Gay friends

Irishsteven91

I am a gay guy and I've been out a few years now. Lately I've been trying to embrace being gay a bit more as I feel I'm a bit isolated. You see I don't have many, gay friends only one but moved away

Literally all my friends are male and straight, which is fine, but I think having a few gay friends would be good for me.

I'm not keen on joining any of the social groups because live in the country and not many groups near me

My attempts at making gay friends have really only been online . What I find though is that guys generally don't want to chat if they don't find you attractive! That doesn't mean I'm unattractive, but even if they say they're looking for friends on their profile, if you're not their type, I find they don't even reply! This makes it pretty difficult to make friends.

Is there anything I could be doing differently to help me socialise a bit more with some of the gay community?

lyinghere

Irishsteven91 wrote: »

I am a gay guy and I've been out a few years now. Lately I've been trying to embrace being gay a bit more as I feel I'm a bit isolated. You see I don't have many, gay friends only one but moved away

Literally all my friends are male and straight, which is fine, but I think having a few gay friends would be good for me.

I'm not keen on joining any of the social groups because live in the country and not many groups near me

My attempts at making gay friends have really only been online . What I find though is that guys generally don't want to chat if they don't find you attractive! That doesn't mean I'm unattractive, but even if they say they're looking for friends on their profile, if you're not their type, I find they don't even reply! This makes it pretty difficult to make friends.

Is there anything I could be doing differently to help me socialise a bit more with some of the gay community?

Get off the apps and try some real life interactions. Wet and Wild club do good hikes every month.

Rick_

The apps are not the best place to look for anything other than sex. If you want to make real friendships, looking for them in the real world is the only real option. Online friends are really just that, people you chat to online and that isn't the same. You say you don't want to join any groups but if you don't, how do you expect to make gay friends? They aren't going to just fall into your life when you're living out in the country. Travelling to go to a group that has interests you share is a great way to start.

Is there a particular reason why you have to have specifically gay friends? Is it for socialising at gay venues or attending Pride or things like that? Would your current friend group not be willing to do these kind of things with you if you asked, or do they know you're gay but aren't interested in doing things that you like to do? 'Cos that's not really a great friendship set-up to have, where they just do what they want and its very one-sided.

Miike

Very similar to your self in many respects. I'll be your friend :pac:

368100

Snap too

Annasopra

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

https://www.meetup.com/Out-and-About-Gay-Hiking/ (serious hiking group)
https://www.meetup.com/LGBT-Meditation-Dublin/ (meditation)
https://www.meetup.com/LGBT-Ireland-Peer-Support/ (peer support for people coming out)
https://www.meetup.com/dublin-international-gay-social/ (social group)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Social-Tennis/ (Tennis)
https://www.meetup.com/FlamingFeathersBadmintonClub/ (badminton)
https://www.meetup.com/lgbt_pros_drinks/ (professionals social club)
https://www.meetup.com/Wet-Wild/ (outdoor pursuits and social)
https://www.meetup.com/Side-B/ (social group for people who like music)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Guys-Cafe-18-35/ (outhouse cafe)
https://www.meetup.com/Dublin-Gaymers-Meetup-Group/ (lgbtq+ gamers)
https://www.meetup.com/Queer-Canines/ (dog owners group)
https://www.meetup.com/D08-LGBT/ (dublin 8 group)
https://www.meetup.com/Dublin-LGBT-Meetup/ (running group)
https://www.meetup.com/Gay-Dining-Out-Ireland/ (dining group)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dublingmbc/ (gay mens book club)
https://outhouse.ie/course-gay-bisexual-men-SeptOct2019 (Personal Development Course)
http://www.gloria.ie/ (choir)
https://www.ewrfc.ie/ (rugby)
http://www.actingoutgroup.com/about.html (acting)
http://dublindevilsfc.com/ (soccer)

There is 21. I would personally REALLY REALLY strongly reccomend Wet and Wild and the PDC Course

Maybe try some of the above

Where do you live? Any particular interests?

AllForIt

I find in rural Ireland gay ppl are not interested in making gay friends.

In the city it's different, completely different if you live in a big city like Manchester or London.

I'm living back in a rural setting after living in a big city for most of my adult life and I find gay guys around here are not interested in overtly socializing with other gay ppl.

I find gay society quite shallow anyway so I'm not bothered about it. I actually enjoy the company of heterosexual's of late, in the local straight pub dive or wherever.

I would say that making friends like finding a lover is not something that has a formula to it that you can just do to find it. Friendships come about naturally, like lovers. Get yourself out there is what I would say and don't spend you life at home in your spare time.

Gael23

If you attend only one of the groups that Joey listed make it it professional development course in the Outhouse. It teaches you lots about yourself and for me has been the first step in a journey, all completely confidential as well. I am currently going to individual counseling which helps even more, that’s not for everyone I know and is costly but it helps so much.

Xertz

Bi guy here and finding in my late 30s I’ve the same issue. I think in some ways being bi always complicated things for me as I never felt part of the scene and at the same time I not really fitting any stereotype of heterosexuality either and most of my friends have married and have kids as this stage. They’re still fine but the days of even early evenings out seem gone and when I am invited to stuff I feel like a spare part so I’ve stopped going.

Perhaps being single is more the issue, but anyway I’m just finding I’ve no LGBT friends anymore and just generally that my social circle is becoming fairly narrow.

I also find in Cork anyway, Chambers for example seems way, way too young for me and I’m not really interested or comfortable going there.

I don’t know, I might join something that doesn’t revolve around bars but I have always just felt like I’m always on the edge of everything LGBT+ and never really blended into it. Having had periods of time with a serious GF (being bi) also took me out of that loop for years.

That being said, my friends tend to come from things I do: hobbies, college days, work, etc. I don’t have any from just wandering into bars and I’m not particularly good at doing that. I actually dread going to a bar on my own.

I’m not saying that the Cork LGBT scene isn’t good but it just strikes me as very biased towards people on their early 20s. Maybe that’s just the case everywhere and there’s no real social opportunity after 35 but, anyway I’ll figure something out.

I just generally feel like I should either emigrate to somewhere that I might have a better social life or just accept this is middle age and be boring.

Also I’ve had kinda lousy experiences with dating apps, so gave up on those too. I’m not into random hook ups and never have been so I guess I’m just way too fussy lol

Meh! I’ll just have to take up something more fun as a hobby.

Annasopra

Not difficult yo find stuff in cork

Queer Vibes Cafe
http://meetu.ps/c/4w0fm/1QBdh/d on Meetup

Front Runners
Yoga
Community centre drop in
Drama group
Social night
Football
Book club
Hillwalking
https://gayproject.ie/events-and-social-groups

Bi+ Ireland does Cork stuff
https://m.facebook.com/groups/BiIRL/

Choir
https://m.facebook.com/choralconfusion/

Xertz

I’m probably just not being social enough then.

bs2014

From personal experience and sounding like a very similar position, I can vouch for
Wet and Wild (used to go to it when I lived in Dublin)
Gay Guys Cafe 18-35 (go to it currently every few weekends)
Outhouse PDC (this may be a little less social per say but its really beneficial, it sounds high in the sky stuff but its not)

I found gay life in both rural and Dublin to be equally shallow, infact even shallower as each year progresses. You will be amazed that literally everyone at these groups will openly admit they are or were sick of the apps for meeting people and this filled their void.

Irishsteven91

lyinghere wrote: »

Get off the apps and try some real life interactions. Wet and Wild club do good hikes every month.

There is none of them near me that's the issue

Irishsteven91

Miike wrote: »

Very similar to your self in many respects. I'll be your friend :pac:

Ah really, where are you in Ireland? Lol

Irishsteven91

368100 wrote: »

Snap too

Where r u in Ireland?

Gael23

I have a medical condition that rules me out of a lot of the wet &wiod activities but I’m going to try and make it to some of the bowling nights and stuff they do.

As I said already, if you take part in one thing make it the PDC. At first you think it’s all up in the sky but it’s absolutely not

Sleeper12

Straight Dublin guy here but always interested in how the other half live. Reading the OP it jumps out at me the difference between Dublin and the more rural parts of ireland. Not suggesting that there aren't lonely gay people in Dublin but if you want gay friends you don't have to go far to find them in Dublin.

Irishsteven91

Sleeper12 wrote: »

Straight Dublin guy here but always interested in how the other half live. Reading the OP it jumps out at me the difference between Dublin and the more rural parts of ireland. Not suggesting that there aren't lonely gay people in Dublin but if you want gay friends you don't have to go far to find them in Dublin.

Yeah down here its alot different lol

Irishsteven91

I am a gay guy and I've been out a few years now. Lately I've been trying to embrace being gay a bit more as I feel I'm a bit isolated and recently lost over 15 stone so feel more confident. You see I don't have many, gay friends only one but moved away

Literally all my friends are male and straight, which is fine, but I think having a few gay friends would be good for me.

I'm not keen on joining any of the social groups because live in the country and not many groups near me and also wouldn't feel comfortable going to one when unless I had some one to come with me the first few times

My attempts at making gay friends have really only been online groups . What I find though is that guys generally don't want to chat if they don't find you attractive! That doesn't mean I'm unattractive, but even if they say they're looking for friends on their profile, if you're not their type, I find they don't even reply! This makes it pretty difficult to make friends.

Any ony else have this ?

Rick_

Didn't you post about this a few weeks ago? The original thread is only a few ones below this. Why the need to post a new thread? There aren't going to be different answers for you this time. New friends aren't going to just fall into your lap, you have to go out and find them. There is no easy or simple answer to this I'm afraid, though congratulations on the weight loss.

Ten of Swords

15 stone? That's remarkable, fair play.

What area of the country are you from? Not the town, just north, south, east or west? In your last thread you kept saying there was nothing near you but you're not going to get proper advice unless you narrow it down a bit.

Annasopra

Irishsteven91 wrote: »

There is none of them near me that's the issue

Roughly where are you?

Annasopra

Irishsteven91 wrote: »

Yeah down here its alot different lol

Down where?

Xertz

Seems it’s more urban vs rural than “Dublin vs Down the Country”.

I find a lot of Irish people, both from Dublin and from many rural areas, seem to forget we have more than one city.

Annasopra

Steven I would like to try and help

I have provided info for Dublin and Cork in this thread.

But "None of them near me" and "Down here" is vague and doesnt help me to help you

I cant really help if I get vague information. You need to actually tell us at least a County

jamsie2001

I agree with all you say. I find the Dublin scene ageist, full of cliques, especially the gay hiking group, and hardly anything interesting for gay guys over 40. But then again, after living in a big city, i find Dublin a bit small and dull.

jamsie2001

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118800922#Comment_118800922

I have found them to be quite good and I got on quite well

Check out the Dublin Mens Group - they get lads 18-70, they do table quizzes, coffee nights, walking tours, nights out etc

https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-GJqrFPPn/