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Should I leave new job (toxic staff)

  • 02-02-2020 11:23am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Should I leave my new job?

    I am discovering that there appears to be a toxic staff culture/atmosphere in my new workplace. There appears to be a lot of undercurrents and issues, as I am new, I am not exactly privy to it, but I can sense a few issues going on.
    At coffee and lunch breaks I have tried being friendly and chatting to my new colleagues, often met with minimal response, shrugs or scrunched up faces. In the corridor often people don't say hello or respond when I say hello/greet them.

    I know this is not personal as there are clearly more underlying issues going on in this workplace, I can sense some of the staff are unhappy with the manager, yet others have been seen having hushed private conversations in corners with the manager, there seems to be a divide.

    There is one woman who appears to be the social queen bee has taken an instant dislike to me, was asked by the boss to train me and did not, eventually I managed to get the information I needed from her, but it took me being politely assertive about this to get her to do this. Yet she appears to be very close to the boss,, and all the other staff flock to her office for social chats, so she is the centre of things. She does very subtle things like stares at you up and down and is cold and detached, nothing that you could ever pull her up on down the line, but she has a way of being very intimidating that's hard to describe.

    Even though I am only there a short time, I can see myself being left out by the staff and this woman bullying me, my instincts are usually right from the get go.

    On the other hand the money is excellent and the workload is very manageable.

    Family members are telling me not to leave because of potential bullying and to stay in the job, keep the head down, don't bother with the staff and earn my good money for an easy workload, suit myself.

    The industry is small and leaving this job so soon would be well known amongst other future potential employers in this industry, it would go against me in future.

    I was the victim of a severe workplace bullying in the past (almost led to a mental breakdown it was so severe and my body started to physically suffer too). I have no confidence left. I am trying to fake confidence but I don't feel confident deep down. I am terrified of being bullied and ridiculed again. I swore I would never be in or stay in that situation again, on the other hand I do acknowledge that this experience has left me wary and probably hypersensitive to any signs of potential bullying and wary of new people in general.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,131 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    Should I leave my new job?

    I am discovering that there appears to be a toxic staff culture/atmosphere in my new workplace. There appears to be a lot of undercurrents and issues, as I am new, I am not exactly privy to it, but I can sense a few issues going on.
    At coffee and lunch breaks I have tried being friendly and chatting to my new colleagues, often met with minimal response, shrugs or scrunched up faces. In the corridor often people don't say hello or respond when I say hello/greet them.

    I know this is not personal as there are clearly more underlying issues going on in this workplace, I can sense some of the staff are unhappy with the manager, yet others have been seen having hushed private conversations in corners with the manager, there seems to be a divide.

    There is one woman who appears to be the social queen bee has taken an instant dislike to me, was asked by the boss to train me and did not, eventually I managed to get the information I needed from her, but it took me being politely assertive about this to get her to do this. Yet she appears to be very close to the boss,, and all the other staff flock to her office for social chats, so she is the centre of things. She does very subtle things like stares at you up and down and is cold and detached, nothing that you could ever pull her up on down the line, but she has a way of being very intimidating that's hard to describe.

    Even though I am only there a short time, I can see myself being left out by the staff and this woman bullying me, my instincts are usually right from the get go.

    On the other hand the money is excellent and the workload is very manageable.

    Family members are telling me not to leave because of potential bullying and to stay in the job, keep the head down, don't bother with the staff and earn my good money for an easy workload, suit myself.

    The industry is small and leaving this job so soon would be well known amongst other future potential employers in this industry, it would go against me in future.

    I was the victim of a severe workplace bullying in the past (almost led to a mental breakdown it was so severe and my body started to physically suffer too). I have no confidence left. I am trying to fake confidence but I don't feel confident deep down. I am terrified of being bullied and ridiculed again. I swore I would never be in or stay in that situation again, on the other hand I do acknowledge that this experience has left me wary and probably hypersensitive to any signs of potential bullying and wary of new people in general.

    How long have you been in the job?

    Just keep trying to be social, say good morning to people when you start and keep trying some chit chat at lunch. After a month if you still feel the same then you can reassess the situation.

    Sometimes workers just want to do their work then go home to their families. They don't bother to get to know the new person.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,911 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Some workplaces are very friendly with communal lunches, nights out, birthday cards, tag rugby etc. Some are not.

    Some workplaces the people arent interested in knowing what people thought of the game or the film on tv. Some like to eat lunch and have a bit of me time without engaging in casual chit chat.

    Walking down a corridor and saying hello to everyone may come across as overbearin. Why say hello in a corridor if your probably going to see them in the office anyway. It’s not like walking down the street and bumping into someone you haven’t seen in ages.

    With regards the social queen bee as you call her she did provide you the information but not as soon as you wanted. She could have been busy. Something high risk may have required her full attention and was more important than yours.

    To call a Workplace where people aren’t nodding and waving at each other constantly toxic is too much. If you were sat a table for someone for an hour and then walked by them half an hour later coming back from the toilet, would you feel the need to say hello again.

    You may have wanted more of a bond with your workmates but people often want to get on with their work and not have to be worried about anything else. If you think this is toxic, then you need to reassess your expectations.


  • Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭bertsmom


    Sometimes workers just want to do their work then go home to their families. They don't bother to get to know the new person.
    This exactly sums it up. I can't see any grounds in your post really to say you are being bullied. In the environment I work people come in and do their job and just have a bit of craic and go home. I myself wouldn't be in a position of authority so I'm polite if a new person is working right next to me but I'm not overly chatty I just want to do my job and I know my colleagues are mostly the same.
    I honestly couldn't pick the last 5 or 6 new people that joined the company out of a line up.
    Just get on with your own work and in time you may develop a friendship but I wouldn't force it and to be honest personally I back right off if I think someone at work is trying too hard to be a friend I have plenty friends at work and outside work I'm not really wanting more which sounds harsh but true.
    Head down, do your job and be polite and don't bother with what anyone thinks in time you will have your own circle of people in work you know and can chat with on lunch but just don't be too needy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Saying hello to people in the corridor is completely normal, please don't let these responses not taking you seriously get you down.


    It sounds like there is an unpleasant culture there, from some event they all know about, before you arrived, and are embarrassed to talk about in front of you.


    If I were you, I would get that CV out again and get interviewing. You can't fix this.

    You said the industry is small , so be careful. Hang in there for the money. Get the offer of a new job , accept, then hand in notice. In that order.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,431 ✭✭✭Stateofyou


    It's possible you may be hyper-aware due to your previous experience, but in general I think it's a good idea to trust your instincts. I don't think a workplace culture like that is normal, it's not hard to give a friendly greeting back. If the undercurrent there is one of unhappiness and unwelcome, and possibly due in part to bad management, it won't be long until you're affected too. I would take pwurple's advice. Keep your eye out for other opportunities, and in the meantime try to keep an open mind and heart. See if it is possible to keep your head down and suit yourself and see if things improve. At the end of the day though, work is where we spend the majority of our time so if it's a horrible atmosphere life is just too short to be stuck in that and compromising your mental and physical health. Trust yourself that you will know what's best for you. Best of luck!


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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,209 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    OP, I agree with the two previous posters.

    For the minute, try to subtly distance yourself from the queen bee, without being too obvious. It sounds like a bad atmosphere, but keep on as normal, be professional and courteous as you have been. There will be some there who are not part of the toxicity, and you will find them.

    This could be coming from the top down. I have seen that happen. And then the top person moves on, and the place changes for the better. Also, you sense that something happened before you arrived. So that could be playing into the unpleasant atmosphere, and nothing whatsoever to do with you. People might still be very wary / reeling from whatever it was, and seeming unfriendly, as a result.

    One part of me, in your shoes, would be thinking, I like this job, the pay is decent, and I'm damned if I'm moving on, until it suits me. Think back to strategies that worked in your previous situation, and put them in place. If you attended counselling previously, I would suggest going again. If not, I would suggest giving it a try. It could be very helpful to talk out the whole thing and find ways to deal with it so that your health is not impacted.

    Keep the CV current, and above all else if you find things are even starting to feel like they did in your previous situation, put your health first and foremost, and motor on out of there.

    All the best.


  • Registered Users Posts: 188 ✭✭madnessnmayhem


    OP

    I've been in same position as you, I got on with most of the staff in this small company, but there was this one who came across to me as cold, when I tried to have a conversation she just ok etc.. wasn't getting much conversation out of her even at Christmas party, she pretty much avoided me, there was something that made me uncomfortable about her so I just said it wasn't working out for me as it was effecting my mental health (have had issues in passed with mental health) but at end of the day while it may sound easy but easy thing to do is walk away

    best of luck either way


  • Registered Users Posts: 420 ✭✭banoffe2


    Hi OP
    Well done on getting yourself a well paid job with a manageable workload!

    Sounds like there are cliques there and they are not the welcoming type.

    I have been in this situation in the past and found the workplace a very lonely place for a while

    After a while another person joined and worked in an office a few doors away from me, this person felt very isolated also, we built a good working relationship which led to friendship

    We never know what issues are going on for others even-though they may sound like they are the Queen Bee!

    I would continue to acknowledge people and not be concerned about the response but focus on your own behavior and attitude, I know its easier said than done.

    The bullying experience in the past doesn't help, I have been bullied too and we are intuitive people our gut can read the atmosphere of the workplace so easily

    Well done for getting the info required to be effective in the role, they may be jealous of you or have issues of their own.

    I wish you the best of luck OP, keep an open mind for the time being, and keep in touch with us X


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