a general opinion of mine i have had for many years but might be something for so many to think about.
Birthdays are one only very few things I believe are truly our own.. a day we all need to bring joy and happiness to our lives. Celebrate another year alive, wow.. a privilege many cant Celebrate this year. Share you Birthdays, tell people weeks ahead its your birthday. Post it on your social media pages.. your looking forward to your birthday day... make plans.. be it a phone call.. a home cooked dinner you love or a treat. Expecting others to remember has disappointed so many. Tell people you want birthday cards, phone call with old friends, a day with significant others. Ask for what you want.. you know what you want.

Katgurl

AmberAmber wrote: »

This is just a general opinion of mine i have had for many years but might be something for so many to think about.
Birthdays are one only very few things I believe are truly our own.. a day we all need to bring joy and happiness to our lives. Celebrate another year alive, wow.. a privilege many cant Celebrate this year. Share you Birthdays, tell people weeks ahead its your birthday. Post it on your social media pages.. your looking forward to your birthday day... make plans.. be it a phone call.. a home cooked dinner you love or a treat. Expecting others to remember has disappointed so many. Tell people you want birthday cards, phone call with old friends, a day with significant others. Ask for what you want.. you know what you want.

I love this and totally agree.

Delighted to read your update OP, I hope you had a lovely evening.

punisher5112

Dublin bus, bus eireann looking for drivers worth a shot op if you can't find anything.

Stan27

Jaysus. Ita a birthday, its nothing important and he simply forgot.
Life is too short.

Rubberchikken

To some a birthday is important. And being remembered on the day with even just a happy birthday wish it a card can matter.

Op I'm glad it turned out good. And the offer to cook and clean can beat a box of chocs hands down some days:)

Take care