Mental health and CoVid-19

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118017920#Comment_118017920

Do you think that abroad things might be any different?

I can't think of a place in the world where things are easier and people are allowed to do activities and have a life as it was before.

I'm not Irish and live in Italy. I had thought to move abroad to flee these set of rules and oppression that is slowly killing me, and ironically I had thought to move to Ireland. Just think of that 😆

ShadowTech

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118214438#Comment_118214438

I was in Stockholm a few months ago and it was very normal. In England I had a similar experience. They’re both reasonable options and there may be others. What I really want is for Ireland to go back to normal as this is my home and I’ve always been happy here. But from my perspective things are really going the wrong way. There is no longer any kind of strategy to get out of restrictions and with vaccine uptake as high as it is it’s really hard to see where we can go from here; we either accept abnormality or we accept that hospitals could overrun until and unless the government does its job to improve them (not that that is unusual in winter in Ireland!).

What’s happening now scares the hell out of me. The people have been convinced to blame each other for the spread of a virus as if it is somehow a moral failing that the restrictions aren’t really working that well. The government keeps adding arbitrary and ineffectual restrictions to our daily lives and many people agree with them citing “something is better than nothing” which just isn’t good enough when we’re talking about curtailing quality of life. While the people point fingers at each other the government quietly works to extend emergency powers that give them massive power to shut down what’s left of our normal lives at the drop of a hat and somehow questioning that garners accusations of conspiracy theorist or worse.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I recognise my home or the people around me anymore and it’s depressing and suffocating.

So I have no idea if somewhere else will definitely be better but I feel like I’ve been watching the things I love about Ireland die a slow death over the last two years and on more than a few occasions that dark, depressing thought has nearly swallowed me whole. If it weren’t for my partner I’d likely have already moved but the practicalities of jobs and responsibilities makes it a slow process. Fingers crossed that I’ll be proven wrong, everything will turn around quickly and I can somehow pick up from where I left off almost two years ago.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118214424#Comment_118214424

How were you in yourself before the pandemic hit, Irish Stones?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118210125#Comment_118210125

Its a shìte state of affairs Glaceon. Did we ever imagine we'd be dealing with something like this. I remember in the early days of it when news started to trickle in about a virus in China, I felt so sorry for them! And locked down as well. It was unthinkable and here we are and there we have been.

Is there anything you like to do that you feel you still can? If you can grab on to bits of normality that can help. When I was in a dark place with all this I engaged with the parts of society that was open. So a trip to Tesco and a takeaway coffee.

That was what worked for me so maybe you can find bits of happiness for you.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118231892#Comment_118231892

Thanks for asking Diamonds,

Before this pandemic, I was quite a relaxed guy, with my usual routines, wife, home, job, some trips outside, biking, walking, visiting places (both close to home and away), taking photographs, minding my cats, rescuing feral and stray cats, some DIY jobs, planning my holidays (Ireland is my favourite place!).

It might sound not an extraordinary and brilliant life, but it was my life and I liked it.

Since the pandemic hit, and the lockdown started, I knew I was going to say good-bye to a few of those items, mainly my holidays (which were what kept my mind going most of the year), and some of my hobbies.

I haven't been even planning a day trip since then, and it seems I don't care at all. I don't see anything interesting around me, even those things that once would give me some pleasures.

I hope you are doing great.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118232743#Comment_118232743

It sounds like a pretty good life to me. One where we can live as we choose and pursue our interests made all the more fulfilling by having people we love.

I can understand very well IS how Covid has changed so much for you. It seems though that it has also changed you? Changed your ability to find some happiness in what you can do?

I'm a better than a year ago thanks in part to acceptance, part less restrictions and part denial :D

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118233086#Comment_118233086

What helped me when. decades ago, my life fell apart with the wrong diagnosis , was holding on to ONE simple creative activity that was viable in the world . With me that was and is knitting. For many years I worked at home for the Aran industry etc. Then traded at Craft fairs to fund my family;s work in India. Which I still do every day. The covid situation depresses by invalidating? We can mitigate that by involving in however small a way. Think about it? covid cuts folk off. If we can cpnnect in however small a way? In younger years I volunteered in all kinds of ways. There surely are channels now? I am too old now and too endangered as my immune system is out so I live out here in isolation. But I connect as folk here are doing. And knit to sell for dire needs of others. Yes it takes a massive rethink. But if you can pick up just ONE of your old interests? Just ONE.

SnuggyBear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118233086#Comment_118233086

The acceptance is a big thing. I couldn't accept how much the world had changed until lately. I think you just havr accept it and focus on anything you enjoy and ignore covid as much as you can. If someone talks to me about cases and variants or whatever I tell them I'm not interested in hearing about it.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118233086#Comment_118233086

Yes, I think it changed me too, not only my life.

When the pandemic spread, and we had just come out of the first lockdown, I felt that I had been seriously hit by it. I got it really bad, but I think I was still in time to recover, had the pandemic ended. More than a year later we're still to square one, and I can't really see any way out, so what meaning can my life have now?

Glad to read you got over it 😊

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118240460#Comment_118240460

It is a truly awful situation, even for those who kind of like lockdowns and things. This morning I got my first real bit of fear in ages. The thoughts of having to take another vaccine if the current ones aren't effective against Omricon fills me with dread. Feeling like my choice is "take this or be shut out of much of society". It's horrible.

I think it is when we are dealing with tough times and when we feel that there is no way out, that's when finding meaning is all the more important 🙂

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118245039#Comment_118245039

Boosters will be the future. A booster every 4 to 6 months for the rest of our lives.

There's no end to this, our governments have too much fun in controlling our life, and knowing that our life in their hands is killing me. What kind of meaning should we be looking for when we know that we can never reach that goal?

There are times when I would like to find a small island in the ocean and go live there. Or hide in a cave.

Tork

I think you need to speak to a professional. We all owe it to ourselves to look after our mental health and do whatever we can to keep ourselves sane. You seem to be sinking into despair and could run into problems if this isn't nipped in the bud. I'm not going to diagnose what's going on with you because I'm not a doctor but it's obvious that you aren't in a good place.

The discussions on these forums need to be read sparingly and with a grain of salt. Amongst the reasonable points on both sides of the divide, I'm also seeing a lot of anger, negativity, bitterness and preposterous theories. Just because some posts frequently get multiple likes doesn't mean that the poster is right - there's definitely a circle jerk or two here. The discussions on boards are very polarised and many of the people posting here have strong views. That is worth bearing in mind while you read these covid threads or related material elsewhere.

PicardWithHair

This is the first time where I see suicide as a real viable option.

Seriously, this is never going to end.

EVER

@pica

@pica

@PicardWithHair

Oh dear. I can't seem to edit my post. Will try again.

@PicardWithHair It feels like it will never end because Covid keeps throwing us curve balls. Do your absolute best to stay away from the media and even here. I don't know your circumstances or where you are based but try to engage with all we can do.

Mostly though talk to someone. Don't let the situation we find ourselves in take over who you are. You had a life before the pandemic, you have a life now and you will have your life when it is behind us.

PicardWithHair

Cheers man ...

I'll be fine, I'm too much of a coward to ever do anything like that, feel a bit better over the last few days ... checking media less...

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118246440#Comment_118246440

Another weird aspect of my character is that I don't fully trust doctors, and I don't even consider psychologists as doctors, so I believe that talking to one of them would be pointless

As long as I don't listen to or read news, and as long as I don't go outside too much, well, I think I'm rather fine. But every now and then I think of what my life was before this, and what I can't (and won't be able to) do anymore, and this is when I feel at the bottom of a dark pit where light can't get in.

When I'm home I'm busy enough with my cats, and if it wasn't for them (one of the two arrived to our family only weeks before the beginning of this nightmare) I think I would be dead already.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118255286#Comment_118255286

It's not weird. We are all different.

You mentioned that you have a wife in a previous post. Is she a support to you?

Tork

Do you have anybody you could talk this out with? A friend or family member, for example. You're entitled to your opinion of doctors and psychologists but it isn't going to solve what I believe is your biggest problem. You sound like somebody who is processing too much of this pandemic in your own head. When negative thoughts start doing laps of your brain they can do all sorts of harm. Bottling your problems up or hiding from them is not the way to go. There's a reason why there's an old saying that goes "A problem shared is a problem halved". I'm saying this, by the way, as somebody whose first instinct is to go hide in a corner when things go wrong. That approach only works for so long and I'm now a lot better at talking things out with people I trust. It really does help.

You have a very bleak view of how things are going and what the future holds for you. You seem to believe that we'll be getting boosters every 4-6 months forever and that governments are enjoying themselves by imposing those restrictions. To me, those ideas are straight out of the conspiracy theory forum and they're leading you to believe that your life as you knew it is over. Are you deliberately looking up negative news items by any chance?

All I would say is things most certainly will pick up again. This is not a situation that is going to last forever.

In my experience, one thing to be careful of is absorbing too much social media, as there are threads that are absolutely awash with angry people and conspiracy theories and they are often making things seem far, far more restricted than they actually are.

I mean, if I read through some of the angrier Irish threads, or even some threads on Boards.ie, you'd swear that we were in some kind of strict lockdown. The reality if I walk out the door and into town is that, other than face masks being worn in shops, most things are working away pretty much as normal. Christmas shopping is in full swing, people are having coffees, going to restaurants, hanging out etc. They're just being a little more careful.

It's far from an ideal situation, but it's no where near as bad as being painted by some sources online and also some of the more hyped up aspects of traditional media too and I think it's just a really easy trap to fall into, particularly as you've people trying to pursue political agendas by frightening people and painting all sorts of scary nonsense stories online.

All I'd say is perhaps try to switch off the social media and news media feeds for a few days. Take an opportunity to go do something nice and indulge yourself a bit. Take time, go outdoors, watch a movie, get a take away coffee and enjoy the scenery.

During the worst aspects of the lockdown here, I got pretty stressed myself and found the best thing I could do was just walk and take photos and it really got me out of a negative space. Even if it was just going taking photos of architecture or stuff in the garden.

I found social media in particular but even just watching endless TV/Radio reports on this stuff could be extremely toxic and I had to very deliberately ration my access.

If you need to talk to someone though, definitely do seek a counsellor or a psychologist. They are not doctors btw, and work through talking things out.

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118255286#Comment_118255286

It isn;t weird not t trust doctors. I lost 3o years to a misdiagnosis of epic proportions and to imapprorpriate "treatment " that added to the damage. Each dr just read what others thought without any assessment. Even when the truth finally emerged? They hedged and prevaricated and carried on handing out damaging meds.That was in the UK and that is why I left the country. And why I question doctors and why trust is not automatic. My deep faith and being with other likeminded and caring folk ( not in person) is all I need and to research and choose and examine eg meds. There is no automatic trust and I am happy with that. Especially where CFS/ME is concerned. There have been one or two I have trusted. Now I ask only repeat meds for pain and emergency cover and that works out well. Needed only once in the last years.

And I read news a little online. No TV or radio by choice. Far too much else to do and youtube is amazing.

Keep focussed on the cats! Stop talking about being dead? It will come soon enough as I know at nearly EIGHTY years old. Life is precious. Every day . Fill it with whatever soothes you. Music? Nature?

Here for you. I mean that. You need positive contacts.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118255759#Comment_118255759

Well, she understands my feelings and says I should react a bit more. She often tries to drag me out of home for a walk or a short trip, but she only succeeds when I am really motivated. I think that after several months of seeing me this way she kind of gave up.

Usually I tend not to go out because I can't stand the vision of what the world has become. The bad weather and winter aren't of help either.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118257457#Comment_118257457

I expressed my thoughts and opinions to lots of people so far. Both family members and people at my workplace and in the real life. And I expressed my fears, anxiety and lack of hope. Some of them tried to lift and cheer me up, others think just or almost the same.

It happens that the most dramatic thoughts I had a year and a half ago are now the reality (endless emergency, masks everywhere, more severe restrictions), and the more positive hopes and wishes that other people had a year ago have sadly been crushed under the current situation.

This leads me to think that my thoughts are more realistic than the positive thoughts of others, and this can only strengthen my opinion on the dire situation we are in, and makes me confident that all my other dark thoughts are likely to come real, while all the others' positive thoughts are destined to sink.

It's not a matter of hiding my problems, it's a matter that it seems to me that so far I was "more right" than others were, so why should my current negative thoughts be wrong?

Yes, it is also possible that I tend to look up negative news articles rather than positive ones, even because the positive one are fewer and get proved wrong after a few days.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118261564#Comment_118261564

What is a rather normal situation to someone, is a completely mess of my life to me.

Going out and see masked faces, walking into a shop with a mask, keeping distances, showing a covid cert, all of this is depicted like a return to normality by most of media, a longed-for return to normality after a long period of crisis.

I fail to see how this situation is the norm. It's a new norm that someone would like us to accept for the future, especially when you listen to people interviewed on TV and they say "Thank God we're back to our old life, I don't mind having a mask on and showing a cert or waiting in line for my turn to walk into a shop". It seems that to most people this new life is wonderful. And as long as they think that way, there's no hurry or need to go back to what we had before. Someone wouldn't even like to go back to what was before, they would be scared.

Photography was one of my hobby before this. I have quite an equipment with camera bodies, several lens, accessories and all. I had just bought a new camera body shortly before the pandemic. Well, I haven't taken my equipment out that cabinet for nearly two years. I completely lost interest in that hobby.

I live outside Ireland, and Ireland was my favourite holday destination. It had been for two decades, now I can't even travel anymore. At least, not as I was used to do.

I'm left with my only other interest, cats. I help feral cats, and as long as I am with them and don't see many people, I'm rather fine.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118271722#Comment_118271722

My mistrust for doctors have similar reasons. I lost several relatives while they were in doctors' hands, and it seemed to me they were badly handling the situation, but, you know, you can't teach a doctor, you can't explain things to them.

So, excuse me, but when I hear one of them speaking I tend not to believe them, or at least doubt their words. Even on TV, when they say something on this coronavirus, then they contradict themselves two days later, and then again the next week. So, what was the real version?

Yes, I keep myself focused on cats, my feral cats. I know you are on the same boat.

And I know your blog, it is really relaxing and help readers to watch the world from another perspective.

Thanks so much and take care!

Unfortunately it is much easier to write "you should do this/that" type posts to a person in your situation - than it is for someone in your position to actually follow such advice. The old "easier said than done" adage. It's so easy when you are in a good place to tell people in a bad place what they "should" be doing - as if they do not already know. It's as useful as telling someone choking that they would be better off if they were breathing. They know damn well they need to breath - they just can't! Telling them what they already know is not going to be useful.

In my own personal experience I have found that motivation begets motivation. Sitting around and waiting for it to just happen rarely (if ever, for some people) works. We might get little explosions of motivation once a full moon but it tends to die quickly enough.

So for a lot of people the only way out of the hole is to really take ownership of it and get after it. Which again takes motivation. You can have all the kindling in the world but if you can not find the first spark - you can not burn the fire.

I guess - for me at least - I found most of my success in the stoic approach. That is - to literally list out on paper all the things in my life that I can not control and must simply accept - and all the things I can control and change and push forwards. There are some books about this - some more accessible than others. I tend to recommend Derren Brown's book "Happy" as one of the starting more accessible books on the subject. Although it is a book aimed at Children I tend to also recommend often to adults a book called "Way of the Warrior kid" by Jocko Willink. So far nearly all the adults I recommended that book to - have gone out and bought all the sequels to it too.

I started then by taking the single lowest hanging fruit on that latter list and set the tiniest of goals. And when I say tiny - I mean it was ridiculously tiny. I dubbed it my "incremental approach to self improvement".

The motivation required to hit those tiny goals was minimal. But I found setting goals - achieving them - then setting incrementally tinier bigger goals and hitting them too - was the spark for the kindling. Motivation was like a muscle. If you sit around waiting for your muscle to be able to lift that weight in the corner it will not do it. If you incrementally slowly train it to work up to that weight - it will. Motivation was just like that for me. Plus there is an addictive dopamine hit of setting a goal and hitting it. I think a lot of people miss this and when they take up something new like going to the gym they set their initial goals too high and never get that rush of hitting their goals.

I laugh now looking back at just how tiny my initial goals were. For example I now a days get up around 4-5 in the morning every morning and do a 10k run. Every day of the week. Which to some people sounds amazing I am told. But I started this years ago by literally setting the goal of running a single minute. I actually spent more time getting the running gear on me than I did actually running. Imagine me in full running gear running 30 seconds down the road - turning around - and running 30 seconds back. It was comical.

But on day 2 I did 2 minutes. On day 3 I did 3 minutes. By the end of 2 months I was running 1 hour a day. I now target 10k a day. But if I do the full hour I can hit a lot more than 10k.

Now for you it might not be running it might be something else. But do not underestimate the possibility that you might rekindle your motivation by setting ridiculously tiny initial goals which require the most minimal of effort and motivation.

These days I have a lot of hobbies and pursuits. I've spoken about some, not all, of them at various times around the forum. Like you many of them were hit by covid and entirely shut down. My Brazilian JuJitsu school for example. Thankfully a lot of that is back to normal but it's never been entirely the same.

But I picked up some other hobbies to take up the slack. These days I am getting a lot of joy out of horse riding lessons - and training to use this pretty sexy Bow that my friends all bought me. It is amazing how many of the worlds troubles fall away when you are alone in the middle of a forest aiming at something - slowing your breathing - taking in all the factors like wind speed and distance and so on - and building up to that moment of arrow release. It's like a form of active meditation.

The only other thing I can suggest is to try to find joy in things that previously seemed a chore or mundane or an obligation. The example I usually go to here is cooking. I have noticed a lot of people treat having to cook and eat a meal as an inconvenience in their lives. Something they have to get out of the way in order to get back to whatever else it is they feel they want to do or should be doing - be it work or binging on Netflix or whatever else.

Sometimes there is a lot to gain by revisiting those things as an end in themselves rather than a means to an end. With cooking as my example - it is rediscovering the joy of obtaining food, preparing food, eating food. Focus meaningfully and mindfully on that process end to end rather than charge through it as something to get done and out of the way. The effect on diet of doing this too can have knock on effects on things like health, energy and motivation because it can lead to an over all better diet too.

dobman88

I was.doing really well getting myself back together and my head back on track. One of the things we were really looking forward to as a sign of "normality" was Christy Moore in Vicar St. We go to see him there every year but our tickets got cancelled due to the latest restrictions and we couldn't get replacements as they sold out unfortunately.

I know that may sound like the most trivial thing ever but it was a shining light for me. Absolutley none of this makes any sense to me now. We have almost 20k cases a week going through the schools that we are told are safe but they're closing down events and hospitality again. I am really struggling to see the logic on this one and I genuinely think I'm done following any govt advice from now on.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118283133#Comment_118283133

Nobody can tell someone else what is trivial what is not.

If you find pleasure and fulfillment in seeing Christy Moore, then nobody is entitled to say otherwise.

And just like you are so disappointed you can't, and it seems that nothing makes any sense now, not being able to follow my own interests anymore, at least not like I was used to do it before this pandemic, disappoints me and makes me think that nothing makes any sense now.

I will keep following the govt advice, but I feel hopeless.

Irish Stones

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118283088#Comment_118283088

One of the most beautiful, interesting and useful posts I have ever read!

I will try to do my best. Thanks!

dobman88

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118291811#Comment_118291811

Irish stones, I used to try and be a voice of positivity on this thread when replying to people but I just genuinely dont know anymore what to say. I appreciate your reply and I wish you well