Gay inbetweener

Untapped

Hi all,

Dunno if I'm the right place for this but here goes..im more or less comfortable with my orientation but completely uncomfortable in the gay 'scene'.

Firstly I live in a village so admittedly i do have to go out of my way on the rare occasions where I've tried to dip my toes.

I just find it all a bit OTT and overwhelming. Very rarely feel able to approach a man as these places broadly don't attract my type.

Just wondering if anyone else in the same boat? I think covid has just made me extra lonely and its hard to see how I'm ever going to meet someone..im already in my mid 30s..busy professional life..etc etc.

I enjoy my life but somethings missing.

Heebie

You're definitely not alone. I hope you've tried various parts of "the scene"
The outhouse, the George, pantibar, nealon's, and the boilerhouse are all extremely different from each other with crowds that vary and overlap.
Rise are just a few of the "gay" places one can end up. There are lots of pieces to "the scene" and hopefully you can find some that fit you.

Untapped

Heebie wrote: »

You're definitely not alone. I hope you've tried various parts of "the scene"
The outhouse, the George, pantibar, nealon's, and the boilerhouse are all extremely different from each other with crowds that vary and overlap.
Rise are just a few of the "gay" places one can end up. There are lots of pieces to "the scene" and hopefully you can find some that fit you.

Thanks for response.. don't get to dub very often but have been to boilerhouse..it is what it is to satisfy the obvious sexual urges..but unlikely to embark on a sincere relationship on the back of a visit there. Gay bars and clubs I jus find a bit OTT with the drag acts and the like..

Heebie

Untapped wrote:

Thanks for response.. don't get to dub very often but have been to boilerhouse..it is what it is to satisfy the obvious sexual urges..but unlikely to embark on a sincere relationship on the back of a visit there. Gay bars and clubs I jus find a bit OTT with the drag acts and the like..

I took a long time getting comfortable with things like drag. I still find the whole gym bunny thing ridiculous. But... People are who they are.
You're but likely to see much drag of you're hanging out with Dublin Bears at Nealon's, which is right across kitty-cornered from Pantibar and near Panti's other bar that I can't remember the name of. (I've never been there) if you like bears, the crowd would be potentially more your "speed."

You need to give things a chance. Drag shows can't be good craic, and so can drag queens. Being able to "warm up" to them can help you get used to being completely yourself, and help you drop the defences you've probably built up before coming out of the closet.

For me, a lot of my "discomfort" with the likes of drag queens was internalised homophobia from growing up terrified of anyone (including me) finding out that I'm gay. Getting comfortable with being around other gays, including drag queens, leather daddies etc... was pretty eye-opening.

I hope you're able to find some activity where you can feel comfortable. (although at this point... I'd probably wait until covid is over)

Untapped

Heebie wrote: »

I took a long time getting comfortable with things like drag. I still find the whole gym bunny thing ridiculous. But... People are who they are.
You're but likely to see much drag of you're hanging out with Dublin Bears at Nealon's, which is right across kitty-cornered from Pantibar and near Panti's other bar that I can't remember the name of. (I've never been there) if you like bears, the crowd would be potentially more your "speed."

You need to give things a chance. Drag shows can't be good craic, and so can drag queens. Being able to "warm up" to them can help you get used to being completely yourself, and help you drop the defences you've probably built up before coming out of the closet.

For me, a lot of my "discomfort" with the likes of drag queens was internalised homophobia from growing up terrified of anyone (including me) finding out that I'm gay. Getting comfortable with being around other gays, including drag queens, leather daddies etc... was pretty eye-opening.

I hope you're able to find some activity where you can feel comfortable. (although at this point... I'd probably wait until covid is over)

Ah I don't have any issues with drag queens per say I jus wish there was a bar or bars which happened to have gay clientelle and showed football on TV or just had a cool vibe that isn't in anyones face...think I'm gonna power through covid and take the plunge and move somewhere more metropolitan..like I say im sure Dublins great but it 2-3 hour drive and booking the likes of a hotel for weekend is massively expensive.. doesn't help me long term either in terms of looking for a sincere relationship...ive no bother getting casual hookups even where I am now..(in normal pre covid times) ha

Heebie

Good luck wherever you end up!