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Lost when it comes to dating (All opinions welcome)

  • 28-06-2020 12:52AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey.
    Im a 27 year old male and just find the dating scene absolutely mind boggling.

    Bit of a backstory, I've got very little experience in this area. I've never had a gf before and never even went on a date with a woman that I fancied. I've had sex once and can count on two hands the amount of women I've kissed. However the last number of years have been particularly quiet in that regard. I had my one and only sexual interaction two years ago and in those two years I've had two dates and one kiss. I've never properly cuddled a woman and have had never been in love. The main reason why I haven't had sex more often is because I suffer from OCD and it plays on my fear of an unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases/infections. In all this time, I've found that my sexual outlet has been sexting/online sex with women I meet on dating sites. This has helped me to become quite confident in myself when it comes to sex. I know it's a lot different in person but I have no hang ups around it. I wouldn't be nervous and if I don't do it right etc then I'm more than happy to be shown what a she likes. I'm a very sensual person and enjoy intimacy even though I've probably had a lot less if it then most 27 year old lads.

    My problem is I feel lost when it comes to dating. The actual dates aren't an issue. I'm a relatively confident guy with a lot of female friends so I'm well used to talking to women. I've had lots of offers from the women on dating sites but I haven't went on any as I wasn't overly attracted to them. I live in the North West of Ireland which doesn't have a lot of great social opportunities to meet women that don't involve nightclubs which aren't my scene.

    The issue is over the years, I've actually really liked a lot of women and these women are ones that I would absolutely love to take out on a date. A lot of them have been in relationships and I've been turned down quite a bit by the others. I just feel like I don't know how to get a date with the women I actually like. Like I can genuinely say, not one woman I've fancied has ever shown any interest in me.

    I find instagram as a good tool for 'meeting' women as it allows you to find women who have similar interests or that catch your eye and you can try and connect with them in a chilled manner. I've actually met some great friends through it and I've got on speaking terms with a few women that I would be really excited to take on a date. However, in the past I've asked some out and I haven't had any luck so I don't know how to play it. Then there comes the issue of having too much 'choice'. ATM, I can think of 8 women that are catching my eye and I don't make who to pursue. Some I've met in person and some I've just spoken to online but they are ones that I'd love to get to know more.

    I'm not a bad looking lad, I work out, I'm 6ft, I enjoy a laugh, I do a lot of work on personal development in order to get rid of any toxic traits I may have and better myself (one perk of a mental illness is it makes you work to better yourself) and I would be a very thoughtful guy. These are all things that I feel I bring to the table in a dating sense but I just get nowhere when it comes down to actually getting a date with a woman I would be excited to take out.

    Tbh a lot of this has nearly just been cathartic to get it out but if anyone had any advice, I'd really appreciate it.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    “ I can think of 8 women that are catching my eye and I don't make who to pursue“

    Pursue them all 😂


    Nah I’m joking, but women aren’t objects. In my opinion it sounds like you are getting to a stage in your life where you want to tick the relationship box. Attraction to looks is a big thing in any relationship but it shouldn’t be the only element. Overtime you become attractive to other aspects of a person. Go on dates and be social. I don’t believe it’s natural to have a predefined checklist when looking for a partner.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,653 ✭✭✭KiKi III


    Get to know the girls you fancy a bit better platonically. Develop hobbies post-Covid where you interact with women in person.

    Develop a thick skin for rejection, it’s a frequent occurrence for pretty much everyone in the dating game.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies.

    Thats true. I do think that I struggle with dating cos I want to really like a woman before I go on a date because I have really fancied women before dating them in the past but I suppose I probably didn't really know them. I do plan to try and get to know a lot of the women that have caught my eye more and try and date a bit more.


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