Boyfriend and girl in work

LegacyUser

Before he was with me, my boyfriend kissed a girl in work in the past who had a boyfriend, who also worked there. They were both drunk and apparently she initiated the whole thing, touching his leg, being overly flirty all night, and then kissing him, to make her boyfriend jealous because they were fighting... apparently this is something she does.

When he told me about her he said she’s very good looking but the type of girl he really doesn’t like. She’s quite cold and materialistic and not that nice a person. I also saw texts he sent to a friend who had asked how things were with this girl now and he went into detail about how she’s all over her boyfriend if he even looks at another girl, because she gets insanely jealous.

I couldn’t help but think, how did he notice this? Why does he pay that much attention to what she does?

I can’t shake the feeling he likes her and I get very insecure when they go on work nights out together. It doesn’t help that she is drop dead gorgeous.

I can’t tell if I’m just being completely insecure, or if I should be worried?

rainbowtrout

Worriedinsecure wrote: »

When he told me about her he said she’s very good looking but the type of girl he really doesn’t like. She’s quite cold and materialistic and not that nice a person. I also saw texts he sent to a friend who had asked how things were with this girl now and he went into detail about how she’s all over her boyfriend if he even looks at another girl, because she gets insanely jealous.

I couldn’t help but think, how did he notice this? Why does he pay that much attention to what she does?

I can’t shake the feeling he likes her and I get very insecure when they go on work nights out together. It doesn’t help that she is drop dead gorgeous.

I can’t tell if I’m just being completely insecure, or if I should be worried?

If you're working with someone for a while you get to know what they are like whether you have any interest in them or not. If he's been on work nights and her boyfriend has joined her he's probably seen them interacting. It doesn't mean he's interested.

Did your boyfriend show you the texts or were you snooping? If you leave your insecurities consume you over what sounds like nothing, he will end it due to the lack of trust.

zapper55

He sounds like a silly teenager paying too much attention to a colleague and secretly loving the drama. Is he into her? No idea but I'd have no time for his silly carry on. It's not the action of a grown man. What age are you both?

By the way some phrases you've used are very familiar, about her being materialistic etc, did you post another thread recently?

Deub

zapper55 wrote: »

He sounds like a silly teenager paying too much attention to a colleague and secretly loving the drama. Is he into her? No idea but I'd have no time for his silly carry on. It's not the action of a grown man. What age are you both?

A silly teenager because he knows part of the life of his colleague?
I must be one so. I know part of the life of some girls in my office and I am definitely not into them. You know that people in offices talk and without asking you get information you were not interested in.

Always Tired

Get a new boyfriend. Stop blaming the girl, she's not the one you're in a relationship with.

Xterminator

Hi Op

In your post you mention nothing to suggest your boyfriend has done something to cause you to doubt his intentions. All of my focus would not be on the girl he once kissed.

Why are you with this boyfriend, and do you trust him? If he is a good person, and trustworthy then trust him. If he is not, why are you with him?

LegacyUser

op this is one of these really common situations. As a lad and lets give him the benefit of the doubt, it can become so exhausting, if you are faithful and trustworthy and you partner, starts constancy quizzing you etc. because there are always going to be members of the opposite sex, that are more physically than us, you cant control their good or bad intentions. I would honestly just leave it. Its not like asking him to leave his job is reasonable. What age is he, this is the stupid kind of stuff, I might have said to a girlfriend before when I was young, out of naivety (some might do it to create drama or jealousy)

achmairt

I don't think he's into her as she sounds like high maintenance. I think he looks at the drama she creates and saying to himself 'better not go there'.

lawred2

Your definitely insecure.

Maybe you should be worried. Maybe you shouldn't be.

lunamoon

Way too much drama already. The girl is not the issue here.

joeguevara

How did the fact that he kissed his colleague before he was with you? It’s not like he was with her for a period of time. It’s a bit strange he brought it up unsolicited without a reason.

The fact that she is good looking is objective. He wasn’t going to say she was average or otherwise in case you saw her which is pretty easy with the likes of Instagram or Facebook. I wouldn’t pay too much credence to him saying she’s not his type because of materialism etc. He was hardly going o say she was the girl of his dreams.

The fact you saw texts is also strange. Did he offer them again unsolicited, did you request them or did you find them yourself? The fact that his friend was asking about her is a red flag. He’d hardly ask if she was a drunken kiss with no feelings. If that happened to me, I wouldn’t be going around telling my mates and equally if my mates asked me I’d find it bizarre. Texting about it may signify that there is more too it.

So, these are what you think about:

Why do you know In the first place
Why have you seen texts about her
Why is his friend textimg about her

If he is offering information without you asking then he is thinking about her
If you are asking him then he probably tell you to close it off
If he’s showing you texts without you asking then why
If you went throughnhis phone then you may be thinking too much about it,
If he is talking to his friend without him asking then he has an issue
If his friend is asking then probably no issue

But no person should be taking up so much space in a couples head.

leggo

People get bored in work and flirt/check out/fantasise about colleagues to pass the day quicker. Young or immature people take this to mean something more than it does. Untrustworthy people act on it while in relationships because they enjoy getting swept up in dramas to make their unfulfilling lives seem interesting and exciting.

OP you could bury yourself in the case and go full Charlie in It’s Always Sunny on it, but here’s the reality: it doesn’t matter. What matters is your perception of it. If you don’t feel like you’re in a healthy, secure and trustworthy relationship, it’s not gonna work out. Relationships that go the distance don’t have these kind of insecurities and doubts. Your partner is supposed to be your confidante above all others, you should feel safe and secure with them and not ravaged by doubt and insecurity. Now whether that doubt and insecurity comes from your own issues or valid concerns is another story and one only you can figure out yourself. It could be that your spidey senses are dead on about this lad or that you’re not in a secure enough headspace yourself for a serious relationship, maybe you have to play this out to its bitter end to learn that lesson and figure it out. But what you’re describing is not the formula for a successful relationship so I’d start getting your head around and making peace with that for now. You don’t have to act on it yet but you can at least start accepting it and get ahead of the problem and it’ll likely start to help you see things clearer.

Ande1975

Yes you are completely insecure.
a) Your BF knows he was being used to make her BF jealous
b) Your BF thinks she is insecure by her behaviour
c) Your BF knows what he wants and its not someone like her
d) She cheats

Your boyfriend sounds a like a good guy who knows what he likes and doesn't like. Who called the situation as it is and won't allow himself to be mistreated like that again by anyone.

I winced a little reading your OP as I am curious how you got to see these texts between your BF and his friend.
She may be very good looking but give your guy more credit, its only one aspect to her and if that was the only quality that was important to him, then why would you want to be with him. Again, sounds like a good guy.

crazy maisie

He knows because she's office drama and everyone is talking about it. I would worry if he stopped talking about her if it was me, like what's he hiding.

joeguevara

Op.did you check his messages without his knowledge?