Wedding abroad postponed

LegacyUser

Hi all, more wedding woes questions here, a close friend asked us to a wedding abroad this month. It was 3 day event, everyone booked flights and accommodation, happy to go and make a weekend away of it etc. It was postponed due to Covid naturally a few months ago and I don't know about the other guests but we could only get flights rescheduled until December (i.e. looking pretty useless at this stage) and 50% back on our Air BnB booking. Nothing was said in the cancellation text about these expenses, I would have thought an acknowledgment would be nice. Anyway it was made clear we are all to be super excited and just as eager about the rescheduled date next year, again, abroad. I thought it was a bit much but she's a close friend and know that this wasn't what they wanted.
Anyway, last week, given that they needed to get legally married here anyway, they kept their registry office date and a select few within Govt guidelines (I'd say 40) got asked to a fairly casual afters but it was a lovely wedding celebration.
All evening the bride kept remarking how it wasn't the 'real wedding' and next year would be the big day!
In the aftermath I have been thinking. Wait. It WAS a wedding (just not the one she wanted or expected, of course), we celebrated, it was lovely... why on earth are they expecting people to go abroad for a ceremonial event when they will have effectively been married for a year by the new date next year? It will just be a foreign vow renewal, no?
I might sound like a scabby friend here but I wouldn't expect everyone to come to the rescheduling. It's money and annual leave and a 3 day babysitter fee, for us. I feel I've been to the wedding and enjoyed it. But how on earth will I get out of it?

Fakediamond

Just say nothing for now...wait and see. Nobody knows how this pandemic is going to play out in the foreseeable future. And apart from that, things change, she might be pregnant, they might decide to buy a house instead, etc, etc...The same goes for you, your life could be completely different too.

I wouldn’t be booking flights, annual leave or accommodation when everything is so unsettled.

annoyedgal

Absolutely bananas expecting people to travel next year when already married!!
As the previous poster said book nothing for now and if asked explain your not booking anything due to the uncertainty as you've already lost out on some expenses due to the cancellation. Impossible to predict and plan at the moment. Personally wouldn't go unless i fancied the holiday with friends which is essentially what this is as they already had a wedding which you celebrated with them!

Heres Johnny

moreweddingwoes wrote: »

Hi all, more wedding woes questions here, a close friend asked us to a wedding abroad this month. It was 3 day event, everyone booked flights and accommodation, happy to go and make a weekend away of it etc. It was postponed due to Covid naturally a few months ago and I don't know about the other guests but we could only get flights rescheduled until December (i.e. looking pretty useless at this stage) and 50% back on our Air BnB booking. Nothing was said in the cancellation text about these expenses, I would have thought an acknowledgment would be nice. Anyway it was made clear we are all to be super excited and just as eager about the rescheduled date next year, again, abroad. I thought it was a bit much but she's a close friend and know that this wasn't what they wanted.
Anyway, last week, given that they needed to get legally married here anyway, they kept their registry office date and a select few within Govt guidelines (I'd say 40) got asked to a fairly casual afters but it was a lovely wedding celebration.
All evening the bride kept remarking how it wasn't the 'real wedding' and next year would be the big day!
In the aftermath I have been thinking. Wait. It WAS a wedding (just not the one she wanted or expected, of course), we celebrated, it was lovely... why on earth are they expecting people to go abroad for a ceremonial event when they will have effectively been married for a year by the new date next year? It will just be a foreign vow renewal, no?
I might sound like a scabby friend here but I wouldn't expect everyone to come to the rescheduling. It's money and annual leave and a 3 day babysitter fee, for us. I feel I've been to the wedding and enjoyed it. But how on earth will I get out of it?

Weddings are the easiest thing in the world to get out of. Invent an exam, a holiday, anything, busy time in work and other colleagues off. I've done it 20 odd times now to be honest.

ted1

Most people getting married abroad will have a civil marriage in Ireland. We certainly did. Makes all the paper work easier ( no translation needed) also many countries need to present c amount of days before hand.
We had a small celebration on Ireland. But to us our wedding and anniversary is our wedding date abroad.

Darc19

I'd see if I could go on the original date and have a break of my own.

Possibly it will be a green list country when the new list is published.

Tork

Covid has thrown up new versions of Bridezilla, hasn't it? I'm pretty sure that even if your friend decides to go ahead and rebook her "real" wedding, she's not going to get the numbers she wanted. I can see a lot of people coming up with Covid-relatedexcuses reasons not to go. Covid doesn't have many up-sides but it should provide you with plenty of valid reasons why you can't go. This plan could be dead in the water before too long anyway.

tara73

I don't know why you worry about this at this stage, it's kind of a long time this should happen and nobody knows what's going on with Covid in the next year.
Is she asking for confirmations just yet? Would be so silly. I think the whole idea of planning a celebration of three days abroad at this time is silly. It's silly and over the top expectations of friends and fanmily even without Covid..

Yes, she's a good friend but you have the easiest excuse (from my pov it's not even an excuse, it's a very sensible reason) because of Covid you won't enter any plane or won't go abroad any time soon. End of story.

Of and/or when this actually appears to be happening, I would just make an excuse & not go. Seriously deluded to think that people will travel to another country so she can have a party!!

Friend of mine got married few years ago, overseas, it was really nice, lots of people travelled & enjoyed it. Turns out, a few months later, she did it all again, at home, in a church with her family (who were all there the first time!)
Ridiculous. We never said anything to her, but we were all put out that she had another wedding here, after forcing everyone overseas!!

eviltwin

You've a few options here.

You can say nothing, let her assume you are still going and wait and see what happens between now and then. There is a chance she may have to reconsider her plans anyway.

Or you can just be honest and say you aren't going. You went to her actual wedding and celebrated that which is the important thing. You tell her you can't justify the money it will cost. A good friend will understand.

All relationships have their own dynamics and saying nothing might be what you feel is best but I don't believe people get a pass for bad behaviour just because its a wedding. If a friend decided that everyone should go on holiday together just for the craic and then acted the diva when people said no you'd rightly tell them to do one, why should it be any different just because its a wedding?

The upside of saying no now is that you stop all future awkward conversations around the trip.

charlietheminxx

There's already great advice above but I just wanted to weigh in on something I picked up on - you should have received a full refund on your Air B&B. They specifically updated their T&Cs on this, I only know as I had accommodation booked for 12 for a hen which was supposed to happen last week, and in accordance with their covid policies we got a full refund.

When you get the rest of your money back, treat yourself to something nice! You'd be mad to spend it on attending a second wedding, especially since next year is unlikely to be fully back to normal.

Pistachio19

Don't book anything for next year. Suppose other friends are asking to share accommodation you just tell them you are sorting your own nearer the time assuming the wedding is going ahead. Also you have kids - the perfect excuse to say you can't go as you can't secure a babysitter given the worries of covid.

the14thwarrior

just don't book anything.
no rule in life that says we have to do everything we are asked to do.
people turn down invitations all the time, for their own reasons, and they should be entitled to do so.
if you want to go, go.
if you don't want to go, simply say no. use an excuse that you want, short of money is always the truth and simply put, your money could be better spent elsewhere.

having a second wedding abroad is just being greedy at this point.
and asking others to go again is nuts