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Stillborn baby

  • 18-05-2020 8:23pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭


    My mother had a still born baby (5mts old) whom is buried in our family plot. There is no mention of the child on the head stone.

    I would like to mark his burial on the headstone but have limited information.

    Will the hospital provide me with the information of the child’s name (if any) and DOB ?

    Also, do many people name their stillborn child on the head stone? If so do they scribe the actual name or just ‘ infant boy’ of .... ?

    Appreciate all response


Comments

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Have you spoken to your mum about it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 461 ✭✭Pistachio19


    I'm guessing your mother has passed away too if you haven't asked her? Do you have any idea when the baby was born - year/month even? Babies who were stillborn were not registered in the past but can be registered now. If the hospital was in a position to give you the baby's date of birth and name (if they have it recorded) it would be nice to register the birth (assuming your parents never did this since 1995, when registration started).

    Yes, many people would have their baby's name on a headstone. It would be lovely to add the baby's name to your family headstone if and when you manage to get the details. Are there any other family members who would know any details - aunts/uncles?


  • Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    I'm guessing your mother has passed away too if you haven't asked her? Do you have any idea when the baby was born - year/month even? Babies who were stillborn were not registered in the past but can be registered now. If the hospital was in a position to give you the baby's date of birth and name (if they have it recorded) it would be nice to register the birth (assuming your parents never did this since 1995, when registration started).

    Yes, many people would have their baby's name on a headstone. It would be lovely to add the baby's name to your family headstone if and when you manage to get the details. Are there any other family members who would know any details - aunts/uncles?

    It was before 1995 so I imagine no registration took place. I don’t know for sure the month which the child was born and have not raised the question with extended family yet.

    I was thinking of perhaps getting he GP records which may shed more details of when she had the child.

    Thanks for your reply


  • Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    You will struggle to get records from the hospital and GP. people have a right to confidentiality in medical matters, and that right extends after death (I’m assuming you haven’t asked your mother is because she has died). They won’t automatically release her records to you, I’m afraid.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Going on the assumption your mother has passed away, could you speak to the graveyard? Do they keep records of when the grave was opened?

    If your mother hasn't passed away please speak to her.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 461 ✭✭Pistachio19


    If you cannot find details of baby's name or month of birth you could always add an inscription such as 'beloved infant son, born sleeping (insert year)' or similar. However, I'd suggest asking family members who may well remember.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,901 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Hi OP.

    I'm also assuming that your parents are deceased.
    You could add a line to the headstone saying something like 'their son/daughter born sleeping 19whatever'
    Or add a little heart plaque on the plot that you see for babies and inscribe it with something like 'Baby Surname daughter/son of Parents names born sleeping.'
    That way you do not need specific dates.

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    You haven’t clarified if your parents are still alive. My advice would be do NOT go making decisions re a stillborn baby with talking to both of them. That could stir up very difficult emotions.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭BnB


    If you are doing it OP, I wouldn't worry too much about exact details like DOB. I have noticed a few headstones in my local graveyard with "Baby <<Surname>> 1980" or something subtle and simple like that. Sometimes on a little marker of their own, or sometimes at the end of a headstone for other family members.

    Personally, I think it would be a nice thing to do, but obviously as other posters have said, you have to be very mindful of the emotions of other people involved, in particular your Mam and Dad if they are still with you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    Thanks everyone. I appreciate all your responses.

    Some great advice!

    All the best.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    Thanks everyone. I appreciate all your responses.

    Some great advice!

    All the best.


  • Administrators Posts: 13,420 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    vikings, do you know the baby's name? Did your mother ever refer to the baby by name?
    Or are you hoping the baby's name will be recorded somewhere by the hospital the baby was born in?

    Hospitals generally wouldn't record a name. Often a baby (even now) is recorded on a hospital system as "Babyof ....." because very often the parents don't have a name for the baby as soon as they're born. You might under freedom of information in the particular hospital be given the date the baby was born there. That would be recorded. You could contact the hospital and ask. GDPR might mean they will not give you any details. Were you/are you listed as your mother's next of kin?

    Unless your mother named the baby there and then, then the hospital will have no record of a name.


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