Girl surprised at my XXX Toy

LegacyUser

Ive been seeing a girl for a few months now, getting on great and spending a few nights a week together.

Last weekend at hers she randomly decided to take her toy out of the drawer and, ahem, did her thing and let me watch for a while - pretty hot!

When she was at mine the other night I decided to do the same, I took my toy out of the draw - a Fleshlight - she seemed a mix of amused and bemused, but I gave a demonstration and she seemed to enjoy it lol. All went well from there

Not going to lie, I thought it was a bit weird buying the thing originally myself but now I don't really care.

What are your thoughts, is it a bit odd for a man to have this toy in his possession? Seems to be a bit more taboo than the female equivalent. I don't see the difference tbh

Although she is playing cool I get the impression she's still surprised and I am paranoid at the thought of her mentioning it to her friends and word going around!

leggo

I worked in an adult store before and, tbh, always saw Fleshlights slightly different to dildos and vibrators. Dildos and vibrators exist to compliment rather than fill the void of a partner. For example, you can buy dildos in different sizes, with different functions, or if your partner has regular/occasional stamina issues it's a way of finishing the job that you can both participate in. Same goes for vibrators: no matter how good a partner is with their hands or tongue, they'll never vibrate.

There's no particular reason to use a Fleshlight when your partner is there: to me it always felt like an investment in/commitment to not having sex with others. There's no feature that's not infinitely better with a person present. It also doesn't strike me as a particularly appealing thing someone would want to watch: partners can be into watching mutual masturbation but this isn't really that, it's you humping a plastic can that in itself raises a lot of questions. I'd also say that it's a conversation to have before taking it out because it sounds like you just kinda went for it. I'd imagine something along the lines of these reasons is why you got the reaction you got.

I'm not being judgmental here but just explaining, as I'd say her reaction of surprise would be shared by many. If anything the fact that you say it ended well suggests it went a lot better than I'd have predicted had you posted here first asking if it was a good idea. Will she tell friends? To be blunt, yes she probably will tell close friends at the bare minimum. If you're her boyfriend a while though and others have met you she probably won't tell everyone she knows (unless you guys broke up on bad terms). If you don't trust her not to tell loads of people what goes on in your sex life, I'd ask yourself why you're with that person tbh as that'd be quite disrespectful.

osarusan

I'd agree with Leggo in that fleshlights can't complement sex in a way that a vibrator can.

That said, it wasn't really used like that in your instance. In terms of taking care of yourself when you're by yourself, then yeah, OP, rightly or wrongly, I'd guess a man owning a fleshlight is seen as a fair bit less usual, and a bit more 'weird', than a woman owning a vibrator.

There shouldn't be any difference in how they're viewed I suppose, but still, I think there is. There's probably a sense of 'Jaysus, how desperate do you have to be to buy one of those' about them, and I expect that's what concerns you slightly about your girlfriend telling people about it.

From her perspective, she might reveal it to friends, not necessarily in a gossipy way, but as she's probably wondering if any of them have ever dealt with anything like that in their relationships.

Caranica

I think the previous posters summed it up very well. My most recent ex had many toys, indeed I bought him some, but no fleshlight. It's a blow up doll without the appendages, not something I would expect someone in a relationship to share with me tbh.

I can see why she could have been uncomfortable. You need to talk to her about this asap

Thelonious Monk

I don't believe this scenario happened in the first place, but I don't really see the difference between a woman going to town on herself with one of those rabbit things and a man using one of these.
But yeah, why you'd bring it out when you're both there is beyond me, I'm not sure what it could add to the party.

Airyfairy12

I wouldnt see anything wrong with it but as others said, it cant bring anything to the party like a vibrator can but each to their own.