Opinions on sleepovers

SmallgirlBigcity

I have a 13 month old baby (my first) and my sister in law has mentioned a few times that she'd like to have him over in her house for a sleepover but I can't see myself or my baby being ready for this for a long time! The sister in law has a child herself and when he was younger, she asked me and my boyfriend to mind him. So we minded him when he was about 1. We minded him a few times between the ages of 1 and 3 and then he started getting bad anxiety about it and the sleepovers stopped. It wasn't anything that happened... Her boy had sleepovers at other people's houses and had the same anxiety issues.

Anyway, for me personally I don't think it's appropriate for a young baby to be sleeping over at someone else's house. Obviously everyone is different, but I imagine we'll only be ready for sleepovers when he is 4 or 5 maybe and when he can tell me that he's comfortable with it. What do other people think? Thanks.

Midnight Sundance

SmallgirlBigcity wrote: »

I have a 13 month old baby (my first) and my sister in law has mentioned a few times that she'd like to have him over in her house for a sleepover but I can't see myself or my baby being ready for this for a long time! The sister in law has a child herself and when he was younger, she asked me and my boyfriend to mind him. So we minded him when he was about 1. We minded him a few times between the ages of 1 and 3 and then he started getting bad anxiety about it and the sleepovers stopped. It wasn't anything that happened... Her boy had sleepovers at other people's houses and had the same anxiety issues.

Anyway, for me personally I don't think it's appropriate for a young baby to be sleeping over at someone else's house. Obviously everyone is different, but I imagine we'll only be ready for sleepovers when he is 4 or 5 maybe and when he can tell me that he's comfortable with it. What do other people think? Thanks.

You know your baby best and if you think he wont settle then just say thanks but no thanks.
My two haven't slept over anywhere either, except once on his nannys when I had my brothers wedding. Im a bit like you and don't really see the need for them to be going on sleepovers yet, but I am open to them staying in grandparents house IF I've no other choice .

Purple Mountain

Is it for her benefit or the child's to have a sleep over?
Is she looking to have the experience of a baby stay over or does she think you need a break?
Tell her thanks but you're fine, don't want a break from your baby overnight.
Your child, your rules.

hurleronditch

SmallgirlBigcity wrote: »

I have a 13 month old baby (my first) and my sister in law has mentioned a few times that she'd like to have him over in her house for a sleepover but I can't see myself or my baby being ready for this for a long time! The sister in law has a child herself and when he was younger, she asked me and my boyfriend to mind him. So we minded him when he was about 1. We minded him a few times between the ages of 1 and 3 and then he started getting bad anxiety about it and the sleepovers stopped. It wasn't anything that happened... Her boy had sleepovers at other people's houses and had the same anxiety issues.

Anyway, for me personally I don't think it's appropriate for a young baby to be sleeping over at someone else's house. Obviously everyone is different, but I imagine we'll only be ready for sleepovers when he is 4 or 5 maybe and when he can tell me that he's comfortable with it. What do other people think? Thanks.

Sleepovers for the sake of it at that age are pointless, all it does is disrupt the child’s routine and sleep patterns, potentially give them a bad nights sleep and cause the baby and minder unnecessary stress.

That being said, plenty of babies that age stay with aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents friends the odd night because the parents have a wedding or something or just fancy a night out/weekend away. It all depends on how you feel. We have a 2 year old and as it’s happened we’ve never had him sleep away from us for a night. He’s been put to bed by family members the odd night, but we’ve always been the one to pick him up.

It all depends really on how comfortable you are, and what the purpose would be. If it’s an offer for you to get a night away in a hotel or have a night out (whenever that becomes a thing again), then it may be a good thing, but if she’s just offering that you drop the baby off for a random Tuesday night in February that’s a bit pointless as the baba is too young to have any interest in sleepover type activities with an aunt like movies and popcorn etc

SmallgirlBigcity

Thanks. Yeah it's more for her benefit. Now she is lovely and probably does want to give me a break but I honestly don't want one. I only plan on having one baby so I genuinely savour every day/night with him and Im not ready to be away from him. And I dont think he is either. I'll be saying no but was interested in other people's opinions. Just wondering if other people have similar thinking or its just me. Thanks!

No harm having getting a baby used to it. I know a woman whose 16 year old has never spent a night away from her, ever, he won't do it now.

iamwhoiam

Before Covid I had my grandchildren stay over from an early age
It was to give the parents a break and we loved having them . They are so comfortable here and the older one asks to stay . They younger one who is a year snuggles into the cot and is very comfortable here too .

SmallgirlBigcity

bubblypop wrote: »

No harm having getting a baby used to it. I know a woman whose 16 year old has never spent a night away from her, ever, he won't do it now.

That's interesting. I was thinking I'd wait until he's 4 or 5 but then I did worry that leaving it, may cause it to be a big issue then when he's older...

bubblypop

bubblypop wrote: »

No harm having getting a baby used to it. I know a woman whose 16 year old has never spent a night away from her, ever, he won't do it now.

Big difference between 16 years old and 13 months though, isn’t there?

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Big difference between 16 years old and 13 months though, isn’t there?

That's why I suggested doing it now, when the baby is young, so it's not a big deal!

I’ve two myself one is 2 and one is 6, the youngest is a bit quicker to make strange with people and is a bit more shy, so he doesn’t care to be away from his mammy.

The oldest is more outgoing and really likes sleeping over at his grandparents and aunts and uncles.

So, I guess, the only person who knows is yourself if the wee one can manage; but irrespective if you're not ready, then it’s probably too early. Mammy knows best, 3,4,5 and etc are grand ages to send off to cousins and things for a night cos they can actually enjoy it.

To use my two again as an example when their cousins visit the youngest is not really able to play all their games and he can sometimes feel a bit fed up or just goes and does his own thing, a 13 month old would definitely enjoy seeing their aunt and spending time; but really is more interested in being with you. A couple hours of babysitting one afternoon is probably a better alternative or even just visiting your SIL and having an hour or two there. I know covid kinda fecks with that but still!


TL;DR: there’s plenty of time for sleepovers, don’t stress about not being comfortable with it.

iamwhoiam

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Before Covid I had my grandchildren stay over from an early age
It was to give the parents a break and we loved having them . They are so comfortable here and the older one asks to stay . They younger one who is a year snuggles into the cot and is very comfortable here too .

I definitely think it’s just a nanny and grandad thing though! I’ve seen the shyest of kids in regards to other family members but with grandparents it’s really like being with your own parents!

iamwhoiam

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I definitely think it’s just a nanny and grandad thing though! I’ve seen the shyest of kids in regards to other family members but with grandparents it’s really like being with your own parents!

True I supoose . I think its good for them to be comfortable elsewhere in case of emergency .

mirrorwall14

Only sleepovers without us have been for events, a serious break needed by the parents and all have been in grandparents. I’ve a 2 year old and 6 year old. We aren’t clingy parents, we had a wedding while I was still on maternity and the baby went to his grandparents. But we’ve never done sleepovers just because.

I suspect it may be more of a thing when their cousins (2 and 5) are a little older and all four of them can be popped in one room for a night of giggles

Shelli2

Every child is different and there's no correct age.
My son stayed with relatives regularly overnight from a young age, well under 1 year old (my aunt's, cousins, brother or mam). He loved it and still does, he's 13 now.
I've had my niece overnight from age 6mths occasionally too.

However, I have another cousin who's child is very nervous and won't stay with anyone.
My brother was the same when he was a baby.

Only a parent can judge if their child will be ok with it.

fits

My twins had their first sleepover this year at the age of 3.5. One would have been fine with it much sooner, one would not. Suit yourself and your baby.

listermint

The less you get your child used to other people or other environments the more detrimental it is for them and for you.

If you want to create a clingy child most certainly continue to what your doing. It's s sleepover with you it's not handing your child off to a randomer.

The child should be learning new experiences.

GreeBo

At that age the kid will be largely unaware so a sleepover for their sake is pointless, usually my minder would be the one to sleep over in our house, but occasionally our kids would have stayed elsewhere at that age.

It won't make any difference to the kid so it's totally your decision, but don't let it become a thing, it should be something nice for when the kid is old enough, not a big, scary ordeal, for either of you!

jlm29

listermint wrote: »

The less you get your child used to other people or other environments the more detrimental it is for them and for you.

If you want to create a clingy child most certainly continue to what your doing. It's s sleepover with you it's not handing your child off to a randomer.

The child should be learning new experiences.

Is this based on your own opinion or have you something to back it up. I’ve got 4 kids, none of gh are in the least bit clingy, but I never sent them off for sleepovers for the sake of it.

appledrop

SmallgirlBigcity wrote: »

Thanks. Yeah it's more for her benefit. Now she is lovely and probably does want to give me a break but I honestly don't want one. I only plan on having one baby so I genuinely savour every day/night with him and Im not ready to be away from him. And I dont think he is either. I'll be saying no but was interested in other people's opinions. Just wondering if other people have similar thinking or its just me. Thanks!

I would be a bit concerned about some of your post here. By all means don't have your baby sleep away from you at moment if your not ready but Id be worried about you saying you want to savour every day/ night with them as only child and don't need a break.That's not healthy for you or your baby. Its not a cristism just dont think longterm its good for either of you.

Do you even get someone to mind your baby for a few hours to go to restaurant, cinema etc?

I also have only one child + now might only stay with my parents for 2 or 3 nights in whole year and never more than 1 night at a time but I still think that's important for him and us as a couple. He gets so excited and we are told to go he is having his sleepover!

His is also in creche because again as only child we wanted to make sure he was well socialised. Now I know creche not for everyone but playschool, childminder with other kids etc will be very important for your child.

Antares35

listermint wrote: »

The less you get your child used to other people or other environments the more detrimental it is for them and for you.

If you want to create a clingy child most certainly continue to what your doing. It's s sleepover with you it's not handing your child off to a randomer.

The child should be learning new experiences.

I don't agree. Forcing your child into a situation they are not familiar with will not "make" them confident. Quite the opposite in fact. A secure, stable environment without disruption will more likely lead to a confident child. No way would I hand my child over to anyone else overnight until she's old enough to consent to it herself and actually say she wants to.

Your post is a bit "tough love" and reminds me of that ill informed school of thought that constantly picking up a crying baby makes it clingy and that letting it cry it out toughens it, when the opposite is true. When a baby knows that it is in a familiar environment and if they cry someone will come, they will actually be less clingy.

I think her heart is in the right place, she obviously thinks she’s being kind and helpful.

But you’re the mammy, you know what makes you and your baby comfortable and happy, trust your instincts.

Sleepovers like everything else all happen in good time. I personally don’t understand the need for a sleepover at that age unless babysitting for a reason?

You’re the best judge of what suits your own family x

SmallgirlBigcity

Thanks for all the replies, they are really helpful. I do have a tendency to not take a break and get exhausted but I'm working on it. My boyfriend takes the baby a lot to give me a break. Also, the baby is minded by his nanny quite a lot so that gives us both a break and some couple time.

I agree with the parenting method that the more love and support you give a baby, the more secure and independent it will be. I think it's called attachment parenting. My son would get very upset in a new environment going to bed, especially without me, so I don't think it would be fair on him to have him stay in his aunties house. It would only cause him to become clingier, that's my opinion on it anyway.

Thanks for all the replies, good to know what the 'norm' is and what other people think about the situation.

SmallgirlBigcity

Also, just to follow up... We do get the baby minded a lot by his nanny so we can go out together as a couple (pre lockdown). And I'd definitely be willing to have baby stay overnight in his nanny's for something like a wedding or a special event. An opportunity like that just hasn't arisen yet. But having him stay in his aunties just for the sake of it isn't the same and would only upset him.

shesty

Don't go there if you feel no need for it.It is just that simple.Mine never have tbh, grandparents prefer to come here to mind them because all their stuff is here (their words, not mine!).I wouldn't be bothered about pushing my kids to sleep in other people's houses but that is just me.
Edited to add that your baby will most likely go through a really major clingy phase soon enough - in my house they were at their worst starting from about 14 months to 18 months - and it will pass, but pushing them out to something they aren't comfortable with at that age is just not fun for you, him, or the person who has him. Mine were with a minder from 10/11 months and out and about all the time, but it still happened, we just went with it.

wildwillow

Covid is a great reason not to agree to a sleepover just now. But you know your baby best and there is plenty of time to sleepover when a bit older.

From later replies I think you are not going to be a clingy mother, as seemed to come across in your earlier posts. The fact that at least two others are involved in caring for the baby means you are not obsessive about baby.

Even if you were planning on 12 children, each baby is deserving of great attention and anyway it is such fun and awesome to watch them develop.

Loveinapril

I am so surprised that the majority of posters here are against the idea of sleepovers. I would have practiced an attachment style type parenting in the earlier days but kind of changed that as my kids needs changes. I would go insane if I didn't have at least one night without my kids every so often. Since they were both about 6 months old they have stayed with their grandparents for a night or two every few months. Sometimes it was for an occasion or to let my husband and I get away, sometimes it is "just because" so we could sleep or get drunk! My youngest is 1.5 years old and I definitely noticed her to be more wary of people due to the Covid restrictions over the past few months. Neither her or my 3 year old are in creche so I feel them having a comfortable enough relationship with people to stay overnight was really important to me.

Sausage dog

I think it depends on how much contact your sister in law has with your baby during day time hours. Maybe start with leaving baby for an hour or two during the day to begin with. It depends on what you're comfortable with and who you are comfortable with. It's no harm having young children get used to others caring for them, putting them to bed, minding them etc. but only if you are comfortable with it. Even with the most trusted person minding them you will be nervous the first few times.

El Gato De Negocios

Our two (now aged 28 months and other will be 4 in April) have had multiple sleepovers with my parents and its been happening for over a year. They occurred when we were away for a night or two here and there. Most recent one was last week when they offered to give us a break for the night. Kids never had any issues with them in terms of crying for us, settling at night. Personally I think its good for them but with the caveat that they are very comfortable with the person they would be staying with and that they see them regularly.

GreeBo

SmallgirlBigcity wrote: »

Also, just to follow up... We do get the baby minded a lot by his nanny so we can go out together as a couple (pre lockdown). And I'd definitely be willing to have baby stay overnight in his nanny's for something like a wedding or a special event. An opportunity like that just hasn't arisen yet. But having him stay in his aunties just for the sake of it isn't the same and would only upset him.

How would your kid know the difference between the two scenarios you mentioned?

You also mentioned that they get upset going to bed if you are not there, that would be enough of a reason for me to try tob change something.

bee06

GreeBo wrote: »

How would your kid know the difference between the two scenarios you mentioned?

You also mentioned that they get upset going to bed if you are not there, that would be enough of a reason for me to try tob change something.

It depends on how well he knows his aunt. He is obviously comfortable with his nana.

fits

GreeBo wrote: »

You also mentioned that they get upset going to bed if you are not there, that would be enough of a reason for me to try tob change something.

They grow out of it. One of mine used to have absolute nuclear meltdowns at bedtime. He’s grand now and can happily sleepover or have someone else put him to bed. There’s no need to force these things before child is ready if mum doesn’t particularly want to

lazygal

listermint wrote: »

The less you get your child used to other people or other environments the more detrimental it is for them and for you.

If you want to create a clingy child most certainly continue to what your doing. It's s sleepover with you it's not handing your child off to a randomer.

The child should be learning new experiences.

Absolute nonsense. For very, very good reasons my parents allowed us virtually no sleepovers and we all turned into normal adults.

Children experience new environments every day. School, going to the shop, visiting a library, having a meal with extended family.