Odd neighbour

Jequ0n

I still think cctv would help any report/ claim before the police it’s but up to the op

Caranica

Jequ0n wrote: »

I still think cctv would help any report/ claim before the police it’s but up to the op

Yes, OP you were advised on page 1 to get CCTV or a doorbell camera. Did you get either? Ideally something with two way conversation so you can talk through the camera if he's lingering outside your property.

LegacyUser

Hi op here

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I got own little cctv camera at the back for now, it covers the area within my own boundary. Unfortunately, he always stands in someone else's property (the neighbours he is friendly with) to view my house, which is out of sight of my cctv camera.

I have some annual leave coming up in the next few weeks, I plan to get a fence out up and a cctv company out to install CCTV at the front and back.

I spoke to another female neighbour that I am friendly with and she has had the some creepy experiences with him, trying to go into her property and some odd conversation, however, she has a male partner, so she reckons he has backed off a bit. But it's good to know I am not the only one and that he has form for this type of behaviour. I am still quite shocked at the incident this morning.

Ms. Newbie18

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Hi op here

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I got own little cctv camera at the back for now, it covers the area within my own boundary. Unfortunately, he always stands in someone else's property (the neighbours he is friendly with) to view my house, which is out of sight of my cctv camera.

I have some annual leave coming up in the next few weeks, I plan to get a fence out up and a cctv company out to install CCTV at the front and back.

I spoke to another female neighbour that I am friendly with and she has had the some creepy experiences with him, trying to go into her property and some odd conversation, however, she has a male partner, so she reckons he has backed off a bit. But it's good to know I am not the only one and that he has form for this type of behaviour. I am still quite shocked at the incident this morning.

Hi OP,

Glad to hear that you've shared your experiences. At least now you will have someone else looking out for you. Great news on the cctv. I think I would still pop into speak with the local community gaurd..not to make a complaint but to have it noted, and get some additional advise. I am sure they deal with this kind of thing all the time and may have more valuable insights/advise than people here can offer

qwerty13

Would you consider getting one of those ‘Ring’ doorbells too? AFAIK they can record footage of movement outside your front door, and you can see it on your phone.

I’d get light fabric blinds on windows, to let the light in - but that he can’t see in through.

Have you got a side gate that you can put a bolt on, to prevent him getting into the back of your property.

I’d consider some nice thorny plants on the boundary too.

Of course you shouldn’t have to do any of this stuff, but I’d do that before I’d sell up.

How do you feel about getting a dog?

leggo

Oddneighbour wrote: »

I spoke to another female neighbour that I am friendly with and she has had the some creepy experiences with him, trying to go into her property and some odd conversation, however, she has a male partner, so she reckons he has backed off a bit. But it's good to know I am not the only one and that he has form for this type of behaviour. I am still quite shocked at the incident this morning.

I’m glad you did this OP, I remember saying early on when you were convinced everyone else adored him that if you scratched past the surface you’d often find others who’ve experienced similar because this is who he is.

I hope you can use that strength and validation to take firm action safe in the knowledge that it’s not just you and not in your head.

punisher5112

Plant a hedge op

Meeoow

You could get some nice hedges for your back garden if you can't get a fence.
Bamboos are great for shielding, they grow quickly. Or call to a garden centre and they could recommend quick growing privacy plants.
There was a case in the Independent today of a creepy neighbour in Galway, he got 8 months in jail. So the guards should take notice of you if you contact them.

Caranica

qwerty13 wrote: »

Would you consider getting one of those ‘Ring’ doorbells too? AFAIK they can record footage of movement outside your front door, and you can see it on your phone.

Honestly, I feel so so much safer since I got mine. Stopped the kids ringing the bell and running away, when confronted with the video it never happened again. Being able to talk to people at the door, they don't know if I'm home or if I'm not.

I freaked out my neighbour (in a fun way) on Christmas Eve. He had "Santa" stored in my place (and has a key). I was at my parents when he was collecting the stuff and I started talking to him through the doorbell Funnily enough, he's now got one too.

There's a new smaller doorbell camera that Ring brought out this year, much less conspicuous and much cheaper too.

It might also be worth taking a photo of him on your phone, every time you see him lurking or watching your property - and let him see that you are doing it - make a point of it, so he knows you're taking notes/gathering evidence.

Potatopie

Hey,
I think the CCTV idea is the best one for you to begin with. It will make you feel very much at ease.
It might also show some other strange behaviour which you don't currently see.

It sounds like the man has got some social/mental problems. There is something not quite right. He might not be harmful but that's not really the point here. You also need to feel secure.

I think you need to be assertive but also polite and kind to him. Being kind will also work in your favour as you don't want to make an emeny of him, especially if he is a bit strange.

Tell him you are not interested in making new friends or a relationship and that you don't need help with household chores. Tell him you appreciate the gesture but would prefer if he did not approach you anymore. You can tell him you are much too busy with work!

o1s1n

Potatopie wrote: »

Hey,
I think the CCTV idea is the best one for you to begin with. It will make you feel very much at ease.
It might also show some other strange behaviour which you don't currently see.

It sounds like the man has got some social/mental problems. There is something not quite right. He might not be harmful but that's not really the point here. You also need to feel secure.

I think you need to be assertive but also polite and kind to him. Being kind will also work in your favour as you don't want to make an emeny of him, especially if he is a bit strange.

Tell him you are not interested in making new friends or a relationship and that you don't need help with household chores. Tell him you appreciate the gesture but would prefer if he did not approach you anymore. You can tell him you are much too busy with work!

I think we're far beyond the 'be polite to him' stage now unfortunately.

The OP is considering selling her house it's causing her that much distress. Politeness be damned.

I'd be going nuclear at this stage OP, get in touch with the Gardai and make them aware of the situation, film every interaction you have with him. Any big brothers or burly men you are friends with who can be seen around the place?

I'm actually livid for you.

KVA60

Oddneighbour wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Thanks so much to everyone for the replies and support, I really appreciate it.

The reason he has such close access to my back garden is because he is very friendly with the house next door to me, he calls over to their house several times a day and there is no pattern, it could be morning, midday, early afternoon and evening. I never know when he is going to appear, so I am never at ease in my garden.

The house next door is very close to me (barely 2 metres between my back door extension and their back door extension) and at present there is only a low fence between us. So when he walks up the path in their garden, he is right beside the path to my back door and he can see straight into my garden, is close to my back door and kitchen window. He has the people next door wrapped around his little finger. They think he is the bees knees and they know him for decades, so anything I would say would fall on deaf ears.

Last summer, I asked three different contractors to put up a fence for me however they all fell through, didn't come back and also covid lockdown restrictions has made it hard to get someone in to do the fence.

I will try again summer to get someone in to put up a decent height fence.

There is one female neighbour I have met up with, I might confide in her about what has been happening.

OP I’ve been following your thread and as a single female who lives alone, I feel for you. I admire your courage. From reading through all posts and comments he sounds like some sort of pervert or just odd ball who gets kicks out of making females uncomfortable. You have no evidence he is dangerous but that is not enough. And treat it as he is for your own safety. I’m glad you got cctv and connected the dots with the other female in your estate. I second the other posters in making a report with the guards and asking their advice. First, for all we know he could have multiple similar incidents filed and be on his last warning. Likely not that easy but at least you’re making one to protect yourself and anyone in the future that gets to see his behavior. What strikes me as the most unsettling thing about him is that he seems to be well liked almost a favourite amongst your other neighbours. This is the behavior of someone calculating in my opinion. He is making up for something or trying to deflect/win others on his side. Have you many friends and family in the area? I know you’re only allowed what you can with restrictions but as they lift can you have friends and family in and out for a few weeks? Show him you’re in fact, not vulnerable and alone. Have all of them
Stare him down as well and I’d wonder his reaction then. Would also suggest bamboo, works very well for privacy and quickly installed.
Also ask the guards for advice, they may offer to drop down to your road on their evening patrol/walk. These problems are pretty common in the area I live in unfortunately. All of this may just take away his infatuation with you in the first place..that you’re a vulnerable Woman in his eyes living alone- and perhaps afraid. Gotta figure out what he is getting out of this and remove that from his access..which I know is unknown really. He sounds sick and I am so sorry you’re going through this. Would love to see you be able to keep your home peacefully at the end of all of this. You deserve it

antix80

Op, the guy is odd. I think you're bordering on paranoia though.

You have cctv. You're getting a fence. There are other ways you can increase your privacy such as planting large shrubs to obstruct views.

Put your bins in the shed or around the back.

As for your interactions with him. Blank him completely. If he offers help, one "no thanks" is all he gets before you blank his offers too. He'll get the hint.

wildwillow

It is not paranoia. He is making her life a misery to the extent that she wants to sell.

He is cunning and may be a danger to her. Anyone would know that his advances are not welcome and he should stop annoying her.

One should always respect ones instinct and act on it. Report to Garda and ask them to keep an eye on the area.

He wouldn't persist if OP were a man.

LegacyUser

Potatopie wrote: »

Hey,
I think the CCTV idea is the best one for you to begin with. It will make you feel very much at ease.
It might also show some other strange behaviour which you don't currently see.

It sounds like the man has got some social/mental problems. There is something not quite right. He might not be harmful but that's not really the point here. You also need to feel secure.

I think you need to be assertive but also polite and kind to him. Being kind will also work in your favour as you don't want to make an emeny of him, especially if he is a bit strange.

Tell him you are not interested in making new friends or a relationship and that you don't need help with household chores. Tell him you appreciate the gesture but would prefer if he did not approach you anymore. You can tell him you are much too busy with work!

No! No more telling women they need to be polite and kind. To hell with that rubbish. Being polite and kind and trying to “manage” creepy people is not a burden any woman needs to take on. It’s behaviour that has gotten too many women battered, raped, and killed.

So no, no to politeness, kindness, “just try to understand the poor fella”. No more of that crap. No man or woman should have to feel like they have to manage a creep.

I have a neighbourhood creep too, OP. Like another poster, I’ve reached the limit of that crap. I brought out my inner bitch good and fast when he was starting up and thankfully I’ve had no more issues.

Watching and besetting a persons’s property is a crime, so if he’s doing this then I would be reporting him.

Prioritise yourself and your safety here.

LilacNails

Op alot of people have suggested having a man or some family and friends over, are any near by you?

JackTC

If you can get pictures of him staring into your house, you could print them off. Have your phone recording when walking by him to capture any weird things he says to you.

If you build up a portfolio of evidence and go to the Guards they'll have to investigate it at some point.

Jequ0n

I really can’t see how “he is looking at my house” is going to enable to guards to do anything at all.
First thing they will ask if this has been addressed yet and/ or what measures have been taken to disable visibility. Different story if he was (still) trespassing but he isn’t.
Putting up a fence and limiting visibility is a measure that is long overdue and it’s food that the OP decided to do it

The DayDream

I can guarantee he is not so universally beloved as it may seem - just that the other folks haven't had to be in such close proximity for long stretches and can more easily wave away concerns, or they felt pressure to not make an issue because of the same reasons you have described.

He's 100% behaved inappropriately before and he has gotten away with it, for way too long.

Don't sell your house because of him! That's your house you worked hard to get and honestly these creeps are just like any other bully - usually cowards who will scurry off as soon as you stand up to them.

I'm not going to say you should do something you don't feel comfortable doing or that you think would put you in danger, but honestly I would just be telling him calmly but firmly to foxtrot oscar any time he came near, and if he persisted just give him the bollocking of a lifetime.

The neighbours aren't going to come and surround your house with pitchforks because you fall out with this man. They might not jump to your side straight away but a single older man making a younger woman uncomfortable -it's very difficult for the man to come off looking the better in these situations, especially if people find out about things he's done and said.

I have two sisters, one is shy and the other is a complete wagon. The shy one had a creepy neighbour annoying her and kept it to herself for a while not wanting to make trouble in the neighborhood as she was new there. Well one day the wagon came over the shy one gaff, a few glasses of wine were had and the neighbour appeared in his garden. A graphic description of scrotal amputation was provided to the neighbour by the visiting sister if he didnt leave the other girl alone and he never tried to interact with her again.

I think it scared him more than a man would, so you don't need a big burly man to scare him off. In fact that can make you look worse - he can then counter your claims of intimidation and harassment with claims of his own. But if a woman rears up on a man he nearly has to back down.

Do you know any woman that are the 'take no shíte' type that could help you? I would ring my sister for ya but she's heavily pregnant at the moment so the only fella she'll be intimidating for the next while is the husband.

riclad

It's not a crime to look at a house or over a fence , get a high fence, good fences make good neighbours,
He maybe an old fashioned male chauvinist who likes to flirt with any young woman in sight
He is not using bad language or making rude comments
He's hanging around and has nothing to do
I think it's sad you, d want to move away just because of one idiot
He's not a criminal just a rude odd man

wildwillow

riclad, It is this attitude that allows him and his like get away with such behaviour.
He is intimidating, going well past rude.
No one should feel uncomfortable in their own homes.

riclad

He has not threatened anyone, he is rude or creepy, and odd. Looking at someone's house is not a crime, maybe tell him, I'm busy, I don't wish to make any new friends.if he trys to talk to you in the future,
He may get the message. I understand its awkward, as he's friends with your neighbour.
And you feel you can't even sit outside in case he trys to talk to you

LegacyUser

riclad wrote: »

He has not threatened anyone, he is rude or creepy, and odd. Looking at someone's house is not a crime, maybe tell him, I'm busy, I don't wish to make any new friends.if he trys to talk to you in the future,
He may get the message. I understand its awkward, as he's friends with your neighbour.
And you feel you can't even sit outside in case he trys to talk to you

Section 10 of the Non-Fatal Offences Against the Person Act, 1997.

10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—


(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and


(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other.

I think the OP wanting to sell her house because of his behaviour would easily satisfy section 10(2)(a). I would be mentioning that to the Guards if I were her. He will have to deal with the consequences of HIS behaviour - if such consequences includes the Guards, he has no one but himself to blame.

Neyite

riclad wrote: »

It's not a crime to look at a house or over a fence , get a high fence, good fences make good neighbours,
He maybe an old fashioned male chauvinist who likes to flirt with any young woman in sight
He is not using bad language or making rude comments
He's hanging around and has nothing to do
I think it's sad you, d want to move away just because of one idiot
He's not a criminal just a rude odd man

You don't know that. None of us do. Even the OP or the neighbours don't know that. He could very well be someone well known to the Gardai for stuff like this.

There's no way you'd give this advice if the OP was your sister or mother living alone and increasingly becoming more and more scared to leave her house. And you would go around to have Words with him to scare him off.

Women are done excusing poor male behaviour by saying that they are just old fashioned male chauvinists who like to flirt. They aren't. They are creeps who get off on a woman's fear. Op's creepy neighbour is getting off on the intimidation. It's classic Nice Guy behaviour.

riclad

His behavior is odd , creepy , and rude , nothing he has done is illegal.
He has not used bad language or insulted anyone.
Maybe simply putting up a fence will solve the problem
and allow you to enjoy your garden in peace.
At least you are living next door to someone who does not play loud music at night or have loud party's

leggo

riclad you keep making the argument that he hasn’t done anything illegal. You also keep using bad language as an example of something illegal he could’ve done, pointing towards that as evidence of his innocence (btw I don’t think the OP has mentioned bad language or lack thereof at all). Are you aware that cursing is not illegal?

Look at the pushback you’re getting here and the lack of thanks for anything you’re saying...have you considered that maybe you’ve missed the mark a bit on this one?

TP_CM

leggo wrote: »

riclad you keep making the argument that he hasn’t done anything illegal. You also keep using bad language as an example of something illegal he could’ve done, pointing towards that as evidence of his innocence (btw I don’t think the OP has mentioned bad language or lack thereof at all). Are you aware that cursing is not illegal?

Look at the pushback you’re getting here and the lack of thanks for anything you’re saying...have you considered that maybe you’ve missed the mark a bit on this one?

I have to say I'm not totally against what Riclad is saying albeit the tone isn't great. We're all wrapped up in this story because we know the details of it. Of course we feel bad for the OP and need to offer as much help as possible. But from a defence perspective Riclad has a point. The OP hasn't mentioned any of this to the old man in any way. She hasn't mentioned it to the guards as far as I can see. It has taken over a year to put up a fence to help the situation (I think she mentioned she tried last summer?), or months at least, and months to get CCTV footage installed which as far as we know has not picked up anything unless we just haven't got that update yet. The harassment we're thinking about bringing to the authorities is an old man who is trying to make conversation and who might be looking through her window from a spot which is not on the premises.

I'm not condoning what the old man is doing. He's clearly a fecker who needs to be put back in his box. But when people get locked into the emotion of some things, they forget how cold the legal system can be, and so this is more just advice that it's important for the op to actually put in place some public/official things which show how distressed she is. Garda report, solicitor's letter to the old man, even just getting that fence up which shouldn't take a year to do.

At the moment the actions and urgency is akin to someone who just doesn't really like a neighbour. And any defence lawyer (or old creepy man) would argue that point quite easily.

leggo

See your point only makes sense if you take it from the perspective: “Could you get a criminal conviction based on the evidence presented so far?” This is totally missing the mark of what the situation is and the advice being given.

People aren’t telling her to contact the Gardai for the sake of getting him thrown in jail or moved out of his home. The purpose of logging it with the Gardai is that he may have form for this (these types usually do and the one person the OP has confided in has experienced similar) behaviour and they could decide that a quick word with him could nip everything in the bud, which is all the OP wants. At worst, it builds a case for more formal action if she makes a complaint, then every time he does something else logs it, because these situations can escalate quite quickly and it’s easier to act if needed if there’s already a framework established and a pattern of complaints officially logged.

OP just wants the behaviour to stop. Reporting it to the Gardai is doing something proactive that could help bring about that end result quicker than the counterpoint of “Do nothing because he hasn’t used bad language” that’s being presented, bafflingly.

sReq | uTeK

leggo wrote: »

riclad you keep making the argument that he hasn’t done anything illegal. You also keep using bad language as an example of something illegal he could’ve done, pointing towards that as evidence of his innocence (btw I don’t think the OP has mentioned bad language or lack thereof at all). Are you aware that cursing is not illegal?

Look at the pushback you’re getting here and the lack of thanks for anything you’re saying...have you considered that maybe you’ve missed the mark a bit on this one?

Firstly let's all agree hes a creep. That's a given hopefully the CCTV with help and fence to boot. But just because someone perceives his actions in their mindset to be invasive and weighing up selling a house does not constitute an illegal act.

The law does not take the actions of one person as a by product that something has occurred.

To date, its one person saying a guy stares at me..nothing he has done thus far in the eyes of the law is anyway illegal.