Alcohol is going to ruin me

LegacyUser

I can't stop drinking and I'm at my wits end. It's going to ruin my life. I am a young woman with a good job but I'm going to destroy any potential I have.

I have considered going into treatment but the thought terrifies me. I have tried AA, addictions counselling, reading about addiction... nothing has helped.

I'd appreciate any advice available.. thank you.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Moved this into its own thread OP as I think it's more likely other posters will see it this way.

Thanks

HS

KiKi III

cantstop wrote: »

I can't stop drinking and I'm at my wits end. It's going to ruin my life. I am a young woman with a good job but I'm going to destroy any potential I have.

I have considered going into treatment but the thought terrifies me. I have tried AA, addictions counselling, reading about addiction... nothing has helped.

I'd appreciate any advice available.. thank you.

I was in a similar position at 25. I had a decent job and life on the surface looked fine (had friends, a social life, travelled) but I was so miserable. I used to wonder did alcohol make me depressed or did depression make me an alcoholic.

Ultimately I got sober. Six years now. Initially I went to AA (if you do go please get a sponsor and try doing the steps before giving up on it), then I stopped going when I felt I had a handle on sobriety and I deal with my problems through counselling and anti-depressants.

I didn’t go to rehab but lots of people do. If you have decent health insurance you can go to a really nice one like St John of Gods for a 28 Day programme. They’ll sign you off work and give you a holistic recovery programme including individual counselling, group therapy and other activities like yoga and meditation. VHI covers it, not sure about others.

I have an Instagram account where I share my experiences of sobriety, if it’s not inappropriate to share (mod please snip if so) you can see it at Instagram.com/thefreedomtoolkit. I’d recommend checking out other accounts on insta like Sober Girl Society and Hip Sobriety (there are loads).

AA skews older and male, but the online community is full of young women like us.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you know what happens if you do nothing. A book isnt going to help

you need to take the plunge and take appropriate action. its scary and i completely understand it is a difficult step to take, but you need external help.

i recommend you see your GP immediately.

Start there. Be honest and open, dont minimize. Many employers have supports available for employees. find out what is available, so that you can make informed decisions.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am also a young, professionally qualified woman (well I think 30 is young!). I went to rehab last year, it was helpful in that it opened me up. But I relapsed pretty shortly after. And with Covid, I didn't just fall off the wagon, fell off and ran away. It doesn't help that I am not working right now so trying to keep myself occupied in the house mostly alone is a struggle (but not an excuse). I am back on track less than a week, but already starting to feel better in myself.

I know if I don't get myself on track I will also lose everything, I honestly can't believe my husband has stuck by me this long. I was always a party girl but things got way out of hand about 18 months ago. If I'm really honest it's probably way longer than that, it's just that it wasn't every day.

Give AA another go, I know it's mostly old men but I liked it when I could go there are always a few women. Can't wait for my local one to open up again. It's a pity they can't advertise women only meetings, when I was in rehab there were women only meetings and it was way easier to open up.

As I said I have barely been sober a week again, but I think where I went wrong after rehab and keep going wrong is that I am struggling with acceptance. Right now when I am sober and have no craving I know I cannot touch a drink. But then that little niggle creeps in, sure, surely I can have one, I CANNOT, and that is true of anyone with alcoholism.

As much as it is over said it really is just one day at a time, regardless of what you struggle with. Alcohol, gambling, grief, chocolate. Just one day at a time, it's all you have.

I find as well when I am keeping on track I strict to HALT, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Don't let yourself be any of those for me its especially hungry. Or go for a short walk clear your head just don't but alcohol. If it's not in the house you can't drink it.

Long post I know, but I'll leave it at this. I was put off in AA but the whole 'God' thing but it's not God as in going to mass on Sunday (can be if you want). It can be anything you believe to be a higher power. So for me it's nature, especially the wind. It is bigger than me. I don't dance naked in the woods or anything but I try to remember that there are a lot of things out of my control in this life.

Hope I didn't prattle on too long and some of this helps. I just know how hard it is to start. At least you are aware, until I went to rehab (less than a year ago) I was in complete denial.

JupiterKid

Hi OP, another recovering alcoholic here, nearly 2 years sober now and have been rebuilding my life and career. My drinking spiralled out of control in my early to mid 30s when I began to use alcohol to self-medicate crippling anxiety after a horrendous episode of workplace bullying, and nearly 8 years of my life was a write-off due to destructive drinking that literally nearly killed me.

You know that you have a serious problem with alcohol. This is such a huge step to make that admission to yourself and to others. Now you need to take action - talk to your GP, go to an AA or Lifering meet online (there are so many of them online) - physical AA meetings are starting to come back after the lockdown. There is also rehab which can vary from very expensive (your GP can refer you) to more affordable but you have to want to change in order to succeed at sobriety.

Many AA meetings do have an older age cohort with men predominating, but by no means all. One group I attend regularly is characterized by many members in their 20s and 30s with a 50/50 split of male/female.

Hey OP.. yeah, to reiterate what was said above.. going in to treatment is big, it's a break, and can be an opportunity to change things (I did a couple of months in St. John of God's..), but once you're out you're back out to your previous life..the meetings are the trick I honestly think..if the demographic is a bit old in AA, NA generally has a younger set..It can be done though, and even if you have a bit of a slip, try again..I think once you come to the realisation that it's a problem, well, it never gets better.. The sooner you try to do something about it the better.. Best of luck with it anyway..

Porklife

I can all but echo what has been said above OP. I'm also a woman in my 30s who has a problem with hooch that has nearly killed me more than once. I'm not even referring to the inevitable unrepairable damage I'm doing to my body, I'm talking about the crazy ****ed up and dangerous situations it has landed me in.
I've lost jobs, lost boyfriends, lost many a set of keys and always my last shred of dignity. I remember waking up in a park on a trip in America with my friend. I was covered in mud and bruises and had no idea where I was. I tried to find my way back to the hotel but saw a pub and said **** this and went in. I'll never understand why the barman served me but he did. That night was surely rock bottom. No! I had many crazy night left in me.
I have a friend who's an alcoholic. He fell into a canal and broke both....yes both his ankles on a weekend away and continued drinking.
That's alcohol.
It will absolutely destroy you.
I don't have the answer because I still drink but I wanted to offer you support. You are not alone in this. The fact that you're admitting there is a problem is huge. It won't fix this though, only you can do that. If you find out how will you let me know?
Op, exercise can be really good to help you focus. I also find reading helps distract me. Sad thing is I do neither when I'm drinking.
I tried AA but didn't find it helpful personally although my sponsor is now a dear friend and 13 years sober so it works for some.
I wish you the absolute best Op. I know how goddamn hard it is.