Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Is She a Narssist?

Options
2»

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    I was slapped. I wouldn't call it physical abuse.

    Times have changed.

    Many of my peers received slaps. And i am young. Its only recently the law has changed.

    I wouldn't do it to my children though.

    Then again ....there is a line between a slap and physical abuse. Also continuously using slapping when its not working ...IS abuse even back then.

    A misbehaved child getting slapped everyday ...would probably have long term upset about that. Rightly so. That is abuse. Even for before the law changed.

    This! We were all slapped as kids, I dont agree with slapping children but our parents grew up getting beaten not only by their parents but teachers, school principals, priests and nuns.
    I couldnt believe it when my dad told me that my grandad used to beat him with him a belt and my little granny would egg him on and tell my grandad to hit my dad harder.
    Times where different then, they where different again when we were young and now we know not to hit to kids at all.
    Its seen as abuse now but dont think its fair to hold it against parents or the older generation as they didnt know any better.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    This! We were all slapped as kids, I dont agree with slapping children but our parents grew up getting beaten not only by their parents but teachers, school principals, priests and nuns.
    I couldnt believe it when my dad told me that my grandad used to beat him with him a belt and my little granny would egg him on and tell my grandad to hit my dad harder.
    Times where different then, they where different again when we were young and now we know not to hit to kids at all.
    Its seen as abuse now but dont think its fair to hold it against parents or the older generation as they didnt know any better.
    I agree ...100%

    Its ok to be upset about it. I mean who DOESNT need therapy after childhood?

    But to get into the idea of trying to use victimhood to make people make allowances for poor behavior patterns is not healthy.

    When you know better you do better.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,927 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Folks it's not a discussion on slapping and whether it is abuse or not.

    Please offer advice to the OP on the issue they have raised when replying.

    Thanks

    HS


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,275 ✭✭✭km991148


    Hmm lots of small clues to suggest things may not be as they seem.

    You were your mother confidant when it came to family issues (I am not sure if I am misreading that or if that is the current post-row situation)? That sounds more like the role of a parent, no?
    Maybe your sister needs an objective pair of ears? Maybe things weren't as the seemed growing up? Really hard to tell, but therapy is probably as good a place better place (continue the work?) as any?


  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    Rach8807 wrote: »
    To be honest, the bold child part is based on my own memories of having to leave shops because my sister was throwing a massive tantrum or breaking something.

    I don't want any part of it. I don't like conflict, so I try to stay out of it.

    Any part of what OP? Your sister as a child throwing a tantrum. AS A CHILD. Sounds like it's more convenient for you to follow the narrative that your sister is a Narcissist and is the one in the wrong in all of this.

    As another poster said no sibling is raised by the same parents. My mother was a nightmare and I had to remove a sibling from a particularly toxic situation where she was terrified to go home. Not my choice. We went to a relatives for a few days. I had my other sibling completely siding with my mother and on the phone telling me I was dead to him and nothing but a c**t. All because I was protecting my sister. My brother thinks the sun shines out of her back side.

    Seems like it's easier for you to go along with the pull the rug over the problem situation and use your sister as a scapegoat.

    Also the black sheep in the family is sometimes the only one who actually speaks the truth.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    Aloissus30 wrote: »
    Have you considered that maybe your mother is the narcissist here? Have you heard of the golden child vs scapegoat dynamic that some parents create? It's where one child is favoured over the other, "troubled" child. It leads to all sorts of emotional problems as the children grow and become adults.

    Maybe your sister has an undiagnosed disorder such as ADHD that lead to her behaviour as a child. Instead of getting the support she needed, she was slapped and punished and made to feel bold. You were taught that she was bold so you accepted her punishments as something she deserved.

    You mother is b!tching to you about your sister to drive a wedge between the two of you. Parents should never do this. It causes you to resent your sister and blame her and absolve your mother. It's easier for you to side with your mother so you don't become her target.

    I could be wrong and maybe your sister is just a lying, awful person. Is there anything your sister has done that's truly awful? Clearly there's a lot of dysfunction here and putting the blame solely on your sister's shoulders and pushing her into therapy to "fix" her so you can "fix" your family isn't going to work.


    This !!!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    Rach8807 wrote: »
    I was the oldest and I was had to be the responsible one. So I think the wedge was there from an early age.

    To be honest, the other posters have me rethinking my understanding of the situation. I do get a fairly one-sided version of the story. And I've made assumptions based on that.

    Maybe my mother is the narcissist. But from what others poster have said, there not much I can do about that. I cant fix they're problems.

    But you were more than happy to jump on the call your sister out as a narcissist band wagon, but not your mother !!!

    Think about that for a sec OP


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I went through exactly what your sister did.

    I found out 4 weeks ago that I have autism. I am 38 years old.

    I have spent my entire life being punished and abused by my 'behaviour'. For me, it felt like my very existence was detested by the people that were supposed to love me.

    I made terrible choices in love and friendships as I muddled through life thinking I was utterly worthless. I tried to kill myself at 21, wondering what i had ever done that was so wrong that my own family could hate me so much.

    Somehow, I am still here - having never received an ounce of support from anyone. Thanks to my undiagnosed autism, my terrible people skills were mistaken as narcissism by practically everyone and my family were only too happy to smear me also. I personalised every second of it.

    Today, I am learning how to have friendships, I am a parent, I am estranged from my family and I love myself thanks to almost 20 years of shadow work.

    Please listen to your sister. Please.


Advertisement