Potty Training Hell

PMC83

My son will be 4 in December. At just over 3 we were late potty training him but we've been at it nearly 6 months and still struggling. He seems to be ok about wee, and will let us know when he has to do one at home. But prone to accidents in creche. Maybe once a week he will tell us he needs to poo but in general seems to have a mental block about it. TBH he seems to be going backwards. Whats concerning is that where he once saw it as dirty and yucky, he now has become used to just doing it in his pants. He thinks its fine and no amount of bribing or presents or whatever seems to convince him otherwise. I have a horrible feeling we could still be doing this as school approaches in a years time.



Anyone else have long term struggles with this? It feels never ending and tbh scrubbing crap off all is clothes every day is really starting to be exhausting.

iamwhoiam

My grand daughter had the same problem . Very quickly was dry and knew exactly what was what . It took almost 6 months for her to do a poo in the potty . She would wait for a nappy to be put on and go into another room to do a poo
I know quite a few including two nephews who also did this
One fine bright day she decided she was doing her poo in tje toilet perched on her Frozen toilet seat . And she did , and never looked back
Poos often take much longer to get right

omegaodie

You can bring a horse to water but you can't stop him ****ting when he's there. Don't freak, kids take their own time. Don't over worry, just support and encourage the toilet wins and try not to show anxiety when he has accidents. It can turn on it's head in a day with children and he's 3 not 7 so just try not to imbue your (relatable) fears into his understanding of the whole thing. If it makes you feel better, once this challenge is done with something new and probably worse will pop up, and repeat until he's 18 and then you'll never have another worry about him again.
tldr; don't freak, it's normal.

PMC83

omegaodie wrote: »

You can bring a horse to water but you can't stop him ****ting when he's there. Don't freak, kids take their own time. Don't over worry, just support and encourage the toilet wins and try not to show anxiety when he has accidents. It can turn on it's head in a day with children and he's 3 not 7 so just try not to imbue your (relatable) fears into his understanding of the whole thing. If it makes you feel better, once this challenge is done with something new and probably worse will pop up, and repeat until he's 18 and then you'll never have another worry about him again.
tldr; don't freak, it's normal.

Thanks folks. Its been one of those weeks.

Neyite

It's fairly common in kids, and if you don't keep on top of it, can lead to painful constipation if he's trying to hold it in.

Using strange loos is one mental block so when he starts school that will more than likely make it worse.

A strategy to ensure he goes every day - usually after breakfast is the best time as eating stimulates the digestive system. Make it routine just like brushing teeth, doing hair etc.Line the loo with a bit of toilet paper to prevent splash, ensure you use a toddler seat so he doesn't feel like he's going to fall in and give him bubbles to blow if he's afraid to push. You could even let him watch a cartoon on a tablet for a while until he gets used to the routine.



But it's a long game really, and needs lots of patience until it clicks.

cornflake1

The NHS app Poo goes to Pooland might be worth a shot. It sounds like it has all been very stressful. I think some children are just ready later.

laserlad2010

Another option would be to break it down into stages

Keep the nappy on him and sit him on the toilet in his nappy to do the poo

When he's comfortable with that I've often advised parents to put a nappy on that has a massive hole in the bum, let him do the poo into the toilet but with the sensation of the nappy on

Then remove the nappy and let him sit on the potty as usual

Other thing to remember is to make sure he's not constipated?

Another point would be to have a process around poos. Praise and then swiftly remove the nappy from him in the bathroom. Get him to start associating the bathroom with poos!

Disclaimer: I am a Paediatrician

Double Disclaimer: There is no right way to do this

andreac

There's a great lady on instagram if you are on it and who teaches about potty training etc. She's irish and very good. I picked up lots of tips from her. Here's her handle if you want to have a look. She does little online workshops too which might be beneficial for you.
https://www.instagram.com/deehollhan/

jlm29

Was just going to mention Deirdre Holland hannon also
She has a website
https://deirdrehollandhannon.com/

She does workshops and courses, used to be group things but now online. She seems to talk a lot of sense!
Good luck, it’s hard going.

andreac

jlm29 wrote: »

Was just going to mention Deirdre Holland hannon also
She has a website
https://deirdrehollandhannon.com/

She does workshops and courses, used to be group things but now online. She seems to talk a lot of sense!
Good luck, it’s hard going.

Yeah ive listened to her a few times and she seems lovely and very helpful. My little one was basically trained when i discovered her but i do like the advice she gives.

shesty

laserlad2010 wrote: »

Another option would be to break it down into stages

Keep the nappy on him and sit him on the toilet in his nappy to do the poo

When he's comfortable with that I've often advised parents to put a nappy on that has a massive hole in the bum, let him do the poo into the toilet but with the sensation of the nappy on

Then remove the nappy and let him sit on the potty as usual

Other thing to remember is to make sure he's not constipated?

Another point would be to have a process around poos. Praise and then swiftly remove the nappy from him in the bathroom. Get him to start associating the bathroom with poos!

Disclaimer: I am a Paediatrician

Double Disclaimer: There is no right way to do this

Has that worked for anyone you advised??
My experience of this is that they sit on the toilet knowing no nappy is required.I couldn't see any of mine sitting on a loo with a nappy on them, in their heads they know that isn't the done thing!!!

Poos are bloody endless to sort OP.Number 1 here took a year I think.She leaves it waaaaaayyy to late.Someone said to me once it sort of feels like they are losing part of their body when they do it on a loo and they are not comfortable about it.I think it took encouragement and ended with bribery here for her to get it eventually, but it is definitely a very long game.It feels endless while you are doing it too, you are not alone on it.

El Gato De Negocios

Having similar issues with 3.5 year old. We left it late with him too, didn't properly start training til he was almost 3.

Wee has always been pretty good, few accidents at the start but in the main he got on fine with that. We went cold turkey as in just abandoned nappies from the outset incl at night time and that probably helped.

Poo though has been a bit of a bugger. He is a divil for holding on. Its grand when he is with us as we know his little dance so will make him sit on the pot and give him a book to read while he goes but over the last number of weeks he has had a couple of little accidents in creche. Never a full blown poo in the pants but several evenings he has come home with bits of poo in his jocks, never much more than a nugget / large skid mark but still very obvious. When he is involved with something, be it a toy, game or book he is absolutely BET into it and i do think there is an element of FOMO. He also suffered a fair bit with constipation when he was little so there is probably of that effecting him too.

All we have been doing is trying to encourage him to go or to tell us or his teachers when he has to go. We also got a little book about "pirate pete" which goes through potty training phases in very basic terms, has some nice art in it and also has a little cheer button he can press.

Its tough and I struggle with not getting cross sometimes but i have to try and remember that he is still only learning and its the biggest thing he has ever had to learn, not bloody easy though, especially trying to hose out half tried in stink nuggets from his jocks!

PMC83

Thanks everyone for the replies! El Gato, I feel your pain.


Feels like the only thing sorting this is time!!

jlm29

PMC83 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the replies! El Gato, I feel your pain.


Feels like the only thing sorting this is time!!

And possibly some fairly heavy duty bribery

nikpmup

shesty wrote: »

Has that worked for anyone you advised??
My experience of this is that they sit on the toilet knowing no nappy is required.I couldn't see any of mine sitting on a loo with a nappy on them, in their heads they know that isn't the done thing!!!

Poos are bloody endless to sort OP.Number 1 here took a year I think.She leaves it waaaaaayyy to late.Someone said to me once it sort of feels like they are losing part of their body when they do it on a loo and they are not comfortable about it.I think it took encouragement and ended with bribery here for her to get it eventually, but it is definitely a very long game.It feels endless while you are doing it too, you are not alone on it.

My son had awful trouble with learning to poo on the toilet. What eventually worked for me was just this - I let him poo in his pull up while sitting on the toilet. When he was comfortable with that, I opened the pull up, and sort of suspended it under the toilet seat - it was trapped by the seat like a hammock, so his poo landed in it. After a while I started to lower the pull up and eventually I was able to trick him that the pull up was in place but the poo was able to fall past it into the toilet. Once that had happened 3 or 4 times he got quite fond of all the praise; he often invited the family up to come and look (delightfully!! ) He eventually came round but it was a looong struggle.

Kintarō Hattori

nikpmup wrote: »

My son had awful trouble with learning to poo on the toilet. What eventually worked for me was just this - I let him poo in his pull up while sitting on the toilet. When he was comfortable with that, I opened the pull up, and sort of suspended it under the toilet seat - it was trapped by the seat like a hammock, so his poo landed in it. After a while I started to lower the pull up and eventually I was able to trick him that the pull up was in place but the poo was able to fall past it into the toilet. Once that had happened 3 or 4 times he got quite fond of all the praise; he often invited the family up to come and look (delightfully!! ) He eventually came round but it was a looong struggle.

I may have laughed.... the little legend.

wexpat girl

Same issue. Training 3 year old for 3 months. Mostly good with wees. But with poos, it's still the exception that they go into the toilet. She's even using the big toilet without a step now so you'd think.... Most of the time I think it's laziness cos they take too long, so if she's busy playing, ie pretty much most of the time, she's pooed her pants. I hoped she might be freaked out by a dirty pants so I used to try delay changing by a couple of minutes but she's grand and would play on, albeit stinking the room out. She sometimes seems amused by the whole regime which does make me wonder does she "like" the attention cos it's the clean up, find the clean pants, please try in Toilet next time regime. So I've also taken the ignore approsch as well ie just mechanically cleaned and changed and not reacting. But neither is achieving the goal. I'm going back to the star chart tomorrow to see if that makes any difference but as someone said, 3 months of cleaning s@it off clothes is really getting tiresome.

jlm29

wexpat girl wrote: »

Same issue. Training 3 year old for 3 months. Mostly good with wees. But with poos, it's still the exception that they go into the toilet. She's even using the big toilet without a step now so you'd think.... Most of the time I think it's laziness cos they take too long, so if she's busy playing, ie pretty much most of the time, she's pooed her pants. I hoped she might be freaked out by a dirty pants so I used to try delay changing by a couple of minutes but she's grand and would play on, albeit stinking the room out. She sometimes seems amused by the whole regime which does make me wonder does she "like" the attention cos it's the clean up, find the clean pants, please try in Toilet next time regime. So I've also taken the ignore approsch as well ie just mechanically cleaned and changed and not reacting. But neither is achieving the goal. I'm going back to the star chart tomorrow to see if that makes any difference but as someone said, 3 months of cleaning s@it off clothes is really getting tiresome.

Have you tried good old fashioned bribery? My three year old just didn’t seem to get it the first time we tried training. I took a break for a few weeks, and during that time put together a prize bag. I bought some cheap stuff and some dearer stuff (as in, €5 paw patrol cars were the dear things, colouring pencils, bubbles etc). For the first Couple of dayS, every time he used the Potty he got a prize. Then for a couple of days he got them for every poo. Then it went down to getting a prize for a full day of no accidents. It worked a treat, the stickers just weren’t cutting it

omegaodie

jlm29 wrote: »

Have you tried good old fashioned bribery? My three year old just didn’t seem to get it the first time we tried training. I took a break for a few weeks, and during that time put together a prize bag. I bought some cheap stuff and some dearer stuff (as in, €5 paw patrol cars were the dear things, colouring pencils, bubbles etc). For the first Couple of dayS, every time he used the Potty he got a prize. Then for a couple of days he got them for every poo. Then it went down to getting a prize for a full day of no accidents. It worked a treat, the stickers just weren’t cutting it

A dangerous tactic, there will be a next thing.

wexpat girl

omegaodie wrote: »

A dangerous tactic, there will be a next thing.

Any other suggestions?

jlm29

omegaodie wrote: »

A dangerous tactic, there will be a next thing.

Yes indeed. Buying a few dinkys and a bottle of bubbles is very high risk.

omegaodie

wexpat girl wrote: »

Any other suggestions?

If you pay em off they'll figure out that's your go to solution and that will make any other approach harder, or not kids are hard to predict. sometimes you can do everything wrong and they're fine, sometimes you do everything right and they become drug mules, tis challenging.

shesty

Mod post: Keep things on topic please.

PMC83

Hey all, so he came good in the end. Still the odd accident but in general hes fine. We tried everything, potty books, bribes, extra tv time, you name it.


In the end it was a box of celebrations that did it. He was really excited at the prospect of unwrapping what ever sweet it was. Really I think it was a combination of him just deciding hes ready, a lot of people will tell you that its a waiting game and unfortunately it just seems to be. 9 months of hard work!!


Amazing enough we started my little girl last weekend and shes pretty much picked it all up inside a week!! I'm starting to wonder if they are related at all.

PMC83

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/116358400#Comment_116358400

Look at me all delighted there, thinking it was resolved! It wasn't. We've been at it 18 months now. Hes 4 and a half and starting school in 4 weeks. Still pooing his pants. We've tried everything and are heart broken with it. Hes a smart kid and seems normal in every other reguard, but just seems to be a mental block with pooing in the toilet. I can bribe him on and bring him and he will occianionally do it, but he NEVER engages the conversation about it, never pipes up about needing to do it. I dont know if its fomo or what, he knows where they should go, but completely clams up when pressed about it.

The wees are never an issue.

Now we're just getting him to clean it up himself, which he hates- hopefully it will put him off. Exhausted though, feels like it will never end. Anyone else go through anything similar?

hollymartins

Do you think he could be constipated? It sounds exactly like our son, loads of poo accidents but it went on so long he didn't seem at all phased by it and we were worried with him starting school. We eventually went to the doctor who said it was faecal impaction, we had to focus on increasing his fibre and fluids and you could see within a few weeks he was having a regular bowel movement in the morning after breakfast and a drink.

A year later if he's had a bad day diet wise e.g. like his birthday when he's had cake and sweets then you can see within a day he's not regular and we try to up the fibre etc. to alleviate it

iamwhoiam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664757#Comment_117664757

Can I ask you if his poo is liquidy diarrhoea or formed soft poo ?

If it liquidy staining his pants it could mean he is constipated and the liquid is leaking around a hard poo in his rectum

PMC83

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664814#Comment_117664814

Maybe tbh. He used to be regular enough but now it really feels like hes holding on. We made a big mistake in stressing that if he didnt have an accident he'd get something nice at the end of the day, as apposed to saying he'd get something nice if he did his poo in the toilet. Generally speaking he will do one a day but its really bribed out of him. Often he'll say he hasnt got one, hop off the topilet then do it in his pants when playing 10 minutes later.

hollymartins

Our son was prescribed Movicol Junior for about 2 weeks and then we just tried to sneak in as much fibre into his diet as we could. I also think he wasn't drinking as much as he should be so he could avoid trips to the toilet aswell so that would've added to the issue. Perhaps visit your GP with your concerns especially as he used to be regular

PMC83

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664907#Comment_117664907

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664907#Comment_117664907

Honestly nothing too liquidy, the very odd time. Generally its just a boulder of poo. Great craic for all!

iamwhoiam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117669371#Comment_117669371

I think a word with the GP would be best and he might need a stool softener for a while . He is holding back and getting constipated and its a viscous circle now .