What is the obsession with telling people hurtful things in person?

Fistycuffs

It's something I've never understood.

Why is it more respectful to wait until you're face to face with someone to tell them a relationship isn't working out/you don't like them like that/you've moved on and are seeing someone new?

Why is it not kinder to write them a letter/ text whatever so they can have that shocked heartbroken moment in comfort without having to plaster on a smile and say "it's fine!!" etc?

I personally would much rather hear these things in text where I have the privacy to react however I need and not feel the other person is watching my tiny heart break through the micro expression of the false smile society forces me to paint on in order to be polite.

Is it just me?

Winning_Stroke

Fistycuffs wrote: »

Is it just me?

Look, it's not you, it's me. Sorry to have to tell you like this

It's not you..it's me..

**Damn you**

LaFuton

well its certainly not me, at all.
its you, and its always been you.
now that im standing in/on front you i can tell you that you have a stupid headface and im taking the spatula.

freshpopcorn

I was think our two favourite posters were after having a fight!

TuringBot47

Fistycuffs wrote: »

Why is it more respectful to wait until you're face to face with someone to tell them a relationship isn't working out

Surprised they do want to be face-to-face when breaking up, given your username.

IAMAMORON

I don't want to talk about this right now, ok?

BrokenArrows

because society has determined that anyone who breaks up with someone via any other method than face to face conversation is branded a coward.

So if you can change society then people will happily break up with you via text.

It's a sign of emotional maturity & courtesy to convey the news in person. Gutlessness is steering clear and sending a glib message.

TuringBot47

BrokenArrows wrote: »

because society has determined that anyone who breaks up with someone via any other method than face to face conversation is branded a coward.

Apparently a Gorilla-gram isn't very appropriate either.

Deebles McBeebles

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Apparently a Gorilla-gram isn't very appropriate either.

"Don't go ape but....you're single!"

Fistycuffs

Deleted User wrote: »

It's a sign of emotional maturity & courtesy to convey the news in person. Gutlessness is steering clear and sending a glib message.

It's definitely easier for the person breaking the news than the person receiving it to be sitting face to face though.
What possible comfort can be derived from knowing someone has sat there watching you absorb the pain of rejection trying to pretend that you're ok?
Has anyone ever had a comforting face to face breakup?

Leg End Reject

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

"Don't go ape but....you're single!"

I would laugh if that was done to me!


Then I'd obviously kill the sender.

KiKi III

If the person meant anything to you, a face-to-face conversation denotes respect for the person and for the relationship you had.

A text is the height of disrespect, unless we’re talking three dates in.

A letter might be the right medium for someone who can’t keep their thoughts straight in an emotional conversation, but rarely.

Raconteuse

The "obsession"? Yeah right. Not saying things face to face is the preference. Likely more than ever today with all the modes of written communication.

I see your point about the difficulty for the person on the receiving end to know where to look. It's not hurtful though, as in cruelty. It's awful of course, but better than being strung along.