Cooking issues

radiotrickster

A small problem, all things considered but it’s a regular one.

My partner says he enjoys cooking dinner for both of us, and that works well as I hate it.

There are a couple of ‘recipes’ of his that I hate, and it’s starting to cause issues. He makes things up himself and they’re just not nice. My family have had his ‘recipes’ as well and thought the same.

At the start, I said to him “it’s nice but I wouldn’t like to have it again,” but he kept making the same things. At this point, I’ve flat-out said “I don’t like this,” “this isn’t nice,” and I’ve often suggested he follow recipes instead of making it up, but he doesn’t.

To give you an idea, instead of using a recipe for bolognese, his ‘sauce’ is actually just a couple of tins of tomatoes and a pinch of salt (I don’t like tomatoes to begin with).

It’s been going on a couple of years now and it’s really starting to upset me because no matter how nicely I can phrase it, he gets upset that I didn’t like it (and then he makes it again anyway).

I get home from work most days between 6-6:30 so most of the time, I can’t make dinner for us. He gets really annoyed if dinner is any later than 6:30.

At this point, I’m thinking maybe we should just make our own dinners? I don’t know how else to encourage him not to make meals I hate other than by just not eating it. He doesn’t particularly love his own recipes either. He says they’re fine.

Caryatnid

Make a massive batch of spag bol and freeze it in bags, then sell he has to do is cook the pasta and heat up the rest!

Thelonious Monk

Just cook for yourself when you get home. Ive so many threads about food issues between couples over the years here, it takes a few minutes to put something healthy on the stove or in the oven, just do your own thing.

shesty

Buy a cookbook for the house?

John Hutton

Just rave about how good the ones you like are and get him to make them more, rather than rubbishing his "inventions" you don't like. Or make suggestions about the type of thing you would like.

Do you actually hate the food or is just not great?

bitofabind

Learn how to cook. If he’s not happy to eat after 6.30, let him crack on with his weird concoctions and sort yourself out when you get home. Clearly this arrangement where it all falls on him doesn’t work for you.

Tork

Like the others, I think you're going to just have to start cooking your own stuff and let him eat his "not great" concoctions. Maybe when everyone is vaccinated and "normality" resumes, you might look into both doing some cookery classes as a coupley thing to enjoy.

Sinus pain

Slow cooker - throw it on yourself before you go to work

eviltwin

Cook your own stuff, it’s easier.

HildaOgdenx

'It’s been going on a couple of years now and it’s really starting to upset me because no matter how nicely I can phrase it, he gets upset that I didn’t like it (and then he makes it again anyway).

I get home from work most days between 6-6:30 so most of the time, I can’t make dinner for us. He gets really annoyed if dinner is any later than 6:30.'

I'd say it's about a bit more than weird concoctions for dinner really.
Time for a chat, I think.

And on a practical note, maybe batch cook together, at weekends, preferably with some proper recipes.

Hannibal_Smith

OP, I make the dinners here. I'd be a bit like your partner, never follow a recipe, I'd throw everything but the kitchen sink into food. But when I've gone rogue and made something they don't like, I'd never make it again without looking up a recipe at that stage.

Sometimes looking forward to something you like for dinner is what gets you through a day!

I think instead of saying something after or while eating the food, say it to him when everything is calm at another time. Its not a pleasant conversation but you can't keep coming home to awful dinners. If he won't listen, ask him to wait or change his stance on eating times. If he doesn't then he's having things his way twice over, he has to meet you half way here.

osarusan

It's not a pleasant conversation to have - to say that the person who is cooking the meals so you don't have to is not doing a great job of it. But unless you are willing to go on eating stuff you don't like, it's a conversation you need to have.

What's weird is that although some people (with justification or not) take pride in their cooking, he doesn't seem to think it's great either, so it's a bit strange he'd even want to cook it again even for himself.

Especially with bolognese (or curry, stew - whatever can be cooked in batches), it might be worth making batches of it to be frozen - also works in being able to tell him that it will make the cooking easier on him too - all he has to do is reheat the sauce and cook the pasta (or rice, potatoes, etc).

Loveinapril

I get that you are shattered after work but it sounds like it would be easier for you to batch cook yourself and work off that midweek. You could even try having dinner in work and having a sandwich or something when you get home. Would he consider doing a weekly meal so you know that "Wednesday is egg and chips" day or something easily made with no fuss, so you have dinner that day? It does seem like he is being a bit sensitive about the whole thing, getting offended when you re- tell him you don't enjoy something or being stuck on not eating after 6.30pm.

tara73

I think there's a pair in it here. he, for me, sounds just lazy. opening a can of tomatoes and adding some salt is not cooking a real meal.

but you obviously won't change it or him, you are already trying for a couple of years, which is very much over the limit.
Why do you still expect him to change, it's a bit weird in my opinion. I would have long ago started to cook for myself, I'm home normally at six and start cooking meals, no problem. As said numerous times, start batch cooking. Or it doesn't have to be a big hot meal every night, a nice veggie sandwich roll with a toasted wrap, scrambled or fried eggs on bread, sometimes a ready meal is ok too. So many easy possibilities.

I wonder is he kind of fed up with your expectations to cook all the time (but is afraid to say it directly because he's afraid of conflict)? I would be more than understanding of it.

It's 'funny' in this case, because if the roles were reversed, you, the woman, was expected to have the dinner ready when he comes home, there would be a much bigger outrage here. but it's not ok, no matter of the gender, to expect one partner to cook dinner all the time.

jimmycrackcorm

radiotrickster wrote: »

At the start, I said to him “it’s nice but I wouldn’t like to have it again,” but he kept making the same things. At this point, I’ve flat-out said “I don’t like this,” “this isn’t nice,” and I’ve often suggested he follow recipes instead of making it up, but he doesn’t.
.

The core issue is the lack of honest communication. What you say to him is just suggestive (e.g. "this isn't nice") when what you really need to say is that his cooking is terrible. That he either starts to cook decent food or you both cook your own.

There's no rule in a relationship that says shared meals are a necessity. They are nice to have, but a couple on different shifts that don't get to eat together doesn't mean they are a failed relationship either.

Someone suggested making spag bol in batches, but a good idea is to have that prepared yourself, then when he makes his version, reheat up a frozen one as well yourself, then ask him to compare and why his lazy version isn't as good. Seeing, or in this case, tasting is believing.

heretothere

I do all the cooking in our house, bar the odd time Hubby might do the Sunday fry. He really isn't a good cook.

It helps that I, like your partner enjoy cooking and I'm usually the one home from work first (at home full time now). It also helps that he likes my cooking. The odd time though if he doesn't like something he will tell me. Not in a cruel way, and I usually won't like it either. So I don't make it again, or consult a recipe, I can go off on a tangent in the kitchen and get wildly creative! It can be annoying sometimes when I make something amazing but can't remember everything I put into it. But tinned tomato and salt doesn't sound good!

I think you sound like you are willing to cook and it doesn't sound like you are unwilling to start cooking dinner at 6/6.30pm when you do get home, the problem is he won't eat after 6.30pm.

I think you are afraid of hurting his feelings if you don't eat his food, and from what you've said I think he will be upset so you'll have to be sensitive in how you approach it. But I love my food and couldn't go on eating dinner I don't like. I'd have to start cooking my own when I get home. Or as others have said maybe batch cooking together at weekends, or in the evening maybe prep everything to go into a pressure cooker/ slow cooker together for the following day. Or get him a simple to follow cook book, Pinch of Nom are really good to follow step by step.

Idle Passerby

That doesn't sound like someone who enjoys cooking at all. It sounds like someone throwing something half assed together out of necessity. Let him eat tinned tomatoes and salt at 6pm if he prefers and have your own enjoyable meal later.

Zebrag

radiotrickster wrote: »

A small problem, all things considered but it’s a regular one.

My partner says he enjoys cooking dinner for both of us, and that works well as I hate it.

There are a couple of ‘recipes’ of his that I hate, and it’s starting to cause issues. He makes things up himself and they’re just not nice. My family have had his ‘recipes’ as well and thought the same.

At the start, I said to him “it’s nice but I wouldn’t like to have it again,” but he kept making the same things. At this point, I’ve flat-out said “I don’t like this,” “this isn’t nice,” and I’ve often suggested he follow recipes instead of making it up, but he doesn’t.

To give you an idea, instead of using a recipe for bolognese, his ‘sauce’ is actually just a couple of tins of tomatoes and a pinch of salt (I don’t like tomatoes to begin with).

It’s been going on a couple of years now and it’s really starting to upset me because no matter how nicely I can phrase it, he gets upset that I didn’t like it (and then he makes it again anyway).

I get home from work most days between 6-6:30 so most of the time, I can’t make dinner for us. He gets really annoyed if dinner is any later than 6:30.

At this point, I’m thinking maybe we should just make our own dinners? I don’t know how else to encourage him not to make meals I hate other than by just not eating it. He doesn’t particularly love his own recipes either. He says they’re fine.

This sounds exactly like my relationship except its me that's brutal! I have zero patience and I really don't have the skills to even cook an a egg on a good day so we take turns.
He would cook twice a week for us and the other days we would cook what we fancy ourselves and not feel like the other is being forced to eat something they don't like. Often my fiancé would cook enough for one or two days after to have some left over for us and I would reheat it for when he finishes work.
I've no shame admitting that my cooking skills are nowhere near Gordan Ramseys and my fiancé would show me step by step how to cook something (somehow I still manage to let it go arseways) so for next time I've learned but if I'm cooking something and he doesn't like the sound of it, and has no problem telling me, then he would tell me to just defrost mince or chicken and he will make something himself.
It's not a huge deal to not like someone else's cooking and if your partner can't take the criticism or even not accept that he doesn't like to eat after a certain time then I guess he just has to make his own meals and you can come to an agreement to make something simpler or batch cook a meal for the week to avoid unnecessary cooking when you return home.
I batch cook a meal for myself to avoid the "what are we having for dinner conversations" so neither of us are feeling like we HAVE to make something for the other. If he wants a steak dinner and I'm not in the humour (which is never the case as I bloody love steak!) then I'll happily prep what he needs in order to cook and off he goes cooking away, saving him the time in prepping
Some people have the knack for cooking a quick and simple meal and others some how mess it up, no one is perfect but good communication shows you're both getting what you want to avoid arguments
I finish work early than himself and I still make sure that he has a plate of food or something ready to cook as soon as he gets in the door so he's not sitting around wondering what to make. Bare the odd "sure we'll get a take away will we" couple of times a month but to return home with nothing even prepped will even rile me up

I think even making an agreement that if you want Spag Bol and he wants a chicken caserole (example) then he can prep the items you need, decrost mince if frozen, chop onions, the sauce takes all of 5 mins to make, then when you get home it's a quick throw on the pan. He can have his own meal at a time that suits him and you're coming home to a meal you're looking forward to have. If you really want then spend one day batch cooking a meal you know you will enjoy all week and all he has to do is reheat it. I think that's a win win for everyone