Brother Stealing from Parents for drugs

gailforecast

I’m at my wits end with my brother. He’s 32 this year, 5 years my senior, but he still lives at home and is on the dole. He’s also the definition of a worthless stoner, and lately it’s emerged that he’s been stealing cash from my parents to buy his weed (basically a biscuit tin that my mother puts cash into every so often).

He initially denied it, but then came clean insisting that we were overreacting about “material goods”. He’s also asked if he can move in with myself and my fiancée, because things have gotten so out of hand. Obviously I told him no.

So I’m in a bit of a jam here, my parents shouldn’t have to deal with this dope smoking waste of space, but if I encourage them to put their foot down and kick him out, he’ll have nowhere. Has anyone had any siblings like this, and how did you get through to them?

Class MayDresser

No way would I be putting him up if he was my brother. Was in a situation like this myself in my twenties only gambling abuse(different in a lot of ways but you get the scene), knocked on my brothers door after having been beat out the door by my father, he turned me away, slept rough for a while.

Harsh but it was the call that set me straight, you shouldn't oblige him, he's using you. Show him the door, and if he has the same depth of thought you have, he'll thank you in the long run.

Not easy, best of luck.

Dahdum

Similar situation here. Have a brother whose preference is weed and alcohol. Sponging off my parents for years, endless lies, stole from family, father bailed him out of sticky situations on a number of occasions with neighbours and local businesses. Came to boiling point 6/7 yrs ago where he threatened another brother and verbally abused our mum and then just left.

As harsh as it sounds, the family has been better for it. My mum no longer has to worry about his moods, his temper, his sh*tty smartar*e remarks and also she no longer has a 40+ yr old sponger still living with her but none of us have a relationship with him and won’t until he has cleaned up his act. Siblings and I have gotten married, had kids and he has missed everything and that is sad but I believe necessary.

After my brother left we did worry about how he would cope - would he end up on the street, early grave etc etc but he’s still surviving. He lives in a town about an hr or so away and he’s in contact with extended family so we know he’s fine.

I might get crucified for this but I believe sometime being there for ppl like this might make you an enabler. My folks (more so my mum) insisted on keeping an eye on my brother for years, insisted he stay at home where she could “make sure he was ok” and all the time he was taking the p*ss.

Some ppl can’t change, some don’t want to change and some don’t see that they have a problem - everyone else has/are the problem.

I don’t think you’d be wrong for letting your brother figure things out by himself. If you take him in, you may get stuck with the problem.

Big Bag of Chips

Dahdum wrote: »

I might get crucified for this but I believe sometime being there for ppl like this might make you an enabler. My folks (more so my mum) insisted on keeping an eye on my brother for years, insisted he stay at home where she could “make sure he was ok” and all the time he was taking the p*ss.

This is exactly the truth. As long as you all protect him from the consequences of his actions he has no reason to change. Because someone else will clean up his mess. Someone else will sort out his problem. Someone else will make sure he's OK, even if it mean they are really not OK because of him.

For as long as you all (or even one of you) do that he has no reason to change.

Suggest to your parents that they look into Nar-Anon.

https://www.na-ireland.org/na-meetings/

mr_fegelien

Would you be able to call the Gardai for a "scared straight" talk? I've seen it on shows in America.

I wonder though if the gardai would pursue criminal charges of theft in a family situation. Very unlikely in this lax justice system but worth a try.

Mollyb60

I've a brother in a similar situation OP. 34, no motivation, smokes weed and plays computer games all day every day. Only leaves the house to collect his dole. He has caused a few bust ups in the house and we've had the house raided once by the cops but nothing serious enough for my parents to kick him out. Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do in this situation. Your parents are adults and they control their own house. If they insist on allowing him to remain there and (most likely) continue stealing from them then that's their choice.

All you can control is your response to the situation. Make it clear to him that he will, at no point, be allowed to stay with you and that you disapprove of how he's taking advantage of your parents. That's it sadly. It's all too common.

Icsics

Molly is right, this situation is all too common. And you cannot change his behavior, only your reaction to him. The best you can hope for is that your parents will come to their senses. I’m speaking from personal experience, there’s no easy answer & it’s really hard on everyone, but at least you know what’s going on