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derogatory coworkers

13

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  • Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭SuperRabbit


    chris525 wrote: »
    Yes, my mother was verbally abusive and constantly screaming and yelling at me and my grandfather.

    My husband told my grandparents the truth about my father and they needed a 'step back' because it was too stressful for them? Really? How about your disgusting son abandoning a child. Why does everyone get rules of their own but no one wants to play by my rules?


    I see what's going on :( everyone in the thread has allowed themselves to be dragged into this pattern, rather than trying to take a step back and see the pattern. Maybe it didn't happen in one thread, maybe it took time, but they got dragged in. It's not your fault, OK? It's. not. your. fault.

    I don't think this place is very healthy for you, I'd love to hear that you had found a group of differentiated people who don't get sucked into this dynamic and start bullying you. It could be another web forum (one centered around support and exploration rather than "advice") , or group therapy, I don't know.

    You are fine how you are, "offensive views" or not, you do not deserve to be bullied or excluded. Expectations create experience, and familiarity is comfortable and we keep ending up in places that are familiar and in dynamics that are familiar. If you expect someone to bully you, they need to be very mature (differentiated) not to eventually start bullying you... it's not your fault that they aren't that mature! What did someone write.. that they were doing it in a kind way? or in the gentlest way possible? Something like that? It's still bullying.

    But I suspect that this place is probably ticking some boxes that were installed by your mother, so it might be difficult for you to leave.

    So I ask everyone else on the forum: please be patient with this person and supportive of them. You aren't going to undo years of abuse with your "advice" and tough love and whatever else. The premise of the forum, that we can give people advice and they'll magically get better.. it's just not going to work and there is no sense in getting frustrated with someone just because you have given them advice several times and they didn't magically emerge from the shadow that was cast on them by their childhood


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    banie01 wrote: »
    You are a perpetual victim who wants immediate welcome, understanding, concession and accommodation from everyone.

    Well if I am being nice and polite to someone hoping to make friends then yes, I expect them to do that in return and if they don't then they are kind of useless to me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,203 ✭✭✭Tork


    Chris. I don't know what you're getting out of this thread other than annoying people on a Friday afternoon.

    It's professional help you need - lots of it. Not boards.ie


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,257 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    chris525 wrote: »
    Well if I am being nice and polite to someone hoping to make friends then yes, I expect them to do that in return and if they don't then they are kind of useless to me.

    Your view of people and interactions as transactional is a big part of why you are the damaged person you appear to be.

    Seek counselling, learn some self awareness and hopefully your social circles will improve.
    Unfortunately you probably won't realize that until you are even lonelier.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,958 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    What do you mean by that?

    Meh, getting boring now, I’m done playing with you.
    Attention withdrawal now so you can shed some extra tears


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    banie01 wrote: »
    Your view of people and interactions as transactional is a big part of why you are the damaged person you appear to be.

    Seek counselling, learn some self awareness and hopefully your social circles will improve.
    Unfortunately you probably won't realize that until you are even lonelier.

    I don't get much out of the interactions that I have. I don't feel a connection to most of the people that I meet.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    Meh, getting boring now, I’m done playing with you.
    Attention withdrawal now so you can shed some extra tears

    Good :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,257 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    chris525 wrote: »
    I don't get much out of the interactions that I have. I don't feel a connection to most of the people that I meet.

    I know, I alluded to that in the second paragraph of my post.
    You need to seek professional help.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    chris525 wrote: »
    don't want to derail this thread but I think that the lack of religion is a really bad thing as it starts to degrade morals, breaks families apart... rampant divorce, STDs, children from broken homes etc. especially where I am from. I view this all as a very bad thing for society. I can see that in the young people in Dublin especially. Why not *gasp* get married and have a family? But we won't get into that.

    Seems it’s completely unacceptable for you to overhear anything that challenges your worldview, yet you’ve just made absolutely sweeping and very derogatory statements about people you clearly consider to be somehow immoral or beneath you because they’re not religious enough for your liking.

    Have a look at the history of religious Ireland - it wasn’t great at all - an era of extreme repression, intolerance, abuse and general grimness and conformity.

    Ireland in 2020 is a lot more moral by any standards you care to take. It has far, far less poverty and a willingness to redistribute wealth through one of the most progressive tax systems in the world. There’s an much understanding of human rights and civil rights as being intrinsic to being a human and not based on those being granted by some supernatural being. Almost all parts of society have seen massive improvements in terms of equality of opportunity and rights generally.

    It’s a far, far more moral society in many respects than it was at peak religiosity.

    Even if you are very religious, your rights are far more protected now than they were in the says when Ireland was very much seeing itself as a “Catholic country” despite its Republican roots. There were times here where anyone outside the fold saw themselves pushed to the edges of society.

    So as for Ireland’s moral standing. It’s a far, far more robustly and thoughtfully moral society now than it ever was as an oppressive religious state.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    440Hertz wrote: »
    Seems it’s completely unacceptable for you to overhear anything that challenges your worldview, yet you’ve just made absolutely sweeping and very derogatory statements about people you clearly consider to be somehow immoral or beneath you because they’re not religious enough for your liking.

    Have a look at the history of religious Ireland - it wasn’t great at all - an era of extreme repression, intolerance, abuse and general grimness and conformity.

    Ireland in 2020 is a lot more moral by any standards you care to take. It has far, far less poverty and a willingness to redistribute wealth through one of the most progressive tax systems in the world. There’s an much understanding of human rights and civil rights as being intrinsic to being a human and not based on those being granted by some supernatural being. Almost all parts of society have seen massive improvements in terms of equality of opportunity and rights generally.

    It’s a far, far more moral society in many respects than it was at peak religiosity.

    Even if you are very religious, your rights are far more protected now than they were in the says when Ireland was very much seeing itself as a “Catholic country” despite its Republican roots.

    Again, I'm not Irish and I don't really care about Irish history as it's irrelevant to me today.

    I'm only coming from a place of my own country. In my own country, the lack of religious and family values has caused societal decay.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    chris525 wrote: »
    How is asking someone to not discuss a sensitive topic at work offensive?

    It's not but you seem to want to avoid a lot of topics that are pretty general in nature.

    What does interest you as a topic? Perhaps start some conversations?
    chris525 wrote: »
    Again, I'm not Irish and I don't really care about Irish history as it's irrelevant to me today..

    Wow! The country you live in is important to you. Their history and culture would be if interest to you.

    Allow me to ask a question, Its not an insult or an attempt at one. Have you ever been tested for autism? You strike me as very similar to my eldest daughter and that's her reason for how she views the world and it's people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    chris525 wrote: »
    Again, I'm not Irish and I don't really care about Irish history as it's irrelevant to me today.

    I'm only coming from a place of my own country. In my own country, the lack of religious and family values has caused societal decay.

    That’s not what you said in your previous post:
    I can see that in the young people in Dublin especially. Why not *gasp* get married and have a family?

    You made a direct swipe at Dublin.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    It's not but you seem to want to avoid a lot of topics that are pretty general in nature.

    What does interest you as a topic? Perhaps start some conversations?

    My own country, my own family, and my own culture.

    What I do for a living and travel.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭smellyoldboot


    Irish people being racist is not an insult, it's a fact. It's next to impossible to make Irish friends, that's not an insult it's just reality. I'm Irish and I can see that, if you can't see it it must be because you don't have any non-Irish friends

    (Obviously there are rare exceptions, Irish people who are willing to welcome newcommers into their group of friends, but for the most part ex-pats are just friends with each other, and can't make friends with Irish people)

    I don't think for the most part it's racism tbh. Irish people tend be "superficially" warm and friendly. The reality is, in most cases a lot of people have an (ever decreasing) social circle that is a hangover from earlier life/college etc, and in a lot of cases families to think of.

    The truth is, they just want to pass the time in work and don't want the hassle of making new friends, Irish or otherwise imho.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,799 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    chris525 wrote: »
    Well if I am being nice and polite to someone hoping to make friends then yes, I expect them to do that in return and if they don't then they are kind of useless to me.

    So you do want to make friends with your colleagues, but feel rejected by them? In order to make friends with people there has to be a common ground. The people I'm still in touch with from work are people who I have something in common with. Otherwise, why would you be friends?

    If someone wasn't polite to me, I wouldn't want to put much effort in with them either. You're not on your own there and it's nothing to do with where you're from.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    440Hertz wrote: »
    That’s not what you said in your previous post:



    You made a direct swipe at Dublin.

    Who wouldn't? It's the eye of the storm.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,925 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    chris525 wrote: »
    Again, I'm not Irish and I don't really care about Irish history as it's irrelevant to me today.

    I'm only coming from a place of my own country. In my own country, the lack of religious and family values has caused societal decay.
    Yes, but with respect, you are not in your own country. You are in a country where many of us see the church unfortunately through the eyes of the abused children and women victims it left behind.

    To thine own self be true



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    So you do want to make friends with your colleagues, but feel rejected by them? In order to make friends with people there has to be a common ground. The people I'm still in touch with from work are people who I have something in common with. Otherwise, why would you be friends?

    If someone wasn't polite to me, I wouldn't want to put much effort in with them either. You're not on your own there and it's nothing to do with where you're from.

    I wanted to when I first started working with them. I noticed over time that it wasn't going to happen but yet the fake attempts at nationally-based humour continued.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Yes, but with respect, you are not in your own country. You are in a country where many of us see the church unfortunately through the eyes of the abused children and women victims it left behind.

    OK but what about non-Catholic Christianity?
    Why not some people spend some time learning about my culture?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,617 ✭✭✭votecounts


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    And we have reached the nub of the issue.

    Your attitude absolutely stinks, OP. Your colleagues are reacting to that. In all your manifold threads here you've been told as politely as possible that you are the issue in all of your issues. But you either won't or can't see that.

    You've just insulted every person on this thread and indeed in Ireland, and yet you wonder why people don't like you.
    this 100%
    Lay off the insults and baseless remarks about irish people and you might get on better. Never been in an office environment where some political issue is not discussed at some point in the day.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    chris525 wrote: »
    Who wouldn't? It's the eye of the storm.

    So in other words, you’re just going to give us a big moralising lecturing because you’ve a religious view of the world and think everyone else should conform to it?

    Yet the people you allegedly overhead discussing anything critical of your worldview, in your remarkably diverse office (during a a period when hardly anyone in IT has been at the office since March) aren’t entitled to an opinion.

    Something doesn’t add up about this thread, particularly during a period when the vast majority of office work has been taking place in people’s spare bedrooms & the last water cooler moments for most of us were in February ...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    votecounts wrote: »
    this 100%
    Lay off the insults and baseless remarks about irish people and you might get on better. Never been in an office environment where some political issue is not discussed at some point in the day.

    Maybe if Irish people put more effort into getting to know me then my attitude would be better.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭smellyoldboot


    chris525 wrote: »
    My own country, my own family, and my own culture.

    What I do for a living and travel.

    lol. This has to be a windup tbh. A racist/xenophobe shouting racist at everyone else after leaving their beloved homeland.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    440Hertz wrote: »
    So in other words, you’re just going to give us a big moralising lecturing because you’ve a religious view of the world and think everyone else should conform to it?

    Yet the people you allegedly overhead discussing anything critical of your worldview, in your remarkably diverse office (during a a period when hardly anyone in IT has been at the office since March) aren’t entitled to an opinion.

    Something doesn’t add up about this thread.

    Well if you don't conform to most of my views and I don't conform to yours then we can't really be close friends. It's just how the world works.

    I have been bullied and mocked by people who do not share my views.


  • Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭SuperRabbit


    chris525 wrote: »
    Who wouldn't? It's the eye of the storm.

    (Chris is clearly secretly from Cork)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    lol. This has to be a windup tbh. A racist/xenophobe shouting racist at everyone else after leaving their beloved homeland.

    I didn't want to leave my homeland. My husband did and it's really personal. I would have had to have fought him in court to stay. etc.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    chris525 wrote: »
    Maybe if Irish people put more effort into getting to know me then my attitude would be better.

    It’s a two-way street and you have to meet in the middle. You’re expending the world to conform to your specific views.

    Have you ever considered getting to know people without just immediately judging them and trying to push your views on them? That might be a start!


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    chris525 wrote: »
    My own country, my own family, and my own culture.

    What I do for a living and travel.

    That's very very narrow minded and self centered. You moved to another country, stop being so ignorant and selfish.

    Chris, very blunt here but you my friend, are the problem.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,908 ✭✭✭Be right back


    chris525 wrote: »
    My own country, my own family, and my own culture.

    What I do for a living and travel.

    I think your co-workers will know what you do for a living..


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,203 ✭✭✭Tork


    440Hertz wrote: »
    Something doesn’t add up about this thread, particularly during a period when the vast majority of office work has been taking place in people’s spare bedrooms & the last water cooler moments for most of us were in February ...

    Good point. Unless people are upsetting her over Zoom as well? :pac:


This discussion has been closed.
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