Attention seeker

leblanc

A few months back I get a message from a woman I hadn't seen in years. She started sending me pix but then told me she had a BF.

I backed away but the messages kept coming. It was during lockdown so I had lots of time on my hands. Sometimes we would message all day almost non stop.

She told me she didn't feel appreciated in her relationship and things escalated sexually and emotionally from there.

After a couple of months of this I tried to move things along but it didn't seem to be happening. I'd get the same answer; I'm really confused. When I'd suggest we take some space the messages would start again. I got 'if you love someone you should set them free' but when I eventually said I'd had enough I almost immediately I got nude pix - like that was going to keep me on the hook.

I started dating other people and this woman blocked me on messenger for a while. But I now get the occasion message.

I reckon that despite her telling me that she had feelings for me that in fact this was just attention seeking and the 'lack of appreciation' she feels is her BF not giving her 100% of his time.

The reason I ask is that this hurt me as I was developing feelings for her and had a crush from the first time we met years ago.

So what's your take on it?

I think your bang on in your theory. You were a bit of flirting and ego boost

CageWager

Sounds like a standard pricktease. She’s probably doing the same with at least 3-5 other guys. Block and ignore.. life is too short to waste on attention vampires.

Sonic the Shaghog

To be honest not only is attention seeking but she sounds a bit unhinged IMO, I'd stay well clear

Sonic the Shaghog

I will also say too, I know you started to like her but even if she left your man for you there's a very high chance she'll do the same to you.

Maybe he isn't the best bf, maybe he's brilliant and she's a walking cnut you don't know.

You could be with her and how many other fellas will she telling "you don't value her" behind your back.

I know too many that get someone in circumstances like and convince themselves their new partner "wasn't happy" with their ex who they were emotionally/physically cheating on then are shocked when they so the same to them.

cannotlogin

I knew a few people like this....absolutely no intention of leaving their current relationship but every single time there was any rejection or hiccup with their partner, they would reach other to others for some sort of validation in an attempt to prove to themself they had other options even if they were never going to take them.

All about the ego boost for her,nothing more, nothing less.

Even if she does jump ship & you get together, she'll do the same thing with someone else ever time things are less than perfect between ye.

Run.

ILoveYourVibes

told me she had a BF.

I eventually said I'd had enough I almost immediately I got nude pix - like that was going to keep me on the hook.

leblanc wrote: »

So what's your take on it?

Its not ok for you to receive nude pics from a woman who has a bf. And you should have set this boundary up from the beginning. You shouldn't be a party to this. I think you know that.

I will also say too, I know you started to like her but even if she left your man for you there's a very high chance she'll do the same to you.

Maybe he isn't the best bf, maybe he's brilliant and she's a walking cnut you don't know.

This he could be the best bf.

She sounds very unstable and immature. Life with her would be a come down for you.

rapul

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Its not ok for you to receive nude pics from a woman who has a bf. And you should have set this boundary up from the beginning. You shouldn't be a party to this. I think you know that.

You can't be serious. Lad sends a dick pic he's terrible and should be named and shamed but she's in the wrong sending nudes in a relationship and you blame him, right.

Onto topic, she was well just looking for attention steer clear mate , she would be doing the same if she was with you.

TP_CM

rapul wrote: »

You can't be serious. Lad sends a dick pic he's terrible and should be named and shamed but she's in the wrong sending nudes in a relationship and you blame him, right.

Onto topic, she was well just looking for attention steer clear mate , she would be doing the same if she was with you.

rapul wrote: »

You can't be serious. Lad sends a dick pic he's terrible and should be named and shamed but she's in the wrong sending nudes in a relationship and you blame him, right.

Onto topic, she was well just looking for attention steer clear mate , she would be doing the same if she was with you.

In fairness I think by saying 'party to this' that poster is more talking about him continuously allowing nude pics to be sent despite knowing she is in a relationship, as opposed to simply being a receiver of one such photo and blocking her. And the same would be said of a girl who allows a guy to send nude images of himself along with information that he is currently in a relationship with someone. No one should be doing that for their own sake aside from anything.

OP, have a think about what you're really looking for. If you want a respectable person who is ready to invest time in a relationship, this girl simply isn't her. She's actively showing you how terrible she is at relationships. Don't go for the easy option when the easy option is so bad.

Airyfairy12

I know girls like this, she's not interested in you she's keeping you keen (and likely a good few other men) so she feels that she has 'options', she might never use those options but she gets an ego boost just knowing theyre there. She likes the attention and the compliments but she also likes the feeling of control she gets from it and she gets a thrill from the drama of it all. Your feelings are at the bottom of her list of priorities. She doesnt care about you.

Is it just her looks youre into? OP learn to know the difference between Lust/sexual attraction and feelings of deep connection/loving someone for who they are and what they bring to your life. Theyre not the same thing and when you start to learn that you will save yourself years of hurt and drama. You dont have feelings for this girl, youre sexually attracted to her and thats all there is to it.

ILoveYourVibes

rapul wrote: »

You can't be serious. Lad sends a dick pic he's terrible and should be named and shamed but she's in the wrong sending nudes in a relationship and you blame him, right.

Both of them have acted in a way that is emotionally immature. Both of them are acting in a way that is asking for bad news karmically.

He didn't block here after the pictures and escalated things sexually.

I am not sure either one is more to blame than the other. But he is acting foolishly.

People who try things with taken people usually find out what goes around comes around.