Sly tactics from Siblings to get extra share in the will?

Deemed as Normal

How do you spot the red flags for this? I see a lot of this amongst extended families. For example, one of my grandaunts at the moment has got a bit senile and people are suspicious of how her daughter has become attached to her. As the will is not yet made! It's suspected that the farm that her son has worked on for the last 30 years mightn't even go to him!

Also, when my granddad on my mother's side past away, one of my aunties on that side went psycho the day of the funeral because my dad (an in-law) and her brother, had been made executors of the will instead of her. Her father obviously didn't trust her with the money! On that same day both this auntie, and one of her sisters, did not pay for the meal that their families had in the town hotel. They had it charged 'to the the tab' or something, and of course there was no tab, but the family had a good name and that brother lived near by, so he paid for it a few days later. They refused to answer his calls when he complained about this. One of these two still doesn't talk to to that uncle of mine!

All this makes me worry a bit about my own siblings. When my sister gave out to my dad for buying a holiday house I began to see a different side to her. If I've learned anything, it's that you shouldn't assume that just because someone gives out about how terrible someone else was to deceive so and so out of their money, does not mean that they, themselves, aren't capable of doing the exact same thing! I think a good thing to do also (in the case of dysfunctional families) is to take photographs of rooms in the house, as various items might start to disappear.

PsychoPete

The easiest way to divide a family is with money

StevenToast

The trick is to have as little family as possible.

Deemed as Normal

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

has got a bit senile

If so, as far as I'm aware they wouldn't be of sound mind, thus unable to change their will, I believe? (to prevent exactly these situations occurring).

StevenToast

StevenToast wrote: »

The trick is to have as little family as possible.

Exactly - so everyone gets a bigger share of the jackpot. :P

mailforkev

My folks have a fair old wedge but, to be honest, I just hope that they live long enough to blow it all on themselves hookers and coke.

Don't worry about what you will have when your parents die.
Just enjoy what you have when your parents are alive.

In my own case I've cut the mother out of my life and don't expect to be included in the will. I've asked not to be as the money is insignificant to the hurt she caused me and irreparable damage. Mentally no sum is worth dealing with her.
There is some properties, land and a good bit of cash in it for sure. 2 of my siblings are attached to her in the face of the same similar reasons they should have cut her away.

I couldn't care less if I don't get a cent and mentally prepared for it. I don't expect anything for free and will build my own assets and career. Its definitely not worth falling out over with siblings. I have seen it with aunties and uncles on both sides. Everyone bitter on how their parents (my grandparents) assets were divided.

As a society, Ireland has become far too greedy and money motivated over maintaining relationships.

Scratchly

StevenToast wrote: »

The trick is to have as little family as possible.

Or as little money as possible. Can't fight over inheritance if there's nothing to inherit.

mailforkev

mailforkev wrote: »

My folks have a fair old wedge but, to be honest, I just hope that they live long enough to blow it all on themselves hookers and coke.

This.

My folks would be paper millionaires but I want to see them enjoy their retirement.

Fly first class, experience the world now that they have finished working overtime and dragging us up.

My uncle guilted the granny into signing the house over on the death bed over 6 siblings, ****ed off back to the uk, and never returned. Good house rotted away. Some people are just dirtbags but look, if you didn’t already have it you won’t miss it.

mikeym

Some families are ripped apart over wills and who got what.

Some people are pure greedy.

mikeym

mikeym wrote: »

Some families are ripped apart over wills and who got what.

Some people are pure greedy.

It's absolutely mind boggling to me. Recent shootings in Cork come to mind.

The madness that was driven by inheritance is unfathomable. By all accounts these were sane rational people until the dispute.

corner of hells

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

How do you spot the red flags for this? I see a lot of this amongst extended families. For example, one of my grandaunts at the moment has got a bit senile and people are suspicious of how her daughter has become attached to her. As the will is not yet made! It's suspected that the farm that her son has worked on for the last 30 years mightn't even go to him!

Also, when my granddad on my mother's side past away, one of my aunties on that side went psycho the day of the funeral because my dad (an in-law) and her brother, had been made executors of the will instead of her. Her father obviously didn't trust her with the money! On that same day both this auntie, and one of her sisters, did not pay for the meal that their families had in the town hotel. They had it charged 'to the the tab' or something, and of course there was no tab, but the family had a good name and that brother lived near by, so he paid for it a few days later. They refused to answer his calls when he complained about this. One of these two still doesn't talk to to that uncle of mine!

All this makes me worry a bit about my own siblings.

Start by bumping off a few relatives , the bloke who farms the land should be first to go.
Then maybe look at various other characters, the local priest, probably a wierd neighbour or two as well should be obvious targets.

Seth Brundle

Where there's a will, there's a way greedy relative!

Eggs For Dinner

mikeym wrote: »

Some families are ripped apart over wills and who got what.

Some people are pure greedy.

I fully accept that it is a real thing, but fighting over a will is disgusting.

Deemed as Normal

PsychoPete wrote: »

The easiest way to divide a family is with money

Thanks for reminding me

Back Home

Susan Fierce Scatterbrain wrote: »

In my own case I've cut the mother out of my life and don't expect to be included in the will. I've asked not to be as the money is insignificant to the hurt she caused me and irreparable damage. Mentally no sum is worth dealing with her.
There is some properties, land and a good bit of cash in it for sure. 2 of my siblings are attached to her in the face of the same similar reasons they should have cut her away.

I couldn't care less if I don't get a cent and mentally prepared for it. I don't expect anything for free and will build my own assets and career. Its definitely not worth falling out over with siblings. I have seen it with aunties and uncles on both sides. Everyone bitter on how their parents (my grandparents) assets were divided.

As a society, Ireland has become far too greedy and money motivated over maintaining relationships.

I'm in the same boat as you, but don't cut your nose off to spite your face, take the money and give it to a charity, some good might come from her treatment of you.

Hyperbollix

Unmarried/childless uncles and aunts are a minefield.

I had one of each on either side of the family who practically lived in my house growing up. My Dad was my uncle's first port of call for anything and everything for as long as I can remember. He lived a mile away and was part of the family.
My mother looked after her aunt and acted as her carer for the last few years of her life. In both cases, these people had nobody apart from my parents. And in both cases they left lock stock and barrel to other relatives who they had largely nothing to do with. People began "working on them" in the last year or two of their lives and wills were changed that had been in place for years. This craic is practically a fúcking industry in rural Ireland.

Treppen

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

How do you spot the red flags for this? I see a lot of this amongst extended families. For example, one of my grandaunts at the moment has got a bit senile and people are suspicious of how her daughter has become attached to her. As the will is not yet made! It's suspected that the farm that her son has worked on for the last 30 years mightn't even go to him!

Also, when my granddad on my mother's side past away, one of my aunties on that side went psycho the day of the funeral because my dad (an in-law) and her brother, had been made executors of the will instead of her. Her father obviously didn't trust her with the money! On that same day both this auntie, and one of her sisters, did not pay for the meal that their families had in the town hotel. They had it charged 'to the the tab' or something, and of course there was no tab, but the family had a good name and that brother lived near by, so he paid for it a few days later. They refused to answer his calls when he complained about this. One of these two still doesn't talk to to that uncle of mine!

All this makes me worry a bit about my own siblings.

Your aunt has gotten stuck and her daughter has being paying her more attention!!

You think this is a red flag?

pgj2015

I have seen 1 relative in my family try to get the lot, will was definitely changed and he managed to get his name on my dead relatives credit union book, if this happens, then that person gets the contents of the credit union account. when money comes into things you see what some people are really like. in my case I think there was maybe 10,000 in the credit union but if there was a million euro in it im sure he would have taken it as well.

Deemed as Normal

Treppen wrote: »

Your aunt has gotten stuck and her daughter has being paying her more attention!!

You think this is a red flag?

How do you know whether or not my aunt has a daughter? And what do you mean she's gotten stuck? I don't think I had this aunt in mind when I mentioned red flags!

freshpopcorn

When a relative needs further assistance I've seen a few different situations.

There already close to somebody and that person continues to look after them.

Sometimes other people begin to help out but they may have always being on the scene in some forum.

Somebody lands on all of a sudden to try and take over.(This would be concerning).

Another situation is a bunch of siblings sit on their hands and do nothing and they label the one who tries and help out the older person as a gold digger.

Regarding the second situation you mentioned.
In my experience the family decided what type of funeral/reception that they can afford or the person can out of their estate or they may have being instructions left and how it's going to be paid.
So, a family, extended family, neighbors, friends, etc all go for a meal. When I did work in a restaurant. They was generally a phone call to say weather they wanted a three course meal or soup and sandwiches and for approx of people. Generally one person paid either on the day or some time later. I didn't see a family splitting the bill.

mikhail

I assume I'll inherit nothing. That's unlikely to be true, but at least I won't be jealous of what I don't have any claim to. If any of my siblings or in-laws goes mad over an inheritance, I'll consider it a cheap lesson in who to cut all ties with.

Deemed as Normal

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

How do you know whether or not my aunt has a daughter?

Because you said she did?

I don't think I had this aunt in mind when I mentioned red flags!

WTF? Are we supposed to guess your family tree?

I expect and need nothing and prefer any relative died on their last dime, having emptied their bank accounts enjoying their last years and living out their dreams.

I don't see any friction between my siblings and I when our dad goes, but I know from my grandfathers and mums death that there will be members of the extended family who will be stuffed to the brim with opinions that nobody has asked them for.

There's nothing like a family death to bring out the vultures. My very much alive grandmother came home from the shops one day to find one of her own sons getting her house valued with an estate agent. Most people are nice, but some people are very much not.

pgj2015

Does anyone know why there can be 2 names on a credit union book? like say a brother had a book and his brothers name is on it. surely there is no need to have anyone else's name on it?

pgj2015

pgj2015 wrote: »

Does anyone know why there can be 2 names on a credit union book? like say a brother had a book and his brothers name is on it. surely there is no need to have anyone else's name on it?

Maybe the two brothers set it up to cover funeral costs or for other shared expenses like the upkeep of a parents house or similar.

mikhail

pgj2015

Candie wrote: »

Maybe the two brothers set it up to cover funeral costs or for other shared expenses like the upkeep of a parents house or similar.

I don't think so. the brother with his name on the book encouraged the dead brother to change his will in favor of himself. the contents of the book should have been divided between all the dead brothers siblings.

Ginger83

PsychoPete wrote: »

The easiest way to divide a family is with money

And land! When we moved into this area we were advised not to have much to do with a family down the road.
An elderly gent living alone was befriended by a married woman, organised by the husband seemingly.
When the old boy passed the family found out he had left the lot to the married woman, house, farm and a small fortune.
The old boy wasn't gone a wet week and the husband had moved in.
There was a rumour that blackmail was used as people believe he had fathered one of the kids.

It only takes one person who **** the whole thing up.
And at the end of the day if someone fights it then odds are they'll end up with the same as (or less than) what they'd get if they allow themselves to get ****ed over once the solicitors get their few stone of flesh out of the process.

Deemed as Normal

Deleted User wrote: »

Because you said she did?

No, that was my grand aunt, not my aunt.

The story I told about my aunt is also there.

corner of hells

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

No, that was my grand aunt, not my aunt.

The story I told about my aunt is also there.

Ahhhhh , that makes things clearer.

Pintman Paddy Losty

It can work to your advantage. My wife's parents were fairly well off but very difficult people. My wife's brother lived with them and looked after them for many years but towards the end found them too difficult to deal with. He left them and moved down the country. I have a decent size house so we moved them in to a granny flat.

Her father passed away only 3 months later. Her mother lasted another 9 after that. We were left everything in the will including their family home. My wife insisted we give some cash to the brother, but it was very little compared to the value of the home. I think he has drank most of it now.

The sale of the in laws home has allowed us to live very comfortably and was worth putting up with them for the few months they were here.

Some odd stories here.

I’m likely to inherit 1/3 of a semi detached myself. And happy enough with that.

Deemed as Normal

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

It can work to your advantage. My wife's parents were fairly well off but very difficult people. My wife's brother lived with them and looked after them for many years but towards the end found them too difficult to deal with. He left them and moved down the country. I have a decent size house so we moved them in to a granny flat.

Her father passed away only 3 months later. Her mother lasted another 9 after that. We were left everything in the will including their family home. My wife insisted we give some cash to the brother, but it was very little compared to the value of the home. I think he has drank most of it now.

The sale of the in laws home has allowed us to live very comfortably and was worth putting up with them for the few months they were here.

I can only imagine what he says about ye!

KaneToad

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Some odd stories here.

I’m likely to inherit 1/3 of a semi detached myself. And happy enough with that.

Wait until you find out that you're not getting that 1/3. Then let us know what you think about everyone else's odd stories.

shtpEdthePlum

A relative is very likely to make life very unpleasant for the rest of the family in the event of our parents passing. Very hopeful we won't need to deal with their sh!t for a good few years now. The obvious thing to do is just not bother with the money, but it's far more complicated than that for various reasons, so I'm expecting a lengthy process to sort it out. It makes me nauseous when I think about it. At least it's almost definitely a long ways away. I really love my parents and it's going to be hard enough to imagine a life without them even before all the added trauma of the rest of it.

KaneToad

KaneToad wrote: »

Wait until you find out that you're not getting that 1/3. Then let us know what you think about everyone else's odd stories.

Well 1) I wouldn’t care and don’t need it and 2) not going to happen.

up for anything

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

How do you spot the red flags for this? I see a lot of this amongst extended families. For example, one of my grandaunts at the moment has got a bit senile and people are suspicious of how her daughter has become attached to her. As the will is not yet made! It's suspected that the farm that her son has worked on for the last 30 years mightn't even go to him!

Also, when my granddad on my mother's side past away, one of my aunties on that side went psycho the day of the funeral because my dad (an in-law) and her brother, had been made executors of the will instead of her. Her father obviously didn't trust her with the money! On that same day both this auntie, and one of her sisters, did not pay for the meal that their families had in the town hotel. They had it charged 'to the the tab' or something, and of course there was no tab, but the family had a good name and that brother lived near by, so he paid for it a few days later. They refused to answer his calls when he complained about this. One of these two still doesn't talk to to that uncle of mine!

All this makes me worry a bit about my own siblings. When my sister gave out to my dad for buying a holiday house I began to see a different side to her. If I've learned anything, it's that you shouldn't assume that just because someone gives out about how terrible someone else was to deceive so and so out of their money, does not mean that they, themselves, aren't capable of doing the exact same thing! I think a good thing to do also (in the case of dysfunctional families) is to take photographs of rooms in the house, as various items might start to disappear.

I know from just these few opening paragraphs of the novel that the narrator is the one who is going to stir the family about the will and what is to be gained out of it and by whom. By the end of the book, they'll either be in prison or sitting pretty as the last person standing. Seriously? Take photographs of all the rooms in the house. What a cheeky and entitled thing to think of doing! I hope the parents leave all their worldly goods to a cats' home and give their spawn the bum's rush.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Some odd stories here.

I’m likely to inherit 1/3 of a semi detached myself. And happy enough with that.

Culchies (and especially land) are where it can really get out of hand.

Relative of mine's been ****ed over and around a few times. A woman he spent 50 years helping with her property (and dozens of acres) had said she'd leave most of it to him. She was childless, had lived on the property with 2 sisters who died before her. Less than a year before she passed and she was becoming more infirm a "family friend" popped over from England, he never saw her again and was left nothing. He had no legal standing to do anything about it and I don't think he's that worried about it but there are plenty of hungry ****ers out there.
Also he got divorced. She put him through the ringer, he was out 10s of thousands in legal fees (both hers and his). She overplayed her hand and by revealing some of his details she exposed herself as well. The extra money she got out of him didn't cover what she lost out on but cost him nearly everything he built up over his life. Which was probably the point. After it was all said and done he had 4 small plots of land left. They had 4 sons. Plan was 1 apiece. Instead she put him through almost 5 years of legal nonsense and in the end the judge suggested what he had offered in the first place. So he was out enough in legal fees for one of the sites to be gone.
Nasty, nasty business.

I'm one of three kids. If we inherit the house (parents aren't loaded so may be gone for a nursing home, who knows?) the three of us have said it's being split 3 ways. If one of us is living there at the time and wants to stay then they can and maintain upkeep but ownership will stay as it was. Will likely have to pay a solicitor a nonsense fee to make it official which still won't actually be worth anything if someone wants to contest it) but hopefully the other 2 don't decide to **** me over. :P

Victor

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

Sly tactics from Siblings to get extra share in the will?

Kill off the siblings.

yabadabado

shtpEdthePlum wrote: »

A relative is very likely to make life very unpleasant for the rest of the family in the event of our parents passing.

I'm guessing they aren't your sibling ,so wondering how they would make life unpleasant?

yabadabado

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm one of three kids. If we inherit the house (parents aren't loaded so may be gone for a nursing home, who knows?) the three of us have said it's being split 3 ways. If one of us is living there at the time and wants to stay then they can and maintain upkeep but ownership will stay as it was. Will likely have to pay a solicitor a nonsense fee to make it official which still won't actually be worth anything if someone wants to contest it) but hopefully the other 2 don't decide to **** me over. :P

If one of the 3 kids wanted to live there would it not make more sense to buy out the other two?

Why would one person maintain it but then have no real rights .

KungPao

I think all these houses and land in wills should be given to the homeless and new Irish. Have a heart.

yabadabado

yabadabado wrote: »

If one of the 3 kids wanted to live there would it not make more sense to buy out the other two?

If they were able to get a mortgage, not everyone is.

Why would one person maintain it but then have no real rights .

They could live there rent free and pay for upkeep or move and pay €1200 a month for a comparable place.

KungPao

KungPao wrote: »

I think all these houses and land in wills should be given to the homeless and new Irish. Have a heart.

I’d rather see them demolished.

GingerLily

Deemed as Normal wrote: »

How do you spot the red flags for this? I see a lot of this amongst extended families. For example, one of my grandaunts at the moment has got a bit senile and people are suspicious of how her daughter has become attached to her. As the will is not yet made! It's suspected that the farm that her son has worked on for the last 30 years mightn't even go to him!

Also, when my granddad on my mother's side past away, one of my aunties on that side went psycho the day of the funeral because my dad (an in-law) and her brother, had been made executors of the will instead of her. Her father obviously didn't trust her with the money! On that same day both this auntie, and one of her sisters, did not pay for the meal that their families had in the town hotel. They had it charged 'to the the tab' or something, and of course there was no tab, but the family had a good name and that brother lived near by, so he paid for it a few days later. They refused to answer his calls when he complained about this. One of these two still doesn't talk to to that uncle of mine!

Firstly, disgusting that your jumping to conclusions about a daughter caring for her sick mother, it's a tough job and a heck of a burden. It says a lot about you that you're mind goes to there.

Also, it's tradition for the estate to pay for the meal the day of the funeral. I know it was the last thing on my mind when I was burying my own mother. Your uncle's sound like the cheap ones here.

Your views on money, family and inheritance are so odd.

Aglomerado

I've noticed it in my own family lately as some aunts and uncles are 80+. I have a second cousin who works in one town ( has a house share there ) but he has a few days every week in another town 60 miles away staying with my unmarried aunt -his grand aunt- who has a potentially valuable house. He might have a wait though. Aunt is still active and healthy and could live to be 90+.

I also had an unmarried uncle who lived with my grandparents, when they died he got everything, large house, small amount of land. Some of my cousins cosied up to him and one of them got him to build a house on a plot next door to his own (he was a builder) so that he would have 'company' in his old age. The cousin didn't have to wait long, he died just short of 70 following a short illness a couple of years after the new house was finished, cousin scooped the lot.

People told me at the time I missed the boat on that, I should have cosied up to him too, but no amount of money would have made me do it, he wasn't welcoming to me when my grandparents were alive so I always had a dislike of him.

yabadabado

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If they were able to get a mortgage, not everyone is.

They could live there rent free and pay for upkeep or move and pay €1200 a month for a comparable place.

Not getting a mortgage could be an issue but owning 1/3 of the house will help.

Living there rent free would be good but then will the other 2 people be happy long term ?
At some stage it will have to be sold to one person or it will get very messy.
What happens down the line when you and your siblings are making a will or one of you die.
All of a sudden there is someone new on the deeds who wants their cut.