Pancreatic cancer and anxiety. Carer looking for advise

Bartybull

Looking for a bit of advise if anyone can give me some.
Last June, unfortunately my poor mother was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. She had symptoms for a few months like gallstones. The beginning of the pandemic was detrimental to her getting treatment (though i understand survival rates are very poor due to the difficulty in diagnosing it early enough.)
They did not operate on her because the cancer has spread and the oncologist told us she has 6 to 12 months life expectancy.
She has been treated with the lightest dose of chemotherapy to slow down the cancer's development. She has had some very sick days and has lost a lot of weight but is still mobile and is eating a bit.
She is a 78 year old widow who lives alone. She had a very healthy lifestyle up to her illness and was active in a social life with bridge clubs and holidays with her friends.
For a few months now we all feel that her mental health has declined to the point that the anxiety she is experiencing is actually worse to her quality of life than her disease.
It started in the summer when she had a fall, cut her head and ended up in hospital. I think she fainted due to medication. Ever since then myself and my 3 brothers take turns to spend the night in her house for company and security at night and in the mornings and to do some housework. She began to develop shakes that can be frightening to witness but she has been shown some strategies to counter these. Lately her anxiety has become even worse and is becoming paranoid. She thinks she is being investigated by the HSE for breaching covid regulations for attending a chemotherapy session when she actually did nothing wrong. She has had several pops off one of my brothers and says she doesn't thrust his word about anything. He is very good to her and this is without foundation. This behaviour is out of character for her. She has said she no longer wants us (sons,)to come to the house because of the danger of contracting covid and the possibility of passing it on to someone in hospital when she goes(she has no fear of getting the disease herself). There really isn't an alternative to this arrangement.
She tried a tablet for anxiety but it floored her and she won't take it anymore. She is torturing herself worrying about all sorts of things, mostly needlessly

I know this has been a bit of a read but I am a bit stumped about what to do next or where to turn to. Any advise on where to turn to would be appreciated. (Ie ,GP, medication, counciling)

aquinn

Sorry to read all that. Very difficult.

Does she go to chemotherapy on her own? As her team see her most frequently I would advise talking to them first. The Oncology staff would have seen it all so possibly not the first time to encounter this. I would go with her to her next appointment and talk to them if you can.

eastie17

Have you tried talking to the Irish Cancer Society? https://www.cancer.ie/cancer-information-and-support I lost both my parents to cancer and found talking to them really helped me understand what local supports were available over and above your engagement with the HSE (there are a lot of them but its sometimes baffling to know where to start)
At the very least, you can have a conversation with a cancer nurse who will give you some empathy and practical advice on the situation. Sounds like counselling or medication might be the answer but obviously not qualified to say.

Bartybull

aquinn wrote: »

Sorry to read all that. Very difficult.

Does she go to chemotherapy on her own? As her team see her most frequently I would advise talking to them first. The Oncology staff would have seen it all so possibly not the first time to encounter this. I would go with her to her next appointment and talk to them if you can.

She has to go on her own for chemo but my eldest brother goes to the meeting with the oncology doctor