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derogatory coworkers

24

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    But I'm not an EU-national so I obviously don't fit in.

    Excuses, plenty of non eu people move to the eu and fit in. Language doesn’t seem to be an issue for you so it’s attitude and inflexibility.
    It’s clear you don’t even consider this as possibility because you actually don’t want to change anything and just lament. Each to their own


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    And what was the result of that? Did they stop talking politics around you?

    Why don't they care about my feelings?


  • Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭SuperRabbit


    chris525 wrote: »
    Oh, there's no doubt about it. I have offensive views. I just would never sit down beside someone at work and just start talking like that.

    It's a hard situation!

    What about asking them not to talk about religion in front of you? You said you told them that you're Christian and I think it's common sense that they wouldn't ramble about their views on religion in front of you, I don't think that's much to ask.

    DEAR MAN is an assertiveness skill that helps us ask for what we want in a gentle way and helps the other person understand our viewpoint and be more motivated to help out, might be a useful skill to learn if you like the look of it.
    https://www.sunrisertc.com/dear-man/

    By the looks of what others say in the comments, you come here and ask for advice, commenters give you a hard time about it, and then you come another day again and the same happens.
    I wonder what you get from the experience of the board, do you just not mind the people giving you a hard time because some people are really useful, or do you feel you deserve people who don't know you giving out to you? Or something else?
    Because you are saying that it happens at work and it looks like it happens on the forum too, just from this one thread. Maybe being given out to / given out about is really familiar to you and even though you don't like it at all you still seek it out because it's familiar? I am wildly speculating, seriously, take this with lots of grains of salt. I just kind of wonder if when you were younger someone gave out to you a lot, and now you expect it wherever you go


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭smellyoldboot


    chris525 wrote: »
    Why would that be fun?

    It's even fun watching it right now. If you don't get it, you never will. lol


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    Excuses, plenty of non eu people move to the eu and fit in. Language doesn’t seem to be an issue for you so it’s attitude and inflexibility.
    It’s clear you don’t even consider this as possibility because you actually don’t want to change anything and just lament. Each to their own

    Sorry, I've never seen that. People usually just stay with their own nationality. I've never seen an Irish person be friends with a non-Irish person. Why should I do everything everyone else wants to do whereas they won't do anything I want to do?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,268 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    chris525 wrote: »
    Maybe if you racist people would leave people alone about their nationality and welcome them then it would be easier to adapt?

    And we have reached the nub of the issue.

    Your attitude absolutely stinks, OP. Your colleagues are reacting to that. In all your manifold threads here you've been told as politely as possible that you are the issue in all of your issues. But you either won't or can't see that.

    You've just insulted every person on this thread and indeed in Ireland, and yet you wonder why people don't like you.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭smellyoldboot


    chris525 wrote: »
    Why don't they care about my feelings?

    Why should anyone, outside of you and your immediate family care about your feelings? Genuine question btw.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    It's a hard situation!

    What about asking them not to talk about religion in front of you? You said you told them that you're Christian and I think it's common sense that they wouldn't ramble about their views on religion in front of you, I don't think that's much to ask.

    DEAR MAN is an assertiveness skill that helps us ask for what we want in a gentle way and helps the other person understand our viewpoint and be more motivated to help out, might be a useful skill to learn if you like the look of it.
    https://www.sunrisertc.com/dear-man/

    By the looks of what others say in the comments, you come here and ask for advice, commenters give you a hard time about it, and then you come another day again and the same happens.
    I wonder what you get from the experience of the board, do you just not mind the people giving you a hard time because some people are really useful, or do you feel you deserve people who don't know you giving out to you? Or something else?
    Because you are saying that it happens at work and it looks like it happens on the forum too, just from this one thread. Maybe being given out to / given out about is really familiar to you and even though you don't like it at all you still seek it out because it's familiar? I am wildly speculating, seriously, take this with lots of grains of salt. I just kind of wonder if when you were younger someone gave out to you a lot, and now you expect it wherever you go

    Yes, my mother was verbally abusive and constantly screaming and yelling at me and my grandfather.

    My husband told my grandparents the truth about my father and they needed a 'step back' because it was too stressful for them? Really? How about your disgusting son abandoning a child. Why does everyone get rules of their own but no one wants to play by my rules?


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    Sorry, I've never seen that. People usually just stay with their own nationality. I've never seen an Irish person be friends with a non-Irish person. Why should I do everything everyone else wants to do whereas they won't do anything I want to do?

    That just shows you how limited your own social circle is then


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,221 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    And what was the result of that? Did they stop talking politics around you?

    No, but they stopped talking to her at all and now for some strange reason?
    She feels unwelcome.
    Looking at the previous threads and there is a single common denominator.

    It's hard not to victim blame, but very early on in this thread someone hit the nail on the head.
    Self awareness is sorely lacking here.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Why should anyone, outside of you and your immediate family care about your feelings? Genuine question btw.

    If you are a decent person then you will care about people's feelings. My god you would have to be an asshole.


  • Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭SuperRabbit


    Irish people being racist is not an insult, it's a fact. It's next to impossible to make Irish friends, that's not an insult it's just reality. I'm Irish and I can see that, if you can't see it it must be because you don't have any non-Irish friends

    (Obviously there are rare exceptions, Irish people who are willing to welcome newcommers into their group of friends, but for the most part ex-pats are just friends with each other, and can't make friends with Irish people)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    Yes, my mother was verbally abusive and constantly screaming and yelling at me and my grandfather.

    My husband told my grandparents the truth about my father and they needed a 'step back' because it was too stressful for them? Really? How about your disgusting son abandoning a child. Why does everyone get rules of their own but no one wants to play by my rules?

    Why don’t you play by others’ rules then?
    Same question


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    And we have reached the nub of the issue.

    Your attitude absolutely stinks, OP. Your colleagues are reacting to that. In all your manifold threads here you've been told as politely as possible that you are the issue in all of your issues. But you either won't or can't see that.

    You've just insulted every person on this thread and indeed in Ireland, and yet you wonder why people don't like you.

    That's because when I moved here I wasn't exactly welcomed. Irish people are friendly ahashah just a bunch of drunkards


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Irish people being racist is not an insult, it's a fact. It's next to impossible to make Irish friends, that's not an insult it's just reality. I'm Irish and I can see that, if you can't see it it must be because you don't have any non-Irish friends

    (Obviously there are rare exceptions, Irish people who are willing to welcome newcommers into their group of friends, but for the most part ex-pats are just friends with each other, and can't make friends with Irish people)

    YES


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    If you are a decent person then you will care about people's feelings. My god you would have to be an asshole.

    This has to be the most bizarre thing I ever read


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Chris525, you have come to PI for advice, which people have taken the time to offer. If you want the thread to continue, stop with the 'you Irish' generalisations.

    If you have an issue with this, do not discuss on thread, but PM me.

    Thanks

    HS


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    Why don’t you play by others’ rules then?
    Same question

    I only play if there's something in it for me or if I care about the person. I guess my coworkers are fake and just pretend.


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,221 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    chris525 wrote: »
    That's because when I moved here I wasn't exactly welcomed.

    Is there anywhere that you have felt welcome?
    If there is, did that welcome last? Or was there a change?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    This has to be the most bizarre thing I ever read

    No, if you care about the person then you will care about their feelings. The 2 go hand in hand. Yep, I guess it's the awful Irish attitude towards others.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,190 ✭✭✭Tork


    If your attitude in real life is anything like what it is on this thread, you are going to continue to be a lonely, bitter person who blames everybody but yourself. Your problems have nothing to do with where you come from. You are the common denominator.

    It brings to mind the quote "“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

    All you have done on this thread is insult people, rant about being stuck in Ireland, complain that nobody is welcoming. So either you're meeting nothing but assholes all day or it's time to look at what you are doing wrong.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    banie01 wrote: »
    Is there anywhere that you have felt welcome?
    If there is, did that welcome last? Or was there a change?

    Yes, in my hometown and for the most part church.

    I have never felt included or welcome in Ireland.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Tork wrote: »
    If your attitude in real life is anything like what it is on this thread, you are going to continue to be a lonely, bitter person who blames everybody but yourself. Your problems have nothing to do with where you come from. You are the common denominator.

    It brings to mind the quote "“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

    All you have done on this thread is insult people, rant about being stuck in Ireland, complain that nobody is welcoming. So either you're meeting nothing but assholes all day or it's time to look at what you are doing wrong.

    I am very polite with my coworkers. I just don't like their BS.
    I am polite to people and then when they find out that I'm not from here they treat me differently.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Tork wrote: »
    Irish people find politics interesting.

    My god WHY? It's boring and stupid.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,190 ✭✭✭Tork


    Wear headphones then or just tune out. I am bored to tears when my colleagues start talking about rugby but I just ignore them. It blows over.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Tork wrote: »
    Wear headphones then or just tune out. I am bored to tears when my colleagues start talking about rugby but I just ignore them. It blows over.

    I don't want to wear headphones. They are uncomfortable.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    chris525 wrote: »
    I only play if there's something in it for me or if I care about the person. I guess my coworkers are fake and just pretend.

    I only play by the rules to get something out of it, too. No issue with that. But that doesn’t work long term if you keep burning your bridges because you expect the world to adjust to your whims.
    No wonder you are never happy, be it the country, company, family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,221 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    chris525 wrote: »
    Yes, in my hometown and for the most part church.

    I have never felt included or welcome in Ireland.

    Honestly, I can't say I've ever encountered an attitude like yours in my personal or professional life.

    You are a perpetual victim who wants immediate welcome, understanding, concession and accommodation from everyone.
    But won't alter your own attitudes to adjust?

    Life and in particular professional life is a series of personal interactions that you play a part in shaping and directing.
    The direction of yours to date all seem to be poor.

    Perhaps a compass? Or some deportment lessons would serve you better than this thread?
    Either way, I would honestly and wholeheartedly recommend that you partake in some self reflection and inward examination.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭chris525


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    I only play by the rules to get something out of it, too. No issue with that. But that doesn’t work long term if you keep burning your bridges because you expect the world to adjust to your whims.
    No wonder you are never happy, be it the country, company, family.

    What do you mean by that?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,890 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    chris525 wrote: »
    My god WHY? It's boring and stupid.

    That's your derogatory opinion on it!

    To thine own self be true



This discussion has been closed.
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